The Newborn
by belladonnacullen
Summary: Edward's life from 1918 - 2006. See him as a newborn, a rebellious killer, as his family grows, and as he turns into the vampire we know and love him as today. P.S. Tanya's always been in love with him. E/TPOV
1. FIrst Sight

My sister Katrina walked to the study to find me seated at the piano. Her footsteps stopped at the doorway.

"What is it Kate?" I asked without turning to face her.

"The mail came, Tanya."

"How interesting," I replied acidly. "Please, Kate, I'd like some time alone."

"Tanya, there is something in the mail for all of us."

I sighed and turned to slowly look at my sister. There was worry etched in the lines of her face, but there was something else in her eyes, joy perhaps? She clutched thick cream-colored stationary in her hands.

"Out with it, Kate. It can't be as confusing as your expression paints it to be."

Katrina pursed her lips and took four purposeful strides in my direction. She held the parchment out to me. I grabbed it from her hands and read.

_Charles Swan and Renee Dwyer_

_&_

_Carlisle and Esme Cullen_

_Request the honor of your presence_

_To witness the marriage of their children_

_Isabella Marie Swan and Edward Anthony Cullen_

_On Sunday, August 13__th__, 2006_

_Sunset,_

_at the Cullen residence, Forks, WA_

I read the invitation four times, and would have continued if Kate didn't interrupt.

"Tanya, can we go, please? We have to make things right with them. This is important. We should be there. If we don't attend, our alliance may not hold."

"I don't need to discuss the alliance Kate. I need some time alone."

"What should I tell Irina, Carmen & Eleazar?"

"It's my decision, Kate. I will tell them, as soon as I have decided."

"But Tanya-"

The look I gave her let her know that I was in no mood for further discussion. She nodded at me and smiled weakly, before leaving me alone with the wedding invitation and my thoughts. I rested the invitation on my lap, and looked out the large windows of the study toward the mountains. My mind brought me back to another day, almost ninety years ago, when I watched a very young vampire run eagerly into the foothills with his new father.

*

When I met Edward, he was scarcely more than a year old. We had been expecting Carlisle and his newborn for some time.

Carlisle had written to me three months prior to tell me about his newling. He was eager to introduce his companion to us. The pride he felt was apparent in his letter. He wrote of the boy in glowing terms. In his description, he was positively paternal. I marveled at the humanity Carlisle had preserved over his long existence.

He was eager for his new one, Edward Masen, to meet others that shared their lifestyle. He thought it might be helpful for one so new to have examples to live by.

Carlisle was also scouting property. Now with something of a family, he wanted a variety of more permanent locations that they could move between over the years. Denali seemed attractive for obvious reasons.

My clan greeted the news with astonished relief. Carlisle had been a solitary creature for the entirety of his existence. His lonely battle against his nature had left him a mythical figure among his own kind. We had worried quietly that with no other creature to bind him to this earth, he might simply pass into legend. I sent a telegram off immediately urging him to visit. My clan and I were all curious to see whom Carlisle had picked after so many years.

Carlisle's reply came quickly. They were on their way.

*

It was a dark winter afternoon when Eleazar spotted the two figures approaching on the horizon. On foot in this weather, they had to be vampire. No human would survive the trek this far from civilization.

Kate was the warmest and most welcoming of our clan, so I sent her out to greet our visitors. Newborns were skittish, and I thought she might have a calming effect on the young one.

Visitors were a rare treat in our household. Irina, Carmen, Eleazar and I all gathered in our front room to greet our guests. Kate threw open the front door, and announced quite needlessly, "Carlisle and his boy have arrived," with a bright smile on her face. There were handshakes and hugs all around for Carlisle. The newborn was frozen in the shadows. His eyes darted among all the assembled, his hands clenched at his sides.

I approached the young vampire cautiously. He shrank from my gaze, still too young to look another vampire directly in the eye.

"And you must be Edward. Carlisle wrote to tell me of you. You have been a blessing to him."

Edward smiled shyly, his eyes meeting mine for not quite two seconds, and then darting away. He pressed his lips together in a thin line and let his gaze fall on his feet.

"And how are you taking to this life?"

"Well enough, thank you. I am grateful to Carlisle for his guidance and his kindness."

"Yes, you did well that he found you. There is no one else I could recommend more highly as a maker."

"I'm sure I agree, ma'am."

"Oh no, that will never do. Please, you must call me Tanya."

"Yes," Edward's eyes darted up to mine again and then looked away, "Tanya."

He rolled my name around in his mouth and it came out sounding melodious and rhythmic somehow. He was innocently beguiling, such a sweet young vampire.

But I knew that any false move from one of us and he would be at their throat. This pleased me and made me smile. It had been so long since I had seen a newborn.

I led us all into the sitting room and I watched the new one as his eyes flitted toward the window. His gaze darted from the snowy ground, to the distant mountains, and then turned back to the front door as a stray breeze brought with it the scent of caribou.

I couldn't help but smile again at the boy. He was turned quite young, and I pinned his human age at perhaps sixteen or seventeen. He was tall and thin, with a broad chest. He had a strong jaw, and a straight nose, and his coppery hair almost matched his eyes. There was a hint of orange to them, the red not having completely faded. He was quite breathtaking.

Irina and I took our guests personal possessions, and brought them into a spare room. As I moved to return to the gathering, she put a hand on my arm to stop me.

"My, my, Tanya. I thought your tastes were set centuries ago."

I narrowed my eyes and clenched my teeth. "No, my dear. It's not like that. He's just so sweet and new. And besides, I could hardly trespass on Carlisle's territory. It would be improper."

"No, not Carlisle. I'm sure their relationship is nothing like that."

"Perhaps, but I would have to know first. Our alliance is too important. Our existence in this world depends on it."

*

That night as Carlisle and I caught up on news and traded stories, Edward listened intently from the sidelines. All of us have perfect recall, but you could see Edward thinking about what he heard, not simply letting it pass into his brain like so many others. Of course, his head would turn at the smallest sound and he would flinch when something darted into his line of vision.

I watched my sisters with some amusement. They sat lined up on a bench just behind Eleazar. Having a newborn male in a house of females was certainly a dangerous situation. But I couldn't believe it of this one. He was still so proper and reserved in all of his newness. And I sensed an underlying strength of character in him. I was intrigued.

"Edward," The newborn and I both jumped a bit. I was as surprised as he was that I had addressed him out loud, "can I interest you in a tour of the house?"

Edward gave me a sidelong glance, and the turned his head to Carlisle.

"Yes, son. It's fine."

"Of course, ma- I mean, Tanya."

I made an effort to walk slowly and smoothly, giving Edward his space, never coming up on him from behind. I took pleasure in watching him walk. He was completely unaware of himself the way young men are before they discover their sexuality. His body and his face were pure and unclouded by any ulterior motives.

He walked with me politely through the house. Most men had some reaction when I showed them my bedroom. The mere mention would elicit a physiological response. Edward was just as detached walking through it as when I showed him the sewing room.

But as we came into the large back room that we liked to call a study, Edward's eyes went wide as they fell upon our piano. He walked straight towards it and caressed its lacquer.

"Do you play?"

"Yes, a bit."

"You must play for me then. Our mother was a musician, but there were no pianos in her day. We all have a fondness for music, but not the gift. It would be an honor to listen."

Edward eagerly perched on the edge of the piano bench. I made sure to sit to his side where he could keep his eyes on me. And without warning, he launched into a rich, complex piece that was as jarring as it was alluring. It was driven primarily by its rhythm, and it was intensely primal. It brought all the emotion and raw newness of being a young vampire back to life for me. I found myself taking quick shallow breaths, my hand held over my mouth.

It ended as suddenly as it began.

"What was that?"

"Stravinsky."

"Is he vampire?"

"No." Edward smiled sincerely for the first time since he walked into my house. It warmed the room. "But I understand it better now," he explained quickly, looking at the floorboards with intensity.

"What is it called?"

"Firebird."

"About the phoenix?"

"Yes."

"Hmm. You identify with it?"

"Yes, and so did you?"

"Your insight is fascinating for one so young."

Edward managed to shrug his shoulders, his eyes darting about the room.

What an intense boy. I wonder if he was like this before, as a human?

"Not really." Edward smiled in my direction.

"What?" Did I speak out loud? No, but…

Carlisle cleared his throat, and Edward and I both spun to the doorway. Oh, what this must look like!

"Carlisle, I'm sorry to monopolize Edward's time this way."

"Not at all Tanya. I'm glad to see that you two are getting along."

"Yes, Edward is lovely. You must be so happy to have found him."

"Yes. It was a stroke of luck that I am most grateful for." Carlisle turned to face Edward. "Son, I was just coming in to see if you would like to join me in the hunt. The area has much to offer. Moose, caribou, and if we range towards the coast, the selection is almost unlimited."

Edward's eyes flared and his hands clenched. He was off the bench and at Carlisle's side, holding himself still with obvious effort. I knew he wanted more than anything to find the nearest exit. His thirst still consumed him. But I marveled that he had hidden it well up to now.

"Please, don't let me keep you. The hunt here is unparalleled. Enjoy it Edward. And if you like our selection, you are always welcome back."

*

I watched the two companions dash for the foothills. They were well matched. Clearly Carlisle's wait had paid off and he had found a perfect life mate. I suddenly felt the need for company, for my own family, and returned to them in the sitting room.

They stood around the fireplace, all deep in conversation, but turned as I walked into the room.

Katrina's smile took up all of her face. "Oh Tanya, isn't it lovely that Carlisle isn't alone anymore?"

"Yes, they will do well together."

"And he is so gifted." Carmen added.

"Yes, you heard his playing then?"

"No Tanya, Carlisle was just discussing Edward's gifts with Eleazar. It seems the young one can read thoughts."

* * *

**A/N: Don't worry! I'm not forgetting Prelude! I still plan on picking up where I left off, with Edward & Bella's wedding. This story came to me as I was finishing up Prelude. My mind just kept going back to it, so I knew I had to write it down. **

**Please review and let me know if you like it so far! **

**And if you haven't read Prelude, please check it out at: http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5153962/1**

**Thanks, Marie**


	2. Friends

**A/N: Sigh. I think I'm committing fan fiction suicide by writing from Tanya's POV. But she's known him forever and loved him. It's another filter to look at Edward through over the years. So relax and enjoy. -Marie**

* * *

Carlisle and his newborn stayed with us for close to a month. As the days passed, the young one settled into life in our household. He was able to sit more calmly and converse with us for longer stretches of time. Likewise, we settled into life with him. It brought a new excitement to the household. He brought modern ideas and musical tastes, and would often have us all gather in the study to play the piano for us.

There was a veritable line of vampires waiting for the pleasure of hunting with Edward Masen. It is always a marvel to watch a newling hunt. The intensity of their need and the complete satisfaction that they show with the kill is something everyone should see. I let my family jockey for position, and satisfied myself with stories of the hunt. They said he was very fast, surprisingly so. There were glowing reports about the elegance of his attack coupled with the mercilessness of his kill. I wondered how much was observation, and how much was familial pride at our new addition. But the stories did set my imagination to work.

Edward and Carlisle spent quite a bit of time with Eleazar, testing the boy's skills. They experimented with his range, and with different members of the family. They circled Anchorage, measuring the boy's abilities with humans. At first I felt sorry for the boy, worried that he was being used as an experiment. But the young one seemed pleased to have more control and a better understanding of his capabilities, and was always eager to leave on their expeditions.

One day they returned from Anchorage with a football. We'd never played the sport, but Edward eagerly taught us the rules. We extended the playing field to one thousand yards and spent many days together as a family throwing the strange ball and tackling one another. As a strong newborn, Edward always had the upper hand, and there were more than a few minor injuries among the other players.

*

The first time I encountered Edward alone again was four days after his arrival. I was returning home late in the evening. There was a crew in Cantwell paving the roadway to Fairbanks that was keeping my sisters and I occupied. I walked into the study and tossed my hat and cloak onto the piano bench and unbuttoned the top buttons of my blouse.

A chair knocked back against the far wall, a book clattered to the floor and my head snapped up in the direction of the sound. A pair of wide golden eyes stared at me from across the room.

"Oh, Edward, excuse me."

Edward jumped to his feet. "No, I'm sorry. I should leave."

"Please sit. I didn't mean to interrupt."

Edward settled himself back into the chair and braced his hands on the tabletop. There were four books spread around him. He would focus on one book for a few minutes, then jump to another, and then to another. Finally his head shot up in my direction and I saw his yellow eyes focus on me through long lashes. I hadn't realized that I'd been staring at him.

I stood and walked over to him slowly. "What are you studying?"

"Not studying, just passing time."

I settled myself across the table from him. "May I?" I asked, placing my hand on the book closest to me.

Edward nodded and looked away, shrinking from my presence.

The large volume was open to Shakespeare's _The Twelfth Night_. "A classic."

"Yes," he smiled. It was the second time I had seen his smile. But it vanished just as quickly and he looked away.

"And what else?"

"Milton's Paradise Lost, A'Laventure: An Introduction to the French Language, and The Oxford English Dictionary."

"You're a smart boy."

"I have time on my hands."

"Have you studied any other languages?"

"No, I studied French in school, but most of that…"

"Was lost?"

"It's coming back so much easier than before."

"Of course," I smiled encouragingly.

"And you, Tanya," Edward looked at me out of the corner of his eyes, "do you speak any other languages."

I smiled. "Quite a few."

"Was English your first?"

"My first language is no longer spoken."

Edward's eyes went wide, and then he looked down and bit his lip.

"This is all quite new to you. I understand that. But please know that you can come to me with anything. Use me as a resource, Edward. I'm so happy that Carlisle found you, and I'm glad to have another young man join our small ranks."

"Thank you," Edward said quietly. I saw him swallow and he looked like he might jump up from the table. I was afraid the truth about my age had scared him.

"I'm making you nervous. I should be the one to leave."

Edward looked back at me balefully. "Everything makes me…nervous."

"Yes, it would. But it's getting better?"

He nodded emphatically. "Yes."

"And can I ask you something personal?"

Edward's eyes shot up to meet my own. He looked frightened and fierce all at once. "It depends on the question." He looked back at the floor.

"Such an intelligent answer. Well, I was wondering how it is for you, keeping to our lifestyle. As far as we know, there has never been a vampire besides Carlisle who has remained civil to humans from birth, until you."

I saw the newborn clench his teeth and the muscles in his neck grew taught. There was fire in his eyes as he looked directly at me and held my gaze for the first time since we'd met. "It is near intolerable, Tanya. It goes against everything that my body tells me is right and necessary." He turned his head away from me with force and flared his nostrils. I stayed still as a stone as I watched him taking deep breaths, staring out the windows at the night sky. "Have there always been this many stars?" He asked absently, with just a trace of his previous anger.

"Stars are born and die all the time. But, yes more or less the same number, I believe."

He shook his head slightly as he gazed at the heavens. "To be able to see such beauty, that feels like a gift. But to live with this burn, to want to do the things I want to do, I don't know how you all endure it."

"It gets easier."

"I hope you and the others are being truthful, because otherwise I might go insane."

"All of us have your best intentions in mind. We would never let that happen."

"Thank you," Edward said as he looked into my eyes for the second time. He was sincere and I was touched.

It was my turn to gaze out the window. I felt suddenly awkward being alone with the boy. I knew what I wanted, but he was too young. It wouldn't be right. And I didn't know the nature of Carlisle's claim on him.

Edward flinched. My head snapped back in his direction. "_I'm sorry_," I thought at Edward. "_I forget what you can do_."

Edward nodded, looking distressed.

"_I didn't mean to offend you. Please, let me leave you to your reading."_

"No." Edward's hand shot out and clenched my wrist. He pulled away just as quickly, as if I'd burned him. "I don't mind the company," Edward said, looking at the tabletop. "Talking helps keep me focused. When I'm alone my mind is unfettered, and it's unnerving."

"I remember how it was." I said settling into a chair across the table from him. "What should we talk about, then?"

"Perhaps you could teach me your language? The one you spoke of."

I smiled. "I would be happy to. It will remind me of being young myself."

From that night on, Edward would often be in the study when I returned home. He quickly mastered the old language, and we moved on to other dialects that I'd spoken over the centuries. Concentrating on languages helped Edward to direct his thoughts through long sleepless nights. It likewise gave me the focus I needed to spend time with Edward without letting my mind stray to topics that might make him uncomfortable. While the others enjoyed running and hunting and playing games with the boy, I liked to think that our relationship was special. I could certainly see how grateful he was each night when I would return home and retire to the study.

*

Finally Carlisle settled on a parcel of land to the southwest of our outpost. He'd be back to build a dwelling when he could. He had secured a position at a small hospital in the tiny town of Ashland, Wisconsin on Lake Superior. He thought isolation from large packs of humans would make things easier on the boy. They'd be leaving in the morning.

That night I returned to the study with a heavy heart. I sincerely liked the boy. He brought out he best in our family. He gave us a jolt of newness that we hadn't experienced since Carmen and Eleazar's arrival. And even then, they hadn't been newlings, but mature, mated vampires. I dare say we would have all liked to keep Edward with us, but the bond between him and Carlisle was obvious and unbreakable. I sighed as I sat at the table.

"You're sad, Tanya."

"Sad to see you and Carlisle go."

"We'll be back; I'll make sure of it. It's been wonderful to meet more of our kind."

"Yes, you will return. I can console myself with that thought."

Edward smiled shyly and shifted in the chair. And at that moment a great howling wind slammed against the house, setting the windows to rattling and the boards to shrieking. Edward was up and out of his chair, crouching in the direction of the sudden swell. "It's OK, my boy, just the wind."

He recovered and stood tall, still staring with intensity out the window.

"Do you feel the change in air pressure?"

He nodded.

"It's a low pressure system coming off the coast. I imagine the storm will blow in within the hour."

Edward turned and was in his seat, a book of verb conjugations in his lap. "Thanks," he said concentrating on the text.

"Oh, understanding the weather will come in time. There are only so many things that can happen."

"No, Tanya, thank you for everything. You've made the nights more bearable."

It wasn't the first time I'd been told that, but probably the first time the sentiment involved the past perfect tense and subject verb agreement.

I noticed Edward's body tense and I abandoned that line of thought. "Where did we leave off last night?"

"We were studying old English."

"Yes, what do you say we dive into Beowulf?"

"Isn't that middle English?"

"Yes, how silly." I was definitely rattled.

*

As I predicted, the storm was upon our house in twenty minutes. Edward was out of his seat and at the window, his hands pressed to the glass.

I was at his side. "There's nothing like a blizzard in the arctic."

He turned to me and his eyes were two yellow beams of light that lit up his face. "Let's go."

"What? Out there? But we were-"

Edward didn't let me finish. He grabbed my hand and pulled me to the door. His newborn grasp was strong, but I didn't put up much of a fight. As soon as we were outside Edward took off into the whiteout. He ran swiftly enough to pass soundlessly into the night, lightly enough to avoid making prints in the snow. The wind blew off the coast ferociously, making his scent impossible to detect.

I ran off in the direction I thought Edward must have taken.

"Edward! Edward!"

I stopped and listened, but couldn't hear a thing over the howl of the wind. I turned in a circle looking for a reason to run in any direction. Then suddenly there were two strong hands at my waist. They hoisted my body into the air and threw me. I soared into the wind; snowflakes coated my body like down, and I fell into a large, soft drift. I sank like the stone I was and was buried under two feet of snow.

Somewhere in the distance I heard a low chuckle. I'd show him. I began digging my way out of the drift. My body was almost completely uncovered when off to my left I heard Edward call out.

"Cannonball!"

I was just able to make out a graceful figure somersaulting through the air in my direction. He landed next to me in the drift and I was buried in the snow once again. But this time Edward's hands helped to dig me out. When my head was uncovered I looked up at Edward to see that he was smiling and happy, more cheerful than I had seen him yet. The warmth in his eyes was enough to melt the rest of the snowdrift away. He held out his hand to me to help me needlessly out of the drift.

"What do you say Tanya? Can you show me what kind of damage a vampire can do in a snowstorm?"

With that he ran off again, but this time I wasn't about to let him get away. We ran and leapt through the snow, over deep ravines, through what trees we could find, and finally out into the mountains. We tumbled through the snow deep into Devil's Canyon, and then back up along the top of the Kesugi Ridge. We stopped there, letting the wind and snow swirl around us, as we looked out to Denali, recently renamed Mt. McKinley. The black night was fading into the shade of gray that passed for daylight in the Alaskan winter.

"Let's go," Edward said eagerly, nodding toward the peak of McKinley.

I sighed. "Next time, Edward. It's almost day break and Carlisle said that he wanted to get an early start."

That brought Edward back down to earth. "Right," he agreed with a bit of a frown. But he looked back at me and smiled again. It was more sunshine than I'd seen since the fall equinox. "I'll race you back then."

And with that we were off towards home. Edward waited for me at the doorstep. We smiled at one another wordlessly. I made a move to open the front door, but Edward moved quickly to block my path and touch my hand.

"Tanya, I feel like things might be falling into place for me in this life. I have a wonderful father, and now cousins, and I've also found a friend."

* * *

**It's quite possible no one will read this... but if you actually read and like it, please tell me! Marie**


	3. Newlyweds

Edward's departure left a hole in our home life that letters from Carlisle could only partially fill. He addressed them to the entire clan, and they were passed around repeatedly until they were well worn. Carlisle's boasts took up page after page of stationary. Edward managed to walk through town and converse with humans, Edward was accepted into Northland College and enrolled in night courses; Edward was majoring in biology and considering the study of medicine. There was one incident with a pianist that Carlisle was loathe to relate, but it was far and away our family's favorite correspondence. It had us laughing well into the summer months. _(see Chapter 22 of Prelude for details!)_

Between letters, my mind would replay the times Edward and I spent together. I would sit at the piano bench and recall Firebird note for note. My favorite memory was the night of the snowstorm, but in my daydreams I often left out the last words he spoke to me. He called me his friend.

It was a little more than a year after Carlisle and Edward had left us that we received the most remarkable correspondence yet, and it had little to do with the boy. Carlisle explained that he had met a dying woman, turned her into a vampire, and then proceeded to fall in love with and marry her all in the course of a month. Her name was Esme. He met her once before, as a girl, after she'd broken her leg. Carlisle believed fate had brought them together again, and saw this as a sign that vampires might not be hopelessly damned after all.

I gave little thought to damnation. It was an emerging concept to our people at the time I was turned vampire. It never took hold with me. However, I was taken aback by Carlisle's impetuous actions after so many years without female company. Indeed, there was something of a bet among us about whether or not he was in love with Edward. I was relieved to learn that this wasn't the case, but didn't admit this to any of my family.

The most exciting part of the letter was the last paragraph. Carlisle could no longer stay in Ashland after turning Esme. He'd secured a staff position working with medical school students at Bellevue hospital in New York, but it didn't begin until the fall. He hoped that his growing clan could come stay with us as soon as Esme was able to travel. It seemed the perfect time to supervise construction of their home here.

We were each excited beyond measure and sent a telegram welcoming them with open arms. My family made frantic preparations, designing a suite suitable for honeymooners for Carlisle and Esme, and outfitting Edward's room with row upon row of books, scores of sheet music, as well as a variety of boyish toys, like footballs and baseball bats.

I took special care to pick out each and every book for his collection. There were language studies, biology texts, a comprehensive collection of the classics, as well as newer authors such as Willa Cather, Franz Kafka and W. Somerset Maugham. I included a complete collection of Jack London's work, and anything else about Alaska that I could find in print. After we were finished with their rooms, I would often stand in Edward's doorway with a strange tingling in my chest.

*

They arrived on a blustery sunny day in mid-spring. I was in the sewing room, putting the finishing touches on a new dress with a daring neckline, when I heard Carmen burst in through the front door.

"They're coming, I mean they're here. They're walking this way. Come quick!"

The household sprang to attention, and we were each in the front room in seconds.

"Get a hold of yourself, Carmen," Irina joked with my sister. I laughed nervously. Get a hold of myself, indeed.

Kate opened the door before there was scarcely a knock. The three vampires on the doorstep were a sight for sore eyes. Carlisle and Edward each had their arms around a small, slender, golden-haired vampire with burgundy eyes. She cringed as the door swept inward, but looked up to Carlisle and seemed to gain support from the look in his eyes. They were caught in that look of love for an indecent amount of time.

In the meantime, Edward unlinked his arm from Esme and bounded into the house. The change in him over the months he'd been away was remarkable. This was no cringing youngling in front of us. He seemed confident, strong and self-possessed. He smiled at each of us, and started giving strong one-armed hugs all around. I hung back, working to shield my thoughts and my emotions, trying to concentrate on Carlisle and Esme. But Edward pushed through the throng and sought me out.

"Tanya," he said smiling, "I told you I'd get us back here."

I smiled. "I never disagreed with you."

He lifted me up in a strong hug, and then placed me back down on the ground. "Let me get a good look at you." He smiled and chuckled a little. "My, you haven't aged a bit."

Try as I might, I couldn't stop myself from smiling. "You never wrote."

"I believe Carlisle did enough writing for the both of us."

"He's very proud of you."

Edward rolled his eyes. "I hope I never see those letters."

"Let me run and take them down off of the icebox," I joked.

Edward laughed. "I missed my friend."

I nodded my head. "I missed you too."

"Let me introduce you to Esme."

Edward took me by the hand and led me over to the newlyweds. They were still arm in arm. Carlisle had changed as much as Edward had. His smile took up his entire face, and his eyes were bright and dancing. When addressed, he would look up, but he couldn't keep his eyes off of Esme for long. Esme clung to him, as if she were drawing strength from his touch. She was very new, and it was impressive that she was able to stand still in front of us at all.

Edward walked up to her carefully and gently touched her hand. "Esme?"

Esme flinched a little and looked up at Edward. What I saw in that look stunned me. She was frantic until she managed to focus on Edward's face, but then her eyes were full of love. Edward smiled sweetly back at her.

"I'd like you to meet Tanya," he said in a voice that was soft and low. It sent shivers up my spine. "She helped me so much after I was changed."

Esme met my glance for less than a second, before turning to look back at Edward.

I addressed her quietly. "It's an honor to meet Carlisle's mate. You must be a very special woman. Carlisle has been waiting for you for some time."

Then I turned to Carlisle. "And you, you could have knocked me over with a feather when I read your news. Congratulations Carlisle." He let go of Esme long enough to give me a warm hug, but his arm was around her as soon as he let me go.

Katrina was the voice of reason among us that afternoon. "Why are we all standing here in the doorway? Let's get our guests settled. We've arranged accommodations for each of you." And with that she ushered the new arrivals inside and up to their rooms.

*

My clan was so pleased to have the Cullens back so soon that they never left them alone. Of course, Esme and Carlisle were often off together, so most of the attention was focused on Edward. They took special pleasure playing football with him, and giving him more of a run for his money this time. Gone was his newborn strength, but his speed was still extraordinary. And from what I heard, he was still impressive on the hunt. I'm not sure why I hung back from hunting with him, but I couldn't bring myself to get in line for the opportunity.

There were the nightly excursions to the Cullen's land. Carlisle had employed around-the clock teams of architects and builders, eager to complete the structure before the ground froze over again in the fall. Luckily, there weren't many dark hours this time of the year, and construction continued night and day. The structure was surprisingly large for three people, with four wings and guest quarters behind. When I asked Carlisle about this, he said that the dwelling was based on some drawings that Esme had made. This house was dedicated to her, and he planned on making everything that she might desire come to life.

It was many days before Edward and I had any time alone. It was evening, and the sun hung on the horizon, a glowing red orb casting a warm glow on the lifeless ground. It would be another month before the grasses and wildflowers sprang to life. I was carting the rosebushes out from the greenhouse to the garden, trying a new arrangement with some hybrids that I'd been working on, when I noticed the sun shatterings on the tree limbs multiply by two. I turned around to see Edward grinning at me, making his way in my direction.

I noticed I was holding my breath. "_Get a hold of yourself, Tanya_." I commanded myself silently, but then gasped. I concentrated very hard on the rosebushes around me and tried with some success to keep my breath coming regularly.

"Szervusz, Tanya! Hogy vagy?" OK, he knew how to stop my breath. He was greeting me in the modern tongue of my people. We hadn't gotten that far the winter he was here. He'd learned it on his own.

I was smiling again. "Hello, Edward. You've still been studying?"

"A bit."

He could meet my eyes with no problem now, and stood before me without shrinking. His eyes had lost all trace of the redness, and now were a delicate amber, full of bronze lowlights with a bright gold ring around each iris. He seemed taller.

"You look good."

"Thank you." Edward looked away self-consciously. There was still something of the shy, young boy within him after all.

"Your family has changed some since the last time you were here."

"Yes, it's remarkable."

"To say the least! I've known Carlisle forever, and he's never shown so much as a passing interest in a female."

"It's different with him and Esme."

"I can see that. I'm happy for them."

We stood awkwardly, wordlessly. Edward looked at the dormant shrubs.

"Roses," I said by way of explanation.

"You garden?"

"A little."

There was another silence. It didn't help that I wouldn't let my mind stray from thoughts about the damned bushes.

"Carlisle says you may attend medical school."

Edward's grin was strained. "Yes, it would please him. He'll be linked to Columbia Medical School when we get to New York. I'm sure that would help my chances."

"I don't believe you would need his help at all."

"But still, can you imagine a medical practice made up of a coven of vampires? It's quite ridiculous." I laughed sincerely at the idea and Edward soon joined in.

"It's really good to see you, Tanya. I've been studying at night ever since I left here."

"And you've picked up a bit of Magyar in the process? It's hardly a practical language to have at one's disposal."

"There are approximately nine million humans that might say otherwise."

"No, even they would agree that its importance is insignificant."

"You shouldn't speak so poorly of your heritage."

"Hmph. Are you excited to go to New York?"

"I'm scared. There are so many humans. It still hurts to be around them, and we've been living in isolation. I don't know if I can withstand the pressure, and I'll have to look out for Esme while Carlisle is gone."

"But there are opportunities there. So much to see and learn from."

"Yes, it's true." Edward's eyes lit up. "Have you heard jazz?"

I shook my head.

"In the northern part of the city, in Harlem, there's a movement starting. They have new music, something like ragtime, but it's so much more powerful. I've heard it live only a couple times, but both times it almost hurt to listen. And there's so much improvisation, I never know where it's going to go. It's unlike anything I've heard before. They have music clubs dedicated to it in Harlem. I could listen to it live every night."

I couldn't help but smile at his enthusiasm. "That sounds lovely."

"You could come and visit. I'm sure you would like the music. And then we'd have something to do together at night besides pour over books."

My mind broke free of the confines that I'd placed on it. Images swirled through my brain quickly, wordlessly before I could will them to stop. Edward frowned. I turned away. "_I'm sorry_," I thought.

There was silence. I couldn't turn back and face Edward. I didn't know why I was acting this way. I'd known so many men. Why should this bother me so much?

"Tanya, can I ask you something personal?"

I smiled weakly, but didn't turn to face him. "It depends on the question."

"Such an intelligent answer."

I finally found the courage to turn around. Edward's eyes were trained on the dry ground beneath him.

"Ask me anything, Edward."

"Is it true, the things I've heard Carlisle think about you, Kate and Irina?"

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading! This story is just flying onto the page and I'm having so much fun writing it. I hope you're enjoying it too! Please push that little green review button if you are! Marie**


	4. Succubus

"_Ask me anything, Edward."_

"_Is it true, the things I've heard Carlisle think about you, Kate and Irina?"_

"I've never known Carlisle to lie," I mumbled looking at the ground.

"Tanya…"

"Edward, what are you asking?" I looked up, into his golden, shyly inquisitive eyes. I knew what he was asking, and yet I tried with all my might to stop my mind from going there.

"I know what you're doing, Tanya. I know when people are trying to block their thoughts. You always block your thoughts from me. So do your sisters."

They did? But then, I suppose we all saw Edward as a boy. Or was there more to it? Did they…? I stopped my thoughts again.

Edward shrugged his shoulders. "I'm sorry, it's none of my business."

It wasn't his business, but maybe I wanted it to be. I wanted to make him understand. I'd told him from the beginning that he could ask me anything. "I just don't think there's any reason to be alone if you don't have to be."

Edward's head snapped up and his wide eyes fixed on mine. "With humans?"

I nodded my head.

"But why?"

"Why is Carlisle drawn to humans? It's the worth we see in them that's changed us, made us pariahs among our kind."

"But Carlisle heals them. He helps them."

"And what I do is so bad? I'm certain I leave them better than I found them."

Edward flinched. "That's not how I was raised, Tanya."

"Edward, Carlisle is one voice in the entire vampire world, and a solitary one at that."

"I wasn't talking about Carlisle. I was talking about my mother, my human mother. She raised me to be a gentleman."

"You're not human anymore, Edward. There are different rules now. You should get used to it."

"I choose to believe that the rules of decency still apply."

"You're calling me indecent? I've been good to you from the beginning."

"But it's because I know you that I don't understand how you can bare it."

"The same way you might _bare it_ when you're attracted to a female."

"But, I've never been."

"No one? There hasn't been a single female that's peaked your interest?

"The only vampires I know are Carlisle, Esme and your family. So, no." My chest was suddenly hollow, and I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach. "And I only have one desire when I see a human. Certainly not love, or whatever you're talking about."

Edward paused and took a step in my direction. My breath was caught in my throat. I wanted him to touch me and I wanted to slap him all at once. "Didn't you ever find someone that you wanted enough? Didn't you ever find someone that you loved?" he asked in a quieter voice.

I didn't answer.

"Tanya, all this time…that sounds awful."

"I'm not looking for pity, certainly not from a naïve newborn," I managed.

"Is it naïve to suggest that you might wait for love?"

"How dare you judge me for choosing life over a millennium of loneliness?" I'd had enough. Who was this boy to look down his nose at me, and to think so highly of himself that he might pity my life? I'd survived a thousand years, and most of it with no support from the others of my kind. What did he know of this world, of men and of monsters? He could have his damned loneliness. I turned and shouted at him mentally, some of the most depraved, deviant, sexually explicit images that I could think of.

Edward's expression went flat and his eyes grew wide. But then anger took over and his eyes blazed. "You _are_ different then I am. It's right that they gave you a different name in the legends, because I don't want to be linked with you, even in fairy tales and nightmares."

There was venom flowing in my mouth and my fingers were extended like claws. Edward's eyes were on fire, and his lips were wet. Yes, venom was flowing in him as well. But then I forced a smile on my face. I willed myself to stand erect, and to turn and walk away. Yes, I turned my back on him. That newling couldn't hurt me.

*

Edward and I spent the rest of that visit apart. I threw myself into my lifestyle with renewed vigor. It was summertime. There were fishermen in Alaska from all over the world. The canneries operated twenty-four hours a day. I was happy.

I used to be discrete when Carlisle visited, but not anymore. It was the twenties, and I intended to live fully in the modern era. I wore my dresses cut low, and brought the hems up close to my knees. I wore fishnet stockings and feathers in my hair. I bared my shoulders, and wore rhinestones. Everyone in the family raised their eyebrows when I came down for the night, except Edward. He never looked in my direction.

No one dared say anything about my behavior, until Carlisle saw me walking onto the construction site one night just as he was leaving. He pursed his lips as he came up to me.

"Tanya, please. I need to get this house finished before we have to go. I don't need any trouble. Couldn't you…_date_ elsewhere?" I knew it was hard for him to talk about this, and the painfully awkward look on his face softened me.

"Of course, Carlisle. I don't want to hurt _you_. Why don't we walk back together?" I put my arm out for him to take.

"Isn't someone expecting you?"

"No one important." It was the closest to the truth I'd gotten since Edward and I argued in the spring. I felt deflated. Carlisle accepted my arm and we walked back to the house in silence.

But as the lights of my home became visible on the horizon Carlisle slowed his gate and turned to me. "Tanya?"

"Yes?"

"I notice you're not spending as much time with Edward this visit." The gentle tone of his voice was almost more than I could bear.

"Did he say anything to you?"

"No."

I let the conversation fade into silence. I had nothing to say.

Carlisle tried again. "You two just seemed so close the last time we were here. I thought…"

"You thought what?"

"I thought there might be something between you."

I sighed. Edward had made it very clear that wasn't the case. "I'm sorry Carlisle, but your son isn't my type. I thought you knew that."

*

The nights were coming sooner, and with the darkness came the first frost. The exterior of the Cullen's house was complete, and it was time for them to depart for New York. My clan agreed to supervise the rest of the work until the house was finished.

My sisters and I were helping Esme pack her things. It was still hard for her to concentrate, so we were seeing to it that nothing of hers was left behind. She smiled warmly at us as we cautiously moved through her space.

Carlisle, Eleazar and Edward made a last trip to Anchorage for old times sake. There was no need to test Edward's skills now, we were all aware of their potency. So I wasn't sure what they were up to in Anchorage, but it was no business of mine.

We were nearly finished when we heard the men approaching through the dry fall grass. One set of footsteps was quicker than the rest. They hurried up the stairs and the door to the bedroom was thrown open. Edward was in the doorway with a large mahogany chest in his arms.

"Esme."

She spun around and I could see her fight the urge to crouch. Edward should have known better than to come in so suddenly. I rubbed her shoulder in an attempt to calm her. It took her a quarter of a second to recognize that he wasn't a threat.

"Edward!" There was relief in her voice.

"I saw this and thought of you," he said, holding the chest out for her observation. "It reminded me of something, well something I've seen you think about. I didn't mean to pry."

He placed the chest on the floor and Esme was next to it. "Oh my! Where did you find this? It's exactly like the one I had as a girl." She looked up at Edward with that same loving gaze I'd seen in her eyes so many times already. "Thank you."

She threw her arms around his neck, and he staggered backwards under the strength of her newborn grip. She released him abruptly, and took a few steps backwards herself. Edward's smile was sincere and unguarded. It was too much for me to take. They had such an honest loving relationship, and I'd been shut out.

"Excuse me."

I made sure to walk calmly out of the room. But once I was clear of Esme, I flew down the stairs, past Carlisle and Eleazar, and out the door. I ran as fast as I could. It wasn't quite dusk yet, and I should have been more cautious, but I didn't care. I tried to shut out all thoughts of Edward. I needed to erase all the emotions his love for Esme sent surging through my body. They'd be gone in the morning. I just needed to make it until the morning.

But there were steps coming up from behind me. Whoever it was, was gaining on me. Vampire. I pushed myself faster; I didn't need consolation from my sisters, or worse, from Carlisle. But my pursuer came on faster, impossibly faster. Oh god. Edward.

He caught up to me easily. I ignored him and we ran in silence. He let me lead, and I took us over terrain that pushed the limits of our ability. It wasn't until I reached Kesugi that I knew where I was headed. Denali rose in front of us, it's peak hidden in the clouds. We were there in an hour.

From Denali's peak, the tundra spread as far as the eastern horizon. Glaciers fell into the icy blue waters to the west. To the north was the encroaching darkness of winter. I looked forward to that darkness, and focused on it as I breathed in the shallow air. My hair blew across my face, and my light cotton dress whipped against my legs. I felt my body adjust to the temperature of the mountaintop. I could almost imagine I was at peace if it weren't for-

"Tanya?"

"_Please leave."_

"I'm sorry, about our fight, about this summer. I didn't mean to hurt you. I don't want to leave it this way."

I didn't speak. I didn't move. I didn't breathe.

"I have something for you too." His hand was held out in front of me. I looked down to see a small heart-shaped wooden box. I gasped. It looked just like something I'd lost many centuries ago. But instead of the Erdely crest of Transylvania, a phoenix was carved on the cover.

"The way I see things can be very black and white. But I'm trying to change."

"You can't change, Edward. You're vampire. It's who you are."

"Does that mean you can't change either?"

"Give me one good reason why I should change, if I could."

Edward sighed. "I don't want to make you angry again."

"Then don't Edward, just leave."

"I miss being your friend. I miss you. Szükségem van rád az életemben. Ne hagyja, mint ez."

I looked up. Edward's eyes were pleading. I couldn't say no to him. "You want someone like me as a friend?"

"Not someone like you, I want you, Tanya. I want my friend back."

I shook my head and sighed. Did he expect a wooden box and a phrase or two in Magyar to erase how I felt?

"No, but I thought it might help."

I gasped and I looked back at Edward. He was smiling cautiously; with a look in his eyes very similar to the one he had given Esme.

"Alright."

"Then you'll come visit me in New York?"

"I suppose I will."

* * *

**A/N: The next chapters is one of my favorites - so stay tuned. The adventures of Edward and Tanya in NYC in the roaring twenties! Yay!**


	5. New York

Edward and I traveled back to the house wordlessly. I concentrated on the sweet sadness of autumn instead more personal emotions that I may have been experiencing. Carlisle and Esme were waiting on our return, and our goodbyes were quick and heartfelt. Edward was quick to point out to that it wouldn't be goodbye for long, because I'd soon be visiting them in New York. Carlisle raised his eyebrows at the news, but I just smiled, trying desperately to keep my mind blank.

*

I was quite excited to journey to New York City. I hadn't been there for over two hundred years, back when it was more of a swirling mess of open sewers and tenements. I was sure time with the Cullens would be more refined. And this time I'd share the experience with Edward.

As soon as they left, I sent for fashion catalogues from Paris and Milan. I wasn't going to show up looking like Edward's poor country cousin. I spent days in the sewing room, designing camisoles with drop waists, snug dresses with bandeau tops, pleated skirts falling just below my knee, and draped tunic dresses with daring slits. I poured through catalogues for undergarments, and wrote to the top ateliers in Europe. I discarded my corsets and knickers for camisoles and panties. After they were delivered, piece by hand-sewn piece, I would often stand in front of the mirror for hours admiring the more daring and freeing underclothes.

I was in my room in front of the mirror when Kate and Irina knocked on my bedroom door. I was excited to show off my purchases.

"Come in!" Their mouths fell open as they walked in. I was pleased. "What do you think?"

"What in the world is up with you, Tanya?" Irina had always been abrupt.

"I'm preparing for my trip," I replied, looking back at the mirror, trying to get a good look at my backside.

"First you and Edward can't be separated, then you don't speak for the entire summer, you dominate half the men in Alaska, and now you're up to your eyeballs in silk, lace and spangles. You haven't left this room in two days."

"Thank you for rehashing my recent existence for me, Irina. But as you know, my history is something I can never forget."

Kate walked over and put her hand on top of mine. "Talk to us, sister. What is going on with you and the Cullens? It's better if you speak about your heart out loud. Our lives are too long to hold it all inside; you know that.

"Nothing is going on with the Cullens and I." I clenched my jaw and watched the look in my eyes harden in the mirror. I pulled a bit too forcefully on the silk ribbon in my hands, and it snapped in two.

"Then would you tell me why you carry that little wooden box with you wherever you go?"

I looked down at Edward's gift, sitting on the vanity next to me. I didn't mean to carry it like a talisman; it had simply become something of a reflex. I squeezed my eyes shut as if I could will it to disappear to a desk drawer somewhere.

"Let's go, Irina. Tanya's not ready to talk."

"No! As long as we're on the subject, there's something I've wanted to ask the two of you." My sisters stopped in their tracks and turned back to me. Irina was smirking; Kate just smiled patiently. They knew I couldn't keep thoughts to myself for long.

"Edward says that you two shield your thoughts from him. Why would you do that?" I asked against my better judgment.

Irina tittered and Kate looked at her feet. "He's just too innocent, Tanya." Irina smiled. "We couldn't corrupt the poor boy. After all, this is Carlisle's son we're talking about."

"There's no other reason?"

"What do you mean?"

"It wasn't Edward himself that you were trying not to think about?"

Irina cast a knowing glance in Kate's direction. Kate smiled at me, with a look of pity in her eyes. "Tanya, he's beautiful, smart, athletic, he hunts like I haven't seen a man hunt in about five hundred years, and he's kind and gentle with Esme. Of course we think about him. But my dear, anyone can see the two of you have a connection. We're your sisters. We would never cross your heart that way."

"Yes, we have a connection. We're _friends_." I spat out the last word, and walked over to the window.

"And you're outfitting yourself like a modern day Marie Antoinette to go see your friend?" Kate asked, moving towards me. Something inside me cracked. My shoulders slumped as I clutched the windowsill and let my head fall forward against the pane.

"That's all he wants me for, Kate. I've fallen for a very moral young vampire. Who among us would have thought?" I laughed a little, but continued with determination. "I couldn't let him leave knowing I might never speak a civil word to him again. And I'll have him in my life, one way or the other. It's too hard not to."

"So now you're running away to New York to be with a man that won't have you? Please, Tanya, this isn't you. You're better than this," said Irina coolly.

"What exactly am I better than, Irina? Listening to my heart? I'm as surprised as you that I have one after all of these years. Maybe you'll find yours some day. And if that male breaks your heart, I promise to treat you with more understanding."

Kate's eyes flared in Irina's direction. "Please, sister, this isn't why we came in here." She turned back to face me. "We just wanted to make sure you're acting in your best interest, Tanya. We've never seen you like this before. It worries us. Your character has always been so steady."

"I'm doing what I have to do, Kate. I plan on being as happy as I can be, however I can."

"But Tanya, can this really make you happy?"

"As happy as I can be, Irina."

*

As I'd pledged to oversee the completion of the Cullen's Denali home, it was actually some time before I cold set out on my journey. I sent my bags ahead and made the first part of the excursion over the northern tundra on foot, feeding along the way. For the second leg, I caught a train in Quebec that would take me into New York. By day I stayed in my compartment, and I made my way to the bar car by night.

Carlisle and his clan settled into a large house in the affluent suburb of Bronxville, just north of Manhattan. The relative solitude made things easier for Edward and Esme, and gave them all privacy on sunny days. The train pulled into the small station just after sunset on a warm July evening.

Exiting the train, I held my breath and looked about me. I didn't have to look for long. It was as if all the humans on the platform were ghostly gray apparitions and only Edward shone in his corporeal glory. His pale white skin glistened in the lamplight and his eyes shown like they were on fire. Everything about him was different, and nothing was at all.

From his golden eyes, to his messy bronze hair, to his broad shoulders, his body, of course, hadn't changed at all. But the knowing twinkle in his eyes, the self-assured crooked smile on his face, and the confident way he took two long steps in my direction was very foreign, and very inviting. He was wearing an impeccably tailored dark blue summer suit and held a fedora in his hands. His shirt was crisp and white, and as he held out his arms to greet me, I noticed the Cullen family crest on each of his cufflinks.

His open arms were all the encouragement I needed. I ran a little too fast for the throngs of humans around us, into his arms. People turned and stared, but then quickly gave us our space. Edward pulled me into a warm hug, and then let go to look me over. I smiled shamelessly. I couldn't help it.

"You look stunning as well, Tanya. Travel suits you, it seems."

I giggled nervously. He was so at ease with himself, and with my thoughts. Where had this man come from?

"Chicago," he answered wryly.

"You've changed. It's hard to see the boy in you anymore."

Edward pressed his lips into a thin line and tilted his head in my direction. "Is that a compliment?"

"Yes, yes it is."

He put his arm out for me to take and led me off the platform. His eyes twinkled. He was happy to see me. "Of course I am. Come, Esme can't wait to see you either. Carlisle won't be back until dawn. We've fixed a room for you, but there's not much space in it, I'm afraid. Your boxes arrived last week, all of them. How long do you plan on staying?"

I imagined that Edward planned on walking me home. Instead he led me to a shiny black convertible automobile and proceeded to open the passenger side door for me.

"What's this?"

"Surely you've seen a car before, Tanya."

"Very funny," I smirked at him, but I did feel rather provincial at the moment. There still wasn't a road to our house. As vampires, we had no need for automobiles. Of course I'd seen them, but I'd never ridden in one before. And to think that Edward drove one regularly, one as beautiful and masculine as this. It suited him.

"Thank you."

"I have to remember that you can do that."

"I'm sorry, Tanya. I don't want to make you feel like you have to keep anything from me."

"It's just going to take some getting used to."

Edward smiled a little sadly. "I hope it doesn't make your stay too uncomfortable. I hear the thoughts of those I'm closest to with ease. For instance, I could tell you what Esme is thinking right now. I'm just trying to be honest with you about who I am. I hope you'll do the same."

"The last time I did that, it didn't work out well for us."

"I've lived in New York for some time now. You're hardly the worst thing out there, Tanya. I'm sorry that I judged you so harshly."

"Thank you, Edward." But even with his words of acceptance and encouragement, I willed my mind to admire the river and the foliage instead of Edward.

We pulled up to a large white Colonial manse situated on a largely wooded property. The house was hidden from the road by tall hedges, and the iron gates that protected the drive were adorned with the family crest.

"_And do you have a butler and a made?"_ I joked wordlessly, trying out this new means of communication.

"Why do you think we sent for you?" Edward turned toward me and winked. I shuddered.

"Are you all right? Do you need to feed?

"_No, nothing like that."_

Edward opened the car door for me. "It's all Esme. Carlisle and I never cared much for architecture, but Esme has been a quick study. She's restoring this old place bit by bit, by herself."

"Well, she's doing a wonderful job."

"Thank you, Tanya." Esme was in front of us. She smiled sweetly as she took me up in her arms. "I'm so glad you could make the trip. You've been so welcoming to our family when we've needed you the most. Please, think of our home as yours."

The true warmth of Esme's nature had won out over the redness in her eyes, and she was at ease with herself in a way that that demonstrated that she had found her place in life. I was happy for her. The story of her transformation had the ring of fairy tale to it. Every vampire should be so lucky.

"It's so good to see you finally settled, Esme. You've made a beautiful home. I've brought photos of the Denali house. I can't wait to show you how it's come together."

"Esme's eyes brightened. "Oh thank you, Tanya! Please come in. I can't wait to see them"

*

I was in my room unpacking when there was a knock on the door. "Tanya?"

"Edward."

Edward pushed the door open. "Is there anything I can get you?"

"No, thank you, the room is beautiful. I'll be very comfortable here," I said, quickly tucking away the underclothes I'd been handling in a drawer.

"I was hoping you would come out with me tonight. It's Bessie Smith's last night at the Cotton Club. To hear her sing with Louis Armstrong is a rare treat. It will be the perfect way to welcome you to the city."

"I don't know. I just got here. I haven't even seen Carlisle or had much opportunity to speak with Esme. I thought maybe tonight we could catch up. It's been some time."

"Carlisle will be home just before dawn, like we would. That's when we all tend to gather as a family. If you come out you won't miss anything. After that Carlisle and Esme retire for the day. We'll have time to talk then. Please, I don't want to spend another minute in this house. Summers in this city are frustratingly bright."

"What would I wear?" I knew it was a silly question. But I felt suddenly nervous about going out into society with Edward. We'd never been around humans together before.

"There must have been something in all of those boxes. Here, let me look."

Edward crossed the room to the wardrobe and started looking through my garments. It was strangely intimate and my body inexplicably tingled in response.

Edward turned. "I'm sorry, am I being too familiar? I just think of you as family."

"No, it's fine, you should think of me that way."

He picked out a rich emerald green silk dress with bandeau bodice, with a skirt that fell straight to the knees. There was glittering black detail along the neckline and at the hem.

"This should be perfect. Meet me downstairs when you're ready."

When I was dressed, I walked into the front room and Edward smiled in approval. He hadn't changed his clothes. There was no need. He looked perfect.

Edward's smile broadened in response to my thought. I was going to have to work harder at this.

*

As we walked into the dark, smoky club, my senses were assaulted with a complex combination of sweating humans, cigarette smoke, potent liquor, and sex. Everyone turned to look at us, and their eyes lingered. This crowd must have been attracted to danger. Edward slipped something to the woman at the door and she took us to an empty table just in front of the large horseshoe-shaped stage.

"You like this place?" I was amazed.

"I tolerate it for the music. It seems that in this world all great beauty comes hand in hand with great unpleasantness."

I looked everywhere except at Edward.

He caught my discomfort. "Present company excluded, of course."

"You said you'd be truthful with me, Edward."

Now it was his turn to look away. But he recovered his cool gracefully, and pulled something out from his trouser pocket. It was slim and silver. He opened the case and pulled out a cigarette.

"You smoke?"

"Of course not," he chuckled, lighting the cigarette. He let it dangle in his fingers. "Vampires don't smoke."

"For someone who simply tolerates this place, you seem well at home."

I small waitress came to our table. She kept three feet between herself and the table and trembled slightly. Silly girl, three feet would do her no good. She should have been out the front door before we arrived. Her trepidation had venom washing into my mouth. I would have to feed soon.

The girl sensed something sinister and took another step back. Edward cast an evil look in my direction. I grinned at the girl and watched her gulp.

"What can I get you two?" She asked, looking at the floor.

Edward smiled up at her, his facial features arranged perfectly to put her at ease. At once she was enthralled and aroused. Her eyes grew wide and I saw her clutch the pen and pad in her hands. He ordered a bottle of their most expensive champagne without glancing at the menu.

She lingered, her wide eyes glued to Edward. Poor girl.

"That will be all," he said kindly. She walked away, glancing back over her shoulder as she left.

"You've learned a lot while we've been apart, cousin."

"Tanya, I come here often. I can't have you scaring off the wait staff."

"And the champagne?"

"This is a special occasion. No one will notice if it ends up in our mouths or not."

I looked around, every human in the room was attempted to sneak glances at our table. "If that's the case, then these humans are exceptionally unobservant. There's not a one in here that can keep their eyes off of us."

"Yes, dear cousin, it seems your debut in New York has been a success. I believe you could have your pick of humans here tonight. That is, if they weren't all under the assumption that you were my date."

"Oh no."

"I'm afraid it's true. Perhaps if you act more sisterly, one of them might approach you."

"That's where you're wrong, Edward. Jealousy is a very useful emotion when trying to attract the opposite sex. And who says I have to wait for them to approach me? That's not how it's done."

For the first time since I'd met Edward at the train station, he seemed unsure of himself. A variety of emotions played across his face, warring with one another for dominance.

"How do you do it, Tanya?"

"When I find someone I like I go up to them. I tempt them with a few choice phrases, nothing concrete. Then I leave them wanting more. I don't give them an address or a telephone exchange, but perhaps a vague idea of somewhere we might meet again in the future. Then they'll dream of me. I follow their scent back to their house."

"And you break in?"

"The bedroom window is the most convenient way to enter. From there they think I'm a dream before they even know what's…

"That's enough." Edward said abruptly, cutting me off. "I'm sorry, I don't think I want to hear the rest."

"Of course not. I'm sorry. I should have known better. You're not that kind of vampire."

"No, I guess I'm not."


	6. Monster

Life fell into a comfortable pattern. Edward and I simply switched nights for days, and spent sunny hours in the study, reading, listening to the radio, and playing records on the phonograph. We attempted chess and checkers, but it held no real challenge for Edward and I'm a notoriously sore loser. Then there were the wonderful rainy days, where we'd take in museums and walk in the world in the daylight.

But as much as I enjoyed my time there, there was something nagging at a corner of my consciousness. I wasn't used to a chaste life, and that was the only life Edward knew. He showed no inclination otherwise. This hurt on a deep level, yet one that I was always striving to mask even from myself, for Edward's sake. I was afraid that the ease of our companionship would all change if he knew.

When I had time to myself, our conversation on the Denali mountaintop would often play in my mind.

"_Give me one good reason why I should change, if I could."_

"_I don't want to make you angry again."_

It became increasingly clear that there was nothing to be gained by ignoring my nature. As the days and weeks flew by, I became more and more restless, until one evening at The Savoy Ballroom when I couldn't contain the feeling anymore.

Having become something of a fixture on the jazz scene, we were greeted warmly at the door, and shone to a prime table. The humans at these clubs were always eager to show off their most beautiful and well-dressed patrons. We were universally regarded with awe, but were never approached, until tonight.

The man's dark brown eyes were on me from the time we sat down. I watched him as he inquired with the waitress about us, not bothering to hide his intentions in the least. He was very tall, very lanky, with a thin mustache and hair slicked back from his forehead. I caught his eye and then looked away.

Edward sighed. "Another admirer."

"You noticed?"

"He's practically shouting, it would be hard not to."

"And what, pray tell, is he shouting?" I couldn't keep the smile from my face if I tried.

"I'd rather not say." Edward wouldn't meet my glance. I turned back to the male and raised my eyebrows. He blew a puff of smoke in my direction. I looked back at Edward, suddenly uncomfortable across from me. Surely men had thought about me before. Why was he so uncomfortable now?

"Because this one is different, determined. He has actual ideas about you. Not just flitting fantasies," Edward answered.

I heard the male's chair scrape as he moved to stand, his footsteps were remarkably calm and regular as they came in the direction of our table. He smelled of cologne, cognac and cigar smoke. But underneath the swagger I could hear his heart beating a mile a minute and smell fear in the endorphins on his skin. I would have this man.

Edward's head snapped up in my direction, his eyes were wide. He'd heard my thought.

"This one is beneath you, Tanya."

"This one is brave. It's endearing."

The man's steps grew closer, and his scent had me on the edge of my seat. Would he really approach me? I was overcome by his audacity, the fearlessness, as well as the insecurity that was knocking in his veins. There was venom flowing in my mouth.

The man cleared his throat. I swung around to face him and watched him take a half of a step away from me. He recovered quickly, for a human.

"Excuse me miss, is this seat taken?" he asked indicating the seat between Edward and I.

There was a quick and quiet, yet unmistakable hiss from across the table. I shot a stern look in Edward's direction. His jaw was set, but he looked away and remained quiet.

"Of course not, please have a seat. Can I offer you a glass of champagne?"

The conversation was quiet and easy. I was from Alaska, in town visiting my cousins, and enjoying the New York nightlife. He'd been 'up the river' for a number of years, and had just returned. He wasn't inclined to talk about his business, which was natural. Many of the single men here dealt in liquor, gambling, or gun running. His manner was so forward I was entranced. He actually reached for my hand, drawing his back only for a second after the difference in our temperatures registered in his mind.

But there were other human males circling the table now. They were talking about my new friend, and not in the most glowing terms. I wondered idly if I would have to fight for him. Because I wouldn't let this male die until I had him. I heard a rumble in Edward's chest with that thought.

There was no need for that. The man was perceptive enough.

"It seems I've overstayed my welcome this evening. But please, Tanya, tell me when I can see you again."

I batted my eyelashes. "I'm so sorry, I certainly didn't mean to lead you on, but I'm not sure how much longer I'll be in New York. I'm afraid this is probably good bye."

This obviously troubled the poor fellow and he looked like he might argue the point. However, the circling males were closing in, and however brave, he valued his life.

"Very well, my dear, it's been a pleasure." And with that he was up quickly and out of the club.

Edward let out a sigh of relief. "I'm thankful that's over with. Of all the intolerable thugs-"

I raised my eyebrows at Edward.

"It's not over."

"You knew what I was when you invited me here."

"But that man?" Edward's eyes were piercing into my own, sharp, inquisitive.

"And why not?"

"He's a criminal."

"But surely criminals enjoy physical comfort as well as the virtuous."

"I wouldn't know," Edward replied impatiently, looking down at the ground. Suddenly he seemed restless. "What do you say? I know it's early, but suddenly it seems like the perfect time to take our leave."

"And I'll meet you back at the house before dawn."

Edward looked back at me. His eyes narrowed and he pursed his lips. "Fine," he muttered.

*

On the way back to the house I was in high spirits. The physical intimacy of the evening washed over me like sweet relief. I'd been a fool these past weeks. Edward had been clear about his feelings for me from the beginning. Certainly he was remarkable in every way, it was true. Edward was remarkably beautiful, talented, sincere, as well as remarkably stubborn and proper. I knew this and I knew he couldn't change. I had been a part of this vampire race for a millennium. I couldn't expect miracles the way Carlisle did. I had best accept the situation and move on.

At that moment the universe threw a deer into my path and I pounced on it with joy. I felt complete. I was full of life's energy, and grateful for life's pleasure. I returned to the house and bounced up the stairs to my room, planning a long bath as a reward for a night well done.

The house was dark. I could hear Carlisle and Esme from their quarters on the third floor and grinned. To think I once considered the man a monk… I opened the door to my room and unzipped my gown almost before I was in the doorway. I stepped out of the dress as I walked over the threshold, and turned to close the door. But a stray beam of moonlight glanced off the leaded doorknob and flashed off of something golden in the corner of the room. I spun around, clutching the dress to my body. Two golden eyes glared at me. Edward had been waiting.

*

"You enjoyed yourself tonight."

"Edward?"

"I'm glad, cousin." His voice was hard, unfamiliar. "I wouldn't want to hold you back."

"Edward?"

He was in front of my face. "Will you be seeing him again?"

I stepped back. "And what business is it of yours?"

The question hit a nerve and Edward backed down. Melancholy and insecurity took over where the anger left him. He looked down.

"It's really none of my business." There was something in his voice. Defeat?

"Can I tell you something, Tanya?"

"Of course."

"Tonight, when I came home alone, Carlisle and Esme, they couldn't shield their thoughts from me, though they wanted to." He looked down and to the left, and shook his head. "They think I'm letting you get away."

I sucked in air and my knees went inexplicably weak.

"And what do you think, Edward?"

There was silence.

_Give me one good reason I should change my ways, if I could._

We were both absolutely still. The minutes ticked on.

Resignation grew in the space of that silence and I swallowed it down. "Well, they're wrong. It only counts as letting me get away if there were a reason you'd want to keep me."

"It's what they both hoped for. There's no denying it. I tried to pretend otherwise. Why don't I feel that way, if I'm supposed to?"

I pushed words out of my mouth, willing the muscles to move with every ounce of force I could muster. Still the words came out a mere whisper. "We can't help who we're drawn to."

"But when I watched you tonight, it seemed so natural and easy. And I don't have feelings like that for anyone. I never have. It hurts my parents to see me alone." He turned from me and walked to the window. The sky was growing pink with dawn.

"You're less than ten years vampire. Give yourself time."

He hung his head. I took a cautious step in Edward's direction.

"Sometimes, when one is turned so young, there are human feelings that didn't have a chance at establishing themselves. These feelings are buried deep within our nature, but they are there. I've seen this happen many times. It may take some work to uncover them. Just try it, Edward. You could have your pick of _any_ woman. Believe me about this. I know"

I had been walking slowly toward him. I dropped my dress on the floor as I made my way to him. I reached out my hand, and was just four, three, two inches from caressing his neck, from running my hand through his hair..."

Edward spun around so quickly that the air around him quaked. His eyes were on fire and he clutched my wrists.

"Is it supposed to make me feel better about myself that I can draw these humans in? Anyone of them would run screaming if they knew me, knew what I would do to them. Just give me a minute alone with any one of them. I would take them gladly; I would take their blood. That is my one desire, Tanya. Yes I've learned to mask it well, but my throat still burns, the venom still flows and my body commands me to take the life of every woman I see."

"My most fervent fantasies are the nightmares of others. If I could sleep, I would have one recurring dream. It would terrify me and sicken me, and bring me the greatest pleasure I've ever known."

"Edward, stop." But he didn't, the words came forcefully, his sweet breath washing over my face.

"I can pretend at being civil, I can pass as human. But I don't deserve your compliments, or Carlisle's or Esme's. I am a monster. My body wants nothing of love, or lust, it commands me to drink. I am the same as every other red-eyed vampire I meet on the street. I'm worse than that worthless human you found yourself with tonight. I am not Carlisle, or Esme, or even-"

"Or _even_ _me_?"

Silence fell over the room. Edward seemed to remember that he was holding my wrists, and he dropped them. The fire gradually left his eyes, and he brought his eyelids down to hide the shame that had begun to show through.

"Edward, I've seen firsthand the gentleness and love that's within you. These desires will fade over time, they become more manageable. You are out among humans each day, and you make it through each day without harming a one. You, Carlisle and Esme are the only ones of our kind that have managed that. You are a bright light within our world. You don't only draw those women in because of your predatory charm, it's the light and goodness they see in you."

Edward didn't say anything. He didn't move.

"I'm sorry I didn't sense this within you. I would have tried to ease your mind sooner if I knew."

"I hide it well. I want Carlisle to be proud. I want Esme to be at ease."

"But what do you want for yourself?"

"I don't know, Tanya. You taught me to divert my attention, and I mastered that art. But when I stop, for even a moment, I'm left with the solitary monster within myself. It's very hard to accept."

Edward's voice had trailed off into a whisper. He swallowed, clenched his jaw and then looked me in the eye.

"I feel like I should want you. Like maybe that would make my life better. Look at what it's done for Carlisle and Esme. But there's something wrong with me. Instead, I only want blood and death."

"There's nothing wrong with you. You are a vampire. It's the truth of our existence. There is nothing sweet or safe about it. We are dead and we bring death. But our kind, our families, we rise above it every day. It gets easier. I promise."

Edward walked to my bedroom door. He paused there, his hand on the doorknob, but still said nothing.

"Let me talk to Carlisle. I'll make him know there's nothing between us. He only wants what is best for you, but the pressure it's exerting is too much. Carlisle and I have known each other for centuries. Let me talk to him."

* * *

**A/N: I love Edward! Do you? Please review and let me know what you think!**


	7. Change

I found Carlisle in his office later that day. He smiled at me with a hint of suspicion in his eyes. "I missed you when you came in this morning, Tanya."

"Yes, I was out… hunting… until just before dawn. Can I speak with you, Carlisle, _alone_?"

Carlisle understood immediately what it would take to be alone in a house with a mind-reading vampire. We set out for a walk through the darkening tree-lined streets of their little town. We walked for miles in silence. Something felt like it was pulled tight within my chest, making my gait stiff and awkward. Finally, Carlisle spoke.

"We haven't walked like this together since the last time I was in Denali."

I stopped and closed my eyes. The tension in my chest was making breathing difficult. I knew that this afternoon something important and unnamed would cease to exist within myself. "Carlisle, I have the same message for you that I had on that night so many years ago. There is nothing between Edward and I, and that is not likely to change. You need to put the idea out of your head." I took a deep breath despite the tension and felt something tearing, painfully.

I rubbed my face with my hands and then continued down the road.

"But the way you look at one another."

"You misread the looks," I said breathlessly, wracked with pain. The tearing continued. Did Carlisle hear it? It was the sound of metal shrieking as it fell apart as easily as muslin.

"But Tanya, I look at you and how could I think anything else?"

"Carlisle, don't pretend to know my heart. Not even your son does."

"I know. That saddens me."

"Carlisle, your son doesn't care for me, and he never will. Please, tell this to Esme and don't look for anything more." And then it was done, severed, torn in two, the fabric of my heart. I took a deep breath before continuing, my chest now loose and empty. There was more that needed saying.

"Edward is in more pain than I think any of us have realized."

Now there was anguish on Carlisle's face. He held my elbow to stop me in my tracks. "What are you saying?"

"You need to speak with him. I don't want to betray his confidence."

Carlisle gritted his teeth, unsatisfied with my answer.

"What you are doing here, Carlisle, is noble, but it is new. No one has raised civil vampires from birth. There is no template. He does not feed on humans, he denies himself everything for an ideal, for your ideal."

"But Esme-"

"Esme shares your soul, Edward hasn't found that in another yet. He looks up to you, and wants to make you proud, but he sees that he is not you. Instead he sees the darkness within himself."

"But it can be overcome. It takes work to come into the light."

"Then tell him. Go to him. But Carlisle, if you push him, you may push him away. He has to find his own way to this life."

Suddenly, I was speaking to myself, no longer focusing on Carlisle, or the road, or the humans eying us curiously. "I should leave. I don't want to bring him any more pain."

"But you bring him such joy."

"No, I divert his attention. It's very different."

"Tanya, don't leave like this. You should at least stay for Esme's birthday. She'll be disappointed if you go now."

"I'll leave that up to your son."

*

When Edward and I saw each other that evening, there was a new understanding between us. It was as if we'd been looking at the world through rose-colored lenses, and in one night they had been taken from us forever. When we caught site of one another we didn't move. But then in the space of a breath, Edward was in front of me, his arms around me, burying his head in my hair.

I still hadn't moved.

Edward took a step away, and gingerly held my hands in his. "Did I hurt you?" He asked, looking at my wrists.

"Of course not. I'm very hard to break." Then I continued silently, for I was afraid to speak it out loud. _"I'm leaving."_

"Don't go yet. I'm afraid to be by myself."

"_You have your family."_

He smiled a little. "Stay until Esme's birthday. She would like that."

"_I don't know."_

"So now that you know my heart, you don't want me as a friend?"

"_Have I masked my thoughts from you that well? You will always be my friend, and I will always want you. But you need to find the one that will make you more at home with yourself, not just help you escape. I can't continue to add to your pain."_

"You've never done anything to hurt me, Tanya. It's I that have always hurt you."

*

So I stayed. It was different. The pretenses had all fallen away. Suddenly, there was the absence of knowing smiles between Carlisle and Esme when Edward and I would return home in the evening. I didn't pretend Edward was my suitor, I did my best to banish those thoughts from my head. I've lived long enough that it was almost possible. I didn't try to fight my nature, and enjoyed the casual company of a human male when I had the inclination.

On the surface it may have seemed like nothing changed about Edward at all. He continued to attend night classes at Fordham University. He spent hours in the study or at the piano in the music room. We escaped to jazz clubs, cabarets and musicals at night.

But those were just ways to mark the passage of hours and days, like a clock continuing to keep perfect time even after a violent storm passes through. There was a shift after the night in my bedroom, as if speaking out about Edward's fears and insecurities had given them physical form. Something subtle changed in his eyes in his mannerisms. He was more likely to make sarcastic jokes. There was a sour edge to his comments about humanity. Humans no longer snuck glances at him when we were out. Instead they avoided the impassivity of his stare. In those days and weeks he was more vampire than I had ever seen him before.

There were a few things that would inevitably bring my friend back. There were three human girls that we encountered on a regular basis on our nights about town. Their presence would always elicit that carefully arranged look that would make their hearts skip. One was the waitress I met on my first night in New York City, the one I had nearly scared out the door. We were back at the Cotton Club one night, when Edward made her blush for the umpteenth time with a warm smile and a large tip.

"Edward, are you flirting?"

"What?"

"These women. You favor them, you must. The way you always make them glow."

"No. It hadn't occurred to me. She simply has a pure heart and interesting thoughts. I've never heard an evil thought in her head. It makes me feel better. It makes it easier not to kill her."

And so I invented reasons to bring these girls into Edward's life more often. How many more times could I get him to smile? It was my new game. I inquired of their schedules, made plans in accordance, sat in her sections. Edward may have known it or he may not. He never let on either way. These days we no longer spoke of things like that.

Music was Edward's other sweet relief. I would watch when we were out, as the first notes of music would wash over him. There was an immediate lightness, as if he were suspended delicately by invisible strings and floating just above the seat of his chair. His eyes would soak in the light of the music and glow. He would smile without realizing it. And the best gift was when this smile was still on his face and he would look at me. I would pretend that everything was as it should be; like that admission of his was a nightmare, an alternate ending to this story that I could crumple up and discard in the wastepaper basket.

This lightness sometimes lasted for our entire car ride home, especially if he drove fast. The purr of the engine and the speed of the vehicle could keep his mood elevated. Then he would sit in front of his piano and re-create the music that he had just heard. But he would embellish it. The entire orchestra would spring from his fingertips, fuller and more complex than the humans at the club could manage.

Oftentimes though, the mood would run out before his fingers were finished, and the chords would turn to the minor key, somber and frightening. Like Cinderella after the stroke of midnight, the magic would disappear. I would sit and listen for as long as I could. But this usually drove me into the dim light of dawn, to the edges of the Cullen's land, so that Edward might not hear the sad timber of my thoughts. I would not add to his trouble.

Esme's presence was the only other thing could bring Edward out of the darkness. The glowing warmth from her eyes could almost always elicit a smile. He would twinkle even without sunlight. Somehow, her familial love could turn Edward back into the boy I remembered, his eyes still wide with the newness of the starlight. With her hand on his shoulder, he would sigh, and the world would be set right.

*

These were days of great philosophical discussions between Edward and his vampire father. He and Carlisle would spend hours together walking the grounds, in the study, in their personal quarters. No matter their vampire nature, both were staunchly Christian in their ideologies, but argued at opposing ends of the spectrum. I may have found it amusing, two vampires throwing quotes from Aquinas and Kierkegaard at one another, if I weren't so aware of the fact that Edward's peace of mind hung in the balance.

Esme and I returned from the hunt late one evening to hear Carlisle and Edward debating quite loudly in the front room. Instead of interrupting, we sat on the steps and waited, both more than a little curious.

"But what is virtue? You speak of theological virtue, of faith. But, what of justice? That is the virtue of reason, of the world. Who are we to follow in the path of the divine when we're damned?"

"You are forgetting Aquinas' first law, that good is to be done and evil avoided."

"But we are evil, what are we avoiding? Ourselves? Couldn't we just accept the truth of it and use this evil for good?"

"Yes, in the form of virtue. We are more powerful than the humans among us. You recall the theory that virtue denotes a certain perfection of power. Think of Unamuno. '_My existence is to seek for truth in life and life in truth, even knowing I shall not find them when I live.'_ Son, we live long enough that we may find the answers. It is a gift, deserving of faith, of virtue."

"What good is virtue unto itself? The ideas you put forth don't lead to an authentic life, but a life of stoicism. Why should I aspire to God's sphere, if God himself won't have me?"

"You don't know if that's true."

"Everyone knows it!"

Footsteps came quickly toward the front door and Esme and I scarcely had a chance to move out of the way before Edward stalked past us into the night.

*

It isn't common for vampires to celebrate their human birthdays, yet Edward and Carlisle made quite the fuss every year for Esme. They never said exactly why, but I imagined it was because she had such a humanizing effect on the two of them. She had the ability to turn their group from a coven to a family, one held by not only the bonds of necessity and companionship, but of love.

I had written to the rest of my clan about the celebration, and parcels had been arriving from Alaska each day for a week. I arranged the brightly wrapped gifts on a table decorated with large floral bouquets. We gathered for Esme's birthday in the early morning after Carlisle returned from his hospital shift.

Carlisle had recently purchased a new type of camera, one that used 35 mm film. It was said that these photographs could be greatly enlarged and still maintain a focused image. He was eager to capture the event, and to test the limits of his new toy. Throughout the evening flashes would often go off in our faces.

I presented Esme with an amber-encrusted heart-shaped locket. Inside I had affixed a photo of Carlisle on one side, and a photo of Edward on the other. Esme smiled at me, blinking, and her eyes seemed almost wet. If a vampire could cry, I suppose she would be the one. She gave me a great hug and – flash! Carlisle had taken a picture.

His gift to his mate at first appeared to be a photograph. The photo was of a small and weathered white beachside cottage nestled among the dunes.

"I know how you always wanted a beach house. I've leased this one for the winter months. The area will be deserted that time of year. We'll have the freedom to come and go as we choose. An if you like it, I've spoken to the owner, and he would be happy to sell, for the right price."

Esme's face was glowing with gratitude. Flash – another photo was taken.

Edward had been very quiet through most of the celebration, but he finally stepped in Esme's direction. "Esme, it's meant so much to have you in my life. I don't deserve the love you show me every day."

"Edward –"

"Please don't interrupt. I want to thank you for looking at me the way you do, for I know your look is genuine, and it helps me more than you know."

He put out his arm for Esme to take and led us into the music room, which had likewise been filled with flowers. Edward sat down at the piano and was instantly at ease, and his eyes began to glow bright and warm. A smile teased at the corners of his mouth, and his hands moved smoothly, confidently, and effortlessly over the keys. His body fell into the notes issuing forth from his hands and he was a thing of beauty; unearthly, pure and light. And as the melody swelled upwards, you could feel the love written into the music opening his heart, bringing joy to his eyes.

It was in this moment that he happened to look up at me. I took it as my own personal gift that evening, to see Edward happy. Flash! Carlisle took another photo. And when the light from the flash had dissipated, so had the light in Edward. I looked away and in that instant I caught the look in Esme's eyes. Joy and pain took up equal parts. She had seen the light disappear too.

* * *

**A/N: This was so hard to write! It actually made me sad. This story turned so quickly from newness, innocence, fun, and experimentation – to the loss of all of that. Edward only had nine years before his life changed in a way that would change him permanently (until Bella – read Prelude! ; ) Seventy-eight years of a darker Edward are coming. I didn't realize how hard this story was going to be when I started it. **

**Please review - it will help brighten my mood!**

**P.S. The next chapter is coming soon. It's half-written. m**


	8. The End

On the day of Esme's party I received a letter from the little waitress at The Cotton Club. She was writing to let me know that she was taking a position at a new venue. They offered her more hours and better pay, so she was leaving despite our patronage. But she hoped we would come visit her there. Opening night was in three days, and there was no question that we might get ourselves on the guest list. The musicians they had lined up for the evening included many of Edward's favorites. It seemed like the ingredients for a perfect evening, a lovely way to bring my stay in New York to a close.

On the night of the show, Edward met me at the foot of the stairs. I wore a sparkling white tunic, with a daring slit up one side and my hair piled on top of my head. Edward looked stunning in a charcoal gray suit and his signature crisp white button down. He smiled a little at me and took my hand as we made our way outside.

I could see that tonight was hard for Edward. On the way to Harlem, he held my hand a little longer than was necessary and smiled often, but always with sadness in his eyes.

When we arrived at the club we could immediately tell that this was a much seedier establishment than we were used to. We had to descend several dark, dirty steps before a large human male looked us over and opened an unmarked metal door. But inside there were all of the trappings of a jazz club: red velvet drapes, a subtly tropical jungle theme, and shiny round dimly lit tables. Scantily clad waitresses flitted over the floor, bringing strong drinks to the patrons. Of course, we were escorted to a table just off to the side of the stage, Edward's preference.

Strangely, our favorite waitress never materialized. But as the first notes of jazz hit the air, I knew it would be a wonderful evening with or without the little girl. Jelly Roll Morton had been brought in from Chicago, Bechet was on the saxophone, Armstrong was on the trumpet, and Whiteman was leading the band. It was a historic gathering and the club was packed.

We settled into our seats and relaxed as the first notes of the piano washed over us. I saw Edward's eyes light up and was pleased that he would have music as a lifeline to his former self after I was gone.

"He's spectacular, isn't he?" I nodded towards Jelly Roll.

"One of the best." Edward agreed.

"But you're better." I said with a smile.

Edward just chuckled and shook his head.

But then Edward was on his feet. Three seconds later a familiar female voice screamed from behind the stage. There was a heavy thud and muffled cries. Edward was at the back door, but he'd moved too quickly. The eyes of several of the patrons were on him. I moved as quickly as I dared to Edward's side.

"Bitch!" I man's voice rang out in frustration.

There was another scream and a crack, the crack of bone.

With one firm push from Edward the metal door clattered to the floor. There was a hiccup in the music coming from the stage, but Whiteman, not unused to scuffles, urged the band to play on.

I could hear panting, scraping and scrambling coming from a room down the hall. Edward was at the door. He pushed once, and it fell to the floor. There was another scream and a hollow click. It took me a split second to recognize the sound. It was the cocking of a gun. I was behind Edward in an eight of a second, human speed be damned.

Our little waitress was lying on the floor, bloody, broken, half-dressed, and moaning. Makeup was streaked down her face, her wet, blood-shot eyes trained on a man standing at her feet. It was a male I knew. He held one hand over a deep scratch on his cheek, the other shaking hand held a gun.

Our intrusion distracted him. His eyes flew from Edward to me. "Tanya?"

Edward used that moment to his advantage. He flew across the room at the male, and the gun discharged, the bullet shattering a windowpane. Glass rained to the floor. Edward held the male against the far wall, his hand around his neck.

The little girl's eyes were wide. She was shuddering and gasping on the floor. But I was at Edward's side instead.

"Put him down, cousin."

But it was hardly Edward that I saw there. His eyes were blazing golden daggers, his jaw was held very tight, his mouth slightly open. I could just see the edge of his sharp teeth, dripping wet. The only way I really knew Edward was present in that body was that the male was still alive.

The male's eyes were wild, and he focused on my face. "Tanya," he choked out, begging for mercy. I smelled the urine before I saw it dampen his pants.

Edward's grip tightened, the male coughed, sputtered and kicked his feet. There was a rumble deep in Edward's chest. The male's face turned from red, to white, to purple.

"Edward," I coaxed, my voice soft and steady, "put him down. Edward. Edward."

Edward flinched, showing a glimmer of recognition. "He's not yours, Tanya. This. One. Is. MINE." Edward opened his mouth and the sharp edges of his teeth glinted in the yellow light.

There were footsteps in the hall, then voices in the doorway. I spun to see five men dressed in black, with guns.

"Shoot-" Edward's captive barely choked out. Guns were cocked, but I leapt across the room and all five were flung into the brick wall of the hallway. Concrete chips and dust filled the air and a shot rang out as a gun discharged. I heard the dull wet sound of the bullet entering flesh, and a sharp metallic thwack as it glanced off concrete.

I could smell the coppery scent before I turned back to the room. My throat burned. A deep red stain was blooming on the waitress's white satin bodice. Her eyes were unfocused, fixed in Edward's direction. Edward stared at the waitress, not moving a muscle. He still held the man off the floor by his neck. At first I thought it was shock that held Edward's gaze. But then I saw the growing pool of blood under her body.

"Edward, we have to go." I said as I slid along the wall, keeping as much distance as I could between the blood and myself. Flames were lapping at my throat. I could hear people rushing down the hall. Edward took a step toward the body.

"Edward." I took a step in his direction and he hissed at me.

"Mine."

"What are you?" Edward's captive managed. Edward's head snapped toward the man, his teeth bared. He ran his nose along the male's neck. There were sirens in the distance and the sound of more men in the hall.

I was at Edward's side. "Edward! Edward! No!"

He flinched at the sound of my voice, so close to his ear. "Carlisle, Esme! Think of Esme!" I saw his shoulders fall. "Get out of here for Esme!"

He let up his grip on the male just slightly. It was the opportunity I was looking for. I tore him from Edward's hand and threw him into the opposite wall.

"Go!" I pulled at Edward, punched through a window, and pushed him ahead of me into the ally. I didn't trust him to bring up the rear. In the ally, Edward was focused only on the broken, gaping basement window. I held him back. The sweet scent of blood wafted into the night air. We had to get away. But Edward pulled us both back across the ally toward the building. I tugged against him and he snarled and snapped at my hand.

"We have to go!"

The sirens were getting louder and we could hear the sound of men in the room below. "What the fuck?" a deep male voice exclaimed.

A flashlight beam was aimed at us. "Police!" I didn't want to have to kill an officer. I didn't know how many might have died in the room below. There was the waitress, but I may have crushed the other men in my haste.

I took Edward's face in both of my hands. "We. Must. Go. Now!" I saw something click back into place and suddenly Edward was behind those eyes again.

We both ran away from the light. We ran along the Hudson, leapt over the Harlem River into the stylish neighborhoods of the Bronx. We ran farther, faster, the smells of the waning civilization pushing and pulling us like two driven creatures of the night.

*

Edward charged ahead, past the sleepy Westchester hamlets, until civilization fell behind us and we were in the foothills of the Peekskill Mountains. He moved with grace and swiftness like wind through the trees. His muscles rippled under his clothes, his purchase on the ground, rocks, trees was sure, yet lighter than rain. He was hunting. And I was with Edward, the primale, and the leader of the hunt. His eyes raked over me, assessing his second, and with his teeth bared in acceptance we flew on, up into the trees, along branches, following not only scent but also the feel of vibrations on the wind.

And then, all at once the scent was on us. Many. Carnivores. Wolves. Five. With pups. Venom dripped down my chin, and we were the wind again, motion as effortless as a human heartbeat.

We were there. Upon them. The alpha stood tall with hairs bristling on her neck. Her seconds were two steps behind her. Two females barred us from the pups.

Edward lowered one of his heels to the ground behind him. It signaled that she was his. And then he was in the air and she fearlessly met him to save her brood. His mouth on her neck, hands pulling her forelegs wide, bones in her chest cracking, gracefully somersaulting over the wolf. She landed on her back, hind legs clawing, he pulled his torso away and she never touched him. And then one hand held her head firmly, purposefully, respectfully, as he sucked long and hard, no blood escaping, eyes heavy-lidded, hands clawing reflexively in and out like a kitten, his body shuddering in time with the beat of her heart, until she was dry.

*

We crouched on the banks of the Hudson to wash the blood from our fingernails and our faces. I didn't look Edward in the eye. There were too many emotions at war within myself; respect, horror, exhilaration, all mixed with the languid lull of bloody satisfaction. I couldn't trust which emotion might come to the forefront if I met the intensity of his gaze.

"We have to go to Carlisle now." I said as I kept my eyes trained on the rushing water.

"No." Edward said with authority born of the hunt. He grabbed hold of my hand under the water. "Everything is about to change. Please, give me an hour." And he pulled me by the hand to the grass of the riverbank. He stared at the black water in front of us.

"Carlisle won't be angry. These things happen. It could have been much worse," I explained to the trees, for I still couldn't look at Edward.

"Worse?"

Then we stared at one another. Edward's eyes were still on fire.

"We didn't save her. You saved him instead."

"I was saving you."

"You spent the night with that man?"

"Once."

"And if those thugs bring him to Carlisle's hospital, he would administer to that monster's wounds."

"That is the point of being a doctor. You don't judge your patients."

Edward shook his head and gritted his teeth.

"You didn't want him. If you did, I couldn't have kept you away."

"No. I still want him, Tanya. You're wrong." Edward paused before continuing. "Why are we supposed to walk through this world and do nothing to make it better? That is a curse as significant as damnation, or perhaps they are one and the same. Damned to bear evil for eternity."

"Edward, I have been on this earth for a long time. Evil will always make its home here. You can't take it away. One evil dies and a new evil is born. You're talking about a fruitless quest."

We settled into silence. The leaves in the trees rustled, the river burbled. Edward lay on his back and I followed suit.

"The stars here aren't like the ones in Denali. I haven't seen beauty like that since Alaska. Here, among humanity, I hear the minds of the indecent, the depraved. The city is dirty, the air is thick and gray."

"They say that when you are in love some of the darkness disappears, that the beauty of the world that emerges before you."

"Then I'm certainly not in love."

"No, you're not."

I tried a different angle. "The Buddhists believe there is equal measure of dark and light in everything. That within that male there is also an innocent boy. That within that waitress is also a harlot. That within each vampire, perhaps there lays an angel as well."

"I don't believe it." Edward turned to look at me. "Tanya, I'm afraid. I'm afraid for myself, for my family."

"You'll leave here. You will all be safe."

"That's not what I meant."

"Tell me that you'll take care of yourself, Edward." But he didn't answer.

*

I set off for Denali in the morning. Carlisle, Esme and Edward left immediately for the cottage they rented on Fire Island. The island would be completely isolated this time of year, and Carlisle hoped that would help Edward some. Both Carlisle and Esme were noticeably distressed by the situation, but were also relieved in some measure that Edward had chosen not to take a life. He had been pushed to the brink and had chosen well.

While I was in New York, telephone lines had made their way to our home in the Alaskan wilderness. Esme kept in touch often, and was quick to admit that she missed the company of another female. She confessed to me that Edward wasn't doing well in isolation. He would lie on his bed for days at a time. He despised the island deer, which was the only food the place had to offer. He didn't play the piano. And he had begun leaving them at night.

Esme feared he was making the trip back to Harlem. Carlisle tried to speak with him, and Edward would listen impassively.

I didn't know what to say to Edward. He didn't want to talk on the telephone. My letters either sounded overly maternal or alarmist. All I really wanted to say was, "I miss you," but somehow I never did.

It was one of the dark days in Alaska, just after the New Year when I received a parcel in the mail from Esme. I sat at the kitchen table to open it. Inside were the photos that Carlisle had taken at Esme's birthday party, blown up to considerable size. His toy camera had worked after all.

I leafed through the happy pictures; Esme smiling with her new locket, Esme overjoyed with the little picture of the cottage in her hands, one that I had taken of Carlisle and Esme in an embrace. But then there was one that stopped my breath. It was the photo Carlisle took of Edward at the piano, smiling up at me. It was the last time that I had seen that look in his eyes. They were full of love.

On the back Esme had written:

_Tanya,_

_You brought great love to our home. We all miss you and we hope to see you again soon._

_Esme_

I looked closely at Edward. I studied the way the camera caught the glinting rays of light coming off the edge of his teeth. I traced the golden halo around his irises, and saw the pain and pride held there. He had been on this earth for twenty-six years. But there was a depth in his eyes not often seen in those with less than a century under their belts. And this made him beautiful, so much more beautiful than his hair or his bone structure or his vampiric features did.

I studied the picture, making sure to memorize each detail, each pearl around my neck, the piano in the background, the shadows cast against the far wall. What a beautiful picture. And when I finally looked up I cast my eyes on our lovely little kitchen. Through the window over the sink I could see to the horizon, over the barren Arctic terrain. It was magnificent. The pale gray light of mid-day lit the dust motes in the air, and they sparkled with each of the colors of the rainbow. I could hear Carmen and Eleazar murmuring in the other room. The sound their voices made was amazing. The world around me glittered, it's beauty unmasked.

Five days letter Esme telephoned, frantic. Edward was gone.

* * *

**A/N: Don't let the name of the chapter fool you, it's not the end of the story, just the end of a period in Edward's life. **

**I want to thank the readers that have stuck by me through this. It's definitely a departure from Prelude, but rest assured it's all a part of a little plan of mine. The stories really will connect. And on an exciting note, I have Prelude's sequel all outlined. It's gonna happen! Now I just have to find a name, and the time to write two stories at once!**

**Finally, I want to thank HeatherT, msREDpen, Anabella Cullen and Jenna416. This is no Edward and Bella story, so sadly not much traffic. But your reviews with each chapter are so encouraging and really help me wade through the sadness that is Edward lately.**

**And everyone else, please review too! It will brighten my day like that picture did for Tanya! Thanks xxx, Marie **


	9. Missing

The wind was knocked out of me. My breath left my body forcibly, and I fell into a chair. There was crackling silence on both ends of the telephone line. I managed to recover enough to speak after three minutes.

"Esme."

"Yes." Her voice was desperate.

"What happened?"

"He didn't return home last Thursday."

"It's been six days!" I wasn't sure if I had closed my eyes or the world went black. I let the telephone receiver drop to the floor.

"Tanya?" I could hear Esme's tinny voice from the floor.

My breaths were coming quickly. I realized that my eyes were closed and made an effort to open them and pick up the phone.

"Tanya?"

I tried again. "What happened?"

"That first night he didn't come back we though maybe he was caught by the light of day. But the next morning he still hadn't returned. The third night Carlisle and I tracked his scent to Harlem, but we couldn't find him and we didn't want to ask humans if they had seen him. We didn't want to bring attention his way."

Esme stopped short. I knew there was more. I could hear her breathing at the other end of the line. When she continued her voice was high-pitched and quavering. "There were deaths, Tanya, murders. Edward's scent was there. Why would he be there?"

"_No. I still want him, Tanya. You're wrong."_

"I don't know."

"Carlisle wasn't sure that we should continue to look for him. He said that Edward was a man, and that he'd made his choice. And I know he's an adult, but I was afraid, Tanya. I still am. Edward was so unhappy, like somehow he'd lost sight of everything inside himself. I convinced Carlisle to come out with me again, but we always seemed to be one step behind him. Then the next night his scent was gone."

"Last night we were about to return home when we finally picked up his trail. It led us to the piers downtown, pier twenty-three. But his scent disappeared at the water's edge. I stayed rooted to the spot while Carlisle went to inquire about the ships that moored there. The last ship was a steamer bound for Southampton. It left eight hours before we arrived."

"Carlisle held me back from jumping. I struggled against him until we could see dawn's light on the horizon. I felt trapped. I didn't want to leave Edward's scent. Carlisle had to support me the whole way home."

"Tanya, he's really gone." Esme's voice went dead after she finished the story. There was nothing left to say.

I saw grayness creeping in from the periphery of my vision. There was buzzing in my ears and I noticed a strange sensation like I was separate from my body. I watched myself sitting in the chair. I looked so calm. But I didn't know how much longer I would be able to sit like that. "Thank you for telling me, Esme." I managed, with considerable difficulty, to sound polite. "Can I call you tomorrow?"

But I didn't give her a chance to answer. I dropped the receiver and ran. I had one wildly irrational thought and I focused on it, like it was an irrefutable truth. I convinced myself that it wasn't as bad as Esme made it sound. I pushed myself, my feet hardly hit the ground and I didn't bother taking the inconspicuous routes. Instead I ran over roadways, through trading outposts, and past the encampments of prospectors. Soon I was in the mountains, one peak looming higher than all the rest. The air grew colder and thinner as I climbed, and I noticed a paper thin sheen of ice covering my body before I was half way to the summit. When I reached the top of the mountain, I was a thing of snow and ice, my hair wild and frozen to my scalp and my face.

Desperately, I turned in circles, forcing my eyes to the horizon line around me. I thought that if I were high enough I would be able to see Edward. I was certain that this spot would give me what I needed. I thought that somehow Edward would have made sure of this. But as my overly acute eyes probed through the swirling grayness of the Denali winter, there was no hint of vampire as far as I could see. Then I was alone.

*

My world collapsed in on itself. It was as if someone had slammed shut a book of pop-up pictures. My beautiful three-dimensional world was suddenly flat and gray. I returned home slowly. I reasoned that I would find Edward myself. But my family wouldn't have it. They said they needed me and that I'd been gone too long already.

"Tanya, what would you do? He doesn't want to be found. If he wants you, he'll come here," Irina reasoned.

That truth hurt almost as much as the news of his absence. For the first time in my long vampire existence, I took to my bed.

My sisters brought me new clothing and tried to entice me with news of human males and interesting game. Carmen and Eleazar whispered about taking me abroad. I needed to be by the telephone. I seldom hunted farther than an hour or two from home. I counted days. I broke Edward's absence down into hours, minutes, and seconds. Then I added time back together again, into months and seasons.

I spoke to Esme as often as we could bear it.

Fourteen days: Carlisle sent word to Alistair and Siobhan, old acquaintances of his, to please let him know if they caught word of a young vampire from America. Esme and Carlisle were hopeful that they would hear news soon.

Thirty-three days: Esme hovered about the post office, waiting breathlessly. Her feet would take her there of their own accord. She would walk out to the eastern-most point of the small barrier island and look as hard as she could, always half expecting to see Edward swimming back to them. She never did.

Fifty-nine days: Esme spent her time on the beach, wandering and praying. She wasn't a God-fearing vampire, but needed the support of something bigger than herself to get through the hours of daylight. Carlisle took a leave of absence from work so that he could stay with her through the night.

Seventy-eight days: Esme and Carlisle returned to their home in Bronxville. They couldn't risk exposure at the beach house in the spring. Esme kept her eyes closed and her head down for the entire journey.

Three hundred sixty-five days: Esme wouldn't let them move from the house in Bronxville, even though they were pushing the limits of safety with their long residence. Carlisle coxed her with other possibilities, places she had always wanted to visit, but she refused. They stayed inside as much as possible to avoid suspicion.

Four hundred twenty days: I could no longer get a hold of Esme on the telephone. When I would call it would either ring, unanswered, or Carlisle would pick up. He told me he was glad to have someone to confide in. Esme was deteriorating.

Five hundred days: Carlisle transferred to a small hospital in a neighboring village so that he could be closer to Esme. He worked fewer shifts at night and spent his days nursing Esme, holding her, and coaxing her to hunt. Her eyes turned black, the circles under them were always deep purple and bruised. Neighbors whispered that she was ill.

One thousand seventy nine days: A teenager died in the emergency room on Carlisle's shift. He considered changing the boy. He had the fleeting idea that this would turn everything around for the family. They could start over. But then he realized they would have to move. Suddenly he knew that it wasn't just Esme that couldn't move on, it was him as well. Then Edward's loss hit him full on again, like it did that first day at the dock when he knew his boy was gone. He left his shift early, surprising everyone at the hospital by claiming that he was ill. He wandered the streets all night and never told Esme. He didn't want to hurt her more.

After this phone call I realized that we were all stuck. Vampires can't change their ways, they can't change whom they love, and they can't break the ties that bind. The only way we could get through this would be to find Edward. I knew the one vampire that could do it. I got myself up out of the bed and marched down to the sitting room to inform my family that I was going to Italy, to Volterra.

*

Eleazar jumped from his seat at the news.

"What do you mean to do, Tanya?"

"Demetri can find him. Demetri can find anyone. I've known him for many years. He would do this for me, I am sure."

"Tanya, if you go to the council we would be in their debt. You would make our families more vulnerable than they already are. And God help Edward if the Volturi finds him. Do you think they would just let him go?" Eleazar's eyes were wide and wild.

"Then we'll ask another tracker. We've met many over the years. I've heard mention of one named James."

He shook his head emphatically. "Trackers owe allegiance to no one except the hunt. They can't be trusted."

"But Esme is past the point of desperation. Surely she'll do something to bring attention to her and Carlisle."

"It's Esme you're worried for, sister?"

"I don't know why you don't want Edward found, Eleazar. I thought you always liked the boy. I don't need your approval. I am the head of this family." I turned to call Esme. This had gone on long enough. We would find him.

Eleazar was across the room and grabbed hold of my arm. "No Volturi. No trackers. I will go."

*

Carmen and I set out for our journey across the great northern tundra the day after I spoke with Tanya. There was no reason to wait.

There were eight of us animal-feeding vampires in the world, living by our principles and our wits. Both of our clans were in disarray, and one of us was missing. Carlisle and Esme had stayed in the same place for far too long. Nothing could convince Esme to move, and I think she would welcome discovery and death before she put any more space between herself and the boy.

Our clan had been without a head for years while Tanya consorted with the boy in New York. Every clan needs a leader. Vampires are far too contentious to live cooperatively. Irina and Kate bickered over men and Carmen and I fell into isolation within our own household. We were near striking out on our own when Tanya returned.

But a month had scarcely elapsed when news came that the boy had left. After that it was worse for us than when Tanya was physically gone. For not only were we left to oversee ourselves, but we were also put upon to take care of Tanya and endure her moods.

Carmen and I had many discussions about whether or not to leave during this time. But even if we saved ourselves, I was concerned about the weakened state of our allies. I wasn't sure that Carmen and I were strong enough to exist as the only two of our kind.

I had worked with the Volturi for over one hundred years, searching out those among us with rare powers. Aro, the head of the Volturi, was a collector of the unique and powerful among us. He could see the thoughts of others, but Edward's powers were far superior to his. In fact, they were beyond anything I had encountered before, and I had encountered much in my time on this earth. I knew what lengths Aro would go to in order to keep Edward for himself. The only alternative I saw was that he might be jealous enough to find reason to end the boy's life.

I knew of Aro's disdain for Carlisle and his lifestyle. I also knew of his contempt for my three sisters, or the cattle-consorts, as he would call them. (No matter that many of the Volturi had engaged in similar practices from time to time.) They would welcome knowledge of our handicap and work to use it to their advantage.

When Tanya came to me, eyes bright with hope about her plan to consult with Demetri, I was appalled. I'm certain Demetri could find the boy, but nothing good would come of it.

Tanya didn't seem convinced, and I was worried beyond measure that she would plant ideas into Esme's fragile mind. The women were desperate. These bonds of love worried me. All vampires felt this for their mates, but this other familial bond was very strong within our two clans. I was worried that maybe we had impaired ourselves with this love, with this lifestyle. If the departure of one young vampire could bring down two families, how would we ever survive?

So I proposed leaving to search of our young friend. I had worked with him on his powers for a month. I knew the feel of his brain as it probed the air around him. I knew his scent, and I had tracked talented vampires for years. I was the one among us that was best suited for this mission.

Tanya threw herself at me after I made my offer, and held me for far longer than I was comfortable with.

"Tanya, I must go and inform Carmen. We'll leave at once."

*

My heart was heavy as we traveled eastward over the ice. It had taken Carmen and I many years to find our new clan. With each step I worried that I was unraveling that journey, making it in reverse, over the ice, over the ocean, and back to my native land.

I arranged for transport on a ship that bore us to the British Isles, for that was our only lead. I padded the pockets of crewmembers to allow for the transport of livestock in the hold. It would be the only way to sanely travel across the sea while avoiding the blood of humans.

But on our arrival there was no sign, scent or sense of the boy. Questions among others of our kind elicited curiosity at the appearance of our eyes, but no information about Edward. I was left with my intuition alone, something I had followed faithfully when I worked for the Volturi.

Instinct took us across the English Channel, away from the ocean and into the Black Forest. This was a contentious period in Europe's history. Nations had sprung up overnight. They were formed from afar by councils and treaties, but the humans within these borders were age-old enemies. Leaders were appointed, then overthrown by armies, and then voted out by popular revolts. Humans were on the move as the borders of their homelands shifted for the first time in hundreds of years. Discontent was rising. An old order was falling. This was the perfect environment for a vampire and his misdeeds to go unnoticed.

I felt the pull of our old land, where the oldest among us still called home. I didn't know what brought me here, whether it was Tanya herself, or the language she and Edward spoke to one another, or just something in my vampire DNA. But each night I pulled Carmen farther into the land of our forefathers, where our existence was still considered more fact than legend by many of the human inhabitants.

And it was here, at the base of the Carpathian Mountains, in the small hamlet of Byztherczebana that I first felt the tremor in the air that I recognized as Edward. His scent was faint, but it hung in a narrow ally on the edge of town. Carmen and I walked in the shadows, peering down pathways, trying to identify the spot where it was strongest. We walked in the shadow of a rundown boarding house and surprised thickset peasant woman as she returned with a bucket of water.

Carmen and I kept still and trained our eyes on the ground in hopes that she would move on without alarm.

"Strigoi!" she shouted as she ran for the shelter of the house. "Strigoi, strigoi!" "Come quick, bring garlic! Strigoi!"

Doors along the ally began to open and Carmen and I ran into the foothills. Humans with garlic meant nothing to us, but we weren't here to create a commotion. We didn't want to draw the attention of the Volturi.

We took to the mountains, heading west into the highlands, following Edward's smell the best we could. His scent lingered in small towns nestled among the foggy, moss-covered crags, and circled medieval castles. Carmen and I feasted on bear, lynx and wild boar to build our strength and aid in our pursuit. Finally, Edward's trail turned abruptly southward along the Tisza River, and we made our way into the northern hills of Magyarorszag, in the shadow of the blue-hued Mount Kekes.

We waited until nightfall to enter the city of Miskolc. It was the largest human settlement that we had encountered in our time in the old country. This piece of land was prized for its natural resources, and in the past ten years it had traded hands three times. Its population had tripled, its factories belched smoke, its inhabitants were growing poorer instead of richer. I could feel Edward in the air around us.

We took a room at a small rough inn, and I made Carmen wait behind. We were closer to Edward than we had been during our entire trek, and it was dangerous to pursue a vampire, no matter former friend or ally. I walked through the main square, and was then drawn to the south. There, low limestone caves had been turned to wine cellars and drinking rooms. Men black with coal from the mines mixed with street musicians, merchants and the odd woman of the night.

The road wound along the caverns and around a bend, where the people and the lights didn't follow. I saw a human male streak past me, holding his pants up with his hand. My body shuddered; I was close. Now that there was no one to watch me I moved with vampire speed. Around the backside of the rock wall, a door was hanging open. Several young girls peeked out through the doorway. They were dressed in women's petticoats, their lips and cheeks were rouged and their eyelashess were blackened with coal. They sported tattered ribbons in their stringy hair. When they caught sight of me, they jumped and scattered and cowered in the corners.

I smelled the blood before I reached the doorway. The cave was low, long and narrow, with cells carved into the soft rock on either side. Along the back wall two men lay on the floor in a heap. But there was no blood; their necks had simply been broken. Surely I smelled blood?

That's when I noticed a very soft human noise. It was the sniffle of a human child covering his mouth. It was something I hadn't heard in many years. I followed this sound around an outcropping of rock and found a narrow opening. Inside was a very small boy curled in the corner, wearing a dress. He had shallow cuts on his arms, and along one cheek. He didn't bother to look up as I entered, but shivered and shook in his spot.

The man was on the ground, his pants around his knees, a knife in his hand, and a bloody wound on his neck. But his neck hadn't been bled dry. Instead, the blood pooled underneath him and clung in clots to the hair on his head. High in the wall was an iron grate that had been punched out. There were only a few creatures on this earth that would have been able to do that. One was vampire.

I pulled myself through the grating; Edward's scent was strong. I followed his trail using my fastest human walk and grew nervous as I began to recognize his target. He was going straight for the boarding house I left Carmen at. I picked up my pace and made it there in minutes. I threw open the front door and collided with the proprietor as I entered.

"Sir!" He looked flustered and frightened.

"My apologies," I spat with haste as I pushed the man out of my way.

"But sir, I have a message for you."

I spun around. "A young … gentleman left this for you."

He held out a shaky hand holding a rough scrap of paper. I retrieved it quicker than I should have. The man jumped.

_I am alive._

_I am moving on._

_Now please leave._

*

Carmen and I arrived at the Cullen's house in Bronxville almost a year to the day after we'd first set out on our journey. It hurt me to see them; both were shadows of their former selves. They strained to smile at us and make us feel welcome, and then clung to each other when we told them of our journey. I left out much of my experience in Miskolc, but told Carlisle in confidence after Esme had left with Carmen.

Carmen asked if we could stay on for a time in hopes that she could bring some solace to Esme. Carmen coaxed her out of the house for long walks and shopping trips. They would spend long hours reading each other poetry, or playing checkers, one of Esme's favorites. Then one day as Carlisle and I returned home from the hunt we stopped in our tracks on the doorstep. Inside we could hear Esme laughing. Carlisle let his head fall forward and closed his eyes. When he turned to look at me he was smiling.

The next night Carmen and I were packing to leave when I felt a sudden change in the air. It didn't make any sense, but the feeling grew stronger. Carmen's head snapped in my direction. She knew when I could sense something.

"What is it, love?"

"I don't know. It feels like… It must be witchcraft of some kind. Carlisle and Esme should be informed." But even as I rushed to the landing, the vibrations grew stronger. I ran to the stairs. Carlisle was on the third floor, and Esme was on the first.

"Carlisle, Esme!" I called with urgency. The air was pulsing around me. This was stronger than I'd felt in all of Europe.

They each were at the stairs.

"Eleazar, what is it?" Carlisle asked.

"Someone's coming," I started to say. But I was too late. There was a quick knock at the door.

I heard Esme gasp. Carlisle was at her side. Then a cold gust of winter air blew through the door jam and into the house.

"Aah!" Esme clutched Carlisle as he threw open the door. Edward stood on doorstep, his head down, with his hands in his tattered pockets.

Esme charged at him, hugging him to her, and burying her head in his chest. We could all hear Edward suck in a chest full of air with her touch. It sounded almost like a hiss. His body tensed and he clenched his jaw. Carlisle took a few deep breaths before walking over to the pair. He hesitated before putting out his hand to touch Edward's arm. But after that touch he could no longer remain aloof. He pulled the boy and Esme into his arms, ignoring Edward's rigid posture. Eventually, Edward was able to relax a bit.

"Edward." Esme coaxed.

He hesitantly lifted his head to reveal dusky orange eyes. He tried to look away, but Esme caught his chin in her hand and forced him to look at her.

"I tried to stay away until they changed back, but I couldn't keep myself from you any longer."

"My boy." The utterance was breathed more than spoken, and I could feel Carlisle's accumulated tension released like a puff of smoke into the night air. Carlisle pulled Edward to him, holding him tightly in his arms. "You could always come to us."

"Carlisle, I was wrong. I was so wrong." Edward pulled himself free. "Would you take me back?"

"We never let you go, my boy."

"Do you still want me?"

Esme took him by the hand and gently pulled him toward the doorway. "Please, come in." From behind me, I heard Carmen run down the stairs. Edward flinched and his head snapped up, and he took a step away from the house. I caught Carmen midway down the first flight of stairs and held her to me. We stayed vampire still.

Esme gently led Edward into the sitting room. She took both of his hands in hers and pulled him down to the divan. Edward sat awkwardly and he was unable to make eye contact with her. But Esme couldn't take her eyes off of him.

Carlisle walked to the far end of the room and clutched the windowsill. I could tell that he was trying to gather himself together.

"Please forgive me." Edward whispered.

Esme began taking short, sharp breaths and looked for all the world like she was crying. She placed her hand gently behind Edward's head, and bent her head so that she could look into his orange eyes.

Edward seemed to melt with the warmth of her gaze. His posture softened and in one fluid motion he laid his head on her lap, wrapped his arms around her waist, and hid his face. He drew his knees up to his chest. Esme ran her hand through his hair and hummed something soft and sweet that I couldn't place.

I tugged Carmen by the arm and we retired upstairs.

* * *

**A/N: Please review! **

**That chapter took me through rough psychological terrain, and your words would help brighten my day. Marie**


	10. Damned

I could feel Edward's presence before I heard the soft knock on the chamber door. I squeezed Carmen's hand and she nodded her head and pressed her lips together in an understanding smile.

I met the boy on the landing. It was difficult for him to meet my eyes. "Could we walk, Eleazar?"

"Of course."

From the back door we plunged into the forested yard. "It's become wild with neglect." Edward observed, as we picked our way over roots and around over grown hedges. I glanced at him and saw the corners of his mouth fall into a frown. He flinched with my gaze and I looked away.

I keep a respectful distance from the boy. I hadn't seen Edward since Denali in nineteen twenty-two, almost nine years ago. It was plain that he was no longer the same boy that would playfully toss a football, or impress women with his piano playing. He held himself stiff and erect and wouldn't meet my eyes. Everything about him was somber, serious and subtly menacing, even to one as old and experienced as myself.

"You followed me?"

"I found you. But I left when you asked me to."

"Thank you for that."

We fell into silence and I enjoyed the dappled rays of sunlight that fell onto my skin. I could sense there was something else that Edward needed to say, and I gave him his time.

"I wanted to speak to you before you left. Carlisle is understanding and forgiving, but he's never…"

"Yes. I sometimes wonder if he's truly vampire. The man deserves his status as legend."

"And the other legend in my life. I can't speak with her yet, although she deserves it."

"Tanya knows you're back. I telephoned."

"Thank you." The boy looked at me hesitantly, deciding whether or not to continue.

"Edward, I lived that life for many years. You can tell me anything."

We walked again in silence. I saw Edward's mind working, and he seemed about to begin several times before he actually spoke. "It felt so good at first. The sensation was amazing. It was the only time in my existence as a vampire that I felt like I was being myself. I was so strong, so full of life. I lived by my senses, and they were more acute than they had ever been. Colors were brighter, my hearing was more acute, scents more intense. Everything was heightened."

"After the first ones, I thought I was right. There was a faint nagging doubt in the back of my head, but I was sure it was a result of Carlisle and Esme following me about. I left them behind as best I could. I was determined to live by my newfound ideas of right and wrong, and through being myself, leave the world a better place."

"Some would consider it noble."

Edward looked me in the eyes for the first time. "What would you call it?"

I couldn't lie to the boy. He'd know.

"Murder."

Edward nodded. "Yes, that's the word."

"The voices never went away. It wasn't just Carlisle or Esme. As I grew physically stronger, my mind deteriorated. I loathed myself, all the while becoming more determined to prove I was right. This conflict consumed me, and everything else fell away. Eleazar, it got to the point that I couldn't walk the streets. People knew. I gave into it and I did my best to live by instinct alone. But instinct doesn't make a distinction between the innocent and the guilty. I was left to think about the hunt and who I would take. And I lost more of myself with each meal. Now I don't know that there's anything human left in me."

"When I first heard your thoughts, I thought I had finally driven myself insane. But when I realized that it was actually you, I was devastated. I saw how far I'd fallen. I could no longer deny what I'd done."

Edward stopped suddenly.

"_What had you done?"_

"I took the vilest of humanity and made it a part of who I was. I concentrated evil inside of myself, but the world still grew darker around me. I hadn't fixed anything. I knew I could never be the same again and that I was alone. I felt what it meant to be damned."

Edward's hands were clenched into fists and his arms were wound around himself. His eyes were dull and unfocused. He looked profoundly sad.

"I'd grown so sick by the time you were tracking me. That night you followed me in Miskolc was my last… murder. I'd picked up the man's thoughts in the mountains. He was a monster so vile, I convinced myself that it might prove to you, to everyone, to myself even, that I'd been right. I moved as fast as possible to save his intended victim. I nearly didn't make it and killed two guards just to make my way to the man."

"I pulled him away from the boy before he could... But even as I was draining the life from the man, he was envisioning the most horrible, disgusting scenario. I would give my life to forget his mind, but I never will. I believe it will always haunt me. With each swallow I had more of that creature inside of myself. And I threw the man on the floor and spat out his blood."

"That's when I really looked at the boy. He was frozen in a silent scream. His mind cried out for someone to help him get away… _from me_. I started to tell him it was all right, but at the sound of my voice, he started pulling out his hair and scratching at his face. He pulled himself into a ball and started shaking and rocking. I didn't rape that boy, but I ruined him in my own way."

Edward had stopped walking, his arms still wrapped around himself. He sank to the ground, and sat with his knees pulled up to his chest. I sat gingerly next to him and reached out to touch his arm. But Edward jumped and pulled away.

"I didn't want you to see me. I told you to go. But it was worse with your absence. I was haunted by the thought that my family might somehow still want me. I told myself to stay away, that they deserved better, but I moved westward and haunted shipyards. Before I knew it I was hiding in the hold of a ship bound for Boston. I nearly went insane surrounded by so many humans in such close quarters with nothing else to feed on. But I endured it without throwing myself overboard, only because I wanted so badly to see them again."

"I wasn't sure what I expected when I returned. But I hurt us all. To see how much pain I caused…"

"That puts it mildly, my boy. You nearly destroyed Esme and Tanya. Carlisle held it together somehow, but-" I stopped when I realized that Edward was holding his breath. He was staring at me, anguished.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything."

"No, it's good to know." Edward stood to his feet, and as I rose, my hand brushed against him again. Edward flinched.

"Until last night, I hadn't touched anyone except those I'd fed on for nearly five years." Edward paused before continuing. "Eleazar, I don't know how to live with myself anymore."

"As vampires we have no choice but to live with ourselves. Eventually you will find the way that's best for you."

"When I came here, I thought maybe I would just let them know I was alive. But I love them, and although I don't deserve it, they love me. I can't leave. But I'm possessed with fear that I might hurt them again."

"There's no magic solution to this, my boy. You must take it day by day and do the best you can. I wish I had a better answer. But this is the only one I know. Eventually you may live long enough that the good outweighs the bad."

"Have you lived that long?"

"Not yet."

* * *

**A/N: I know this one is short. But it just ended here. The next one is already in the works. **

**Do I dare ask you to review? I do. m**


	11. Remorse

We closed up the house and set out for an undecided location to the north as quickly as possible. Esme and Carlisle had been in Bronxville for eight years, and could waste no time in moving on. If anything happened to them due to my absence I wouldn't be able to live with myself. As it was, living with myself was proving to be a daily challenge.

But it was a challenge I pushed to the back of my mind. My own mental health was something that in all likelihood couldn't be fixed, no matter what the emerging psychoanalysts of the day might say. The more pressing issue was what I had wrought on my family; the only beings in the world that cared to love me. I couldn't live without their love, and I was in their debt for taking me back. I certainly didn't deserve their acceptance. I wouldn't hurt them anymore.

So I concentrated on my family foremost. Esme longed to see me happy. I remembered how happy looked, and forced myself to smile. I did my best to stop myself from flinching when she touched me or looked into my eyes. Facing her was the most difficult thing I forced myself to do, because I wasn't certain how well I could hide the evil in my eyes. It wasn't only their color that gave me away. I hadn't looked at myself in well over a year, and there was a reason for that.

Every day Esme warmed me with her love, and I bore it with pain. It was wrong to let her love me, a monster in their midst. But as the days wore into weeks I saw Esme grow brighter with my presence. I had to constantly stop myself from telling her that she was wrong. I was nothing to celebrate.

Carlisle's pride in my return left me ashamed. I knew myself too well to believe there was anything within me worthy of that man's good will. I didn't want to Carlisle to feel he was wrong when he decided to take me thirteen years ago, but I had my doubts. I could never aspire to be like him.

Simply put, I knew that I needed Carlisle and Esme, and that against all odds, my presence brought them a measure of peace. I was determined to make it as right for them as possible.

*

We followed the Hudson north to the Mohawk River, and then moved into the Finger Lakes region. We had no plans. Carlisle had no job lined up. We were looking for something elusive, a fresh start.

One night a month into our trip, Carlisle and Esme left me on the banks of Conesus Lake to hunt. They ran into the night, following the Genesee River north. I wouldn't join them in search of prey. In the weeks following my return, I hunted in fear of myself. The darkness was only barely held at bay, the bloodlust within me had multiplied exponentially. It was a measure of what had been lost, and I wouldn't let them witness it if I failed.

Autumn came early at this latitude, and brown leaves fell about me as I sat on the bank of the river. I fell into vampiric stillness and let the 'happy' fall from my face. I let go of all pretenses and was glad for the reprieve. I let the night pass over and around me. Leaves drifted downward and littered my legs and fell in my hair. A chill breeze blew across my face and found its way through the fabric of my clothing. I could smell a small herd of white tailed deer to the northwest. The scent made my stomach turn uneasily and elicited only a small trickle of venom. My mind conjured pictures of humans before me and then the venom flowed. I buried my head in my hands and tried to block it out.

I heard two sets of whisper soft footsteps approaching silently. I heard their thoughts before I could pick up their scent.

"_Edward!" _Esme called silently. "_You must come. We've found it."_

I was on my feet. They were back too soon. Esme ran to me and grabbed my hand, smiling. Her eyes were still black; she hadn't fed. Carlisle waited for us on a rise.

"Found what?"

"Come see Rochester."

Even after nightfall, Rochester was a bustling little city. It was nestled between the Erie Canal and Lake Ontario. Carlisle explained that The University of Rochester had recently expanded its campus, and had added a music school, a dental school and a medical school. The Eastmans were city benefactors, paving the way for new libraries and theaters. Despite the depression that held many cities in its grip, his largess helped Rochester's local newspapers, flourmills, and breweries keep their doors open and many in their employ.

I bore the sights of the city stoically. I wasn't sure that I could live among humans. Esme's eyes were on me, and I attempted a smile. My throat burned as the rich scent of human blood coursed through the bodies of the innocents around me.

"This isn't the best part, Edward," Esme explained patiently. Again she took my hand, and we walked at a human's pace, heading north through the city streets. I kept my eyes on the ground, swallowing venom with each step. The downtown faded behind us, and finally the grasp of the city with its coal smoke and hot human blood loosened its grip as well. Dawn's light brightened the air as we walked on.

I could hear it before I saw it: the sound of small waves lapping at a flat shore, and the scrape of course sand. The trees grew small and sparse, and the grass bent to the ground under the force of a damp wind. Our feet made little noise treading over the fallen leaves. And then before us was a gray-blue expanse of water that met the horizon. Lake Ontario. Something stirred deep within myself. A quick blurry picture appeared in my mind's eye. A small bronze headed boy gazed out at sailboats on an endless gray-blue lake. Fluffy white clouds rolled through the turquoise sky, and a cool gust of wind blew a cap off the boy's head. The cap tumbled through the air, along with twirling orange autumn leaves. A pair of strong, slender hands caught the cap, and the boy raised his head to see the smiling face of his-

The image was gone in the space of a second. I closed my eyes tight and breathed the cool damp air. I felt Esme's eyes on me.

"Carlisle, Edward has decided it. We'll stay here. Let's find a house outside of Rochester on Lake Ontario."

*

This time of year it was relatively simple to find an unwanted vacation home in the wilds of Irondequoit near the lake. Esme's eyes sparkled as she dreamed of grand alterations for the old place. Carlisle slipped into a position at Strong Memorial Hospital, and Esme even began taking free architectural classes offered in the evenings by the Rochester Athenaeum and Mechanics Institute. I agreed to enroll at the University of Rochester, but the spring semester was over two months off. I spent many hours at the lakeshore, in an attempt to recover more memories from my fleeting humanity. I replayed the memory of Lake Michigan in the fall over and over again, hoping to hold on long enough to see Elizabeth Masen's face. My mother. What would she think if she knew me now? Would she shrink away in fear?

While the memory of her face was a fleeting shadow, the values she imparted in me had been woven into the fabric of who I was. But I'd pretended to ignore them. Even before I left Carlisle and Esme, I had plunged myself into a world full of darkness and immorality. I had been vain. I enjoyed seeing the looks of humans as they snuck glances of Tanya and I as we were seated. I enjoyed their thoughts as they coveted one or the other of us. I could see where I'd gone wrong.

On the banks of Lake Ontario I vowed anew to try to live up to my human mother's sense of right and wrong. I'd be the gentleman that she raised me to be, albeit one that thirsted for the blood of humans, and that committed one hundred and eight murders over the course of four and a half years. I had much to atone for. I had a long time to get it right.

I was lost in thought and hidden among a cluster of white cedars when Carlisle broke my reverie.

"So this is where you disappear to?" There was no need for me to answer. "Do you mind if I join you?"

"No." I looked away. It was still difficult to be alone with Carlisle. We'd spent the better part of three years together, but I couldn't bear how much I'd let him down. It was easier to escape, or to hide behind Esme's presence.

"I want you to know that you can come to me with anything."

"Thank you," I replied, knowing full well that I wouldn't do any such thing.

"You pass a great deal of time out here, alone."

"Yes."

"Son, what can we do for you?"

"You've done too much already. Anything else would hurt more than help."

"Edward, there is nothing I wouldn't do for you. Do you understand that?"

"No, I don't understand. After everything that I put you through, after the way I hurt and betrayed you, considering what I've done."

"It means more to me that you wanted to return. I have more respect for that than if you went along with my ideals against your better judgment."

"But have I returned? I don't think you know what turned up on your doorstep, Carlisle."

"I do. It was my son, Edward. The same intelligent boy that brought me out of isolation and brightened my days for the first time in over two hundred years."

"Carlisle, you saved that boy for as long as you could, but I made quick work of ruining him."

"Edward, it takes time. All of us need time. I hope that this place can heal us. The lake here is special to you, I can see that. You and Esme both spent human years along a northern lake. This may be good for your soul. This city offers each of us something, work, music, school. We can be a family again, be made whole."

"I appreciate your effort more than you know, father. But I'm afraid that if there was any chance of my having a soul, I've irrevocably destroyed it. This lifestyle kept something human alive in me. But I lost that, I had to, when I killed those humans. In order to hold on to sanity I had to release my humanity. How does one re-learn being human? It would be a charade."

Carlisle's intense golden eyes pierced the misty December air. His lips were pursed, his hands folded in front of him.

"It wasn't my intention to worry you. I'm sorry, Carlisle. I didn't return to bring you more pain. I'll work harder at this. I'll make you proud."

Carlisle put his hand on my shoulder. I trembled only slightly at his touch and counted this as a victory of sorts. "Perhaps you need to get out more. All of this time alone with yourself. I know you boy. You can drive yourself mad with your own thoughts."

I grinned despite myself.

"You see? Some things don't change." Carlisle smiled back at me. "The hospital is holding a fund raising gala for the winter holidays. As the newest senior staff member, they would like my family to be in attendance. As you can imagine, they are very curious. It would be a great help to me if you would be there. You may enjoy it, I hear there will be music."

I felt chilled to the bone. I knew I'd do this for Carlisle, but I feared for the people at this event, and for Carlisle's future if my willpower didn't hold. "Of course, Carlisle. If you want me there, I'll certainly attend." I attempted to smile in his direction. It felt hollow on my face.

*

I'd never been to the hospital before. It was a very grand structure, only five years old. It was commissioned under the auspices of bringing the most modern medical sciences to the common man. Carlisle, with his twin passions in afterlife being modern medical science and the common man, was quite in love with his work there.

The lobby was stately by hospital standards. It had high ceilings lit with chandeliers, mahogany walls, a large fireplace, and floor to ceiling windows that let in what little light there was in December this far to the north. It had been decorated with red and green baubles, holly was wrapped around banisters and anything remotely cylindrical, and candles twinkled on a large fir tree in the corner of the room. A small male played bland music on a stand up piano in the corner.

All of Rochester society was obviously squeezed into the room. The humans held themselves with importance. The hospital counted on donors to keep its doors open, and those assembled here clearly thought themselves superior for the part they played in it. Women were draped in rich velvets and lace, and the men wore suits in dark rich fabrics that showed that there was no need for them to scrimp on cloth. Mr. Eastman held court in the corner, huddled uncomfortably in a wheelchair, with an expression on his face that was equal part pride and pain. Carlisle had mentioned to me that he'd been treating the man for a malady of the spinal column.

I kept myself close to Esme and Carlisle and we stood intentionally on the sidelines. I pressed my back and hands against the cool wall, my eyes toward the ground. However, the hospital's CMO seemed to think that a look at the new cosmopolitan doctor from New York City might secure more funding from his donors. He saw fit to send a phalanx of Rochester's wealthiest women our way, and they towed their husbands along behind them. I kept my breathing shallow as humans crowded in on us. They kept a few feet of cautious distance, all the while gazing at us in a somewhat stunned and curious manner.

The thoughts of these humans were all of a similar vein. I was more concerned with holding myself in place, and smiling and nodding at the appropriate moments.

"_My, that new doctor and his family are stunning."_

"_His wife and her brother aren't seen much about town. I'll invite them to the country club. And maybe I'll get them a seat in the adjoining box at the opera."_

"_If everyone in New York City looks like that, I'm telling Lucian that we must move immediately."_

"_I'm changing doctors. I want mine to look like him."_

"_I hear the doctor works nights. I wonder if I could keep his wife occupied?"_

"_How old do you think that boy is? Is the doctor's brother-in-law a bachelor?"_

I stood amidst the din of thoughts and the murmur of voices with my jaw clenched and my hands balled behind my back. With each shallow breath, fire consumed my throat and venom coated my mouth. But among the clatter of thoughts, I must say that there was one voice that stood out from the rest and distracted me from myself.

"_I hate them. Each is more perfect than the rest. I'm just going to pretend that I never saw them. They don't come out much, thank God. People would forget about me if they did."_ I couldn't keep the smirk from my face and cast my eyes about to see whom that voice might come from. It didn't take me long to find the owner of the thoughts.

"Royce, I said no," The voice hissed out loud. Only a vampire would have heard the whispered entreaty.

"But Rose darling, I want to show you off. I'm sure there is no one finer than you in the entirety of New York City."

"Please, I don't want to meet them." Then she continued silently, "_Because they're the only people I've ever seen that put me to shame._"

"Darling, you're coming with me. Now be good."

A pale man with thin blond hair towed a tall blonde woman in our direction, his hand holding her elbow in a vice-like grip. "Dr. Cullen, Mrs. Cullen, it's so lovely to finally make your acquaintance. My name is Royce King the third. You might know my father from the board of directors."

Carlisle nodded politely. "How do you do, Mr. King?"

"I'd like to present to you my fiancé, Rosalie Hale." The man pushed his fiancé forward like he was showing off a prized possession.

Rosalie stared at the three of us defiantly as her fiancé and Carlisle exchanged pleasantries. When her blue eyes fell on me she smiled, shook her long blonde hair and stood a little taller. "_Take that,"_ she thought. I didn't know what exactly she wanted me to take. I managed a weak grin in her direction.

My reaction appeared to make her angry. _"He thinks he's too good for me? I'm Rosalie Hale, and _this_ is my fiancé."_

But even as she said this, she threw her chest out and batted her eyelashes in my direction. I was mildly disturbed by the couple and checked my watch. There was at least another hour of this to go.

Rose tugged at Royce's elbow. "Dear, there are many other hospital employees that we should visit with." _"These people are intolerable. I hope to never see them again."_

"What a beautiful girl." Esme murmured to Carlisle.

I couldn't help but chuckle.

* * *

**A/N: Hey guys. If any of you Prelude fans are out there, you know how hard it is for me to stay out of Edward's head. Seeing this tortured Edward has made me realize what an amazing change Bella brought to his life. If you read this story with that in mind, it's not _so_ sad. And I couldn't help but love Rose seeing her like this. **

**Thanks for the reviews that trickle in. Please let me know what you think. Review? Please!**


	12. Resurfacing

**A/N: Many thanks to CullenWannabe for talking me through the Cullen family's dysfunction. She's gone from reader to assistant vampire psychologist, and I couldn't be more grateful!**

* * *

I surprised Carlisle by enrolling into pre-medicine classes at the University of Rochester. Both he and Esme had assumed I would prefer the Eastman School of Music. I couldn't speak to them about that. There were some discussions that I couldn't have without fear of hurting them, or saying something about myself that I couldn't take back. I didn't explain to them that I couldn't play the piano. It cut too close to my soul. I was afraid that opening myself up emotionally in that manner would result in splintered wood, a trail of dead humans, and two broken-hearted vampires. I would not do it.

Time passed and I felt I was doing as well as I could by my family. Life settled into a careful pattern. I dutifully attended classes, and the other students passed safely into and out of the lecture hall. Each night I hung in the back of class, practicing breathing and self-restraint. If it weren't for Carlisle, I would never have threatened the students with my close proximity. While my body could never ignore the humans around me, I worked to shut my mind off to them. I saw the necessity of keeping our lives separate from theirs. Carlisle might find solace in close contact, but he was an exception.

While my evenings were spent in class, my days were usually spent hidden among the cedars on the lake. As I walked along the water's edge, I saw myself reflected back in the cold slate-blue water, flat and empty. Often my mind would stray back to the night Tanya and I lied on the shore of the Hudson. That night I'd lamented that I didn't see the beauty around me anymore. If only I'd known. There was so much more I stood to lose.

Carlisle, Esme and I also fell into our pattern of gathering in the early morning after Carlisle returned home from his shift. I enjoyed watching Esme run into Carlisle's arms when he would return home, like the two hadn't seen each other in weeks. Carlisle would recount his evening's notable cases, and Esme would talk about her classes at RAMI, or explain her latest plans for the restoration of our house. I seldom found anything to add to their happy chatter, and they kindly left me to stare into a book, uninterrupted.

It was a morning such as this when something Carlisle mentioned managed to catch my attention.

Carlisle was rehashing the evening as he hung his coat and hat. "It was uneventful. Even the emergencies were quite easily handled. A sprained ankle, a case of bronchitis, a small boy brought in by his sitter with a bump to the head."

Carlisle crossed the room to give Esme a hug. "I missed you. There was something about that little boy and the woman that brought him in. She was so frightened for him, and treated him with such tenderness. It was touching." Carlisle held Esme to him. I listened to his thoughts as he compared Esme's love with the love the woman at the hospital showed the boy. "And we've met her," Carlisle added almost as an afterthought.

"We have?" Esme asked, looking up at Carlisle.

"Yes, at the hospital gala. Rosalie Hale."

My eyes snapped up at the name.

Carlisle noticed my interest.

"You remember her, son?"

"_I hate them. Each is more perfect than the rest. I'm just going to pretend that I never saw them. They don't come out much, thank God. People would forget about me if they did."_

I smirked. "Well, yes. Her thoughts cut through all the others at that gathering that evening. She certainly felt differently about our family than anyone else in that room."

"And she was so pretty," Esme added. "She must be a remarkable individual to posses such beauty, original thoughts, and to care for that boy so."

I just shook my head, not wanting to tarnish the woman's name. She should be free to have whatever private thoughts she wanted, however distasteful they might be.

*

I was returning from class one blustery night in early spring. The weather hadn't changed yet and the cold wind stung my face and sent snow cascading over the frozen ground. I was about a mile from the house when I heard Carlisle and Esme conversing, their voices carried on the wind. Something about the hushed urgency of their words made me stop in my tracks and listen.

"Perhaps he needs more time? It hasn't been two years, Carlisle."

"There's been no change, Esme. As vampires, our natures become fixed easily. I'm afraid the pattern has been set."

"That sounds so fatalistic. You spent two hundred years alone, and something stirred in you to change."

"I was lonely, and there was something about the boy. I saw such light in him, even amidst all of the death in that hospital, that I had to have him. And then of course, my love, I saw you and that changed me forever."

"So it's the company of another. Edward has that; he has the both of us. We need to show our love. Perhaps we should force ourselves on him more, spend more time with him. We've been too careful around him."

"No dear, I don't think our love is enough. I found what_ I_ needed in this life, not what Edward needed."

"Than Tanya, perhaps. She would visit. Edward and Tanya have such a lovely time together."

"Sadly, I don't think either found what they were looking for in that relationship. At least that's how Tanya explained it to me. She was afraid her presence hurt more than helped the boy."

"Yes, I suppose if he wanted her he could just have easily telephoned as we could have."

"It pains me to see him walk through his days this way. I know that light I saw must still burn somewhere inside of him. The only thing he pursues of his own accord is solitude at the lakeshore. I thought its presence would help him, but it's only given him a route for his own self-torture. I worry that the melancholy has taken hold of him completely. I don't know what else to do for him. There must be something."

"Carlisle, I know how you love him. But you of all people should trust that fate has an answer."

At that moment I felt a shift in the wind. Cold air swirled around me before it blew at my back and forced my hair into my eyes. The voices of my parents began to fade, and I walked quickly toward the house to better hear the rest of the conversation.

"Esme, did you catch that scent?"

"It's Edward, he's close."

"Do you think?"

"Shh"

Then they were silent. I stopped in my tracks. All this time I'd been doing the best to help my family, and I'd only hurt them more. What did they expect from me? I'd done as much as I could. I did everything they asked of me. I had a clean record. I was there for their needs. There was nothing they asked that I didn't agree to, save hunting and playing the piano. I thought fleetingly of leaving, but knew I couldn't do that again. Instead I grit my teeth and stomped home.

Esme's warm smile greeted me at the door. "Edward, how was class?"

I brushed past her up the stairs. Why attend class if it didn't help? Why leave the house, why hold conversations if it didn't help? I remained in my room for days. Carlisle knocked on the door. I didn't answer. I sunk into myself like I'd never allowed myself before. What was the use of trying?

*

I'd been in my room for a week. I would have to feed soon. Venom would trickle into my throat with the faintest smell of human blood. I would stop breathing to better listen to the sounds of human heartbeats and their footsteps on wet sand. I'd read the same ten books more than twenty times each. I took to reciting them back to myself as I paced the room or sat unmoving at my desk.

Early one evening I was silently reciting "The Tell –Tale Heart" from memory, when I heard Esme's knock at my bedroom door. I jumped despite myself, but didn't answer. She knocked again, louder. "Edward?" I was sure that she would go if I stayed quiet and still long enough.

"_You're going to talk to me Edward,"_ she thought at me with some force. And then, with a loud groan and a splintering of wood the door was off its hinges, held in Esme's small hands. She placed it gently on the ground in the hall and walked into my room. I jumped to my feet. She ghosted to my side and hesitated before gently placing her hand over mine.

"Edward, we're going to talk."

I took a breath before glancing into her eyes. They were full of concern and it shamed me. I looked away.

"I'm taking you out. We're going for dinner and a show."

I shook my head and was about to protest, but Esme covered my mouth with her hand. "Not a word, Edward. Carlisle doesn't think we should force ourselves on you. But I believe it must be done. You obviously are not going to help yourself."

She let go of my mouth and clenched my hand in hers. "Edward, look at me."

I was powerless to do otherwise. I cautiously raised my eyes to meet hers. "Please, as a favor to me. Come out with me tonight."

I sighed and ran my hand through my hair. "All right," I said in a whisper.

*

We ran swiftly through the sparse wilderness along the lake. Although running took no effort, my breathing was quick and fitful. Since my return I had hunted alone. I let Esme take the lead. She was so small and graceful, resembling a doe with her gentle movement through the trees. And then, like a whisper, I caught their scent. There was a small herd of deer behind the next sand bank.

My conscience felt like an invisible hand holding me back from the hunt. Would she see the difference in me? Would my brutality hurt her more? But my hunger was stronger than my insecurity. I ran to catch up with Esme and we worked together to trap the animals against the shore.

The deer met us head on, and we slowly backed them up to the lake. Their hind legs had just hit the water when Esme and I simultaneously pounced. I pivoted with the animal so that my back was to Esme, and I greedily sunk my teeth into the doe's neck. Her limbs shuddered as I drank the salty life from her. Warmth coursed down my throat in time with her fading heart and immediately I could feel the individual grains of sand under my feet, I could smell resin in the tree trunks, and I could see the fresh greenness the budding leaves lent to the night air. With the last drops of the animal's blood I heard the remainder of the herd running east along the shore, their musky odor receding into the night. Esme's skirt rustled behind me.

I stood, dropped the doe at my feet and straightened my suit.

"I knew this would work. You always were very neat when feeding."

I swung around to face Esme and shifted a little from foot to foot, suddenly uncomfortable. But she was smiling as she gave me an approving once over.

"Now was that so bad?"

Strangely, it hadn't been bad at all. I was invigorated. I felt Esme's love and companionship. It was wonderful to hunt with someone else. If there was a change in me, Esme hadn't let on. I looked at her and smiled.

She held out her arm. "Now for the show."

The Eastman Theater was humming with excitement. One of Rochester's own, Cab Calloway, had returned with his travelling orchestra. He had risen to fame at my old haunt, The Cotton Club, and would alternate residencies with Louis Armstrong so that they could both tour the country. I felt a rush or excitement when I saw the marquee, but the swarming crowd stopped me in my tracks. Esme squeezed my hand. "A deal's a deal, Edward. You're going to enjoy this if I have to take you in by force."

I was glad to have fed. There was considerably less venom in my mouth than there would have been otherwise. I worked to block out the hum of thoughts and concentrated instead on Esme's hand. She led us to seats in the balcony, where there were fewer humans to distract me. Her intentions were clear as soon as Calloway and his orchestra took the stage. The man was an entertainer, his music full of folly, call and response, and tongue in cheek jokes. The audience laughed and shouted as much as they applauded.

I felt separate from those around me. Their joy wasn't mine and that hurt on a level that I couldn't name. But Esme's intentions warmed me. Perhaps I wouldn't ever be able to feel this joy that I witnessed tonight. Perhaps it would exist for me only as a faint memory. Maybe music would never transport me out of my body as it had before. There was a chance I'd never play piano again. But my family loved me, and that was something to be grateful for.

Esme and I walked to Lake Ontario before turning home. We followed a sandy trail through the cedars until we came to the deserted shoreline. She was barefoot and held her shoes in one hand and her skirt about her with the other. Stray locks of golden hair blew across her face in the damp breeze. "I wanted to ask another favor of you tonight."

I turned to look at Esme, but didn't commit myself to a favor. She went on, nevertheless.

"I want you back, Edward."

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean."

"Esme, I was doing my best. I was doing all I could."

"You were doing all you could for Carlisle and I."

"I'm sorry, Esme. What you're asking is impossible. The boy you knew is gone. He can't be saved."

Esme spun around to face me and grabbed my arm with force. "Don't say that again! I won't accept it."

I wrenched my arm away from her. "But it's the truth. Even Carlisle knows it."

"Edward, the concern you showed for Carlisle and I tells me that there is something within you that has been salvaged. Perhaps it's difficult for you to see yourself clearly, given the dark cloud of your recent past. But I see a young man struggling to do his best by his family, and I love that man. He wants the best for me. Now it's time to stop worrying about Carlisle and I, and to start making yourself a priority. This is what I am asking of you Edward. It's what I want more than anything. I want to see you struggle to do the best by yourself."

"I'm afraid, Esme. I'm afraid to confront what I've lost."

"It can be no worse than what you have already faced, can it?"

I didn't answer.

"Please, so that Carlisle and I can stop worrying."

I thought about the night Esme had forced on me. I thought about the measure of comfort it had brought me. "All right, Esme, I'll try."

"No more hiding in your room. No more damnable college courses."

"Yes, Esme." I paused to look at her out of the corner of my eyes. "If I try, will I get my door back?"

"We'll see how well you do." She put her arm around my shoulders and pulled me close, smiling at me with only the faintest hint of sadness in her eyes. I clutched her free hand in mine. Maybe I could find a way back to myself.

*

On our way to the house we broke into a sprint at the water's edge. Cool droplets splashed up and wet our clothing as we ran. Spring was showing the very first signs along the lake. Bright green buds were swelling on branches, and the first green crocus shoots had just nudged themselves through the snow on the grassy hills along the shore.

But as we got closer to the house something unusual shattered the air. The sound of small irregular pounding came from the direction of the house. Then a woman's screams cut through the night. Esme and I came to an abrupt stop. The screaming continued.

We were close enough for me to hear Carlisle's thoughts.

"_God, was this the right thing to do?"_

Then his voice rose calm and reassuring. "I'll be here with you the entire time. I know it hurts, my dear. The pain will subside in three days time."

"What did you do to me?" the woman screamed.

"_Please God, let this be the right thing for her, and for my family,"_ Carlisle prayed.

"Kill me! Please kill me! Why don't you let me die?"

Esme's hands had fluttered up to her mouth; her eyes were wide with shock. _"Oh my."_

We ran back to the house and I threw open the door. Carlisle had heard our hasty approach and met us in the hall. The screaming continued in his study.

Esme ran to Carlisle and grabbed him by the arms, staring into his bright eyes. "Carlisle?" She invoked his name like a question. Her mind picked up where words failed her "_What were you thinking? Why now? Why this woman? The poor thing!"_

I pushed past them into the study. There, on his desk, lay one of the women I'd met months ago at the hospital gala, the woman Carlisle had spoken of weeks ago, the woman that despised me. Rosalie Hale. Her wild eyes caught sight of me. "Thank God! Kill me. Kill me! This man won't let me die." Tears streamed from her bloodshot eyes.

I spun around to face Carlisle. "What have you done?"

Esme still clutched Carlisle, and her eyes bore into his. "Carlisle, why?" she asked him.

"I couldn't just let her die."

Carlisle stared back at Esme, communicating with her wordlessly, thoughtlessly, the way that the two of them were able to.

"And you thought that this might…? That this would work? But I just, Edward and I…" Esme stopped herself and looked in my direction, emptying her mind.

"I didn't have time to think it through. I couldn't leave her." Carlisle shook his head, his eyes pleading with his wife. His mind was curiously blank. This was all wrong, two blank minds and Rosalie Hale screaming in Carlisle's study. Another second passed and Carlisle's mind was again full of concern for the woman, Esme ran to find something to clean and clothe the girl with. Rosalie's dress was a mess of bloody tatters.

I didn't understand what had transpired between Carlisle and Esme. It happened so quickly that another might have missed it altogether. "Why wouldn't it work this time, Carlisle?" I asked. Once venom was in the human blood stream, there could be no other outcome. "And what were you thinking? Rosalie Hale?" I couldn't hide the disdain in my voice.

Rosalie turned her head at the sound of my voice. Her blue eyes were wild until they focused on me. For the quarter of a second that she was able to concentrate, they glowered with hate. Then her face contorted with pain and her back arched up off the table. "Aaahhh! Why? Why did you do this? God, the pain! Why are you burning me?"

Carlisle was at her side. He grabbed her hand and she screamed at his touch, but he held it tightly. "Let me explain it to you again."

* * *

**I never thought I'd say it, but yay for Rose! I'm looking forward to Edward moving on. Are you? Let me know. Review!**


	13. Rosalie

**This chapter contains direct quotes from Eclipse. The quotes aren't mine, these characters aren't mine, I just wish they were. m**

* * *

Carlisle was true to his word and stayed with Rosalie night and day. He held her hand even as she cursed him and tried to pull it away. He repeated a whispered apology with each scream. And when her cries subsided, I heard the story of our existence told with insistence and patience. His voice was soft and calm and it belied the turmoil raging in his head. For Carlisle's usually logical and peaceful thoughts had turned to fervent appeals to his god.

"_For God made not death, neither hath He pleasure in the destruction of the living. For He created all things that they might be. Wisdom 1:12-14"_

"_Behold, I tell you a mystery. We shall all indeed rise again: but we shall not all be changed. In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet: for the trumpet shall sound and the dead shall rise again incorruptible. And we shall be changed. For this corruptible must put on incorruption: and this mortal must put on immortality. And when this mortal hath put on immortality, then shall come to pass the saying that is written: Death is swallowed up in victory. I Corinthians 15:51-58"_

"_Please, please, please, please… let this not be in vain. Let this be a second chance... for her."_

When her cries rang out unrelenting for hours on end, Carlisle fell into a chant he that must have recalled from his childhood. Its somber meter was a near constant refrain in his mind. It was the prayer for peace for the dead.

"_Réquiem ætérnam dona ei Dómine_

_et lux perpétua lúceat ei_

_Requiéscat in pace. Amen"_

I wanted to trust Carlisle's actions; for he'd done nothing through all the time I'd known him to make me doubt his wisdom. But try as I might I couldn't understand his motivation. He saw people expire each night on his shift. Why now? Why this woman? Was it simply because she came to the hospital with a boy once? It had been plain enough when he brought Esme home. He had been transfixed, caught up in her eyes even as they rolled red in their sockets. But we hardly knew this woman; she was nothing to us. Just as we were getting settled, beginning to heal as Carlisle had wished, he had up-ended our lives.

Esme didn't share my uncertainties about the girl. Instead, her initial alarm quickly turned to empathy. It had only been twelve years since she herself had turned. I saw the horror and pain return her face each time she walked through the door of the study. Because of this, Esme was determined to make the transition as easy as possible for the girl. She made it her duty to prepare a place for her in the house, no matter that we would now have to leave it all behind. She purchased clothing, shoes, and various toiletries that Carlisle and I would never have known to provide. However, this activity barely held her concern at bay. After each outing she would rush home and join Carlisle in the study, holding his hand wordlessly, her face twisted with agonized concern.

It was difficult for me to stay in Carlisle's study with Rosalie. The girl's thoughts were caught in a never-ending loop, replaying the last evening of her life over and over again. The violence that had been perpetrated on her by her fiancé was as monstrous as anything I had seen in my years abroad. I couldn't listen to the story for hours on end without it fanning the flames of my anger. I knew that I wouldn't do anything about this violence, and it left me full of impotent rage. I was afraid that I might plunge back into the same desperation that led me to take that first human life all of those years ago. It also caused me to pity the girl. However, I discerned enough from her thoughts to know that I was perhaps the last person on the earth that she would invite pity from.

When Carlisle would gently tell Rosalie about the new realities of her life, her mind would wordlessly cry out against it. "_Never walk in society in the light of day, never have a child, never grow old, never see Vera or my family…"_ The girl wanted nothing of a vampire's existence and hoped against hope that she would somehow die. This bore too close a resemblance to my own recent mindset, and I chose to leave the room rather than contemplate the possibility of eternal unhappiness together with her.

I found it impossible to discuss any of this with Carlisle during the first two days of the girl's transformation. He was consumed with Rosalie's agony and his own struggle with his faith. But as the transformation progressed, and Rosalie's pain began to subside, his mind likewise quieted. I was during one of the breaks in her screaming when I found the nerve to confront him.

"What were you thinking Carlisle?"

"I couldn't just let her die. It was too much – too horrible, too much waste," Carlisle murmured, trailing his eyes over Rosalie's body. Her skin now had an unmistakable gleaming pallor, her features had sharpened, her golden hair shone like the sunshine I hadn't basked in for years. Was Carlisle trying to say that it was her looks that tempted him? It didn't make sense. I knew he only had eyes for Esme.

"I know," I said more to acknowledge that he hadn't been able to let her go than the other half of his statement.

"It was too much waste. I couldn't leave her." His head dropped in his hands. "I couldn't leave her," he repeated in a whisper. It was as if he were trying to convince himself of something.

"Of course you couldn't," Esme agreed from the doorway. Two days of suffering had already bound Esme to Rosalie. She saw the girl as a daughter before she had even said three words to her. I couldn't understand Esme's acceptance or Carlisle's sudden penchant for acquisition.

"People die all the time. Don't you think she's a little recognizable? The Kings will have put up a huge search – not that anyone suspects the fiend."

Carlisle simply looked in my direction and frowned. Esme chose that time to leave the room.

"What are we going to do with her?" I continued.

"That's up to her, of course. She may want to go her own way," Carlisle murmured, taking the girl's hand in his. And with that I had hope, hope that Rosalie would take off and never to be heard from again. I hoped that I would have my family back. Yes, this woman would leave. She despised us. It would all be over soon.

*

By nightfall of the third day I heard the rapidly accelerating pace of the woman's heart from downstairs. This was the final stage of transformation before it would cease to beat forever. I joined Carlisle and Esme in the study to help restrain the new vampire in case she tried to hurt one of us, or herself. On entering the room I saw that Esme had changed Rosalie into an emerald green knee-length dress. It suited the girl well, accentuating the yellow light that seemed to shine from each strand of her hair.

Esme and Carlisle each held one of her hands. They both turned as I walked into the room. "It's almost over." Esme said.

"Yes, I could tell."

Esme turned back to the girl. "I remember it well. She's through with the worst of it," she said dolefully. Then she leaned toward the girl. "It's almost done, sweetheart. You'll only get better now."

The girl's heart accelerated until it was simply a violent vibration in her chest. Its force pulled Rosalie's back off of the tabletop and she gnashed her teeth and shook. Esme and Carlisle strengthened their grip on the girl's wrists and exchanged a look of fearful anticipation.

Then, finally, it was over. Rosalie's heart went silent and her body fell back to the table. She didn't move and she made no sound. Her lungs stopped breathing. Three seconds crept by with frustrating torpidity.

And in this space of outward silence, Rosalie's internal voice rose to the surface, more lucid than I had heard it since we met at the hospital fundraiser. Thoughts came rapidly, one on top of the other, as the girl struggled with her new vampires senses.

_"I am Rosalie Hale, these people have to watch out. This doctor thinks he can do this to me? I'll have my…. No! I can't go to my family, or Royce… he's going to suffer for what he did! Somehow, he will suffer. Is that the smell of the lake? And the smell of wood smoke? And the smell of table wax, and old parchment, and lilac, and something else? Three things… in the room with me. They smell cool and bright, and they're still, so still. As still as I am. I am very still. No wait, moving slightly. My finger moved to the left… by a millimeter? What am I? What are they? Yes, I know what they are. Vampires!"_

Rosalie's blood red eyes shot open. In an instant she'd pulled her hands from Esme and Carlisle's grip and had her back to the wall. She bared her teeth and a hiss escaped from her lips.

"What am I doing?" her clear vampire voice rang out as she looked down at her hands.

Rosalie attempted standing in a more human posture, but when she caught site of us, she crouched, extended her hands and dove. Carlisle and I grabbed Rosalie by her arms, but she easily broke free. She took the chair Carlisle had been sitting in and swung it at him. He caught it in his hands and gingerly placed it on the floor.

"Rose, there's no danger here. We mean you no harm," Carlisle coaxed in a gentle voice.

"No harm! No harm! Look what you did." With that she pressed her fingertips into the hard flesh of her face. She jumped at the new feel of her skin. Her hands slid down to her throat, which must have been burning. "No harm? You burned me for three days, and now this?" She went to grab another chair to her right, and as she did, she caught site of herself in a mirror hanging on the wall.

"Oh." The girl's wild eyes focused on her reflection. "Oohh." Her eyes darted around the room and then settled on her image again. Her fingers traced from her cheekbones, down her neck, across her chest, and then to her waist and hips. Then she shook her hair. "Ahh."

She spun around to face us, her eyes dancing. "I'm beautiful!" Quickly she turned to gaze in the mirror. "This is why you all look like this! But now," she looked back at all of us and then at herself again, "now I'm more beautiful than any of you."

Carlisle smiled at Rosalie. I heard his thoughts. He was glad he had finally seen a hint of happiness in the girl. Esme walked over to her carefully and touched her shoulder. Rose jumped and bared her teeth, but Esme only continued to rub her shoulder gently. "Yes, Rosalie, you are quite stunning."

This made the girl smile and Esme put her arm around her shoulders. They both looked into the mirror to admire Rosalie's reflection. "Yes, I am… Esme!" With that Rose wrapped her arms around Esme and swung her in a circle. I heard the air leave Esme's lungs in a rush, and Carlisle and I were there to pull Rosalie off of her.

Rose panicked and backed away from us.

"Rosalie, you must remember that while you're new, you will be much stronger than any of us. You could have hurt Esme."

"Oh. I'm sorry," she said dismissively. Then Rosalie went back to looking over herself in the mirror. Suddenly she turned to me.

"And do you think I'm beautiful, Edward?" She shook her hair, narrowed her eyes, and held her hands behind her back in a way that thrust her chest forward.

Suddenly three pares of eyes were on me. I took an unconscious step backwards as Rosalie moved in my direction. I stepped behind Carlisle's desk and grasped the edge with my hands.

"Edward?" she cooed.

"I'm sure you're very attractive, Rose. You're vampire features will be very appealing to humans, especially. It's one of the weapons that we're given to draw in our prey, if we choose to use it. Of course your eyes are different than ours, but they'll change in time, if you maintain your diet." I was babbling to hide my discomfort, and I watched as Rosalie's look changed from mildly seductive, to angry, to shocked; all in the space of half a minute.

She swung around to the mirror again and took a close look at her eyes.

"Carlisle, is he right? Will they change to look like yours?" Rose was alarmed, wringing her hands.

"Yes. If you abstain from drinking human blood, they will change within the year."

With the mention of blood, Rose's hands went to her throat. She looked around at us wildly again. "And the burn here?" Her hands began clawing at her skin.

"You must feed," Carlisle said reassuringly. "But we must be especially careful. We're close to the city, this may be difficult for you."

This is something I'd already considered. The smell of humans always hung in the air here, however faintly. Having a newborn this close to the confines of the city seemed wildly irresponsible. But there was no way we could leave before Rosalie would need to feed. We would have to take her out in search of prey. She'd be faster and more powerful than each of us. I gritted my teeth and shook my head.

Rosalie noticed my displeasure and cast a withering look in my direction. "Is he coming?"

Carlisle looked between the two of us. "We should all go."

Rose began pacing the room, her eyes darting towards the windows and doors. We had to leave for the hunt. "Follow our lead, Rosalie. From there your instincts will take over."

*

Once out in the night air, Rose made a break for the shore. She was surprisingly fast, and I was the only one among us that had a chance of keeping up. I ran wide of her, giving her enough berth to know I was no threat, while keeping her corralled along the lakeshore. Hopefully she wouldn't make a break for the water. I would let Carlisle go in after her if it came to that. We moved east through deserted summertime communities, and I was grateful when the city's smells had fallen behind us.

I heard the soft padding of six sets of delicate hooves on the sand before I caught their musky scent. A small herd of whitetail was grazing at the tree line. A moment later Rose's body twitched and she was off, charging head on into their midst. I listened for Carlisle and Esme, but they were easily two hundred yards behind us. They'd be no help. So I shot off after her, hoping that she kept to the scent of the deer, and that no humans crossed her path.

Minutes later, I found Rosalie in a stand of cottonwoods, three does half-drained at her feet. Her fingers were spread, dripping with blood, and her eyes were wide. She turned in circles, her eyes darting through the trees. When she saw me she crouched, ready to lunge.

I stepped back and assumed a submissive stance. "No, they are yours, Rosalie," I intoned softly, not meeting her eyes. "I'm not here for your kill."

Rosalie stood straight and covered her face in shame, unintentionally smearing blood on her cheeks and chin. Her nostrils flared and she pulled her hands away from her face and looked at them hungrily. Then she turned to me, desperate and sad. "How come I can't cry?"

"Crying is human."

"Then this feeling is stuck inside?" Her eyes roamed over the carcasses at her feet. "I will do this…_forever_, and I won't cry about it?"

"You'll get better at it. You won't always make such a mess, and you'll learn to drain the animal. If you drain them dry there is less waist and –"

Rose didn't give me time to finish. Once again my words only spurred anger. Testing her new speed, she picked up a lifeless deer and launched it in my direction. I barely had time to duck out of the way. She threw herself on the ground and covered her eyes and ears with her hands. I could hear her troubled thoughts as she struggled to block out the overwhelming sensations registering in her mind.

I stood quietly, completely at a loss. I was afraid that I was the last person she would want consolation from. I took a hesitant step in her direction. Her head shot up and she stared at me with undisguised loathing.

"You must love this."

"No, I don't."

Rosalie's expression softened and she smiled at me. She was swiftly in front of me. "Could you help me, with this then?" Her hands wiped at the blood staining her cheeks. "Could you help me get it off?" she asked, bringing her face within three inches of mine.

I took a step back. She sighed. I slowly brought my thumb to her face. I cringed as I timidly wiped at the corner of her mouth.

"Argh!" Rosalie cried as she spun around. "_I am trapped forever with a man that hates me. This is hell! And after what _he_ did to me, _I_ am the one in hell!" _she thought to herself.

"I don't hate you."

Rose reeled. "What?" she demanded.

I took a breath before answering. "I can hear thoughts."

"Aaahh!" She punched a tree and, with a sharp crack, it fell to sandy forest floor. Rose jumped back in surprise, but then recovered her previous train of thought. "Trapped forever with a man that hates me _and_ can read my mind," she growled.

"I said I don't hate you. And you don't have to stay with us forever."

"Well, you don't like me!"

I didn't argue and an awkward second passed between us.

"And what should I do forever, then?"

"That's up to you."

Rosalie turned her back to me and sat on one of the dead deer at our feet. I listened for Carlisle and Esme, but couldn't pick up their sound or scent.

"Rosalie?" She didn't answer. I took a step toward the girl.

"Stay away, ok?"

I was happy to stay away, and I relaxed against the trunk of a tree.

"There is this," Rosalie said, gesturing to the animal underneath her. "And is there any alternative?"

"Human blood."

"I could kill humans?" I heard the sound of hope in her voice.

"I wasn't offering it as a suggestion!"

"Have you?" Rose was suddenly standing in front of me. I looked away from her. I could feel my face turn into a mask.

"Please tell me," she pouted. "Have you?"

"Yes," I said under my breath.

"Is it easy? It must be so simple." Rose sounded almost giddy.

"No, it was anything but easy."

A look of confusion clouded her face. "But I'm so strong…"

Didn't she understand? I closed my eyes and tried to order my thoughts. "Sure, physically, it's easy. But the mental anguish involved alone is enough to--" I stopped speaking when I heard her footsteps fading into the night.

Opening my eyes, I caught sight of a receding silhouette against the gray waters of the lake. I looked down at the half-drained deer at my feet I'm ashamed to say that I took more than a second to decide against finishing off her kill. But she was running straight for the city. She would hunt humans. With an angry sigh I took off in her direction. But when I can within ten yards of her, Rosalie turned and bared her teeth. A growl rumbled in her throat, and her fingers extended like claws.

"Get away," she roared. I stopped in my place. "Leave me alone! The other one, he said I could leave. Leave me alone, you insufferable, blind, heartless fool!"

I felt a growl erupt in my own chest. Rosalie spun around and ran back toward the city. This time I let her go.

*

Carlisle and Esme found me alone at the shore. Dawn was threatening on the horizon. "She left. She said she wanted to go," I explained to them.

"No! She's too young. She can't survive on her own," Esme exclaimed.

"We'll need to leave tonight, Carlisle." I said looking at my father. "It's near daylight. She's liable to be seen. We need to put as much space as possible between the girl and ourselves. This could be a disaster."

"No!" Esme shouted. "We can't leave her."

Carlisle was stunned. He hadn't seen this coming. When he spoke, it was as much to himself as it was to Esme and I. "We left you two alone. I thought maybe you would come to understand one another. I thought maybe…" his voice trailed off and his mind didn't pick up to fill in the missing words.

"I could have used your help, Carlisle."

He sighed. "It's too late to go for her today."

I glared at Carlisle. "Chasing after her won't bring her back." But I saw a look of deep pain flit across Esme's face and I stopped speaking despite myself. Instead I turned to look at the lake.

"I won't leave her, Edward. She is my responsibility. But Esme, I won't stay indefinitely and endanger myself, or my family. A week. I'll wait a week. Edward, you choose for yourself whether to stay that long." Carlisle hung his head and walked slowly back toward the house.

*

The first three days passed without incident. There were no strange sightings or suspicious deaths reported in any of the local papers. We each breathed a sigh of relief after scanning the headlines each morning and evening. Carlisle took this time to resign his post in an orderly manner. Esme packed what we would bring with us, and closed the rest of the house. I couldn't imagine we would be back to this location anytime within a century. Rosalie Hale. What had he been thinking?

But on the third day our luck ran out. The paper announced the deaths of two of the men that had violated Rosalie the night she died. Their murders were under investigation. The paper provided no details about the crime scene or the state of the bodies.

"That's it, Carlisle, we must leave," I said, after reading headline on the front page.

"I said she had a week." Carlisle's jaw was set, and his eyes were harder than I'd ever seen in my time with him.

"But, her actions, Carlisle. She's killed in her own city. She'll be seen. The Volturi will hear about this! Staying is madness. Staying for a killer?"

"_You_ would begrudge _her_ justice? You can always leave, Edward. No one is holding you here." I heard a door slam on the second floor.

I could say nothing. He was right. Carlisle and Esme waited nearly five years for my return. I would wait with them now.

Two more men were killed the next night. And one the sixth night Royce King and his bodyguards also met their end. The newspapers all declared that a serial killer was on the loose. Our family hadn't left the house in days. We waited until nightfall to pack the car. Carlisle didn't speak a word to Esme or I. Esme moved slowly through the house one last time. I suspected she would wait for the girl to return until an angry mob of humans or the Volturi descended on the house. But I couldn't fault her for it. It was the same love that had helped to save me.

We were piling into the car when I heard her thoughts. "_Is it too late? Will they hate me? I can't be alone like this. Oh god, let them still be there._"

Rosalie ran into the car's headlights. She was dressed in a tattered wedding gown. I sighed and shook my head at the sight of her. She put her hands over her eyes to shield them from the headlights. Esme was at her side. Rosalie shrank from her presence, squinting her red eyes.

"Can I still stay with you?" she asked Esme.

Esme cautiously moved toward the girl, but Rosalie herself took the step that closed the distance between them. Esme gently took the girl into her arms. "Of course, dear. You'll always have a place with us."

Carlisle moved to Esme's side. "But Rosalie, each of us aspires to live with a conscience, and to avoid the feeding from humans. If you stay with us you must try to put this past week behind you. If you intend to continue to survive off of the blood of humans –"

"What?" Rosalie interrupted. "You thought I drank their blood? I killed them; I didn't eat them. I'm not Edward!" she said smugly.

* * *

**A/N: I guess writing two stories at once means that there will be more time between updates. Thanks for your patience. **

**Also - I wanted to write that I'm sticking as close to canon as I can with this. I don't personally believe Carlisle would be able to keep his intentions a secret from Edward. But it's stated quite plainly in Twilight. So I'm sticking with it. Edward doesn't find out right away that Rose is for him. Men can be so thickheaded sometimes...**

**Please let me know how you like Rose.. Is this how she would act?? **

**You can let me know when you review! Thanks... Marie**


	14. Hope and The Blues

Rosalie cowered in the back seat of the car with Esme. Carlisle and I sat up front. We drove silently out of the city. The tumult of the thoughts of those around me was overwhelming. I watched and listened to the murders of Rosalie's assailants repeated over and over in her disjointed, newborn thought pattern. I heard Esme's concern, not only for the girl, but for Carlisle and I as well. And Carlisle was searching his brain for a geographical destination, for a solution to his family's turmoil, and for his own faith. I heard him vow to himself not to turn another human again. He also prayed that I would stay.

I felt deflated. We'd been so close to leaving. We'd almost made it out of Rochester without the girl. Carlisle was a scientist at heart. He should have known that just because creating two vampires had turned out well, it didn't mean that another could be added to our number just as easily. Rosalie Hale despised our family, and now she was going to live eternally, and quite possibly, with us.

Rosalie's mind skipped quickly from thought to thought as her body shifted restlessly in the back seat. It registered the smell of the cold night air and the smell of the leather interior, I saw visions of men's bulging, unseeing eyes, I heard how Esme made her comfortable and welcome, and then came thoughts of me. In her eyes I was hard, unfeeling and cruel.

Suddenly I wanted out of the vehicle. I'd catch up with them wherever we were headed.

"Carlisle, tell me where you're going and I can meet you there."

At the sound of my voice, Rosalie roared unintelligibly in the back seat. It was as if everything I did drove her mad.

"I don't have a destination in mind, son. Perhaps you should stay in the vehicle if you plan on accompanying us."

This seemed akin to madness; four vampires driving aimlessly to escape the implications of a killing spree. And two of those vampires were only a hair's breadth away from fighting each other.

"Perhaps we should keep to the mountains, Carlisle? It's still cold, so there won't be many humans about. We may be able to travel during the day," Esme offered.

"Wouldn't it be easier to travel on foot?" I asked.

"Like animals?" Rose whined.

I didn't see how she had much of a say in the matter. She'd been with us for eight days, and seven were spent enacting her revenge. She'd occupied her time by despising me for the other twenty-four hours we'd all been together.

"No, Rosalie, like vampires," I snarled.

"_Oh god, this is hell_," she thought to herself.

I could certainly empathize with her thoughts. I'd definitely had moments when I felt confined to hell on earth. Yet it had nothing to do with those I'd been destined to share hell with. I loved my family. But it had been so different when I had been turned. I knew Carlisle's thoughts from the moment my vampire awareness had broken over me. I could hear that I was special in his eyes, and that he felt great companionship and kinship for me. His kindness and patience were evident with every word and in every thought. His feelings for me had been my only solace as I wandered the world with a fire for blood in my throat and emotions and thoughts ranging through my head that I could scarcely control.

While Esme couldn't hear Carlisle's thoughts, she always had his heart. There wasn't a female alive that was more loved. There was never a question why he had turned her. But Rosalie detested us, and Carlisle's reasoning for changing her was as enigmatic to her as it was to me.

I still wasn't sure what had moved Carlisle to change Rosalie. Perhaps it was pity. Could it have been her beauty? I'd felt a glimmer of that in his thoughts the day she was turned. Did he see something in her, some hidden talent? If he did, why not share it with me? Or was it a decision made in haste? That seemed unlikely. Perhaps Carlisle had seen something of Esme in Rosalie when she brought that young boy to the hospital on Carlisle's shift. That made more sense. I thought of the way Esme had prepared dresses and shoes and jewelry for Rosalie's use, how she had adorned the spare room in flowers and lace. Yes, I suppose Rosalie was intended as a female companion for Esme.

I sighed. If this was something that Esme wanted I should be kind enough to honor my… what was Esme to me? We'd always called her my sister. But somehow over the years I'd began to think of her as… a _mother_. Her role was evident in the way my disappearance hurt her physically, the way she accepted me back without reserve, the way she punished me by taking the door from my room, and the way she loved me. It was a love so boundless and pure, it was unquestionably a mother's love. Yes, I would certainly try to make this tolerable for Esme.

At any rate, I had no choice. While I may have begun to regard Esme as a mother, and I'd long viewed Carlisle as a father, this was no human family. We might play one for the neighbors and townspeople, but underneath we were a coven of vampires. Carlisle was the head of our coven. If he chose another for us, that was his prerogative. I should take the decision in stride or leave. I knew I wouldn't leave. I didn't trust myself to leave, and I would never hurt my… _parents_ like that again.

"Edward, I believe we each have possessions we would like to take with us. Without a destination in mind, we don't know when we would be able to send for them. Rosalie would prefer not to travel on foot. We'll take the car." That was that. Carlisle was the head of this coven, this family, and he was my parent, I suppose. I would listen to my father and tolerate this for my mother.

*

It was a cold spring. We made our way through the Appalachians on winding mountain roads that were still largely covered with snow. We stopped often so Rose could get out and feed. A newborn's thirst is nearly unquenchable, and animals were hardly satisfying; they were an acquired taste. Rose refused to let any of us accompany her. She was ashamed and disgusted by her instincts and didn't want any of us to bare witness to her kill.

The first time we stopped so that Rose could feed, we followed her at a distance despite her wishes. We had no intention of watching her, but wanted to remain close enough to subdue her if necessary. She quickly doubled back on us.

"You don't trust me?" she snarled.

"Rose, we know how difficult it can be to restrain yourself when you're so new," Carlisle reasoned in a gentle tone.

"Because of Edward?" she spat.

"Edward and I have both had our slip-ups." Esme replied softly. Esme had two or three human accidents on our way to Denali after she was changed, but she preferred not to speak of it. I was surprised to hear her bring it up. Obviously, she really wanted this girl. I sighed in resignation.

"Carlisle, Esme," I started, "Rosalie has given us no reason to believe that she can't control herself. She was able to kill seven humans and leave them intact. It's more than I could do, even now. If she would like to feed alone, I see no reason we shouldn't grant her that request."

Rosalie was shocked, Carlisle seemed confused by my kindness, and Esme smiled back at me warmly.

I tried my best to honor Rosalie's wishes and leave her to her own thoughts when she returned from the hunt. But Rosalie glowered at me as she tramped back toward the car.

"Did you like what you saw?" she muttered as she stalked past me to climb into the backseat.

"Rosalie, I promise you I didn't…"

"Save it, Edward."

I certainly didn't like what I would see anytime I caught a glimmer of Rosalie's kill. Her red eyes reflected nothing but pain as she desperately tried to remove all traces of blood from her face, hands and clothing. Many times though, she would get overwhelmed with its scent, and lick the blood away. This left her enraged, and she'd often knock down a tree, or kick the carcass in anger. I'd never struggled after drinking the blood of animals as Rosalie did. I'd never wished for death instead of this absence of death. But I could never find a way to console Rosalie, and after countless unendurable hours together in the car, I didn't care to try.

*

The spring wore on cloudy and wet and we were able to pass through the mountains easily, traveling by day and night. These were hard times for the humans in the area. Indeed, humans the world over, were suffering. But these mountain towns hidden in the eastern hills seemed to suffer more than most. Many villages were deserted, businesses were boarded up, and houses were left completely abandoned, waiting to be reclaimed by the surrounding forest. We used more than a few of these dwellings as temporary outposts as we searched for another place in the world for our growing family.

Because of Rosalie, we were limited in our options. Rosalie desperately wanted to be admired and desired by as many people as possible. However, she was utterly embarrassed by what she had become, and didn't want a human to lay eyes on her until her own eyes had changed to the golden amber of the rest of the family.

This kept our family isolated in tiny mountain outposts for that first year of Rosalie's vampire existence. It was a very different way of life than what I'd become comfortable with. Certainly, as vampires, we were equipped to live in nature. We didn't require dwellings, human comforts, or even clothing for that matter. But the only time in my vampire life I had lived a nomadic existence had been my years abroad. Traveling through the deserted mountains left me at odds with myself, and I felt bitter and remorseful more than I cared to.

Each of us dealt with the isolation differently. Esme would actually take the time to fix up each little dwelling we passed through. After our temporary home was in order, she would see to it that our new neighbors were cared for as well. It hurt her to see the humans around us suffer for want of food or clothes. The humans that we temporarily dwelt near would often wake to yards of cloth, sacks of grain, and bushels of vegetables left at their doorstep.

Carlisle inspected the local flora with a botanical guide in hand, searching for native medicinal plants. He'd bring them back home, and break them down with a mortar and pestle and then with solvents to isolate different constituents. Then he would spend hours peering at the resulting liquids and lumps under a microscope that he'd brought along with him in the car.

I'd been studying Greek philosophy, learning it in its original Ionic dialect, so I brought this material along for the journey. It was my only diversion for much of the time. There was little in the way of literature left behind in the abandoned homes we habited. I could often find an old Farmer's Almanac, a forgotten bible, or well-worn children's books. None of these escaped my purview. I had time on my hands.

Rose left for long spans of time. We each imagined she was hunting to sate her thirst, and I did the best I could to stay out of her thoughts and give her the privacy she wished. This way of life must have been the worst for her, because I knew how much she desired to a part of society. But it was her vanity that kept us all sequestered in the wilderness. Any mention of settling near a city or a town would send her back out into the woods and Esme would grow despondent with fear that she wouldn't return.

*

Our family had been on the road for the better part of a year. I measured the time before we could return to a more humane existence by the shade of Rosalie's eyes. They were a dull peach these days and I estimated we might find a place near a city within a month. I'd heard enough of Carlisle's thoughts to gather that he'd been applying to hospitals in the area. I assumed that with his resume, he would have his pick of positions. Physicians had largely deserted the mountains in search of a population that could pay for their services. I'd been reading about Asheville, North Carolina and had made a cursory examination of the small mountain city. The architecture was beautiful, and there was a university where I might study. The city was situated over natural hot springs, and as a result, there were many sanitariums in the area. My dim memories of Carlisle tending to the infirm in Chicago during the flu epidemic led me to believe he might be drawn to work with those humans with tuberculosis.

For the past few days we'd been staying in a little log cabin somewhere on the border of Tennessee and North Carolina. I'd found a small trove of Farmer's Almanacs and was leafing through the planting calendar for 1927 as I waited for Carlisle to return. I wanted to speak with him about the possibility of finding a home in Asheville. Carlisle was out collecting berries from a small indigenous tree. The native people of the area believed it could cure certain men's illnesses.

But before he could return, I heard Rosalie's footsteps running up toward the house. I felt all of my muscles go tense and a small trickle of venom burned the back of my throat. It was always a battle with Rosalie.

"Esme! Esme!"

"She's not here, Rosalie. She's out with Carlisle," I said with hardly a glance in her direction.

"Oh." I could hear the disappointment in her voice. She flopped down in a small wooden chair near the door. Rosalie still wasn't used to her newborn strength and the chair creaked and groaned as she threw herself into it. "Argh!" she growled in a small fit of rage.

I went back to reading the almanac, leafing through a list of the times of sunrises and sunsets. Rosalie remained outwardly silent, but quite unexpectedly, her thoughts filled the air with music. It was similar to the jazz that I listened to in New York, but it had a darker feel. It nearly hurt at the same time as it was filled with joy and life. My interest was piqued and I sat on the edge of my seat and gave her mind my full attention. I needed to know where Rosalie heard this and what it was, but I knew that she hated that I could hear her thoughts. I braced for an argument as I put the book down and turned my full attention to her. I attempted to look as polite as possible.

"Excuse me Rosalie, but where did you hear that piece of music?"

She looked up, startled, and her dusky orange eyes flashed with anger. But then she shook her head like she was trying to dislodge an unpleasant thought. "I guess it has to be you. Fine, come with me and I'll show you."

She was out the door without another word. I took a moment to consider whether or not I would follow, and was intrigued enough to throw the almanac aside and track Rosalie's scent out into the night. She made her way straight down the mountainside, and I was surprised to see her angling for Waynesville, the nearest town.

I heard the music carried on the wind before I saw anything. Notes from a guitar and bass shuffled and then swung as sharp and sour chords bent and vibrated in the air. Then a human voice joined in with a keening moan, before launching into a soulful lament. With each flourish and fade a chorus of human voices would cheer and holler.

A complex scent blew through the air, one that I was immediately familiar with. I could identify liquor, sweat, cigarette smoke and the smell of human excitement. I slowed my pace. It all seemed so out of place amidst the wet underbrush on a mountainside, at the edges of a tiny mining town.

Rosalie's thoughts came to me across the darkness. "_Edward, come on!"_

I thought about my vow to steer clear of darker influences, about how I'd associated my descent into damnation with the evil I'd courted in the New York underground. With those smells it all came back to me and it was as if the scenes played out again before my eyes. A little blond-haired waitress was lying on the floor battered and broken while my only thought was whether or not to kill the man that hurt her. I watched her die and watched how I'd let it happen. I saw myself tracking that man, returning to those clubs night after night until chance brought me across him in an ally. I didn't stop and think before sinking my teeth into him, and I watched how alive it made me feel. I shivered on the wet mountainside, immobile and sickened.

Rose came back for me.

"What's the matter?"

"I don't think I can go in there, Rosalie."

"I'm not going inside anywhere!" Rosalie grabbed my hand and began to tug. Her newborn strength easily won out against my own, and I had no will to fight her. It would only make her angrier. So I let her pull me along until we could just make out a ramshackle structure pieced together haphazardly with tin and plywood. There was a crowd swirling around the front of the building, and claps, stomps and cheering could be heard inside. The rickety structure couldn't contain the music within its walls; it seemed to burst through the cracks in the tin roof, filling the night air until it was thick with sound.

"It sounds so sad, don't you think?" Rosalie asked.

"Yes."

"But really pretty. Do you want to dance?"

"No!"

"Edward, come on! I haven't heard live music since, since… well I don't know. I hardly remember anything before Carlisle… well you know. But I know I liked to go out and dance with…_him_." Rosalie scowled and stomped her foot. "Dance with me!"

"Rosalie," I growled, "You got me here, but I'm not dancing."

"Has anyone ever told you that you're no fun?"

"And you've been a ray of sunshine all these months, I suppose?"

A rumble erupted from Rosalie's chest and she twitched. "I hate when I do that."

"What?"

"Growl."

"Oh."

A new song swelled through the air. It was faster, driven unevenly like the musicians were being chased and were enjoying it. Rosalie's head snapped in the direction of the music. "Oh. That one's lovely."

I leaned back on my elbows and let the sound of the strings wash over me. I wished I'd gone out more in Rochester. I didn't know the next time I'd live in a city and have access to live music. I hoped it would be soon. It suddenly seemed silly not to have gone out for all of those months. I listened closer to try to make out the rapid-fire lyrics. What I heard made me quickly look away from Rosalie. I wondered if she had been listening and if she understood the implications.

"Why don't you like me, Edward?" Perhaps she'd heard the song's lyrics after all.

"I could ask you the same," I replied stiffly.

I heard her grit her teeth and work to suppress another growl.

"Actually, I don't need to ask you, Rosalie. You disliked me for my looks from the first time I heard your thoughts. And you've wanted nothing but my admiration from the first time you laid eyes on me. When I didn't give you what you wanted, you hated me more."

"But why won't you do it, Edward? Why won't you just look at me like a man looks at a woman?"

"I don't see you like that. Why is that a problem? I don't think you have unrequited feelings. I don't believe you see me as a desirable male."

"I think maybe you're the first man, ever, that hasn't looked at me that way."

"Carlisle?" I challenged.

"I'm guessing that's why I'm here."

"Esme is his mate. There's no one that could come between them; he loves her with all his heart."

"I didn't mean like that. But what else would have brought him to my side? Why else would a doctor that sees dying people every day, choose me?"

"It's something I've wondered myself. I don't know."

"Thanks, Edward," Rosalie scowled. "You're a sweetheart. It's a wonder I don't like you."

I sighed. "_For Esme_," I thought to myself. "Here's the rub, Rosalie. I think we both want to stay with this family. We need to make it as bearable as possible for everyone, don't you think?"

"So shall we be secretly in hate, Edward?"

I rolled my eyes.

"Or perhaps we'll learn to love each other," she scowled.

I couldn't help grinning.

"Who knows? That crooked smile of yours is kind of cute."

I pushed Rosalie and she pushed me right back. But with her strength she sent me flying down the incline and I skidded along the wet ground until I collided with a large sugar maple. The tree promptly cracked in two, and the trunk flew through the air and landed across the road in front of the little juke joint. Humans jumped and scrambled at the site of a tree falling for no reason, and I was back up the side of the mountain before humans could see me.

I shook my head and gritted my teeth as I sat back down next to Rosalie.

"Sorry," Rosalie apologized out loud. "_He's had that coming since the moment I laid eyes on him._"

"Don't lie, Rosalie. It's unbecoming," I chastised.

"Fine then, secretly in hate it is."

The next evening I tried to settle in with the 1928 Farmer's Almanac, but couldn't concentrate. My mind flew off in twenty different directions, all of them leading out of doors. Before I knew it I was running back down the mountainside, circling closer to the juke joint. Tonight, to my great delight, the piano was the centerpiece. I settled into the wet leaves, lay on my back and closed my eyes. I could see the hands of the pianist pounding out the notes on the back of my eyelids. The minor chords and sad lyrics evoked pain and regret, and it fit my mindset perfectly. But somehow, underneath all of the sadness, was a feeling of hope and determination. I was surprised that a human could convey such contrasting emotions in song. It hadn't occurred to me to hope.

Twenty yards to my right I heard leaves rustle in the underbrush. I sprung to my feet and crouched; ready to defend myself. It took me half a second to see Rosalie lying in the leaves with her eyes shut. Sensing my eyes on her, she growled under her breath. I settled cautiously back to the ground. We lay in the grass until the last strains of the blues trailed off in with the early morning light.

*

Our family spent a few idyllic weeks in that little house in the woods. Rose and I reached a new understanding. Perhaps we couldn't talk to each other civilly and perhaps we didn't like each other, but we could both understand the blues and entertain the idea of hope.

We were lying on the forest floor listening to another mournful song one night, when Rosalie struck up a conversation. I jumped at the sound of her voice. We never spoke when we spent the evening together.

"I asked him once, you know."

"What? Who?"

"I asked Carlisle why."

I was silent and tried to close my mind to Rosalie's thoughts. I didn't want to violate their confidence. She could continue if she wanted.

"Do you know what he said?"

"No." "_But I would pay large sums of money to find ou_t," I thought to myself.

Rosalie looked surprised. "I figured you would know, that you would have heard… Well anyway, he said it would have been too much waste to let me go. He said he couldn't leave me there to die."

I sighed. "That's what he said to me."

"Yes… But it's not a good enough explanation, if you ask me."

"I don't know, Rosalie. He's kept his thoughts on the matter from me from the start."

"He has?" I saw Rosalie's eyes light up with sudden understanding.

I nodded. "What is it, Rosalie?"

"Edward, Esme's quite pleased that we've been spending our nights together."

I'd noticed Esme's cheerful attitude, but her mind had been quiet lately. I had guessed that our stay in one place for three weeks at a time might have brought on the thoughtlessly happy mood. The little wooden cabin felt almost cozy with her warm ministrations.

"Edward, I think I was right. I think it _was_ my looks that got Carlisle's attention. But he wasn't thinking about himself."

"I don't know Rose. I thought maybe you were intended as a companion for Esme."

"No. I know the look that they've been giving me this week. Edward, Carlisle kept me for you."

I was struck silent. Rosalie was right; I knew it immediately. I recalled what I'd said about Rosalie the day after Carlisle saw her at the hospital, "_Her thoughts cut through all the others at that gathering that evening._" I'd paid attention to her the first night I met her. Her absurd thoughts had made me grin. Was that the first time I smiled since returning to Carlisle and Esme? Perhaps. Rosalie was maternal like Esme, and everyone including Carlisle found her absolutely attractive. Was this supposed to be an irresistible combination? How naïve could Carlisle be? Did he think that damning another soul would make me happy? That I would jump at any unmated vampire?

I was on my feet growling with clenched hands. "Of all the…"

"So, you didn't know?"

"No! If I ever suspected... I can't believe he would…" I stopped and turned to Rosalie. This may have been unfair to me, but unfair didn't even come close to what this was for her. "Rosalie, I'm sorry. I'm sorry Carlisle didn't let you die like you wanted. I'm sorry for what happened to you, that you have to live with people you don't like. I'm sorry for everything."

"I like Carlisle and Esme enough by now. And it's not your fault… exactly."

"Not _exactly_?"

"Well, maybe if you found someone on your own. Maybe if you were happier then he wouldn't have --"

"What right do you have to talk about me like that? Should I have been more like you? Look who _you_ chose!"

"Why you hateful little --"

"Little!"

Rosalie and I sprung at each other, and when our bodies collided a sharp crack reverberated through the air. I heard birds cry out in alarm and take to the sky; the humans below us in the parking lot went silent. But we didn't care. Rose fell to the ground, but she was up on her feet before I could pin her down. She came at me, but I could see what she was planning and I was able to easily dodge her.

"Aahh!" Rosalie cried out in rage. I heard the humans below us getting into their cars. A few people had rushed out of the building to see what the commotion was about.

"Rosalie, we should go," I hissed as I scanned the minds of the humans below to see if anyone suspected us. That's when she came at me from behind, jumping on my back and pushing me over the edge of the mountainside. We tumbled down the incline, knocking down trees and crushing boulders in our path until we crashed into the side of the juke joint. The walls shuddered and groaned on impact and the music came to a halt. People were rushing outside and I heard the nuts and bolts holding the place together creak and strain.

"Rosalie, now! Go!" I hissed. We took to the mountains without looking back. I didn't speak to Rosalie as we ran toward the cabin. Instead, I rehearsed all of the different ways I might confront Carlisle.

*

Rosalie and I burst through the front entrance of the cabin to see Esme drawing up some blueprints on the large wooden table in the main room. She glanced up with glittering, happy eyes. But one look at the range of emotions that must have been playing across our faces, and her face quickly registered alarm.

"What is it?"

"We have to go, Esme." My voice was hard and clipped.

"What --"

"We may have knocked over a juke joint," Rosalie explained.

"You robbed a what?"

"No, Esme. I think we may have actually knocked it down," I explained without a hint of irony.

Esme's eyebrows shot toward the ceiling. "And how did you two do that?"

I scowled at Rosalie. "I'd rather not say just now."

Esme shook her head and looked at the both of us sternly. "You're not going to say anything for yourselves?"

"Edward said --"

"She was --"

We'd both started at the same time.

Esme silenced us both with a wave of her hand. "Fine. That's enough. Just when I thought you two were finally getting along."

This time Rosalie and I both growled in unison. Esme jumped backward.

"It will wait until Carlisle. This concerns him," I said in a softer tone.

"Yes, we'll talk when he gets back. Carlisle and I had something we wanted to discuss with you and Rose as well."

Esme tried, but couldn't keep her thoughts completely guarded from me.

"We're moving where, Esme?"

* * *

**A/N: Sorry to all of you that have been waiting weeks for this update. I'm trying to get the hang of writing a few stories at once, while managing to work and sleep and to see my family every once in a while. Anyway, I'm glad I finally got back to The Newborn.**

**P.S. I just wanted to pass on some suggested reading. My friend and amazing author Jessica A. Brown has been writing about Alice & Jasper's history pre-Twilight. A lot of her writing has fit in with the Newborn in surprising ways. I think we have a shared vision at this point. You can check out her story, The Long Road Home at: **

**http://www . fanfiction . net/s/5302583/1/The_Long_Road_Home_The_Journey_of_Alice_Jasper (Just erase the spaces)**

**You know I love to hear from you all, so I'd love a review or two, or ten! Thanks, m**


	15. Cumberland

_"Yes, we'll talk when he gets back. Carlisle and I had something we wanted to discuss with you and Rose as well."_

_Esme tried, but couldn't keep her thoughts completely guarded from me._

_"We're moving where, Esme?"_

_*_

"I'd like to wait for Carlisle, if you don't mind, Edward. Nothing is decided yet, and it's his news to tell."

"What are you two talking about? We're moving?" Rosalie asked.

"We can't stay here now Rosalie. Did you forget about the building you knocked us into?" I accused.

"The building _I_ knocked us into? You know very well you started it!"

"Please! We were having a civil conversation when _you_ blamed… this… on me." My voice trailed off reluctantly. We'd been fighting about Rosalie's existence before we knocked the structure down. A juke joint and a forced move meant little in comparison to her soul. I threw myself into a chair, crossed my arms and watched the door for Carlisle. He had a lot to say for himself.

The three of us settled into an uncomfortable outward silence as we waited for my father. Rosalie rocked impatiently back and forth in a creaking rocking chair. The thoughts and concerns of the others swirled around me in the cold cabin air.

"_Like some sort of prize for his son_." Creak. "_Just my luck he finds me dying_." Squeak. "_What kind of woman does he think I am_?" Creak, creak. "_I told Carlisle that he should have said something_." Creak. "_It's a marvel he was able to keep it from Edward as long as he has._" Squeak, creak. "_And just when the two of them might have been --"_

"Rosalie, please!" I sprung from my seat. It hadn't been Rosalie that caused my temper to flare, but it was easier than yelling at Esme. I'd never felt for any woman the way Esme hoped I might feel for Rosalie. While this sometimes left me feeling damaged and inhuman, it was something very personal that my mother had no right intruding on. I was tired of being pushed on this matter. Now a soul had been lost in this quest to find me a mate.

"What is it _now_, Edward?" Rosalie scowled.

"Nothing. The chair. Could you stay still?"

"Anything for you, Edward. That seems to be the rule in this family. Myself included." With that Rosalie crossed her arms and stayed vampire still, glaring at me all the while.

"_Happy now?"_

"No." I could feel the anger rolling of my body, shaking the air around me.

"_Seems to be a recurring theme with you."_

"I'm sorry, but I can't stay here and wait." I was quickly out the door, running into the cold night, trying to catch Carlisle's scent. The air was heavy with hickory, sassafras and white pine, but Carlisle was nowhere near. I heard Rosalie's footsteps behind me, but she was no longer as fast as I was and stood little chance of catching me.

"Damn it, Edward!" she called. "Why is it always about you? This concerns me, you… you --" I'd outrun the range of her voice. Unfortunately, I could hear thoughts from a much wider distance. Her silent curses were probably well deserved.

As much as I was searching out Carlisle, I was also running to quiet my mind. I felt my body and mind relax as I pushed myself over the harsh mountain terrain. As a vampire, I could never turn off my conscious brain, but running was probably the closest I could get to it. I felt the sharp winter air pelt at my skin and pull at the roots of my hair. Frozen rain began to fall from the sky, and small needles hit my face and left a layer of frost on my clothing. The soft gray mist that always hung low in these mountains enveloped me and held me close as leaves and twigs scraped at my skin. I picked up the distant smell of fox, beaver and wild turkey.

But try as I might to avoid it, my mind inevitably cut through the sensations of the cold night. Rosalie was another life to add to my escalating body count. I'd had a clean record for four hard-fought years, and yet here was another death at my feet. Was it my destiny to destroy humans, whether intentional or not?

I ran faster, pushed harder, over granite outcroppings, weaving easily between tall pines until I caught something in the wind. It was a scent almost more tempting than any other. More tempting than anything except the smell of human. Venom filled my mouth, electricity exploded through my limbs. I ran faster, then took to the trees, moving silently and swiftly through the branches, delighting that my meal was running quickly, inexplicably, in my direction.

Suddenly, wordless images flashed through my brain. There was another tracking my prey. In the other's mind I heard rapid footfalls and steady breaths. I watched the wet world flash by in greens and grays. The other's eyes caught everything as they ran; it wasn't a blur. The other was a vampire.

But this cougar would be mine.

The cat was trapped between the two of us. I smelled its anger, tinged with fear. It took to the trees, but I was already there. The other vampire was closing in. I could almost smell it. The scent of the cat had my teeth dripping and my lips damp with venom, my throat burned. I moved swiftly along the tree limbs and the cat let out a guttural snarl. We sprang at one another, colliding with a dull thud, and she was knocked unconscious on impact. My teeth met her neck before we hit the ground, piercing deep into her buttery flesh until they sliced through her jugular. I landed on my feet, the cat cradled in my arms.

It was mine.

Her blood was salty, earthen and warm. The thick liquid caressed my throat with its silken texture. My eyes rolled into the back of my head as I fed. But then I heard the near-silent footsteps and the snarl building in the approaching vampire's chest. I wasn't finished. I wouldn't give the cat up. I pulled hungrily at her throat, inhaling the vinegar and copper scent of her pelt, digging my nails into her skin. Mine.

The footfalls drew rapidly near, the crisp leaves almost rustled, the night moved around me as the vampire came to lay claim to his stolen prey.

I spun around to glare into my father's dark eyes.

*

We eyed each other silently, minds wordless, his eyes fixed on my body, my prize, my mouth. I saw him suppress a snarl, at war within himself. For an instant I was glad. She was dry and I threw her at his feet.

"I'm sorry, was she intended for you?" I growled.

"Edward." There was a predatory undertone to Carlisle's voice. I stood my ground.

"What were you thinking?"

"Edward."

"Rosalie Hale."

"Edward, it's been a year. You and she --"p

"Enough, Carlisle. I know." With those words the predator in front of me melted, and my father stood before me, suddenly smaller and more vulnerable. "What you did to that girl was unconscionable."

"Edward, I never claimed to be infallible, I'm just your father. To see a child in so much pain, you would do anything."

"But how could you manipulate life like that? How could you turn someone with the idea that she was intended for me?"

"The same way I turned you, Edward. My actions were selfish, but you never questioned my intentions, because it worked."

"But you thought I would love her?"

"Son, what do I know of love? It took me hundreds of years to find Esme. I'm nearly as much as a novice as you are in that regard. You and Esme changed me, changed my existence forever. I'd hoped having someone would change you too. It may not have turned out like I hoped, but I can't believe it was a mistake."

"Ha," I managed sarcastically.

"Rosalie has always had the power to draw you out of yourself."

"You enjoy the anger? The exasperation? You see this as an improvement over…"

Carlisle puckered his lips in a bemused smile, stopping my words in my throat. "It's heartening to see you fight for yourself, at least."

"And at what cost?"

"Edward, let Rosalie's soul weigh on my conscience. That's between me and my god. But she is part of our family now. She is my child. She will always have a place here."

"She's not happy."

"This coming from you! Do you remember your own state of mind four years ago, one year ago? I'll talk to her."

"Good luck with that."

This time Carlisle chuckled out loud. "Again, this coming from you. Do you know how hard it was to approach you when you turned up on our doorstep in Bronxville?"

"I tried to make it easy for you."

"You weren't successful. But I appreciate your effort." I saw Carlisle trying to restrain his grin.

I looked away. I wasn't ready to find humor in my actions. There was too much horror intertwined with it all.

"There is something Esme and I would like to discuss with you and Rosalie."

"Cumberland?"

"You heard."

"From Esme. It's a point on a map, Carlisle, little more than that. Why do you want to move us deeper into the woods?"

"Esme and I would like to help the humans in this area. This is a time like few others in history. These humans have nothing. The government plans to build a community from the ground up in Cumberland. A place where men can get work building houses, roads, dams for electric power. A place where children can attend school again.

"I would be in charge of creating and maintaining the medical co-operative. Esme would like to submit blueprints for the houses to be built. They'd like the dwellings to be aesthetically pleasing, and to utilize the very trees and rocks they clear to build the community. It's a challenge she's excited about."

"But, the woods?"

"I know you'd prefer a city. We've all sacrificed this past year for Rosalie. Esme and I won't go if it means you or Rosalie would leave us, or if it means you'll mope in the wilderness. I'm not making a decision like that for the family again. It's something we would all have to agree to."

"What would I do there?"

"Whatever you'd like. As Esme's younger brother you could attend school, you could get a job."

"A job?"

"Think about it, Edward. We have some time before we need to decide."

"Not exactly, Carlisle. Tonight Rosalie and I destroyed a bar on the outskirts of Waynesville."

This time Carlisle's laugh rang through the trees. "You see what I mean, Edward. She draws you out of yourself. In all our years together, I would never have expected that from you. At any rate, that pushes things up a bit. I suppose we should decide by morning. Now if you'll excuse me, you interrupted my hunt."

"Sorry about that."

"It was bound to happen sooner or later."

*

I don't know what Carlisle said to Rosalie. I tried my best to stay out of it. Of course, over the years, I saw glimpses. Carlisle had grown to love Rosalie, he made her, and he would care for her. I knew the feel of Carlisle's unconditional love. I knew it would win Rosalie over. What was her alternative? So she stayed, she agreed to their plan, and we moved deep into the Tennessee wilderness.

The Cumberland Plateau was a vast rolling landscape, thick with stands of hickory, oak and red maple. The rounded mountains dropped off into steep-walled canyons cut out of the sandstone by raging white water. Blue clouds rolled through the landscape, hugging the ground and clinging to the trees.

Carlisle and Esme hummed with satisfaction. Carlisle worked tirelessly, applying for grants, for donations, recruiting those with a medical background. He built a bustling facility deep in the shade. He made up for any shortage in supplies by using the native medicines he'd collected over the past year. I heard the thoughts of the other homesteaders as they marveled that the new doctor always seemed to be in the clinic. He very nearly was.

Carlisle used his clout to introduce Esme to William Stanton, the architect in charge. Her help, since it was offered for free, was gladly employed. On cloudy days, I'd often find Esme watching her designs being raised from the earth with a smile on her lips.

I attended high school for the first time since I'd been human, whenever the weather allowed. Rosalie came with me and stayed close to my side. She was cautious around the humans, trying desperately not to give herself away, yet trying desperately to be noticed at the same time. My concerns were of a more gastronomical nature. Although it had been four years, I still hungered for human blood. Between the two of us, we had all the vampiric worries covered.

Our absences during sunny days never raised much suspicion. In this community, formal education at our age was a luxury that was barely tolerated. If we were needed to help our parents in lieu of schooling, it was taken in stride.

When we did show up at school, the other students kept their distance from us as much as was possible in the confines of the classroom. When we were dismissed in the afternoon, they drifted intentionally away from us. I was never invited to play football or baseball with the boys, and Rosalie was never asked to join the girls when they would gather at one another's home. We never showed up at their weekend bonfires in the woods. They assumed we were too stuck up to associate with them, which worked to their advantage. The more space between us, the safer they would be. This was their world, we just existed in it.

Of course, there wasn't much I could be taught in that tiny school. Against my better judgment, I found myself listening in on the thoughts of the other students. In principle I was opposed to this. I thought it brought myself too close to the humans around me. I believed that if I let myself into their mind, I'd created a connection; one that could put their life in danger. But with little else to hold my attention, I used their thoughts to explore the countryside, learn to shoot a gun, see which crops had been planted in the field, and learn what our classmates did on the weekends.

Many of the boys in the class used their time to daydream about Rosalie. She was universally admired. I didn't tell her for fear that it would go straight to her head. But she never failed to notice their furtive glances and the way the humans would linger to watch her walk to and from school.

At the end of the school day, the older boys would often gather together in a group and watch Rosalie as she walked home with me. While it brought her a great deal of contentment, it also reminded her that she would never again be one of those humans. And every day I watched her pleasure turn to anger as she stomped off toward our house. The humans interpreted her attitude as snobbishness, but that didn't dampen their desire in the least.

It was a day like this when someone spurred the boys to take things a step further. I heard the dare a second before I heard the whistle. Suddenly all of them were whistling at Rosalie. I spun around, ready to quiet them all, but Rosalie grabbed my arm.

"Don't do it, Edward."

"I'm not letting this go," I growled. I tried to pull my arm away, but Rosalie held it tight.

"Please Edward, don't make a scene. Leave this to me."

She stalked over to the group of laughing boys and glared at them savagely, with a look only a vampire could give. They were struck silent. I heard Rosalie chuckle under her breath before she joined me on the path, took my arm, and began leading us home.

But one of the group, a boy named Warren, unexpectedly took off after us. It happened quickly, he'd decided in the moment. Up until that time his thoughts had been in line with the others. The crude attitude of the other boys spurred him to action.

We both heard him approaching. "_What does he want, Edward?"_ Rosalie asked silently.

"He feels badly. I think he wants to protect you."

Rosalie laughed out loud before spinning around to face the boy. I guessed Warren was about a year younger than my human age, and he was already several inches taller than I was. He had a mess of wavy brown hair and pale freckled skin that was sunburned over the bridge of his nose. The boy was thin, but he had muscles that showed he grew up helping his parents on the farm. Overall, he looked like he could take care of himself.

But the look Rosalie gave him stopped him in his tracks.

"What do you think you're doing?"

If her look froze his limbs, her voice stopped his heart. By the time he recovered, Rosalie had turned back around and was walking towards home.

But somehow, Warren was undeterred. From the moment we walked into the classroom the next day, I heard his plans to accompany Rosalie home. I warned Rosalie as soon as I had a chance. By the time the school day came to a close, the boy's heart had accelerated to a dangerous pace, and I could smell the fear coming out of his pores. Rosalie stood to leave with her jaw set, her hands balled into fists and a determined look in her eye. And again Warren ran to catch up to her.

"Rosalie?"

She spun around faster than she should have and the boy took a few quick steps backwards.

"Leave me alone little boy. I could eat you for lunch."

"Rosalie!" I gasped.

She turned on her heels and stomped toward our house. Once again, the boy was immobile and his heart sputtered in his chest. When his heart came back to life I thought it might pound through his rib cage, and I saw beads of sweat break out on his brow.

"Sorry, Warren," I murmured, afraid to make eye contact. For all her fears about being suspected a vampire, she certainly hadn't acted human.

"It's alright, man. Your cousin is something."

"If you know what's best for you, I think you should leave my cousin alone."

"Yeah, right," he agreed half-heartedly. He walked off in the other direction, but snuck a few glances over his shoulder at Rosalie's disappearing silhouette.

*

Unfortunately, my warning did little to deter Warren, and I wondered at the boy's instincts. Everyone else in the school kept a respectful distance between us. But Warren grew bolder with the day, conveniently walking along the same route to school, approaching Rosalie and I at lunch breaks, and always hanging behind us as we walked home.

And little by little, Rosalie's attitude changed as well. She looked forward to his daily attention. Each morning as she prepared to leave the house, she would hum a little tune and repeatedly check her reflection in the mirror. Her eyes scanned the horizon looking for him as soon she left the house. This didn't escape Warren's attention, and he was encouraged to continue his pursuit. Each overcast day he walked silently along side us as we came and went from school. On sunny days Rosalie would mope at home, feeling trapped, and loathing her vampire skin.

Finally, the day came when Rosalie asked me to leave her and Warren to themselves as they walked home from school.

"Rosalie, no."

"Don't fight me on this Edward."

"I won't do it, Rosalie."

Warren jogged over to us. "Hey guys."

"We'll talk at home, Edward." Rosalie's voice sang sweetly. I heard Warren's heart hammering in his chest. He was considering whether or not he should hold her hand.

"Edward, so help me, if you don't leave right now, I'll make what happened to the juke joint look like child's play."

I clenched my jaw, narrowed my eyes and silently fumed at Rosalie. We would talk at home, all right.

*

An hour later, Rosalie practically danced into the house. I met her at the front door.

"So, are we going to have this out in the entrance?" she asked. Her tone of voice dared me to confront her.

"Rosalie, this isn't good for you. You need to stop playing with this boy. There's no point. It could be dangerous for us. Carlisle, and Esme have too much invested here."

"But it makes me happy."

"You don't care about him."

"I like him enough, Edward. Just because you don't like anyone, don't hold it against me." Rosalie always knew how to push my buttons, but I tried to contain my anger. It wouldn't get me anywhere. I needed to make her see what she was risking.

"Rosalie, it's wrong. You're putting his life in danger."

"You're confusing us, Edward. _I've_ never fed from a human. _I_ can control my hunger."

"Where do you think this will go?"

"I don't care. For once I'm happy. He's hardly scared of me. It makes me feel normal."

"We're not normal, Rosalie. We're vampires. What happens when he get's the nerve to hold your hand? What if… if --"

"Please Edward, I can handle myself. This boy could never hurt me."

I almost laughed. "It's not you I'm worried about."

"How very brotherly of you," she snarled.

"That's it, Rosalie. I'll speak to Carlisle. I can't let you put our lives at risk this way."

Rosalie spun around and went back out the way she came, slamming the door hard enough to crack its frame. Esme was going to be livid.

*

I was waiting when Carlisle returned from the clinic in the early hours of the morning. He listened to patiently to the story and my worries on about the matter.

"Edward, she's done nothing wrong," he decided.

"But interacting with a human that way!"

"I interact with humans every day," Carlisle reminded me.

"You and Rosalie are two different creatures entirely."

"I don't think so, Edward. We're both vampires."

I snorted. This wasn't a joke. "But, he has feelings for her. It's not right to lead him on."

"That may be the case, Edward. But that's a different argument. Morally it's wrong for Rosalie to lead the boy on, especially if she doesn't return the sentiment. But I won't try to stop her from speaking to him. I'm pleased that she finds solace in human interaction. We have to co-exist with them, after all."

I gritted my teeth and turned to look at the sun rising over the mountaintops, glowing dull red behind a thick blanket of clouds. The air smelled like snow.

"Son, I'll speak with Rosalie before school. But she's given us no reason not to trust her. She's an adult. Let's try to give her the space she deserves." He paused to make eye contact with me. "That includes mental space."

But the following day at school, Warren wasn't there. Rosalie was on the edge of her seat the entire time, constantly on the look out for him to show up late. Her eyes scoured the landscape when school let out. The following day was sunny, and Rosalie paced the small house like a caged panther. I slipped into the forest to escape her wrath.

Finally, the next day dawned cloudy and gray. Two days apart had been too much for the boy. He spent the day in class thinking about nothing but Rosalie. Despite his obsession, his thoughts were mostly pure. He longed to hold her hand, stroke her cheek, and to find a quite place to kiss her. His determination made me anxious, and Rosalie's inviting smiles had me livid. Her personal entertainment seemed a poor excuse to put the boy's life in jeopardy.

However, I honored half of my father's wishes. I didn't try to keep the two apart after school. But I didn't give Rosalie the mental space he requested. I held my breath and walked slowly toward home as I listened to Warren's plans. He wanted to take her to a sandstone cliff overlooking the Cumberland River. It was at least a mile into the forest.

Through his mind I watched as he reached out for Rosalie's hand. She hesitated and I heard her fears about how he would react to her touch.

"Please, Rosalie. I'm not like those other jokers. You don't have to worry about me."

And with that, Rosalie offered her hand tentatively. I watched Warren flinch as he touched her for the first time, but then he held her hand tightly in his, with a look of determination in his eyes.

"Can I show you a place I like to go? It's real pretty."

"I don't know," Rosalie answered coyly.

"But it's not as pretty as you," Warren continued in a low voice.

"Oh, all right," Rosalie giggled as she batted her eyes.

I didn't follow them, exactly. I just stayed close enough to monitor their thoughts; close enough to see that the boy was safe. I tuned out their idle chitchat and I tolerated Rosalie's vain thoughts as the boy complimented her endlessly. Finally, they came to the overlook and I smiled as I recalled that Esme had drained a deer on that exact spot only two weeks prior.

I watched the boy tremble through Rosalie's eyes and I saw him wipe his palms on his trousers. And I saw him shyly look up at her, an unspoken question on his slightly parted lips. I watched him close his eyes and move his head closer to hers.

I shook my head and closed my mind. This was wrong. Carlisle was right, I shouldn't intrude. What Rosalie was doing in the woods with the boy was none of my business. I turned to walk away, when thoughts screamed at me from the cliff.

"Rosalie!" Warren shouted.

Images assaulted my brain. I saw Rosalie through Warren's eyes. Her eyes were on fire, her hands clenched his arms in a painful grip, and her lips were glistening with venom. And then through Rosalie's eyes, a saw the bloody scratch where a twig must have scraped Warren's arm. She pulled his arm to her face and inhaled. In her mind, her mouth was already clamped around it, her throat was already coated with his blood.

I saw the urine dampen Warren's pants and his face go pale. I was running as fast as I could.

But before I could reach them, Rosalie threw the boy on the ground and fled. I monitored the boy's thoughts to make sure he was unhurt before continuing after my sister. Using her mind and her scent as a guide, I easily overtook her. She spun around to face me before I could tackle her.

"Let me go, Edward."

"I let you go once before, I can't do it again, Rosalie."

"Leave me alone! Do you know what I almost did? Do you know what I still want to do?"

"Yes."

"Of course you do! You're a monster just like I am, and you read minds. God, I hate this! Just when I thought I could be normal, I could handle it. I can't stay here Edward. Let me go or I'll fight you right here. Let me go!"

"Esme and Carlisle would have my head. It would hurt them."

"Tell them I need to be alone. I can't stay here. I can't let that boy look at me again!"

"We can all leave, Rosalie."

"No! Don't try to stop me, Edward. Please."

Rosalie turned and ran through the trees. For a second time, I let her leave.

*

A week passed slowly by. Warren was left confused, with two bruised forearms and a broken heart. He didn't speak a word of the incident to anyone, instead letting the other boys in the class imagine he'd had his way with Rosalie in the woods. Carlisle and Esme were resigned, and not so secretly angry with me that I didn't physically restrain Rosalie. But she'd left us many times before and they were hopeful she would return.

True to form, when Rosalie returned, she made an entrance that no one in the settlement would ever forget.

* * *

**A/N: As I tried to figure out what the heck the Cullens would be doing in Appalachia, somewhere around Tennessee, I ran across the Cumberland Homestead. It was a real government sponsored community, with a tricked out medical co-operative and a singular style of architecture that is now referred to as Cumberland style. Suddenly I was sure that this is where the Cullens would be.**

**Thanks for taking this journey with me. Please review and let me know what you think. m**


	16. The Boy and The Bear, Pt I

The Boy and the Bear Part I, or Hell's Not So Bad If You Get to Keep an Angel

Only through this pain, which, while consuming but not destroying love, hope, and joy, tries to burst our breasts with a full-voiced general cry from all the passions, do we live on and are captivated beholders of the spirits.

- H.C. Robbins Langdon on Beethoven's Fifth Symphony

* * *

Thankfully, the day Rosalie returned was dark and overcast. A little sunlight would never have deterred her as she ran as fast as possible back to Cumberland, carrying something that would change our lives forever.

*****

Winter was threatening, and the community was struggling with the harvest, trying diligently to stock up on human food before the snow and ice came. School was closed so that children could help in the fields, myself included. It was difficult to endure harvesting at human speed, and my boredom was compounded as I listened to the tedious thoughts of the others working around me. My only consolation was that darkness came early this time of year. We wouldn't be out in the fields much longer.

Of course, I knew that food was necessary for these humans to survive, and that these particular humans had endured much already. I saw the lines of worry their hard lives had left etched on their faces, the way brutal work had bowed their shoulders. I took solace in the idea that I might help them in some minute way, even if it was as meaningless as pulling up beets at human speed. But even with this knowledge, I chafed at this activity and had begged Carlisle to allow me to pull all the vegetables the night before while the humans slept, to avoid the monotony of the coming days.

I asked even though I knew what his answer would be. He wouldn't want to risk human suspicion. Finally, both he and Esme had found a place where they felt useful to humanity again. Ultimately, I wouldn't do anything to put this in jeopardy for them, and I listened dutifully when he told me in no uncertain terms that I could not harvest everything myself. After all, a week of monotony meant little compared to eternity, and to Carlisle and Esme's happiness.

But this monotony came to an abrupt end when Rosalie's thoughts screamed out to me across the brittle wintery air.

"_Edward! Edward! God, I hope you're listening. Go to the clinic, now! Tell Carlisle I'm coming. Please, now!"_

Rose was often dramatic, but there was something I heard in her inner voice that made me believe this was for real. That she wasn't just begging for attention. And also, honestly, I wanted to get out of working in the field. I left without looking back, making my way to the forest where I could run quickly, unhindered by human eyes.

The clinic was nestled at the edge of the tree line, under the shadow of ancient maples. It was a low, wooden whitewashed structure. And while it was small and Spartan, it hummed with efficiency and was tirelessly staffed by one sleepless doctor, and a handful of handpicked nurses and administrators. Under Carlisle's care, I'm sure there wasn't a healthier human community in all of Appalachia. I'd never seen him happier than he was putting his vision into practice and helping those humans that needed him the most.

By the time I had the clinic in my sights, Rose's thoughts had turned from frantic to nearly incoherent. "_Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god. Please no. Don't let it be too late. Please, please, please...."_

Her voice was miles closer now. I hadn't known her to run this fast since she was a newborn and I wondered what trouble she'd gotten herself into. I didn't believe it was a human; she was as abstemious as Carlisle when it came to her thirst for human blood. I imagined she went too far in public somehow, making a spectacle out of herself in some suspicious way. I just hoped that it had taken place far enough away from here that we wouldn't have to leave.

"_Oh no, no, no, no... We'll be there soon, hold on, hold on..."_

_We? _She had thought '_we_'.

Carlisle heard me approaching and was waiting for me at the entrance of the clinic with a bemused look on his face. "What is it, Edward? Why aren't you with the others? Are you sick?" he asked with a grin. He raised an eyebrow, knowing I detested human-paced manual labor.

"Rosalie's coming," I explained in rushed voice.

Carlisle's sarcastic grin turned into a wide smile. "I'm glad. Esme will be overjoyed to have her back. Have you told her yet?"

"No, Rosalie's bringing someone. She's coming to the clinic. Something's wrong."

"_Edward, I swear, if you didn't listen to me… I'll, I'll… oh god, hold on! Look at me! Hold on! Tell Carlisle to make everyone leave, now!"_

"Edward?" Carlisle saw that my mind was momentarily focused elsewhere.

"She's nearly here, Carlisle. She just asked that you evacuate the clinic."

"The clinic?" Carlisle looked around the waiting room, full of sick children and elderly humans. "Perhaps someone's been injured," he mumbled to himself. Carlisle ran his hand through his hair, carefully considering what should be done. Closing the clinic would definitely raise eyebrows, and I listened to his thoughts as he surveyed each of the patients, trying to decide who among them could wait another day for care.

He didn't have long to weigh the possibilities. The salt and copper scent of human blood hit us like a wall of granite. I felt my body go stiff, my mouth filled with venom, my mind turned from words to images, as I scouted the forest, looking for the blood. I managed to inch my body closer to Carlisle's, hoping that he would restrain me. I didn't trust myself for a second. He rested his hand on my shoulder reassuringly, but with a grip I remembered well from my newborn days.

The scent of the blood grew more powerful with each passing second; its aroma coated my nostrils and my throat, causing all of my nerve endings to fire. "Where's Esme?" I growled.

"At the site for the community center," Carlisle answered absently, scanning the horizon for signs of Rosalie.

"Should I go warn her?" I asked. My intentions were unclear, even to myself. In my mind I ran to alert Esme, in my body I was headed straight for Rosalie.

"No, son, stay here." Carlisle tightened his grip on my arm.

Carlisle towed me around the clinic with him as he quickly began dismissing his staff with hasty excuses. Worry was showing through his usually equinimatous veneer, and he couldn't help glancing out the windows towards the forest several times each minute. He gently eased the human patients out of their seats, moving them each toward the exit. But humans are slow creatures, and somehow, many were still milling about the lobby when Carlisle and I finally heard Rosalie's rapid footsteps running almost noiselessly in our direction.

"Edward, get them all out of here, now. I'll go meet Rosalie," Carlisle hissed in a voice too low for the humans to hear. He was out the door slightly faster than humanly possible. A few of the patients in the lobby startled at the sight. But if I couldn't get the humans out of the building, that might be the least of their surprise. I attempted to block out images of me fighting my sister as I tried to drink the blood of an injured human.

In the state of mind I was in, it was easy to strike a predatory air. One glance at my glowing eyes and the humans left quickly, without looking back. I was relieved Carlisle wasn't there to see my actions, but my relief was quickly replaced with overwhelming hunger. It took all of my resolve to root myself to the spot, my teeth dripping with venom, my throat burning, and my muscles tightly wound and ready to spring into action.

And almost before it could register, they were in front of me. Rosalie was cradling a bear of a man in her arms. The human was enormous, very tall with hulking shoulders and a head of thick, curling dark hair. His shoulder was ripped open and he was missing a piece of his right thigh: someone or something had torn through his shirt and his trousers to get at the flesh. But that was the least of his problems. He'd been torn open from his neck to his abdomen, his vital organs glistening before my eyes. Carlisle's hands were sunk deep into the man's gaping chest cavity. The smell of loose bile and excrement mixed with the heady aroma of the man's blood. I would have swooned if I could have. The scent of his blood was unusually potent, smelling something akin to pepper and pine.

As Rosalie stood before me, holding this broken body in her arms, my vision clouded over at the sight of so much blood. It was all I could see. It was everywhere. The man, the ground, Rose, and Carlisle were all coated in glistening, warm, bright red blood. Venom escaped from the corner of my mouth and dribbled down my chin.

"Move, son," Carlisle commanded. I heard his voice as if it came from a great distance.

Carlisle took one hand out of the man's chest and pushed me out of the way. I stared at the bloody handprint on my sleeve for one, two, three seconds, before I wrenched my eyes from my shirt and looked back at the unfolding scene.

Rose was gasping and I noticed that her fingertips had unintentionally pierced the man's flesh where she held him, and her eyes never left those of the man in her arms. The man was adrift somewhere in semi-consciousness, his eyes were open, his pupils fixed, but somehow, he seemed attuned to Rosalie's every movement. Carlisle worked on lowering the man onto a cot with one hand, while he continued to grasp something inside of the man's chest with the other. I guessed he was trying to keep the man from bleeding out.

"Please," Rosalie broke the thick, blood-soaked silence that had surrounded us. "Please, Carlisle?" her voice was desperate. She clutched Carlisle's shoulder with one hand, while the other never let go of the man.

"Edward, get the door." Carlisle's voice was firm. Somehow, I made my feet move. I locked the clinic doors before cautiously making my way in their direction.

Rosalie's thoughts were desperate, _"Please, please, please, please…"_

With one hand, Carlisle pulled sutures, clamps, and all manner of surgical equipment from a nearby drawer. He shined a light into the man's gaping torso and began a silent evaluation.

"_What is he doing? Why? A light?" _Rosalie silently questioned.

"Rosalie?" She turned to look at me, her eyes sad and frantic and hopeful.

"_Why the medical stuff?"_ she asked me silently.

"To save him, obviously."

"_But, but…"_ Rosalie stuttered silently, "_but that's not what I --"_

And then I knew. The man wasn't here for medical help. Rosalie brought him here to turn him into one of us.

"I'm sorry Rosalie, but this man is gone," Carlisle interrupted our silent conversation.

"No, I can still feel his pulse. He's warm," she countered, clutching at the man's wrist.

"There's nothing I can do for him, dear. I don't have the equipment I would need for wounds as extensive as these. I have no blood here. He's lost too much," Carlisle said, placing his hand tenderly on Rosalie's shoulder.

"Too much? How much do you _need_?" she asked, shaking off his hand.

"Rosalie, he will die. It's a miracle he hasn't already. Let's close his wound and let him expire in peace." Then Carlisle caught sight of me, quaking with desire in the corner. "And you should wash yourself," he advised her, stepping between Rosalie, the man and myself.

"No!" Rosalie screamed, throwing herself over the body. Carlisle and I both jumped at her unexpected outburst.

"Rosalie," Carlisle scolded as he spun back to face her, "I don't know what you did here, but I can't fix it."

Rosalie was back on her feet, her eyes flashing with anger. "What I _did_? I saved him from a bear, Carlisle, and I cannot let him die! Please, you have to help him. You have to!"

"Or _I'll end it_," she thought. "_Then I'll have to find a way to end it."_

I saw Carlisle's eyes intensify with the realization of Rosalie's request. "What are you asking?" His voice was barely a whisper.

"You know what I'm asking," Rosalie said defiantly, her eyes raging, fierce.

"I'm sorry Rosalie, but I can't," Carlisle sighed, shaking his head slowly and looking her in the eye.

"You can't, or you _won't_?" she asked, one hand balled into a tight fist at her side.

"I said I'd never do that again, without a choice. Not after…" Carlisle looked away from her, uncharacteristically at a loss for words. He busied himself closing the man's wound and setting his clothing in order.

"Not after _me_, you mean. You'll do it for Edward, but not for me? You'll damn me to suffer unhappiness forever?" Rosalie asked, taking a step in Carlisle's direction.

"Rosalie, who is this man? We don't know him; we don't know what he's like. We don't know if he would choose this life. _You_ should understand that."

"I do. Completely. And I know that I don't want to be miserable forever, Carlisle. Please, you said you thought of me as a daughter, that you would take care of me, that you valued my place in this family. Please, do this for me!"

"How would we restrain him once he's turned? He's bigger than the three of us put together. I'd be responsible for him, _forever,_ Rosalie. You've only been with us for two years. Do you understand the idea of forever?"

"I won't live forever without him," Rosalie was equal parts defiant and sad as she clutched both of the man's hands in hers. It was as if he had become her life raft, her anchor, and she couldn't let him go. Suddenly, the man started at her touch and made a strangled sound as his eyes fluttered open and fixed on hers for a second. Just as quickly his eyes went blank and closed.

But a second was all it took. That look was unmistakable. I'd been around Carlisle and Esme long enough to know. I heard Rosalie's rushed and half-formed thoughts and watched the wordless, thoughtless understanding fly between them as they gazed deep into one another's eyes. The man managed to think of two words. "_My angel_."

"You love him," I murmured.

Carlisle couldn't take his eyes of the two of them. "_A human_?" he asked himself silently. "_A dying human?"_

"I need him," Rosalie said to both of us out loud. "I won't live without him."

I saw Carlisle's eyes wandering around the bright clinic. If this were done, we'd have to leave. Immediately. But he turned back to Rosalie, her head bent over the body of the man. Again, he placed his hand on her shoulder.

"Edward, get Esme. We don't have much time," Carlisle murmured. "This matter involves us all. I won't make a decision like this on my own again."

I ran as quickly as I could, not bothering to run at human speed. I lost myself in the run, letting the wind whip at my mind, allowing it to wander, something my vampire senses made almost impossible.

Carlisle said he wouldn't make the decision alone. Would he ask my opinion? Because, in my opinion, it was madness to damn this man to hell, the hell I knew as life, as existence. But that look Rosalie exchanged with the dying man. Certainly he was delirious, but I saw the way his eyes penetrated deep into hers. The way his body eased when he saw her, even in shock, even so close to the end. I shook my head as I ran. It was madness to consider putting him through that pain, through hell fire to join the four of us in eternity. But again, I saw the way Rose clutched the man, the way she'd run with him bleeding all over her, bringing him here to Carlisle instead of eating him. The way she knew, with certainty, that he should be saved from eternal death. It made me think of Carlisle and my own transformation.

*****

I remembered my own awakening with terrifying clarity. The fire that burned hotter and more painful than anything I'd ever felt, and the exacting awareness, gradually dawning with frightening intensity. Hushed Latin prayers rushed through my head in Carlisle's voice, as if he were somehow feeding them directly into my brain. This internal voice grew with each painful hour. Pictures formed in my mind. I could see myself through Carlisle's eyes, writhing and screaming on a wooden tabletop, the prayers now loud and distinct inside my head.

My thoughts changed, my brain changed. I'd always been studious, but gradually, with each scorching second, I discovered the exacting ability of my mind to pull things apart and figure them out and put them back together. Hours passed and I memorized and translated each prayer, although I'd never learned Latin in school. I counted the seconds, I listened to the subtle alterations in my heart rate and calculated how long until it finally stopped. _Until it stopped_. I was dying.

I screamed, throwing my arms about, trying to claw my way from death. This may have been the most painful and terrifying experience I'd ever had, but I wouldn't trade it for death. I would not die easily. I fought it with every ounce of my being. I forced my brain to work harder, pushing it farther, counting hoof beats (I could hear hoof beats on the street?), calculating the doctor's heart rate and respiratory rate, tasting the difference between the scents of wood from the table, the bookshelf, and the desk in the corner. I held on to memories desperately: the hospital, my father, my mother, my home … the pictures in the sitting room, the way the canisters on the kitchen counter caught the light, my piano by the picture window.

_Music._ It had been my escape, but then as I lay burning to death on a tabletop, it became something I could cling to, something to hold me to the land of the living. Preludes, sonatas, symphonies; every piece of music I knew and loved surged through my brain, until my mind settled on Beethoven's Fifth Symphony. All four movements played from beginning to end in my mind. Suddenly, I understood the music in a way I never could before: the struggle and the pain of almost losing everything, but emerging triumphant in the end, just because you made it through. I would make it through this. I would not die.

I felt my fingers moving along piano keys at my sides. My fingers were moving! I was finally moving consciously. And the symphony played faster and faster in my mind, I was somehow able to add the string section with my hands, then the horns, the tympani; my fingers never stopping, never tiring, playing the entire symphony over and over, more elaborately than I dreamed possible. The burning pain may have been destroying my body, but I held onto love, hope, joy, anger, I clung to the faculties of my mind. My spirit rose like a phoenix from the ashes of my former self. The fire was ebbing, my mind was humming, my body felt somehow stronger. I was winning. I would not die.

And the doctor's hushed words cut through it all. "You will never die, you will never get ill, but you will never_ live_ again, either. In this country, they know us by one name: vampire. You will subsist on blood. You will have strength and speed beyond measure. But we must keep our existence a secret from the humans we move amongst. We can never go out in the sun, for we sparkle like cut glass."

Underneath the calm and soothing voice, another identical voice sounded in my mind. "_Finally, an end to the solitude. In just three days I recognized his deep morality, his love for his family, and something else, something of value that I can't give name to. Something that makes me want him, a human, for the first time in near three hundred years. Potential. I only hope he won't resent my weakness and selfishness, that he will find a companion in me, like I have seen in him."_

Who was this doctor? What did he mean? I was a son, a friend, and a cousin. I was not his companion. I was not a vampire. I had the Spanish influenza, and I was winning my battle against it. I must be delirious.

But no matter how I pushed myself to hold on to this world, my heart slowed and the fire ebbed and in the end, I knew death was inevitable. I finally lay still, tears streaming down my cheeks, as my heart began shuddering irregularly. My senses were overly acute, and I listened to each last sound with my human ears, smelled each last scent. Heartbeats, a clock ticking somewhere, footsteps on carpet, and was that, was that Beethoven's Fifth Symphony actually playing on a phonograph nearby? The tears came heavier, because the triumph of the last movement of the symphony, the Allegro, was now forfeit; in the end I hadn't won. Soon I would be dead.

I wanted to see the world one last time. So I pulled my eyelids open and was assaulted by a vision so beautiful I gasped, and my body unconsciously jumped on the table. The air was full of prisms of light, shining and sparkling before my eyes. What were they? Brilliant explosions, shining reds, yellows, greens, and blues in a near-blinding display. _Heaven_, I thought. I must be near heaven. This calmed my mind and eased my soul. For if something as beautiful as this existed elsewhere, why should I be sad to leave?

And then suddenly, my heart was jolted awake, accelerating as the fire concentrated there. I thought flames must be tearing a hole through my chest, so that my heart could leap from my body and fly away. It pounded harder and faster, shaking my body, pulling my chest off the table, bursting, erupting, spasming, until it was over.

My body was still and silent. There was a split-second of peace that I can still remember quite vividly, where I was sure that the absence of pain, the clarity of my thoughts and calmness of my mind was proof that I'd made it to heaven. I felt myself smile, waiting for my father to come find me.

Instead, I was hit with an overwhelming intensity of sensation, my body registered every touch, my ears were assaulted with the roar of noise, thoughts invaded my brain and I felt like I was drowning in them. Immediately after that, I was hit with deep, fiery, unyielding hunger. Burning thirst. I sprung from the tabletop and was suddenly, effortlessly on my feet, face-to-face with Carlisle. I vaguely remembered him from the time he'd hovered over my sickbed, but in that moment, I was really seeing him for the first time: the jeweled texture of his skin, the perfect planes and lines of his face, the formidable muscle under his suit jacket, and his glowing golden eyes. He was a predator. He was a danger to me.

Without thinking, I was on top of him, pinning him beneath me. Just as quickly I was across the room, my back to the wall, terrified by my own speed and strength.

The man was talking, but his voice was only one of the thousands that seemed to be speaking directly to my brain. Where were all of these talking people? How were they getting into my head? This wasn't heaven; this must be hell.

My head swung wildly, trying to locate all of the sounds registering in my ears and in my brain: the rush of carriage wheels and hoof beats on wet cobblestones, footsteps on cement. _Does he like my shoes?_ _Will I finally get my hands under her skirts tonight?_ And heartbeats, _heartbeats_…

My nose sorted through each of the distinct smells: wool, cherry wood, horses, manure, as I attempted to tease out a new scent. Something rich, and vital, something passing on the street outside that I HAD TO HAVE. It was… pulsing. Pulsing, and more necessary than breath, than water… It was pulsing? Pulsing in the veins of people.

_You will subsist on blood._

I was across the room, flinging Carlisle out of the way, only vaguely noting that he was trying to calm me. I grasped the door handle and tried to wrench the door open. Instead, it came off in my hand, and the leaded handle cracked and crumbled in my fist. This time I reached for the door itself, and pulled it off its hinges as if it were made of tissue paper. I leapt into the misty Chicago night.

Each raindrop sparkled in shades of blue and gray and silver and other colors that I'd never seen before. The city gleamed before me. The stars radiated light, more numerous and brighter than ever before. The darkness made no difference to my eyes; everything was more vibrant than I had ever seen it on the brightest of summer days.

And then a carriage came down the road and everything coalesced into one certainty. My understanding of who I was and what I was made for was instantaneous. My strength, my speed, my sight and the precision with which I could calculate when that carriage and driver would reach me, my scent and the need for my teeth on that man's throat. I launched myself at the carriage, leaping, running, my upper lip curling, something dripping from my teeth, and then making a final jump…

And I was on the ground, underneath something heavy and hard, Carlisle's scent surrounding me.

"No. You don't want to do that," Carlisle commanded, his mouth next to my ear.

I couldn't make words come to my lips. Instead I surprised myself with a series of growls and grunts as I tried to shake the man.

"He is a human. His life has value. Like yours did." Each word was clear and calm, despite the effort Carlisle was exerting to keep me pinned to the ground.

Like yours did. DID.

I stopped. Who was I? What was I?

Edward Anthony Masen. I was…

Carlisle's words came to me through a haze. I was a vampire. I would thirst for human blood. Human blood. My throat was on fire, flames lapped from the inside. I was clawing at my throat without realizing it.

While Carlisle struggled to hold me to the ground, he spoke through my mind again. There was another way. I could exist with a conscience. He thought I was strong enough to do this. He'd seen something in me, and he'd honored my mother's wishes and had saved me from death the only way he could.

My mother. _My mother_.

"Where is my mother?"

Those were the first words I spoke as a vampire. My voice rang from my mouth, each syllable like a church bell, low and melodious. More refined, perhaps, like the bass notes on a piano.

"I'm sorry son, she's gone," Carlisle murmured, regret tingeing each syllable.

"Gone?"

"She didn't survive her illness, son. But you should know that her last thoughts were of you. How much she loved you. She asked me to save you, and this is the only way I knew how."

"Gone?" And suddenly, I understood that I was alone. But what he said resounded in my head. My mother asked for this, for me to be saved from death. My mother. My mother. This was her wish.

My wild eyes were pinned on the receding vision of the carriage and its driver, my hands clawed the ground to try to free myself from Carlisle's grip, and my feet were ready to run after him. But my mind worked through the raging haze of bloodlust. My mother wanted this for me. But she certainly hadn't wanted me to be a murderer, not an animal. There was another way, a way to live with a conscience, even if I was undead.

"Doctor, tell me how else to live, before I tear out my own throat."

*****

"Edward, what is it?" Esme's concerned voice brought me back to the present.

I shook my head, pushing out the past, concentrating on the matter at hand. I'd arrived at the construction site, and Esme had pulled me off to the side, seeing that I was obviously flustered.

"It's Rosalie. She's brought an injured man to the clinic. He'll die, and she wants him turned. Carlisle sent me for you."

Esme's hand was immediately over her mouth, her eyes bright as a myriad of emotions swam across their surface. "She wants a _man_ turned?"

"Yes, Esme. There's not much time."

As we ran back to the clinic, I quickly replayed the unlikely scene that had transpired in the clinic, leaving out no detail. Her eyes glittered first with shock, and then I saw them change. Suddenly, Esme's eyes were lit with hope.

"And you said that she_ loves_ him?" Esme asked, clutching my hand.

"Maybe. What do I know of love, Esme?"

Esme gently touched my cheek. "More than you think, Edward."

By that time we were back at the clinic, and Esme dashed ahead of me and ran to Rosalie, throwing her arms around the girl. "You have to tell me everything!"

"Oh, Esme, I can't. There's no time. He's dying."

"Not for long, dear." Esme turned to Carlisle. "It's not too late, is it?"

Both of Carlisle's hands were inside the man, moving rhythmically, at the pace of a human heart. Esme took one look at the man, and her hands flew over her nose as if she'd just become aware that a bloody man lay before her. But I saw the look Carlisle and Esme exchanged, and I knew in my heart that it was done. Both of them turned to me.

"Edward, this concerns us all."

I looked at Rose, clutching the man's hand, her face pressed into his open, bloody chest. I could hear the weak sputtering of the man's heart, as Carlisle pushed blood through it, one pulse at a time.

"Will it still work, Carlisle?" I asked.

"The blood needs to circulate, and this man's heart may not beat on its own anymore. We may have to do it for him, until the venom takes over."

Rosalie heard the tenor of the conversation, and her eyes glowed with hope. "Will you, Carlisle? Please."

"Edward, Esme, you know what this would mean."

Esme took one look at Rosalie. "You love him, Rose?"

Rosalie just nodded her head, unwilling to confess her feelings out loud. But I heard them. "_Yes. Yes, I do."_

"Yes, Carlisle," Esme replied. "We'll handle it. We always do."

"Edward?" Carlisle asked me.

I took one look at Rosalie's eyes, wild, worried, desperate, and sighed. "Of course," I agreed. Rosalie smiled for the first time since she'd come back.

"Does that mean you'll do this for me, Carlisle? Please. I'll make it up to you. I'll take care of him. I'll watch him. Let him be my responsibility, not yours. I'll take him away if I have to. Anything. Please."

"I don't often go back on my word, Rosalie. I'm not making this decision lightly. But with the support of my family, I'll do this for you.

Rose clutched the man's lifeless hands. "You see, I told you. I told you I would save you. You're going to be okay. You're going to be fine. I told you. I told you."

Carlisle looked up at me, grim but determined. "Edward, I need you to take his heart."

"_What_?" I managed.

"We have to keep the blood moving. I can't provide the needed… incisions while I massage the heart."

My eyes went wide with horror, my mouth was full of venom, and I felt it trickle out of the corner of my mouth. I wiped it away with the back of my hand while I took a step backwards.

"Rosalie,I'm sorry, but I can't. I can't touch him. I can hardly stand here." My words were garbled because of the fluid washing over my teeth, coursing into my mouth. I took another step backwards. It was the hardest thing I'd ever done. "I'm so sorry, Rosalie."

Rosalie glared at me, before turning to Carlisle. "Show me how Carlisle. I can do this. I have to. We have to. I won't be able to go on if we don't." I'd never imagined she could be so strong, so unselfish.

Esme was by my side, holding my hand, looking around her at the clinic, taking deep breaths. I knew we were leaving. Leaving behind everything that they had worked so hard for. "When are we going, Carlisle?"

"We'll have to wait for the venom to knit his tissues before he can be moved. A day, perhaps."

"Edward, let's pack. Rosalie will assist Carlisle." Esme tugged at my arm, and I understood she was trying to ease my thirst, to make this easier on me. I looked back at Carlisle, helping Rosalie as she placed her hands over his inside of the man. I hoped this was all worth it.

* * *

**A/N: I apologize for taking so long to update! I lost myself in Edward and Bella honeymoon land for a couple of weeks... But you'll be happy to hear that the next chapter is half written. Thanks so much to Jess Brown for taking time away from a movie to edit this chapter. Love ya, Jess! Oh, and I don't want to forget Lindz - thanks Lindz!**

**And as always, I'd love to hear what you think. xxx, m**


	17. The Boy and The Bear, Pt II

The Boy & The Bear Pt. II, or Hells' Not So Bad If You Get to Keep an Angel

Back at our little homestead, Esme and I worked quickly to close the house and bring the few small items that we would be able to carry with us as we ran. Yes, ran. We'd have to travel through the most remote locations, inaccessible by road if possible. We needed to keep the man's screams far from human ears as we could, and we needed to be as far from civilization as possible when he awoke.

I listened to the thoughts of Carlisle and Rosalie in the clinic, keeping tabs on the situation as I worked. Rosalie's mind was focused almost completely on the proper technique for massaging the man's heart. This singular focus was astonishing for a vampire, and I was once again in awe of her strength. Meanwhile, Carlisle brainstormed about the quickest way possible to bring the venom to the man's heart, so that it would begin to beat on its own again. I saw the solution in Carlisle's brain.

"No!" I muttered out loud. Esme's eyes sought mine out, her hand on my arm.

"Is Rosalie's man… is he gone?" she asked with bated breath.

"Carlisle… _bit_… his heart. To bring the venom there faster."

Esme brought her hand to her mouth, in her mind she added this remarkable action to the list of reasons she loved her husband with all of her heart.

But back at the clinic, Carlisle continued to worry over the man's transformation. The man was in such a severe state of shock that the blood was shunted almost completely to his vital organs. This could extend the time it took to bring the venom to all of his extremities, time we didn't have in this close-knit community, where I could already hear the beginnings of suspicious thoughts from our neighbors. I watched Rosalie's surprise as Carlisle proceeded to bite each of the man's wrists and ankles.

"Edward, what is it?" Esme was at my side again.

"Everything's fine, Esme. I was distracted by Carlisle's thoughts, by seeing him work. He's a brilliant physician."

Esme smiled warmly. "Yes." And her mind filled with visions of Carlisle behind a microscope, at a patient's bedside, and then a blurry vision of Carlisle attending to her own broken leg as a girl. Esme shook her head, bringing herself back to the present. "But we must work quicker, Edward. We should all be together, in case…" Esme didn't finish her thought out loud. But mentally she saw our neighbors coming after us with burning torches and ropes of garlic.

We packed a change of clothes for each of us, rugged garments that would wear well over rough terrain. Then for Rosalie, Esme packed her favorite tortoise shell hair combs, and for Carlisle she packed the slides he made of the local medicinal plants. Esme folded the first blueprint she'd made for our house into a little square and tucked it into her own pocket. For myself, I chose a paperback copy of _Look Homeward, Angel_, a dreary and uninspiring novel that nevertheless, would forever fondly remind me of the time I'd spent in this part of the country.

Esme's eyes lingered around her, loving each beam in the ceiling, the choice of wood, of stone, the large hearth in the sitting room, the placement of each of the windows. This little home was the first design she'd ever brought to life. I knew that she hadn't felt this much at home since Bronxville. I'd destroyed that for her. And now this… Rosalie, taking it all away from her again.

"I'm sorry, Esme, that you have to leave the life you and Carlisle made for yourselves here."

Esme turned and smiled at me a little sadly. "Don't be ridiculous, Edward. I'd do anything for Rosalie's happiness. As I would for yours. We have forever. We'll have a home again."

We didn't need our vampire senses to hear the first screams from the man. Deep, nearly inhuman bellows shattered the cold mountain air and reverberated through the nearby canyons. It was sooner than it should have been. Perhaps the variations Carlisle had made actually had sped the process. Esme's eyes flew to my face, full of question and fear. What would we do until we could move him? How would we explain it?

No words needed be spoken between Esme and I. We quickly finished securing the windows, drawing the shutters, and covering furniture before locking the door and dashing through the forest so that we could make it to the clinic as rapidly as possible.

Even as I ran toward it as fast as my legs could carry me, that little clinic was one of the last places on this earth I wanted to visit. It had only been two years since I saw Rosalie begging for death, and Carlisle at the bedside, visibly torn and clinging to his faith. I wasn't over that yet. And for some reason, my own transformation was at the forefront of my mind. To vicariously experience that again: a man unconscious, ripped from his own journey toward death, unaware of what was happening and whom he would meet on the other side. Did he dream he'd see a grandparent, or perhaps a dead uncle, when he woke? Instead, he'd find himself alone, forever, left with a decision about whether to adopt a family of monsters as his own.

It was almost too sad to bear.

But this was a decision we'd made as a family, and I had to face the repercussions, however painful, dangerous, and horrifying they might be. I'd have to face the man's desperation and anger at being taken from the world of the living, never to make the journey to an afterlife, condemned to walk the earth without a soul forever. To watch the horror on his face as he realized that the only thing that would sustain this life, if you could call it that, was to live on the blood of the living.

I listened intently to the neighboring humans as we ran to the clinic. It was bad. Even though many were working in the fields, word had spread that the clinic had been closed under mysterious circumstances, that the doctor's son had scared his patients away from the clinic, and that someone or something was screaming in pain from within its locked doors.

I grabbed Esme's hand and pulled her along. I may not have wanted to face this, but discovery would put all of our lives into danger, so I would meet it head-on with all I had.

I listened intently to Carlisle's thoughts as he measured the progression of the venom, watched the wounds knit back together, hoping for a quick recovery so that we could move on. I listened to Rosalie's frantic thoughts as she watched the man's every move, every change in his facial expression; dying right along with him, feeling his pain, desperate because she couldn't ease it. And then there were the thoughts of someone else… not thoughts exactly, not real images, either, just half-formed ideas: resignation, angels, God, a vague feeling that… he was in hell and he wasn't surprised.

I understood the part about hell. It was the only thing that a human mind could possibly conjure to compare with the all-consuming, burning torture of transformation. But, he was expecting to go there: that had me anxious. Who was this man? A criminal? Thief? Murderer? What had we done when we agreed to change him for Rosalie?

*****

Rosalie heard Esme and I approaching and met us at the clinic entrance, throwing herself into Esme's arms, burying her face in Esme's hair.

"Oh Esme, it's awful. He hasn't woken up, he's still torn open, and he's in so much pain. Carlisle thought morphine might help, but his veins were already closed from the venom. I can't do anything for him!" The howls of pain from within the clinic intensified and Rosalie clutched Esme tighter.

"_What did I do? What did I do?"_

I was somewhat impatient with her thoughts. Rosalie couldn't have forgotten the searing pain of transformation. She'd known what she was asking. Could she have been so blinded by her own selfish desires, that she hadn't considered what this man would endure? I didn't want to think so; it would be a hell of a thing for me to hang over Rosalie's head for eternity.

Esme pushed Rosalie up and held her at arm's length, staring her sternly in the eye. "Listen to me Rosalie: you wanted this. You said that you loved that man. Each of us agreed to this for your sake. So, you march right back in there and you sit by that man's side. It's been less than an hour. You have three days ahead of you. You'd best get used to it."

Rosalie sniffled and looked back toward the exam room, her face contorted in agony, wringing her hands. The howls died down for a moment, and we could hear Carlisle's voice murmuring calmly to the man; whispered words that we each knew well from our own transformation.

"And you will have speed and strength beyond measure…"

"_God?" _

I spun in the direction of the exam room. It was just a word, a singular thought. Unfamiliar, and close by.

"_God…? In hell?"_

I took a step toward the door. "Rosalie, I think he's waking a bit."

Rosalie ran back without hesitation, with Esme following closely at her heels. I listened as the groaning recommenced, and as Esme exclaimed at the site of the man, still so raw and open. Through Esme's mind's eye I watched Carlisle work to keep the wound approximated, waiting for the venom that would allow him to heal and allow us to finally move. I listened to Carlisle's thoughts of relief at having Esme by his side, and then I watched through his eyes as Esme pulled Carlisle away from the man and took him in her arms, her mind practically shouting aloud her respect, compassion, and undying love for her husband.

"_God, why did you leave? You left me in hell. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please don't leave me to burn here_," the man's mind cried out. He screamed incoherently on the table and bellowed in frustration because he was unable to move, to writhe with the pain.

I listened to Rosalie's mind, trying to figure out what to say, what to do that would help. She ran through every possibility, but in the end she knew what we all knew too well. Nothing would help; nothing could ease the pain. Only death, and now, that would be impossible.

I finally steeled myself to physically walk into the exam room, just in time to see Rosalie take the man's hand in hers, and wipe the tears from his face.

"I'm here," she murmured in his ear, so quietly that I didn't believe the man could have heard her over his own voice. But his wildly ranging and rolling eyes managed to focus on Rosalie, and his voice gradually hushed to a low moan.

"_She's back, my angel. In hell_?" And through his mind's eye, I saw Rosalie's face, her hair a blurry golden haze that the man imagined as a celestial glow. Rosalie, an angel. I managed to smile, despite the situation.

Esme and Carlisle moved closer to Rosalie and the man, he was still moaning, his eyes still went in and out of focus, but with Rosalie next to him, he was able to calm himself. His thoughts swirled through his head without direction, I saw the bear attack, the blur of forest as he'd been carried by Rosalie, people, boys, a woman, his family perhaps, and Rosalie's face lit by that golden glow. _"My angel."_

"I think we've found our solution to the problem," Carlisle smiled in relief. "Rosalie, you must stay here, right here, until the wounds have healed. I'll make rounds in the community and spread word that the man you returned with has a contagious and life-threatening illness, and that the clinic will be closed until further notice. I'll be back as soon as I can. Things are progressing rapidly, better than I would have hoped. I feel certain that we may be able to leave sometime after nightfall."

Carlisle was quickly out the door and Esme and I fell into the suspended animation that passes for vampire relaxation, the relaxation of not having to move, not having to pretend, not having to direct our thoughts enough to string words together; just _being_.

The man's low moans were interspersed with thoughts about hell, about his luck at having an angel there with him. All three of us stirred and smiled with relief when after another hour the man was able to thrash his arms and legs in pain. We knew that the venom had healed his spinal column, and hoped the injuries to his organs and blood vessels were also mending. And no one was happier than Rosalie to restrain the man now that he was more mobile, pinning him to the table.

I removed myself from her mind and from the room, suddenly uncomfortable at the juxtaposition of the man's pain, and her pain mixed with pleasure. I couldn't wrap my mind around it and I had no desire to try. Instead, I lingered in the front office, listening to the thoughts of the nearest humans with some relief. While there was still mild curiosity about the ailing man, their fears had subsided as the noises he made had quieted and as Carlisle had shown his reassuring face in the town. The humans had no desire at all to approach us, lest they too end up a screaming and writhing mass quarantined to the clinic in isolation.

That is, all except for one fearless and driven human, that had never shown any regard for self-preservation in my presence. I heard Warren's thoughts as he walked purposefully toward the clinic's entrance, eager to see Rosalie, to speak with her, to pick up where they left off. Over the past two weeks, he'd asked me about Rosalie daily, often multiple times per day. I'd told the boy that she was visiting distant relatives, but of course, he'd blamed himself for her hasty departure, even though he couldn't figure out what had happened.

I met him at the door.

"Warren." I kept my demeanor calm, my face carefully arranged in a look of compassion.

"I heard she's back, Edward. I need to speak to her. I… I didn't do anything to your cousin. I'm sorry. I just, I just got to make it right."

"She's in quarantine, Warren. You could get sick."

"I don't care," he said, as he tried to push me out of the way. I held my ground, and I saw his eyes go wide as he realized how solid I actually was.

"My father would never allow it. I can't let you in."

"_You're_ inside," Warren countered.

I had no answer for that. I heard his plan to tackle me, and I quickly had his face pinned to the wall of the clinic.

"You need to leave. NOW," I hissed in his ear.

"What the hell, man? What is it with your family? Why do you keep trying to scare me away from that girl?" he asked, panic bleeding into his confident air.

"Because you don't know what's good for you. Personally, I don't want to see you hurt, or worse," I hissed, not hiding the menace in my voice.

"You're nuts, Edward." Warren tried to free himself from my grip, and I saw the fear in his eyes when he realized that he'd never be able to shake me off of him. His eyes grew wide, alarmed, and he began to shake.

"Rosalie! Rosalie! _Please_! Come out and get your crazy cousin off of me!"

I heard Rosalie's thoughts, and knew she wouldn't leave the man's side. Esme ran to the door instead.

"Warren, dear, please, you're disturbing the ailing man inside," she stated in a calm, motherly voice.

"Tell your son to let me go, then."

I released Warren and his legs gave out from under him. He stared, wide-eyed at Esme and I from the spot where he had fallen.

"Now, son, I'm afraid my niece is indisposed at the moment. It won't do, calling for her like that. If you want to see her, to explain yourself to her, perhaps a letter might be best at this point." Esme's voice was sweet as sugar, but I watched her eyes glow, saw the severe set of her face. So did Warren.

Warren scrambled to his feet and took a few steps backwards, tripping over a fallen branch, holding himself upright on a tree trunk.

"Sorry, ma'am. You're right, I guess. A letter. Can I come tomorrow and give you a letter for her?" Warren was still shaking. Esme's eyes were still glowing.

"That would be lovely, Warren. I'll tell Rosalie. She'll be expecting it. Tomorrow."

"Thanks Mrs. Cullen, ma'am. I'd appreciate it. I'll be back. Tomorrow. You have my word. Tell Rosalie she has my word on it."

"I will, Warren. Have a lovely evening, now."

*****

After the encounter with Warren, we had no time to lose. On Carlisle's return, he found that the man's wounds were nearly healed. The fire within the man was growing hotter, more torturous, and Rosalie was having a harder time keeping him quiet with her presence. The man's strength was growing and it took both her and Carlisle to hold him down.

We were going to have to leave. Darkness came early in the winter months, but that day it didn't come a moment too soon.

It was decided that I would hold the man. I was the fastest among us, so his weight would slow me the least. I carefully hoisted him across my shoulders, as Rosalie whispered to him that she would be close by the entire time. We set off for the mountains without looking back. The man's cries rang out almost immediately. His thoughts lost all coherence. Instead, darkness, fire and the wind raged in his mind's eye.

We flew along the crest of the mountains, making our way north under the cover of darkness. Our minds were all fixed on the great northern tundra, where humans were sparse and it would be hard to lose the man, with flat white ground stretching hundreds of miles around us in every direction. Before we reached New York, we bore westward through the prairies of southern Illinois and Iowa. It had been only two years since Rosalie was changed and we couldn't risk someone seeing her, however remote the possibility. We ran north again through Minnesota, finally crossing into Canada by nightfall on the second day.

I felt the subtle changes in the man's body as I ran with him screaming and kicking across my shoulders. His skin hardened and cooled, his body became heavier, his muscles grew impossibly larger, and his heart grew slower with each mile we put between Cumberland and ourselves. The air grew steadily colder and a human would have been blue with frostbite at this latitude, dressed as he was. But I noticed that the man's hands were unharmed, and as pale as the snow around us. The sun broke through the clouds, and the light glanced off of his hands and sparkled in my eye. He was nearly changed.

His thoughts crystallized as well, and I listened as he began calculating our speed, our direction, as he discerned three sets of quick footsteps and our separate scents, and I listened to his mind as it called out for his angel to return.

By this time we were in north central Canada, surrounded by flat icy plains, a frozen salt wind blowing from the east. I imagined we must have been somewhere west of Hudson Bay. We ran westward again, hoping to avoid the small human outposts along the coast, knowing that we'd be more isolated the farther inland we traveled.

Then, halfway through the third day, the man's heart began to slow precipitously. We each heard it, we each slowed our pace, and I stopped and stooped and lowered the man to the ground. He was able to speak again, murmuring a stream of obscenities as he thrashed, his hands clawing the icy ground beneath him. And then in a final flurry, his heart raced toward the end, visibly pounding in his chest, as the man let out a final guttural roar.

Silence. We all held our breaths, crouching, on guard, waiting expectantly for the monster to emerge from the shell of the man.

It took an eighth of a second for the man to jump to his feet. He stood tall, in all of his beautiful, hulking glory: pale and sparkling with severe, symmetrical angles, a mess of thick, black curling hair, and eyes as red as blood. Another eighth of a second and he'd launched himself through the air at us, a low snarl reverberating through the frozen ice of the tundra.

Rosalie stepped in front of Esme, Carlisle and I, into the newborn's path.

The man stopped, frozen, unmoving. "_My angel_." A wordless second passed. Then, the man's hands came to his throat. "_Hell is inside me?"_

You could certainly say so.

"You need to drink," Rosalie explained very quietly. She put out her hand. The man glanced at it for half a second and then took it in his.

"Ouch!" Rosalie showed a flash of anger, but then her face softened. "Gently," she instructed, quietly. "You're very, very strong."

The man loosened his grip.

"Good. Now, I'll show you," Rosalie coaxed, pulling him toward the western horizon, where we could detect the faint smell of caribou. I hoped it was a large herd. The man's pace quickly accelerated as the man got the feel for his new legs. Their silhouettes quickly receded towards the horizon.

Esme spun to Carlisle, alarmed. "We don't know him. We can't leave Rosalie alone with him."

"She can't control him on her own," Carlisle agreed. "We should follow at a distance. Edward, please listen to hear if he plans anything untoward."

We kept a respectful distance and watched the two figures run over the snow and ice, the man jumping from hilltops and tumbling down slopes with a beastly grace. I listened to his newborn thoughts rushing through his brain, unrestrained. He wondered at his speed and his strength, the ability of his eyes to see, his ears to hear, and the all-consuming, burning fire in his throat. But more than all of that, he wondered at his luck in having Rosalie at his side. Indeed, he thought of Rosalie more than anything else, in a way that made me somewhat embarrassed to listen.

I grinned a bit, and Esme and Carlisle's eyes flew to my face, questioning.

"With the burning, he was sure he was in hell. But now, it's so white and snowy, yet he's not cold. He thinks he made it to heaven and that Rosalie is his angel. And Carlisle, he thinks you're God."

Carlisle smiled outright.

"Oh, he sounds sweet," Esme offered. "But, we still can't leave Rosalie with him."

"Certainly not," I agreed. I'd never heard a man dream about doing some of the things this man dreamed of doing to an angel.

A herd of caribou suddenly appeared on the horizon. Rosalie didn't have to show the man a thing. He let go of her hand and ran at the herbivores with a determined ferocity: an animal, a predator, a monster for sure. He jumped and pounced on the largest of the herd, tore its neck open with his hands, and his growl broke the crystalline silence of the tundra as he buried his head in the creature's chest, snarls ripping from deep within him.

It was over quickly; the animal lay crushed and mangled at the man's feet. He scanned the horizon, and saw the retreating herd, and was after them again. When he caught up with them, he knew better the extent of his thirst and took down three in rapid succession, pouncing, breaking their necks one after the other, before he tore into them and drained them dry.

After his fourth caribou, the man stood calmly and blinked.

By then, Esme, Carlisle and I had caught up to the man and Rosalie, and we hung cautiously back, careful not to threaten him.

"What the hell?" the man's voice rang through the frozen air.

Rosalie smiled. "Feel better?" she asked quietly.

"What's this all about? The blood?" The man looked at his hands. "Heaven's not supposed to be like this."

"You're one of us now," Rosalie offered.

"An angel?" The man looked at her, incredulous.

Rosalie giggled, coy, batting her eyelashes. "_Like wind chimes,"_ he thought as Rosalie's laugh echoed around us.

"No. We didn't get to talk to you as much while you were changing. We had to move fast."

"You mean dying?" The man moved so he was within inches of Rosalie's face. Esme moved to separate them, but I reached out and grabbed her arm.

"He means no harm, Esme. I think Rosalie wants to do this."

Esme bit her lip and looked away.

"Technically, I guess." Rosalie reached out and touched the man's hand again. Again, he grasped it like he was clinging to Rosalie for life. His thoughts spun wildly, and I reconsidered whether or not they should be separated.

"I didn't know angels smelled so sweet." "_Or looked so beautiful, so goddamned sexy. Oh, damn, I shouldn't say goddamn about an angel. Or sexy. But lord, look at her. Oh no, where did the lord go? Does he know what I'm thinking?"_

I grinned a little. It wasn't the lord, or Carlisle, that knew what he was thinking.

"Listen, please, and try not to get angry," Rosalie started again.

"Angry?" "_How could I be angry at her? As long as I can touch her like this. And maybe kiss her. Can you kiss an angel?"_

"I found you getting eaten by a bear."

With that, a loud snarl erupted from the man's throat. He crouch, his fingers extended like claws, he scanned the horizon. But when his eyes fixed on Rosalie in front of him, he relaxed and grinned, almost like a human boy would.

"I remember. I was… hunting, and I'd been… drinking. I shouldn't 'a been, I know. I've got no excuse, except I kinda' lost my way these past couple years. It wasn't what I planned for after high school."

"I don't care," Rosalie nearly whispered, squeezing the man's hands in hers.

"You forgive me? What about God? Is that why I'm here?"

"Listen, it doesn't matter. You were almost dead… but for some reason, I couldn't let you go."

"I know. You took me with you. I was so surprised. I thought after the past year, all I've done, I didn't deserve an angel." The man looked around, "or this."

I watched the world through the man's eyes. The sparkling rainbows in each flake of snow, the way white glistened, purer than ever and as far as the eye could see, with undertones of blue, gray, and dusky purple. The sunlight shone from below the horizon this far north, making it look like the world was lit from deep within itself. And I saw Rosalie's face through the man's eyes. I saw something there I had never seen before: beautiful, thick golden hair, cascading down her back in gentle ringlets, shining like the absent sun on this polar winter day, her skin glistening, sparkling unflawed and brilliant, and her enormous amber eyes, lit with pure love. Sure, it could have been heaven.

"Listen to me, please. I'm not an angel and neither are you."

The man laughed out loud, a deep and ringing sound that I could see he felt in every cell of his being. You never forget the all-encompassing joy of your first laugh as a vampire. The man held his sides, he bent double, but then he recovered quickly and stared at Rosalie. "I'm no angel. You don't have to tell me," he said, grinning broadly.

"I wanted you. It might have been selfish. But, I asked Carlisle to turn you into one of us, in case… maybe you wanted to stay with me… when you woke up." She sounded shy, biting her lip nervously, as if she was afraid he'd say he didn't want to stay.

"You _like_ me, then?" His eyes were wide and incredulous, wildly hopeful.

Rosalie smiled. "I don't know you, but it doesn't change how I fell about you."

"What's your name?"

"Rosalie. Rosalie Hale."

"Hello, Rose. My name's Emmett… McCarty." He'd searched his mind for his last name, and said it like he wasn't really sure.

"Emmett," Rose beamed.

"Rose," he rasped, bringing his mouth within centimeters of hers.

The man, Emmett, took both of Rosalie's hands in his, smiling into her eyes, pulling her body closer to his. "You like me?"

Rosalie nodded, her eyes never leaving his. "But I have something I need to tell you. You might be angry, and I'd understand."

I watched Emmett take a deep breath of Rosalie's scent and he shuddered and brought her hands to his chest. "I couldn't be angry at you."

"I'm no angel either, Emmett. I'm a vampire. We're both vampires, now. I had Carlisle change you."

Again the man's laughter echoed around us.

"Like Dracula? That's funny… Rose. Where are your fangs? Your cape? And shouldn't you be in a coffin right now? It's daytime. Or maybe you'll just up and turn into a bat," he joked, stroking his thumb over her hand, and reaching his other hand out to grab her waist. As a newborn, he took her waist in his hand a little bit harder than he intended, but Rosalie didn't seem bothered by the way he grabbed her, almost like a bear pawing his prey. In fact, the sudden path both of their minds took with his touch stunned me, and I worked to pry my mind from theirs.

"Stop joking, sweetheart," he murmured in a very low, very hushed voice. "You're the loveliest thing I've ever laid eyes on."

"It's no joke, Emmett." Rosalie struggled to stay focused with the man's hand on her body. "You're going to… live, well, kind of, anyway… forever. And you're going to want to drink human blood."

The man's thoughts immediately spun back to the caribou, replaying everything that had happened in exacting, vampire detail. He pulled his hands away from Rosalie, looking at the blood on them, disbelieving, and then licked them and shuddered with pleasure. "I really did that. Goddamn!" His head shot up to peer at Rosalie. "Uh, sorry… for swearing. But, holy hell, did you see what I did?"

"Yes." Again, Rosalie's thoughts spun to a place I hadn't suspected.

Emmett clutched his throat. "And I think I need to do it again."

"That's how it is in the beginning," Rose explained apologetically. "You're thirsty all the time."

"The beginning? How long am I going to be like this?"

"Forever, Emmett."

"With _you_? _Forever_?"

Rosalie couldn't tell if the man was pleased or not about the prospect. It wasn't my place to cut in and reassure her. She put her hands on her hips. "Well, you don't have to be with _me_ if you don't want. But the forever part is certain."

"How could I want to leave you?" Emmett asked in wonder at the ludicrous idea of ever separating from his angel.

Rosalie's face broke into the biggest smile I'd seen from her, ever. Emmett inched closer to Rosalie, his mind reeling, breathing in her scent and simultaneously searching out the smell of more blood, torn between the need to feed and his sudden need for…

"I'm sorry, Carlisle. I can't listen to their thoughts any longer. I think Rosalie is safe with the man - with Emmett, I mean."

I turned to see Carlisle, his arm around Esme's shoulders, his other hand clasped in Esme's, as she looked up at him, both of their eyes sparkling, in that wordless and thoughtless way they were able to communicate. They knew what was happening, they understood better than I ever could. I tried not to listen as they both recalled Esme's awakening with perfect clarity. This was what they'd wanted for Rosalie and I when she awoke, and it had gone horribly wrong.

But I could see now that it had never been wrong to want this for me. And perhaps Carlisle's faith hadn't been ridiculous either. To literally run across a man being torn into pieces by a bear, for this man to be The One. No, it certainly wasn't misguided for Carlisle to believe in magic, not if this could happen. And I knew, looking at my parents, looking at Emmett and Rosalie as they gazed into one another's eyes like they were the only two people in the world, that I'd never felt that way, and for all I knew, after seventeen years vampire, maybe I never would.

As much as I tried to give Rosalie and Emmett privacy, his raging thirst made its way into my brain. His need for blood was winning out over his love for Rosalie.

"He needs to feed again," I hissed to my parents, breaking the spell that held them together.

"We should introduce ourselves, then, before they run off again. Explain things a little more clearly than Rosalie is able to right now," Carlisle grinned.

"I'll stay back here, Carlisle. You don't need me. I don't want to intrude on their thoughts any more than I already have."

"No, son, you're part of this family. He should meet us all, if he's to make an informed choice about whether to stay."

"I don't think he has a choice, now," Esme murmured, her face lit with joy. "He won't leave Rosalie, will he?" she asked, smiling at the two figures as they simply stared into one another's eyes, not moving a muscle.

In response, Carlisle pulled Esme in for a tender kiss, holding her close, and Esme responded with a passion that I hadn't seen from her since before I'd left, almost ten years ago. I wandered away from the two couples in order to give everyone some privacy. Carlisle and Esme found me half an hour later wandering near an outcropping of jagged gray rocks, and we all made our way, cautiously, to Rosalie and Emmett.

*****

"Oh! God!" Emmett jumped, taking steps steadily backward, trying desperately not to attack what he imagined to be The God. Nevertheless, he couldn't contain the deep rumble in his chest. I saw his lips grow damp with venom, and he clutched Rosalie's hand. Her face contorted in pain.

"Please, ease your grip on Rosalie, son," Carlisle asked gently.

"Yes, Father," Emmett agreed in a hushed voice, with eyes lowered to the ground. He let go of Rosalie's hand. Rosalie quickly grabbed it back.

Carlisle couldn't help grinning. "Please, my name is Carlisle. I hear you are Emmett."

The man nodded.

"And Rosalie has explained some things to you."

"She says me and her are vampires."

"Yes. This is the rest of our family. This is Esme, my wife, and this is Edward."

Emmett's eyes quickly flitted between the three of us, until they came to rest on me. Immediately, he crouched, snarled, and pushed Rosalie behind him. "Mine," he growled.

I fiercely fought my instincts to defend myself, to assert my dominance in this family unit, to show him I could hold my own. Now wasn't the time. It wouldn't help. I didn't want him thinking I wanted Rosalie. I understood his aggression, his territoriality, heard the threat he felt from the presence of another single male within striking distance.

Carlisle stepped between us. "Edward won't hurt you, son." He turned to me. "Will you, Edward?"

"No," I conceded, filled with the desire to trounce the newborn. Wondering at my instinct to exert my superiority. I looked Carlisle in the eye. "_Please, son, I understand, you'll have your chance."_

I contained my instincts and turned toward the man, who was still growling and protecting Rosalie from me. "A pleasure, Emmett. You have nothing to fear from me."

I saw the startled look in the man's eyes. His thoughts hadn't turned back to words yet. But I saw myself acting civilized in his eyes, and it disarmed him, and I felt his distant humanity pull at the back of his brain.

"Edward wouldn't hurt a fly, if he could help it," Rosalie whispered to Emmett. "And I can protect myself. Especially from Edward." Rosalie wound her arm around Emmett's waist, holding him against her. Emmett's growl changed slightly, lower, softer, and I wrenched myself out of his mind.

Carlisle made a mental note to proceed quickly.

"Emmett, Rose explained to you that we're vampires. As such we're gifted with more speed and strength than you could imagine, and we are very nearly indestructible. But this comes with responsibility. As vampires, we live by one law, to live inconspicuously among humans, avoiding sunlight, and keeping our habits from their eyes."

"Habits?" he asked, hanging on Carlisle's every word.

"You will subsist on blood, and blood alone. And if you want to live with this family, you must commit to the consumption of animal blood. We do not kill the humans we live amongst."

Emmett looked at Rosalie and gulped. "If I'm gonna' _live _with you?"

Rosalie giggled and batted her eyes, nodding her head.

Emmett looked down at Carlisle who was standing in his shadow. "Well, if I get to_ live_ with Rose here, I'll do anything." He turned to gaze in wonder at Rosalie. "I get to _live_ with you… forever?"

Rosalie nodded again, twirling her finger through her hair.

"Well, hell, this is amazing! Oh, uh, sorry Go-, I mean Carlisle," he mumbled, not meeting Carlisle's eyes. He turned to Rosalie. "How'd I get so lucky?"

"_Lucky?"_ Carlisle, Rosalie and I thought in unison. We shared the assumption that there was no luck involved in enduring a vampire's existence. Esme, however, thought that Emmett was lucky indeed to have been found by Rosalie, as lucky as she had been, to be saved from death in order that she might finally know true love.

"And _you_ wanna' live with _me_?" Emmett asked, grabbing both of Rosalie's hands in his, his smile bright and infectious. We all beamed back at the two of them.

"I do," Rosalie answered breathlessly.

With those two words, Emmett's lips crashed against Rosalie's and the sound of granite colliding with granite echoed through the tundra, their teeth clattered, their hands roamed, Emmett pulling Rosalie impossibly close, Rosalie clutched him like she never wanted to let him go. Esme, Carlisle and I turned away.

"Do you feel safe leaving them alone, yet?" Carlisle asked, smiling affectionately at his wife.

"Perhaps we _all_ need some time alone," Esme answered coyly.

But her thoughts were interrupted by a scent, and scent more potent than any other, coming in our direction out of the east, moving quickly. All of our heads swung eastward, our faces lifted to the salty wind, blowing the scent of human blood and dog in our direction. We heard sleigh bells, dogs barking, a human encouraging them on. Emmett was gone in less than a second, and Rosalie had been flung to the ground.

"Emmett, no!" she cried.

But Emmett was growling, snarling, and running at full speed to intercept the unsuspecting dogsledder. All of us immediately ran after him, but this only seemed to spur him on. I reached him first and jumped, tackling him, pinning his arms to his sides, trying to hold his face in the snow. To dull the scent, I reasoned, with some satisfaction. But he was a newborn, a hulking newborn, and he flipped me beneath him, jabbed an elbow in my neck, stomped on my knee, tore at my hand with his teeth and was up again.

Carlisle caught him next, and Emmett flung him easily out of the way.

"Emmett!" Rosalie's voice rang out, but he was focused, possessed, running faster.

The human came into view. A sturdy-looking Inuit, dressed in furs, with a pack of six dogs pulling his sled. The dogs sensed us before the human knew what was happening. They barked and tried to scatter, pulling desperately at the lines that held them in place. Finally, when they saw there was no way out, they reared up, snarling and snapping and baring their teeth at the oncoming vampires. The human seemed frozen in place. He had no frame of reference for what was happening, staring in wonder at the oncoming figure in the snowy wasteland.

Finally, Emmett reached the dogs, and tossed them out of his way. The human snapped out of his trance and turned on his heels, but it was much too late. He never really had a chance.

"Emmett, no!" Rosalie called again.

Emmett leapt and landed on top of the man's back, flung him over, and had his teeth at the human's throat, snarling. The man's heart stopped before Emmett's teeth even entered his neck; scared to death by the enormous hulk of a sparkling, red-eyed man, racing toward him through the winterscape, like Frankenstein's monster.

When Carlisle and I caught up with Emmett, his eyes were unfocused and he was grunting greedily as he pulled the blood from the human's neck, clasping and clawing at his flesh reflexively, rhythmically.

"Emmett." Carlisle's voice was very soft, very calm, gently coaxing. The snarl that erupted from Emmett's throat was deadly. I tried to pull Carlisle away. No one else needed to get hurt today.

Rosalie was next to catch up with us.

"Emmett McCarty!" Her voice was anything but gentle.

Emmett's eyes swung up to meet Rosalie, shocked, wide, his teeth still at the dead human's neck, blood still flowing down his throat. Venom pooled in my own mouth, fire lapped at my throat, and my body nearly commanded me to tear Emmett from the corpse. Emmett was the newling, that human should be mine. I shook my head in an attempt to lose the killer instinct.

"And you said you wanted to live with me?" Rosalie stomped her foot. "Not like that you won't!"

Emmett dropped the man's neck from his jaws, and cradled the dead body awkwardly in his arms.

"And if you think you're going to kiss me again, well you better find something to wash your mouth out with. I don't want any of that human's blood in my mouth, mister!"

"But… but, but have you tasted this?" he asked holding the body out toward her. "Rose, this is the best thing I've ever… it's so warm and salty and… good. Try some." Emmett emphasized each word by shaking the dead human by the scruff of its neck, and blood coursed over his hand with each strong, jerky newborn movement. Esme had made it to the scene by now and quickly looked away, holding her hand over nose.

"No! Put that down, now, Emmett! I haven't had human blood and neither has Carlisle."

Instead of focusing on Rosalie or Carlisle, Emmett's eyes sought out Esme and I. He focused on me since Esme was turned away. "_He must understand_, _then_" Emmett thought, silently pleading for my support. I understood all too well, the half-drained corpse hanging in his hands, red blood spilling onto the white snow, trickling toward my feet.

"Emmett, you just ended that man's life. He was human, just like you were. Think of how we saved you. This man had a soul, had worth. He could have been a brother, father, son," Carlisle reasoned.

"How could I not?" Emmett looked down at the fresh corpse again, baring his teeth, a rumble building in his chest, licking his lips.

"It's me or the humans, Emmett." Rosalie stared him down, her eyes fierce, flaming gold, and her hands on her hips. But despite her confident stance I could hear her mind. _"Please pick me, please pick me, please pick me."_

Emmett instantly dropped the dead body at his feet and was in front of Rosalie, grabbing her arms. In her mind, she fought with herself about whether to shake his hands off or not. "I just got you, I can't lose you. I'm so sorry. He smelled better than anything… ever. But I'll try, if it means I get to stay with you," Emmett begged.

Rosalie smiled begrudgingly, looking up at the hulking muscular mass of a man, smiling at her like such a sweet kid, totally taken with her, blood smeared from the corner of his mouth to his ear.

"_Yes!" _she thought.

Emmett went in for another kiss. "No way, mister. Not with human blood in your mouth. Not in my mouth, ever."

Emmett looked around, his eyes settling on the dogs.

"You may as well," Carlisle offered. "They're domestic and may not survive alone in the wild."

"And then you'll bury that human," Rosalie chastised.

Emmett licked his lips again with the thought of touching the human. His mind was about equally divided between thoughts of Rosalie and visions of secretly taking down humans behind her back.

"Carlisle, I don't know if we can do this," I confided.

"We may need help," he agreed.

Esme turned to the two of us. "We'll make this work. We have to, for Rosalie. We'll get help the same way we always do when someone new joins our family. We'll go to Denali."

* * *

**A/N: Thanks to everyone that's stuck with The Newborn and thanks for all of your reviews... I love following The Cullens through their early years and it's better taking you all with me on this journey. And now, for everyone that's asked for her back, finally, we're off to Tanya's clan in Denali! This should be interesting.**

**I'd love to hear what you guys think about Emmett and Rose... **

**And Happy Holidays! m**


	18. Snow and Ice

Our journey across the frozen northern wastelands was eventful, to put it mildly. Carlisle and I led the charge westward, for it was the same route he and I had taken after we left Chicago in 1918. We'd wandered that winter, Carlisle talking endlessly, explaining everything, overjoyed to share his thoughts completely for the first time in near three hundred years. I studied his every move, his every thought, looking for the key to be like him. Looking for a way to walk through the world without the burning desire to kill and destroy. But this time we set an ambitious pace from the start, hoping that the speed of the journey might keep this newborn's mind distracted from his twin obsessions: Rosalie and human blood. We travelled quickly westward, planning a brief stop at an area we'd used as a feeding ground when Carlisle and I made our first trip to Denali, Great Bear Lake.

The relentless speed of our journey definitely seemed to agree with Emmett. The newborn reveled in the power of his legs, in his stamina, in his strength. He'd take a running jump off of even the smallest incline, looking to best his previous jump with each repetition.

"I bet I can jump farther than you," he challenged me after his first few attempts. And as a newborn, he could, so I didn't take the bait.

"No thanks," I called as I ran past him. But the newborn didn't plan on letting me get away so easily. I saw his plan to tackle me from behind, so I waited until he'd already leapt at me before sidling out of his trajectory. Emmett hit the ground hard, and the world shook with his impact. I'd beat him in my own way.

But instead of the angry attack I expected, Emmett picked himself up, laughing, happily flexing his limbs, excited to find no bruises or broken bones. "Nice!" he exclaimed to no one in particular, chuckling under his breath.

Emmett was almost always grinning, or laughing. He found his blood-red eyes ridiculously funny, he thought the way he sparkled was hilarious, and he was consumed with joy whenever he caught a glimpse of Rosalie. He made sure to catch frequent glimpses.

If nothing managed to distract Emmett's attention while he was focused on Rosalie, he'd charge at her and tackle her to the ground, pinning her underneath him, with more on his mind than wrestling. And while he was neither refined nor subtle about his intentions, Rosalie didn't appear to mind in the least. In fact, I'm almost certain they might have consummated their relationship, if you could call it that, right there in the middle of the ice field in the broad gray light of day, if it weren't for the presence of the rest of the family.

More specifically, the presence of Esme.

"Ahem… Emmett," Esme would grumble, her arms crossed, her foot tapping loudly at the ice by his head. To which there was typically no reply.

"Ahem," Esme would repeat, _accidentally_ 'tapping' an arm or a leg.

"'Scuse me, ma'am," Emmett would apologize with a smile, picking himself up and running to catch up with Carlisle, or to play on the nearest ledge. Poor Rosalie was left a wet and flustered mess on the snowy ground, torn between her own desire and her own embarrassment.

But often enough, Esme didn't have to intervene at all. Emmett's eyes would catch the glimmer of a bird overhead, or spot a particularly large outcropping of granite that he wanted to climb and leap from, or he would spot something he could eat, and he was off. More often than not, it was the smell of blood that would intervene.

Although Emmett had feasted on five caribou, a human and six sled dogs, when he was able to direct the flow of his reeling newborn thoughts, he was ever primed for his next meal, no matter the source. Fox, hare, arctic tern, squirrels, snow geese; he drained the blood of things no one else in my family would give a second thought to. He was searching out something, anything, equivalent to his human meal, in search of the elusive high, I suppose.

Of course, all newborns are bloodthirsty. But Emmett's thirst went beyond anything I'd experienced with Esme, Rosalie or myself. And while animal blood seemed to be a source of curiosity for Emmett, his experience with the Inuit had left an indelible impression on the newling. It was an experience he was eager to relive, one way or another. Of course, this silent yet guiltless reverie about drinking human blood left me ill at ease. I found myself dwelling on my memories of its taste and texture more than I was comfortable with. So I sprinted ahead, taunting Emmett, urging us all on faster. After the long journey, we could all use a feeding.

It was an enormous relief when the tempting scent of a large heard of bison slapped me in the face with the icy northern wind. Bison was unexpected bounty in this wintry expanse, they didn't usually stray this far north during the cold months.

Emmett was off with a roar of delighted anticipation, his feet hitting the ground hard enough to crack the frozen tundra beneath him. Any human finding his tracks later might have suspected them as evidence that Sasquatch did, in fact, exist. Of course, Emmett had no idea what he was running for, but he didn't care either way, it was blood and that was good enough for him. It was as if the living world was his to sample, a gigantic buffet of ways to satiate his thirst, and he couldn't wait to sink his teeth into his next meal… and the one after that, and the one after that.

Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie and I ran to catch up to him. We hoped to show him how to corral the herd, assuring a more orderly kill of a larger number of animals. Carlisle caught up to me smiling, happy.

"_It's been eleven years_," he thought.

"Eleven years?"

"_Since we've hunted as a family_."

I hadn't realized it had been so long. Our last hunt together was on the banks of the Hudson, with Esme and Carlisle, before I'd left them. We'd taken down a small herd of deer for Esme. They were her favorite. I wouldn't hunt with my parents after I returned. I'd only given in and hunted with Esme for the first time the night Carlisle changed Rosalie. And Rosalie, ashamed of her inhuman instincts, had never hunted with any of us.

I took a minute to listen carefully to Rosalie's thoughts. She was elated, exuberant, and very intent on Emmett's backside as he charged ahead of us. She wasn't thinking about how she loathed her existence, how she hated drinking animal's blood, how I'd bothered her by doing one thing or the other. Emmett's backside. That was it. Refreshing. Well, Emmett's backside wasn't refreshing. That she wasn't being negative, on the other hand, was.

But all of our thoughts dissolved into a unified vision as the bison came into view; large, hulking creatures full of warm, salty blood. Their musky smell, their slowly beating hearts, and their warmth elicited lows growls from the entire family. With that, the herd froze in place. It was that instant before the stampede when you had to take action, move decisively to pen the animals in. But Emmett, in his haze of newborn bliss, burst right into the heart of the herd, scattering the creatures to the four corners of the icy plane. Suddenly, it was an unorganized blood splattered mess of a kill, with Emmett's cries of joy cutting through the frantic hoof beats and bellows of the beasts, and the grunts of satisfaction from the rest of the family.

Emmett, in his unskilled haste, disposed of two large bison before the rest of the family could drain one apiece. He stalked through the grisly remains of the herd, a proud smile playing on his blood stained lips. But as I pulled an unending stream of blood from the bison I held in my arms, I lost track of Emmett's thoughts, and the thoughts of all those around me. It had been too long, and the thick, rich blood of the large creature felt like warm silk against my sore, burning throat.

"Rosalie!" Esme's voice pulled me back from my reverie. What had he done?

I rushed in the direction of Esme's voice, but when I picked up Emmett's thoughts, I knew what I'd find before I saw it with my own eyes. It was well that I was prepared. I found Esme standing over Emmett and Rosalie, bloody, wet, limbs intertwined, half dressed, smiling like fools.

Carlisle approached quietly, but hung back from the scene, his back to the sheepish lovers, shaking his head. "We should keep moving," he mumbled.

"Well, thank goodness we brought a change of clothing," Esme scolded Rosalie. Emmett, however, was left with his blood soaked and soiled rags, yet didn't seem to mind in the least. He simply pulled the gory strips of his shirt from his body, baring his hulking torso to the world. He used the rags in a half-hearted attempt to wipe the blood from his chest, but he didn't try to wipe the smile off his face as he watched Esme and Rosalie disappear around an outcropping of rock. And his thoughts…

"Do you mind?" I asked the man. I couldn't take it any longer.

"What?" he turned to me, startled, happy and challenging all at once.

"You've only just met my sister, and I find your thoughts and your actions ungentlemanly, to say the least."

"My thoughts?" he asked.

"Your thoughts, Emmett McCarty."

"Aw, hell, you can read my thoughts?" He rolled his eyes in exasperation.

I nodded, my eyebrows arched, my arms crossed in front of me.

"Whoops. Well, sorry… Edward, is it? But there's nothin' I can do about that," he said, patting me on the back, grinning.

"You can treat her with respect," I offered.

"Aren't you all vampires?" he asked.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Who are you to act all high and mighty?" he challenged.

"Just because we're vampires, doesn't mean we can't act civilly with one another."

"Ha!" Emmett slapped his knee and held his sides, his laughter booming across the field of ice. "Listen, Edward, I just got a second chance at life with, your uh, Rose, and I'll be damned if I let civility or whatever you call it get in the way."

By this time Rosalie had reappeared, pulled back together, her new dress dry and intact.

"_Well, hot damn_," Emmett thought to himself. But then he turned to me. "You don't have to listen, you know." And then he ran off in Rosalie's direction.

Rosalie, for her part, was pleased that Emmett had given up his shirt. Very pleased. She didn't stop him from picking her off her feet in his embrace. Indeed, she encouraged him by wrapping herself around his naked torso, and grabbing fistfuls of his hair, as she pulled his face to hers for a very inappropriate kiss. Esme smiled a little and coughed politely. Neither took the hint. "We have to keep moving, Rosalie," Esme finally tried to interrupt, to no avail.

"Rosalie….Rosalie." Esme tapped Rosalie's shoulder. The only response from Rosalie was a passionate growl.

"ROSALIE!" she shouted in the girl's ear. It was the first time I'd heard Esme raise her voice.

Rosalie startled and looked around, like she was seeing the world for the first time. "Esme? What?" She jumped awkwardly off of Emmett.

"We have to keep moving, Rosalie," Esme muttered, walking back towards Carlisle and I, shaking her head.

*****

I felt much like a sheep dog, corralling Emmett, moving him ever westward. He took my proximity as a challenge of sorts and never tired of playfully trying to goad me into a contest: wrestling, running, turning boulders to powder. He bet money he didn't have, well, he'd bet anything, and all he had was a ragged pair of trousers. It didn't take long to give in to his theatrically sad newborn eyes, (such a unique contradiction), to agree to a wrestling match. I took pleasure in using my mind to anticipate his every move, besting him quite consistently. It may have been childish, but it couldn't be helped. Having Emmett around brought out a very intense instinct to hold my status in the family unit. I'd been with Carlisle from the beginning, and this upstart wouldn't take my place.

From the beginning... That first journey toward Denali with Carlisle was almost always on my mind. It was as different from this trip as possible, aside from the presence of a newborn male.

At first I'd simply been relieved to run through the snowy plains without the constant temptation of human blood, and the constant torment of hearing human thoughts. My awakening to immortality had instantly introduced me to the darkest parts of men's minds. To suddenly know the desires of well-mannered neighbors and their wives, the secrets that children kept, the pain and suffering of the shopkeepers and day laborers: it was like I'd found out I'd always lived in hell but had been deaf before, and now I was damned to it forever, my deafness gone with my heartbeat.

But Carlisle was like an oasis amidst the darkness. His mind never strayed to those confusing and improper thoughts, to deceit or dark fantasies. I delighted in his brain, which worked hard to answer my every inquiry, that never contradicted his words, and that, amazingly, never desired human blood.

For although I'd never tasted it myself at that time, I wanted to, badly. It was nearly all I could think about. The horror that came with this desire nearly incapacitated me, and before we'd entered the land of snow and ice, I'd been afraid to move, lest I catch the scent of a human. I knew all too well what I wanted. My brain painted a detailed picture for me; my instincts tugged me toward that picture relentlessly. I knew how I would pull the human's head back, gently, so as not to break the head from the stalk and lose excess blood, how to slide my other arm around theirs and how my leg would pin theirs together, to minimize their struggling. And then, wrapped in this warm embrace, body against body, I knew exactly where my teeth should pierce the skin for access to the strongest stream of blood.

But Carlisle didn't fantasize about this, ever. And I clung to the man and attempted to become him somehow, to live a blameless existence like my mother would have wanted. Carlisle delighted in my attention, and he attempted to teach me everything of the world he knew. His joy at having me with him as a companion was like a life raft those first months. With a simple question from me, he would babble on with an answer for days, talking openly about his life for the first time in his long existence.

He told me about his life's calling: to use his vampire abilities to help ease human suffering. I knew that for him to be happy, he had to be among humans, helping. I knew I couldn't hide forever. After a few months of wandering the great northern expanse, I encouraged him to bring me closer to humans, hoping against hope that I wouldn't relegate his existence with me to only the most remote wastelands.

We approached Fort Smith in north central Canada on a summer day. We kept our distance from the settlement, and kept under cover. The relentless summer sun glanced off our skin and then reflected off the snow in thousands of crystalline rays of rainbow light. Carlisle and I sat in the snow; his hand positioned reassuringly on my shoulder, with a grip that I understood and was grateful for. I trusted him to keep me from the humans. I trusted him with everything.

Their scent ebbed and flowed throughout the three days that we sat there, the most delicious aroma I'd ever smelled. My muscles tensed for the first forty-eight hours and finally relaxed, but venom flowed the entire time we remained there. And my mind… My mind replayed its own favorite bloody scenario over and over.

Instead, I tried to concentrate on Carlisle's mind, to force my own brain to work like his. Carlisle wondered if the influenza had made it this far north. He wished he could visit the clinic here. He wanted to get into that town as badly as I did, but for completely different reasons. It was almost as if we were different creatures entirely.

"Never?" I managed. Speaking coherently was difficult, with so many of my own thoughts battling with the thoughts of others, with so many impulses to fight.

Carlisle knew what I meant, though. "No. It was difficult at first. I starved myself to near insanity before I killed that first deer." I saw the scene play out in Carlisle's head, I saw his relief and satisfaction and joy through his mind as he drank down the warm blood of his first kill.

But then, I saw it, in another, more recent flash of memory. "Never?" I challenged.

"Not until you, my son."

And I saw the embarrassed anticipation, his fingers curling, heard his quick and shallow breathing, and I saw his teeth tearing at my flesh, how his body grew strong, his muscles flexed, his mind expanded, his body alive like it had never been before. I saw how he tried to catch a droplet that escaped his mouth, and what that small action did to him, how he looked at my eyes, unfocused, near dead, and pulled away in disgust.

"How did it taste?" I asked breathlessly.

And Carlisle's eyes glowed bright yellow, and his mind stopped thinking in words so that I never got an exact answer. But the look on his face gave it all away. I was touched deep within, I shivered and my skin buzzed and I knew, in no uncertain terms that this man stopped drinking my blood because he loved me, and also because he loved _it_, my blood. And this singular experience was both horrifying and holy, and bound me to this man for all of existence, in much the same way I'd been bound to my mother and father. By blood and by love.

And like I did with my human parents, I worked to make this new parent proud. We wandered, and he told me what he knew of: our history, medicine and humans. I'd clung to my music as I'd been turned, and it was nearly all I had left of my human memories. I spoke to him of the pieces I'd loved, explained the feelings they emoted, their intricacies, and he listened, hanging on my every word.

But after many months, I despaired that I could lead Carlisle's life. I knew in my heart what I was made for, and it saddened and disgusted me.

"I'm sorry, but I've failed you. I want to drink the blood of humans, with every minute of my existence. I think idle thoughts about it. I see visions behind my eyelids; I see scenes in the clouds. Perhaps there can be no other like you, Carlisle, for certainly, I am not," I confessed miserably.

His eyes lit with realization and inspiration. "I don't know why I didn't think of it. There are others, Edward! Five others." I saw the five in his mind, and in his mind I saw why he didn't think of it earlier, but I was too embarrassed to say anything about it. They were vampires that took humans to bed. That came intimately close to humans, without drinking their blood.

"And they make their home near Denali, less than one thousand miles from here." Carlisle's face broke into a wide smile, and I saw his pride, and his dream of presenting me to his friends. "We should go immediately. You should meet the others, see that there are other ways to accomplish this life of abstinence."

I couldn't say no. And I would attempt my best behavior while I was there, to make Carlisle proud.

*****

"Edward, Esme and I think it best to continue past the lake, and head straight for Denali." Carlisle's words woke me from my reverie.

"Why?"

My parents exchanged glances, unwilling to talk out loud.

"_Esme worries about Rosalie_," Carlisle explained thoughtlessly.

"Why?"

"_Emmett is contentious and… large_."

I shook my head. "I don't think she minds."

"_I know she cares for the man, but it's too much. He's so aggressive_," Esme explained wordlessly.

"And she isn't?" I challenged.

"_I'd feel better if we were at our home, not out in the wild_."

"Yes, but that man needs to feed. There's nothing in the mountains. At least at Great Bear Lake there would be…"

"Great Bear _what_?" Emmett asked, bounding over with Rosalie in tow.

"Great Bear Lake," I admitted.

"They've got bears there?" he asked, suddenly more intense than jovial.

I nodded my head.

"Well I don't care what you all do, but I'm going to that lake. You can just point me in the direction. Are you coming Rose?"

Rosalie looked to the three of us for support. I heard her thoughts. She'd go with Emmett no matter what we did, but she hoped we'd come too.

"It seems as though we've been outvoted, Esme." Carlisle said, hugging his wife to show his support.

As we approached the lake, the air was filled with the scent of warm-blooded creatures. I could pick out the odors of caribou, musk ox, moose and grizzly. Stands of spruce grew thick and close to the earth, their deep green needles and brown trunks in stark contrast to the monotonous gray and white landscape. The flat ground sunk impossibly lower toward the banks of an unending sea of ice.

The first victims of Emmett's thirst were the elk hiding in the pinewoods on the shore. This served as something of an appetizer for the newborn, and he hardly paused before lumbering off in search of his main course. Carlisle and Rosalie followed close behind, while Esme and I flanked Emmett, hoping to head him off in case he made an unexpected detour.

"_Edward!_" Esme screamed silently.

I spun around and saw that her eyes were wide with fear, fixed on something toward the distant shore.

"_No, no, no, no_," she silently pleaded.

I peered into the distance, my vision somewhat obscured by a thick blanket of fog. But there, perhaps fifty miles off, near the opposite shore, I could see a small plume of gray smoke. Humans.

"Edward, we have to leave now!" Esme nearly cried. I listened for the thoughts of the others. Emmett was taunting a large male grizzly, wrestling, roaring and growling with delight. We'd never pull him away, but perhaps it gave us the time we needed.

"We need to clear the humans, now. He's wrestling a grizzly, enjoying himself and taking his time." Esme seemed frozen in place.

"What?" she asked. I almost wanted to shake her.

"You have to go, Esme. I need to stay close enough to hear his thoughts. To help stop him if he gets too close."

"Scare the humans?"

"Esme, go! Or they'll be worse than scared, they'll be dead."

She turned and ran over the ice without further hesitation.

But Emmett's thirst got the best of him, and he ended his game rather abruptly, sinking his teeth into the giant bear's neck and forcing him to the ground, sucking the bear dry as he lay splayed out over the lifeless animal. I didn't hesitate, and ran toward the scene. It was over. He'd killed the bear. The symbolism wasn't lost on me. Now we could leave.

But before I could reach them, Emmett was off, his newborn mind suddenly, unexpectedly focused. It wasn't over by a long shot. He ran along the banks of the lake, toward the opposite shore, following the heady scent of a bear, a brown bear this time. He was unknowingly headed straight for the human camp. Esme and the humans were out of my range of hearing, and the only thing for me to do was to try to head Emmett off and force him to turn around. I shrank a bit at this prospect, having some experience with Emmett's strength and willpower when his hunt was interrupted, but I ran ahead anyway, focused on saving the human's lives.

After that, everything happened very quickly. Esme, in her haste, was actually very successful at frightening the humans. Just as I managed to jump into Emmett's path, an unmistakable odor pervaded the air around us, growing stronger with each second. The humans were headed _this_ way.

Before he could form a conscious thought, Emmett tossed me aside and charged for the open ice of the lake. I saw the humans, two specks on the horizon, running for their lives, right into Emmett's path.

"Emmett!" Rosalie called out. "Emmett, please! Come back!"

We raced after the man, but he was even more driven than he had been that first time with the Inuit. Now he knew what he wanted, what he could have. I couldn't catch him. The humans froze, trying to comprehend what was barreling in their direction. A topless, sparkling, blood-covered hulk of a man.

"Come back!" I heard Esme crying in the distance, as if she could guard the humans from Emmett's advances, as if they'd run to the monster that scared them out of their shelter for protection.

I won't go into detail. It's enough to say that their lives were over quickly.

*****

We were subdued as we continued the last leg of our journey. Two more lives had been lost, and each of us silently blamed ourselves for the tragedy that befell those men. Rosalie had stopped speaking to Emmett, and she'd begun to doubt her own heart. Emmett couldn't focus on her for more than five minute at a time, and she'd told him that she wouldn't tolerate feeding from humans, yet he hadn't hesitated when he'd caught their scent, quickly forgetting all about her and his promises to her in the lust for blood.

Esme worried about Rosalie, and about the man that was trailing behind our family, dejected. And Carlisle worried about Esme. He could never stand to see her sad.

While all of these worries held some appeal to me, my mind strayed elsewhere. We were entering the mountains, and on the other side lay Alaska, and finally Denali. I hadn't spoken to my friend, my cousin Tanya, since before I'd left New York. I left without a word, without an explanation. I was too ashamed to call when I returned, too wrapped up in myself. And somehow, over time, the letter I should have sent became harder to write, and easier to ignore. I'd have to face her, yet I was embarrassed by my actions.

As the first tall peaks came into view, Emmett charged, bare-chested and with his pants now torn at the knees, ahead of us. Rosalie sighed.

"We'll go to Anchorage for clothing straight away," Esme murmured to Carlisle.

"Tanya has a sewing machine, and I'm sure she has fabric. It would be quicker. At first," he reasoned.

"Yes. We'd best get him clothed, quickly."

As we made our way into the heart of the McKenzie Mountain Range into the Yukon Territory, Emmett's spirits begun to soar. His smile crept back onto his face and his bright red eyes sparkled, as a plan formed in his mind. I couldn't help grinning to myself at the newborn's idea. It seemed we'd created a giant baby vampire. Emmett charged up the steep slope in our path, not pausing for a second before taking a running leap from the summit, tumbling through the air, laughing, colliding with boulders and turning them to powder on impact, then rolling down the rest of the slope, only to pick himself up and start all over.

The first few times Esme watched, she gasped, and hid her face against Carlisle's chest. Carlisle chuckled. "Well, why not?" he reasoned. "Whatever else the boy is, he's definitely… sturdy."

Rosalie watched in awe, eyes wide, disbelieving, entranced. Emmett bounded over to her. "Rose, baby, come on! Have you ever?"

She simply shook her head as Emmett tugged her along with him up the next slope. "You're always so serious, darlin'," he grinned. "You gotta' have some fun sometimes, right?"

Rose let the man pull her along to the top of the peak, and Esme closed her eyes again as Rosalie took a running jump off of the summit, her hand clutching Emmett's. Together they tumbled down the slope, laughing all the way, ending at the bottom in a tangled heap. Emmett clutched Rosalie in his arms, obviously wanted to do more than lay there, but she shook him free.

"Let's do it again!" she exclaimed, beaming at Emmett.

"Ha! I've created a monster!" he laughed.

And they were off, leaving Carlisle, Esme and I struggling to keep up with their frantic pace. They held hands for the next series of dives, and soon we heard Rosalie's laughter echoing through the mountains, her soprano two octaves higher than Emmett's deep, booming bass. They repeated their stunt over and over until finally, they jumped on a fragile outcropping near the peak of Mt. St. James. The two vampires easily broke through the rock, and tumbled nine thousand feet down the mountainside with a mountain's worth of snow, ice and rock following close behind. It was quite the avalanche. The thunderous rumble triggered other snowfalls throughout the range, and easily drowned out Emmett's laughter.

We ran to the base of the mountain. It had only been a few minutes, but all was quiet; the landscape was eerily serene. The flat white ground showed no evidence of the destructive power of the snow as it cascaded down the mountainside, taking a good chunk of the mountain with it. And there wasn't a trace of Emmett and Rosalie.

"They must be okay!" Esme worried, her eyes searching out the landscape in front of her.

"Of course, Esme. They're here, somewhere," Carlisle assured her, turning to me. "Edward?"

Carlisle was right. Buried under meters of snow, we couldn't see them and we couldn't hear them, but I could pick out Emmett and Rosalie's thoughts plainly enough.

"They're together," I assured my parents.

"Thank goodness," Esme sighed. "Can you tell where they are in all of this?"

"In an air pocket under the snow. But, uh, they don't really want to be found, Esme."

"What?" she asked, confused.

"Well, where they are, there's nothing to distract Emmett from Rosalie," I tactfully replied. "And… vice versa."

Esme's eyed went wide again and she spun around to face her husband. "Oh, Carlisle!"

"She's a grown woman, Esme."

"But they've only just met."

"What difference does time make when you've found your mate? What difference did it make for you and I, my love?" he asked, his voice growing low and rough. I tried not to follow the path his mind was taking. Filtering the thoughts of each and every member of the family was becoming increasingly difficult.

Esme smiled warmly at Carlisle, her thoughts momentarily joining his. But then she shook her head, clearing her mind. "But you weren't such a brute."

"And I wasn't half as fun as that young man, either," he laughed. "He's taken to this life with ease. Emmett will make a welcome addition to our family, as soon as we can curb his appetite."

"_If _we can curb his appetite," I corrected. It seemed unlikely.

"This happened so suddenly," Esme continued. "I wish I'd had more of a chance to speak with Rosalie, to explain…"

"And what words would you have used, dear? There are none, you know that. We did just fine without any help."

Esme looked doubtful, and Carlisle held her by the arms, smiling into her worried face. "She's going to be fine, infinitely better than fine. You know that, don't you?"

"I still wish I'd had you speak to the boy. That you'd told him in no uncertain terms to be good to her."

"After tonight, dear, he'll have no choice," Carlisle murmured, rubbing Esme's arms. "It's our nature."

Esme finally smiled, a small strained smile. "Then it's done. She's bound. She's not ours anymore. But his. Forever." Esme buried her head in Carlisle's chest, taking short, shallow breaths.

"You sweet, silly woman," Carlisle cooed. "Don't cry." Carlisle pulled her in for a tender kiss, and I left everyone to their own devices for the evening.

*****

Everything changed at the base of that eternally altered mountain. I spent days wandering the glaciers, waiting on my family. If Tanya wasn't waiting at my final destination, I might have struck out for Denali on my own. It would have been infinitely easier than passing the time trying to ignore the thoughts and occasional sounds of everyone around me.

When Emmett and Rosalie finally made their way out of their snowy hideaway, they were transformed in a way that was difficult to describe with words. But it was familiar. I'd seen as much with Esme and Carlisle so many years before. They touched, constantly. They smiled at one another, always. And they managed to communicate in that same wordless fashion that Carlisle and Esme did, understanding flowing almost thoughtlessly between them. Emmett regarded Rosalie with reverence and wonder, and Rosalie glowed whenever Emmett gazed at her. She nearly always glowed. He carried her a good portion of those last few hundred miles, just because.

Esme and Carlisle were quietly happy, themselves. They regarded the two newly mated vampires with tender respect and understanding. And although I could read the thoughts of all around me, and I could study their actions, I knew I was witnessing something that I couldn't quite grasp. Suddenly I was removed from the situation, an outsider among my own clan.

Esme let out a sigh of relief when the large Denali house came into view. It was enormous, with large windows overlooking the mountains, peaked roofs, intricate stone masonry, and a grand entrance.

Rosalie stopped in her tracks, in awe. "Oh, Esme, Carlisle, it's beautiful."

Emmett nearly swooned just at the sound of Rosalie's voice. He grabbed her waist and pulled her body flush with his. She reacted to him immediately, pulling his head to hers, winding her leg around his, and kissing him deeply. He pulled her into his arms, and walked swiftly toward the front door.

"Perhaps we should go straight away to Tanya's house," Carlisle suggested to Esme and I.

*****

I sat at on the piano bench, looking westward toward Denali. As night advanced over the silvery landscape, the gray light of day slowly faded to black. Heavy snow and wind was coming in off the coast. A herd of antelope clomped unusually close to the house. Kate was in her room humming to herself, preparing for a night with her new human. But otherwise, the world was silent. The rest of the family was off on a hunting expedition, and once Kate left I'd have the house to myself. I looked forward to these times of silence and solitude, for I could fill the space with the sounds and sights of my choosing.

Kate skipped down the stairs and made her way back to the study.

"I'm off, Tanya," she sang. She was quite pleased with her new man and was giddy at the prospect of seeing him.

"Enjoy yourself, dear."

"You do the same, Tanya. Perhaps you'd like to come out with me? He has many friends at the mine," she offered, as she brushed my hair behind my shoulders and patted my head. I would not be pitied.

"There's much to do about the house. I won't lack for chores to occupy my time."

Kate sighed. "You never come out anymore."

"You know that's not true, Katrina." To allay suspicions, I'd taken the odd human here or there. But I was true in my heart. I had no choice.

"Fine, sister. I'll be back before dawn, as always." I stayed where I sat until I heard the front door close behind Katrina.

I moved to the desk, where earlier I'd set to reading Paradise Lost, again. I'd read it enough that the pages were worn thin and the print was light and smeared. Eleazar had gifted me a new copy, well bound with pages that were immune to the effects of light. It sat on my nightstand, untouched. But this evening I was restless, and I was quickly up perusing the shelves, running my fingers along the spines, looking for something to capture my interest. I sighed; these books offered nothing that could hold my attention. I stepped to the phonograph and put on an old recording of Bessie Smith, and went to stare out the window at the blustering storm.

My vision was taken over by my memories, as vivid today as they were eight years ago. This was an indulgence I allowed myself only when I was alone. I wouldn't let the family see me doe eyed and moping. It was bad for morale. Irina would use it as an excuse to attempt to overrule me at every turn. Katrina took pity on me. And after all that Carmen and Eleazar had done for me, I couldn't let them see that their journey had made no difference.

Or, perhaps, afterwards, it had made it worse.

Because he never came. He never called. Not a letter, not a card.

But for him, I understood.

I knew, of course, the probable depth of his pain. I knew how he would hold his actions against himself. I could almost feel his exquisite agony, all those thousands of miles away. I wanted to feel it, and I wanted to be the one to make it better. Tenderly rubbing away the hurt, letting him know that his actions were normal, understandable. That he was singular among us, because he'd left the lifestyle behind, not for love, not for sex, but for himself.

A wolf howled in the distance, and suddenly, it was 1927, and I was in the foothills of the Pocono Mountains, watching Edward take down the she-wolf. His lethal grace could make me shudder, even tonight, eight years later. He stood, so powerful, glistening with blood, in command, even though I was near one thousand years his senior. I'd held my breath that night, my mind reeling, my knees suddenly weak. It took every shred of willpower I'd possessed to keep my mind away from my own desires and focus on what was important.

Edward had been in pain. It was the night everything turned, and I'd struggled to reason with him, to do whatever I could to tilt the balance in the other direction. To keep him with us. I pulled from my knowledge of eastern religion, philosophy, appealed to his sense of family. But I'd failed.

But now, alone in the study, I didn't have to force my mind in a direction it didn't want to go. Instead I let it stray. I toyed with the past and bent it to my liking. Edward looked down at me; his lips wet with wolf blood, his eyes glowing and yellow after the feed. I growled, meeting his fiery glare. Suddenly, he had me pinned against the trunk of a tree, his body pressed against mine. He was very, very strong. "What do you want from me," Edward growled.

Summoning all of my strength, I pushed against Edward, and he flew backwards, he landed on his back, and I landed on top of him. "You know what I want."

He flipped me over, of course. No man with the dominance he showed in the hunt would stay underneath me. He growled and snarled as he tore my dress off.

Back in my body in Denali, I clutched at the windowsill, holding myself up, pressing myself against the cold glass. It was so vivid… so alive to me… he'd been so strong and wild and certain that night, the most ferocious killer, the most sentimental thinker, long, lean, muscular… sad.

I could make these memories and fantasies feel so real, that I could almost see Edward walking toward the house through the gray storm, like he had that first winter seventeen years ago. I could almost smell his scent on the breeze. _I was good_, I mused to myself. Tonight it all seemed so real.

"She sees us. I can just hear her thoughts now." The voice was deep and musical, rhythmic, like slow jazz piano, carried on the wind. Edward. He was here.

"She's surprised to see us."

* * *

**A/N: So here's the deal... I was so excited to bring Emmett into this story, finally someone letting lose, happy with his existence, finally some happy lemons, right? Well, writing from EPOV, Edward wanted no part of Emmett and Rose's... connection. I was at war with Edward as I wrote this. He kept wanting to shut them out, and I wanted a ring side seat. **

**So, dear readers, please send me a review to let me know if you'd like a sweet little outtake from R/Emm/POV. Because Edward ain't going to let it happen in this story! I hope you enjoyed it anyway. m**


	19. House Training

The three vampires sat by the blazing fire, allowing their clothing to dry. Carlisle and Esme held hands, and the firelight played tricks with their eyes, changing them from gold to amber in the flickering glow. They were both beaming like I hadn't seen in many years, and I was relieved to know all was well between them. Edward sat apart, eyeing the ground nervously, unwilling to meet my eyes. It was just as well. I had enough on my hands with Carlisle. As pleased as I was that he and Esme seemed happy, I was exasperated with his behavior. One as old as he was should have known better.

"So, you're telling me that you have an uncontrollable newling, who is currently unguarded at home, sleeping with your daughter?"

"Tanya!" Esme gasped.

"There's no cause to beat around the bush, Esme. It's best to lay all the cards out on the table."

"But, they're mated," Esme argued.

I felt my body go still with surprise. Surely, that would be impossible with one so new. "How old did you say the male was?"

"He was changed two weeks ago."

"Then, no, Esme, he is not mated. Surely you must know that."

"I would say it was impossible too," Carlisle offered. "But there were extenuating circumstances. There was an avalanche…"

"Excuse me?" I interrupted. Carlisle was clearly straying from the point I was trying to make, and I felt myself growing impatient.

"Emmett was caught in it with Rosalie and he had nothing to distract his attention, but snow. It appears he has no interest in snow," Carlisle grinned, sneaking a glimpse at Esme, who smiled back at him.

I cleared my throat and Carlisle looked at me somewhat sheepishly. I counted it as the first time the man was ever abashed in my presence, and it was well he looked at me like that. What was he thinking? This was no joke.

"You have quite a situation on your hands, don't you Carlisle? And why exactly can't you control this male?"

"Emmett's quite large," he explained.

"And strong," Esme added with a shy smile.

"And exuberant," Carlisle concluded, nearly laughing. My frustration was mounting.

"And bare," Edward added, with a small smirk on his lips. I jumped a bit at the sound of Edward's voice, low and musical even though he'd only uttered two syllables. Somehow, the humor he found in their predicament made the entire situation more tolerable, and not as dire. I smiled at Edward in acknowledgment, and his eyes glimmered, before he looked away. I lost my train of thought entirely, and followed his gaze, wondering what he saw out the window.

"Yes, aside from your assistance in looking after Emmett, we also are in need of some clothing," Carlisle took advantage of the silence to bring us back on topic. Of course, they were here for a reason. A reckless, foolish, reason. "Emmett… plays rough. The garments he had were torn to begin with, and they didn't last long."

"He _needs_ clothing," Esme emphasized.

*****

**EPOV**

"Goodness! A _naked_ newborn is back at the house with your daughter. This story gets better by the moment. Carlisle, how could you have allowed this?"

"Excuse me?" Carlisle didn't hide his mounting indignation. He uncharacteristically held back his thoughts from those around him. "_This is my family, and I will run it how I see fit."_

"You've gone from being a solitary vampire to the head of a large clan, all within less than twenty years. You now have five vampires under your direction. You would be hard pressed to go unnoticed by the Volturi, especially given your diet, and Edward's talents. You made the decision to take this male into your fold. He is your responsibility. If he does anything foolish, the blame will lie not only with this newling, Emmett, but also with you. I don't imagine you want to leave your charges alone in the world?"

"Certainly you're overacting, Tanya. When you meet the boy, you'll see that he's quite kind and amusing," Carlisle explained with a hard edge to his voice.

"This is not amusing, Carlisle. It's irresponsible."

Carlisle's eyes glowed, but he held his tongue. His mind, however, wasn't silent.

_Irresponsible? This coming from the woman that left her clan to their own devices for years. All because she wanted to bed my son._

My eyes went wide with shock. Carlisle had never thought something so explicit in all the time I'd been with him. It must have been his anger at Tanya's accusations. Of course, Carlisle's outburst existed only for himself and I, so I struggled to appear impassive. Carlisle's eyes flickered in my direction and I understood it as an apology. Suddenly, I wished I were anywhere in the world but here.

"Tanya, we made the decision to change Emmett as a family. Don't hold this against Carlisle," Esme argued. Carlisle clutched Esme's hand, and his mind quickly changed course.

"_No, it's not right to let my family take the blame. This was my decision as the head of this family. Perhaps Tanya's right. I let myself be swayed by Rosalie, by my desire for her happiness. I wasn't careful enough."_

"And who was this vampire's creator?" Tanya asked.

"I was. She's right, Esme. Emmett is my responsibility. I was too lenient," Carlisle allowed, suddenly looking more nervous and cowed than I'd seen in many years.

No, Tanya was wrong. Somehow, I couldn't believe Emmett was a mistake. And I certainly couldn't fault Carlisle. He'd denied Rosalie; it was Esme and I that convinced him in the end.

"Tanya?" I surprised myself by speaking. Tanya appeared shocked as well.

"Don't judge Carlisle too harshly. This newborn _is_ quite a bit of trouble. Truth be told, he's like an uncontainable force of nature. But he's something altogether new for us. We wouldn't have chosen him. And that's a good thing. We haven't been the happiest brood. And, frankly, it's a relief he's mated to Rosalie, otherwise I don't know if he would have stuck around."

"And you'd like him to stick around?" Tanya asked suddenly more interested than angry.

"Perhaps," I allowed. "There's no telling what trouble he'd get himself into if he ran off."

"You're smiling, Edward." _"It's good to see the boy finally smile_."

"Am I?" I hadn't realized that I was.

"Undoubtedly," Tanya smiled back, her eyes suddenly soft, her mind…

I gritted my teeth and looked Tanya in the eye. "We need to talk," I almost growled.

Tanya's eyes were suddenly lit like torches in the night. She stood to her feet, almost tripping over her chair in the process. "Certainly, Edward. It appears there is some sewing that needs to be done. You could assist me with the man's measurements. We could talk, if you wish."

"Fine," I agreed, standing to my feet. I noticed my clothing was finally dry, and I smoothed out the fabric and stretched my limbs. Tanya turned rather abruptly toward Esme and Carlisle.

Carlisle raised his eyebrows in question. "_Edward?"_

But I looked away from my father. I was an adult, and this wasn't his business. There were things that needed to be spoken between Tanya and I, alone.

"You are both welcome to stay, but perhaps it would be best of you returned to guard your newborn as best you can. Our families exist in part because we support one another. You can rest assured that we will help with your newborn, no matter how reckless your decision was. I'll send you reinforcements when they've returned from the hunt. Edward and I will see you when I'm through with the clothing."

*****

**TPOV**

Even after one thousand years on this planet, I find that it is sometimes strange the way the world works. An hour ago I was biding my time with Edward's memory, and now I was leading him up the stairs to the sewing room. And that was as far as I would let my mind go on that topic.

I pulled out bolts of flannel and wool, found some scattered masculine-looking buttons, and began matching thread, all to busy my hands and keep my mind somewhat occupied. Of course, as a vampire, Edward had perfect recall as far as the man's measurements. He wordlessly assisted me and I made quick work of tracing and cutting a pattern for shirts and trousers. Judging from my conversation with Carlisle and Esme, he would need quite a few things. We could start with five shirts and five pair of pants. We might be _sewing_ all night.

"Perhaps we should just begin with one of each. We could easily go in to Anchorage for the rest." I jumped at the sound of Edward's voice. It was the first thing he'd said since he suggested staying behind to help with the clothing.

"It's because I'm nervous," he replied to my thoughts.

I smiled a bit, unused to the way the man could answer my unspoken thoughts, all over again. I remembered how it had become so fluid in New York. We'd developed an easy give and take, unspoken on my part.

"I treasure those times we spent together."

"As do I," I answered out loud, my voice coming out uneven, halting and hitching in my throat. I glanced up from sewing to look Edward in the eye, careful to keep close tabs on my thoughts. But I knew that my face would betray me, to a point. I was willing to let that much go. Edward quickly looked away.

"I'm sorry," he said, under his breath.

Those two words caressed me like a balm, and I worked to keep from going limp in the chair where I was sitting, tracing patterns on flannel.

"And I know those words aren't enough. You deserve more. But it was easier for me not to contact you, it was too confusing."

"Confusing?"

"It was easier to focus on the mess I'd made at home. I didn't like to think I'd disturbed your lives in Denali."

"Disturbed them?" Is that what he tactfully thought he'd done? "Disturbed our lives?" I felt anger mounting, and worked so as not to demolish the scissors in my hand as I cut through the rough fabric.

"I'm sorry," he repeated.

"I sent Eleazar and Carmen to find you. They were gone for over a year."

Edward sighed and looked out the window. I couldn't keep my mind from memories of my room, from my bed, where I lay motionless for weeks at a time.

"I'm sorry," Edward murmured.

"I don't need an apology for your leaving. But it was unconscionable to forget me on your return." I saw winter turn to spring in my mind. The telephone didn't ring. The postal box in Anchorage was empty.

"Tanya, I took advantage of you…"

"What?" The turn of the conversation had taken me by surprise. Taken advantage of me? Unfortunately, Edward had never taken advantage of me.

"I allowed you to be my friend, but I've ignored the white elephant in the room."

My unbeating heart sank to the floor and I was grateful that I was seated.

"Excuse me?" I asked out loud. "_Don't think, don't think, don't think_," I commanded myself silently. But I'm quite sure that my mind may have strayed to a fantasy or two.

"I've known about your lifestyle for quite some time," Edward continued.

I smiled a bit remembering the shy man that approached me as I gardened all those years ago, and the halting way he'd questioned me. My lifestyle had been cause for our first argument.

"Yes. I was quite self-righteous."

"You _were_?" I asked sarcastically.

"Tanya, you yourself taught me that I could never change."

"And you were the one to prove me wrong." I'd changed more than I could have imagined possible. And Edward?

"No Tanya, I haven't. I can't live like you and your sisters do."

I chuckled at the thought. "I've never asked you to."

"I can't string you along. I can't be a conquest of yours."

I abruptly stopped laughing. Is that what he thought? A conquest? I dropped the scissors to the table and looked Edward in the eye. "That's not what I want."

"I've been on this earth long enough to know what you want. I'm not as naïve as I once was."

A conquest? A conquest? A conquest. "A conquest, right, of course."

"I value your friendship too highly. Your family and mine are too important to one another. It would be wrong."

"Being my _conquest _wouldn't have to change any of that." And that was true. A conquest could be casual, come and go, grow...

"I'm not made that way, Tanya."

"_Like a man?"_

Edward's eyes filled with fire. "Let me know if this means that we're no longer friends. I let things slide in New York. I did things I'm not proud of."

A sarcastic laugh escaped my lips. What could this puritanical vampire have done? "Like what?" I asked out loud.

"I allowed people the impression that we were together. I ignored your advances to keep you as a friend. I won't do that anymore, Tanya."

"And _that's _your sin?"

"Truly, it's the least of it. But I plan to live morally going forward," Edward stated with a firm nod of his head. He was serious, stoic.

"I wouldn't _have you_ any other way, Edward," I smiled at my choice of words. He looked so dear, so earnest.

Edward regarded me silently, eyebrows raised.

"What?" I asked innocently. "_You_ said you were going to live morally. I meant nothing else by that remark."

This time Edward let out a sincere laugh and settled himself into a chair.

"So, my moral young vampire, would you be friends with someone that lives my _lifestyle_, as you say?"

"And would you, Tanya, be friends with someone who never would?" Edward countered.

"_Never?" _I challenged.

"I can't change, you said it yourself."

"But for a mate?" I knew I was grasping at straws.

"I wouldn't hold your breath, Tanya."

"I have no need of breath, Edward."

We regarded each other from across the room, silently. But the mood had lifted and I saw Edward trying to suppress a grin.

"You look quite pleased, yourself, Tanya. Are things better between us, then?"

"I believe they are. It's good to have you back, Edward. I enjoy your wit, and without you, I've no one to talk to about literature, or music."

"They've had me in the woods for so long, I don't think I have anything of value to say about music."

"No, not the woods!" I chuckled, casting a meaningful glance out the window towards the trees and mountains in the distance. "Here, do you think this shirt will do for the man?"

"Well it's certainly superior to what he has now," Edward chuckled.

"I'll have to see for myself to judge," I smirked. The man's measurements were certainly impressive.

"He's mated, Tanya. I'd watch yourself around Rosalie."

"Hmm. Rosalie. Is she as pretty as her name?" I wondered out loud.

"She's attractive," Edward stated dismissively, shrugging his shoulders.

"Yes, I suppose that's the best I would get from you. I'm very interested to meet the happy couple. But tell me, when we return with this clothing, are Esme and Carlisle going to give us 'the look'?"

"Absolutely."

"Should I speak with Carlisle again, then? I've had quite a bit of practice talking with him about the matter."

"Really?"

"Just because you can hear the thoughts of others, Edward, it doesn't mean you know everything."

And I saw the far-away pensive look that Edward often assumed when he heard a new piece of music for the first time. The look just before his fingers would start picking out the notes. Pain and desire and longing all rolled into one. "You're certainly correct, Tanya. There are some things I've witnessed that I may never understand."

*****

**EPOV**

I didn't deserve the easy forgiveness that Tanya offered, but I was pleased to have spoken so frankly to her, finally. Too much had gone unsaid between us. I treasured our friendship, but I knew we each wanted something separate from the relationship. I'd known forever, of course. From the first time we met, Tanya had regarded me differently than she did Carlisle. But I ignored it, nervous about making a good impression on Carlisle's friends. I hardly had the will to sit still and converse, to stay within the confines of a house, and to grasp all of the thoughts of the vampires around me. I'd never been around so many immortals, and choosing which thought path to follow, or attempting to ignore them all, had been overwhelming. It was easier to ignore her silent observations.

And Tanya's thoughts were different. She was able to control them in a way I'd never seen. At first this made me mistrust her all the more. But I grew to find solace in her selective thinking. It was so much easier to be around her because of this. Only once in a great while would she let a thought slip that made me uncomfortable. But I ignored those thoughts out of selfishness. I needed a friend, and I needed her to distract me from myself, so I overlooked her desires.

It was unfair to her, of course. She'd spent the better part of one thousand years viewing males as something to be had, something to enjoy and play with each night. That was nearly as separate from my own personal reality as one could get. I don't think two more unlikely companions couldn't have been conceived of. But perhaps this made the pursuit more delightful for her. It was something I'd observed in human thoughts, this penchant to relish the unobtainable, that which we couldn't fully comprehend.

I didn't know if a friendship like ours could work, but I would try. I desired the companionship of my cousins more now than ever. I couldn't help the mounting feeling that I was alone within my own family. Rosalie and Emmett were so new, yet they suddenly seemed to fit within the family unit better than I ever had. They made sense. Whereas, I felt like an anomaly.

So it was with great relief that I fell back into easy conversation with Tanya as she worked on Emmett's clothing. We discussed the Adirondacks, the blues, the little settlement in Cumberland. Despite hundreds of years of experience, and the danger Emmett posed to our family if he got away, Tanya seemed to take an inordinate amount of time to finish the garments. Tanya and I only managed to make it back to our family's house just before sunrise, and we were surprised to find Esme and Carlisle sitting on the low stone wall that surrounded the home.

"Where is your newborn, Carlisle?" Tanya asked, losing all trace of the warmth she'd exuded while we'd worked together in the sewing room.

"Don't worry, Tanya. He's still inside."

"And you and Esme are sitting here because…?"

Tanya didn't need to ask. The answer was quite apparent. We could all easily hear why Carlisle and Esme had chosen to stay outside.

Tanya sighed and shook her head, exasperated. "That should not be enough to keep you from entering your home," she said, nodding her head in the direction of the house. "It's a very large home. There's room for everyone. And you must keep closer tabs on him if he's as much trouble as you say."

"They never made it past the foyer," Esme explained.

"Ha!" Tanya laughed, showing just the trace of a smile.

I simply shook my head.

"You can't let two newborns keep you out of your own home, Carlisle. You have to teach this man discipline if he is to live our lifestyle, and if he is to live with the rest of you."

"Tanya, they've only been together for days. Discipline isn't to be expected. You know that," Esme said gently, her eyes on the ground.

"Did you and Carlisle ever keep Edward out in the snow?" Esme, Carlisle and I each looked our separate ways. We'd never discussed sex, and we certainly weren't going to start with Tanya as our mediator.

"I didn't think so. This man is a new vampire. That is dangerous enough, but you say he has no control. You were unprepared for his lack of dietary control. You are three very reserved vampires. What about his lack of control with your daughter?"

Silence reigned among the three of us. All was not silent within the dark house.

"Carlisle, go tell the two of them to get to a room. Heaven knows there are enough to choose from."

Carlisle and Esme held hands as they stood reluctantly to their feet and peered at the house. "It turned out lovely, didn't it, Tanya?" Esme asked.

"It's a beautiful home, Esme. You should see the inside. My family worked tirelessly to finish things in the manner that you'd asked for."

Esme smiled at Tanya warmly. "Thank you, for everything." She tugged Carlisle's hand. "Come, dear. I'll do the talking. Tanya's right. We should go see our new home."

Esme and Carlisle made their way towards the house and Tanya smiled broadly at me. "Oh, this is rich! Poor Carlisle. Could he be any more uncomfortable?"

"You, yourself said this wasn't funny, Tanya," I chastised. My father was doing what he could. Just like Tanya and I, he couldn't change either.

But before Tanya could answer, we heard the crash of breaking glass from inside the house, and then a dull thump, followed by the sound of cracking wood. Before we had a chance to react, the front door was smashed in two and Emmett and Rosalie tumbled into the snow at Carlisle and Esme's feet.

Emmett was on his feet in an instant, growling, snapping, eyeing the four vampires in front of him, protectively pulling Rosalie behind him. I shook my head, disgusted by their display. Carlisle and Esme didn't know where to look.

Tanya's laughter rang through the mountains around us. "You've got me, Edward. Perhaps this is funny after all." She walked purposefully toward the naked man. "Hello, newborn Emmett. My name is Tanya. And it appears I brought you this clothing just in time." She tried to peak around Emmett to catch a glimpse of Rosalie, but Emmett bared his teeth and snapped at her. "I'm sorry, Rosalie dear, but no one mentioned that you might need clothing as well."

Rosalie's soprano growl joined Emmett's baritone.

"Come, let's find you two a room. I dare say I know this house better than your parents do." And with that Tanya swept the two into the house effortlessly. Carlisle's muscles visibly relaxed, and Esme hugged him to her.

"It's not as bad as she makes it out to be, Carlisle."

"We came here because we needed their help. I shouldn't have done anything we couldn't have handled on our own," Carlisle sighed.

"That's what family is for."

"No, Esme. That's what the Volturi is for. They're easy for you to overlook because you're so young. You've never encountered them. But we could all see that Emmett was large and strong. Then after he was turned, his easygoing nature made it easier for me to disregard the threat he poses to us. Our family has to be on guard more than most. Our lifestyle is an affront to our race.

"His behavior with Rosalie is one thing. But his recklessness, combined with our inability to control him, puts all of our lives in jeopardy."

Tanya reappeared at the gaping front door. "Carlisle, the way you linger outside, one might get the idea that you have no desire to see your own house. The coast is now clear. Please, come in and I'll show you around."

*****

Our house in Denali was enormous, but the interior was extravagant in a manner none of us were used to, especially after our rugged existence in the Tennessee woods. The home had an open and airy feel, something that I'd come to think of as Esme's signature style. One entire wall overlooking the mountains was made of glass, blurring the distinction between the wilderness and the indoors. Another wall was made all of stone, with a large hearth set in the center. The floors were all rich hardwood, the walls painted in deep, vibrant colors, and the furnishings were all deep mahogany and cherry, upholstered with damask and silk. It was like nothing we'd ever inhabited before.

Emmett and Rosalie were sequestered in their own personal wing of the home, and when I turned to ask Esme about the inspiration for the interior design, I found she's run off with Carlisle to investigate the master suite.

"Your room is in the south wing, Edward. I thought you might like the light." Tanya said. "It might be quieter down there."

Tanya following ten paces behind me as I went to investigate the southern wing of the house. My room was large with vaulted ceilings and a full wall of windows. Another wall had built in shelves covered with the books from my old room in Tanya's house. I noticed that someone had carefully added to the library. But the focal point of the room was the large grand piano situated against the far wall.

"I don't play anymore. But thank you, just the same. For everything."

"It was my pleasure."

Tanya and I wandered awkwardly around the large room as small sounds from the other wings made their way down to my end of the house. In her mind, Tanya recited passages from the books she eyed on the shelves.

"I didn't know if I should purchase a bed," she admitted, breaking the silence.

"No need."

"Of course."

"Tanya, I was serious before when I said…"

"Hello? Hello!" Katrina called out from the main part of the house. I let out a long breath and without another word, went to meet my cousin at the broken front door.

*****

Before long, Irina, Carmen and Eleazar joined us as well, each more curious than the next about the new additions to the family, and how we'd fared over the past few years. When Emmett and Rosalie finally made it out of their quarters, it was a relief to see each member of Tanya's clan greet Rosalie and Emmett warmly. I was glad that they didn't heap judgment upon us like Tanya had.

Emmett did as well as could be expected in the situation. To be surrounded by nine vampires would have been overwhelming for any newborn, and Emmett was more easily riled than most. Along with his easy smiles, there was an inordinate amount of growling, and from time to time he dove at and tackled various family members. Emmett also did his share of grabbing Rosalie and protectively pinning her against the wall, which often ended in pinning her against the wall for another purpose entirely. Not that Rosalie objected. And my cousins didn't bat an eye. I suppose they had more of a constitution for that kind of behavior.

By afternoon the following day, Emmett was showing signs that he needed to hunt. Esme silently feared he might jump through the glass wall, and I knew by Emmett's thoughts that Esme's fears weren't far off the mark. So, ten vampires ran out into the foothills looking to supervise his meal. Given our numbers, food was scarce, but the challenge made it more exciting for Emmett. His joy when he finally took down a she-wolf was so all consuming, I thought he might have been done for the day. But, as usual, his first kill only whet his appetite, and he was off in search of something bigger.

Our party spread out, with Eleazar and Carlisle farthest from the group, keeping their noses to the wind to make sure that we steered clear of humans. And after draining a moose and a caribou, Emmett's thirst for blood appeared to be sated for the time being. Yet his appetite for blood was quickly replaced by another appetite with astonishing speed. He'd scarcely drained the caribou, when he threw it to the ground and grabbed Rosalie with his bloody hands, pressing his sticky red lips against hers. Emmett pulled Rosalie down onto the snow with him, growling with pleasure.

"He'll need some new clothes again," Katrina giggled. "Should we go back to the house to make something, Tanya? Or perhaps a trip to Anchorage is in order?"

"It appears Rosalie may need some replacements as well," Irina said wryly.

"Oh, let's go to Anchorage! There are so many men in Anchorage!" Kate nearly sang.

"Kate, you have a man," Tanya chastised her sister.

"I was only thinking of you, sister," Kate replied with a huff. Tanya cast a withering glance in her sister's direction.

I was a bit taken aback by my cousins' easy acceptance of Emmett and Rosalie's spontaneous coupling next to the dead caribou, and walked tactfully away from the scene. Esme and Carlisle had likewise made themselves scarce, but I couldn't be sure that it was simply to avoid Emmett and Rosalie. I didn't pry into their thoughts to investigate further.

"Oh, Edward." Katrina ran up to me. "You're uncomfortable. Is it because you think of Rosalie like a sister?"

"I don't want to talk about it, Kate." Sister, mother, friend; I had no desire to watch anyone tearing off another's bloody clothing in front of me.

"Sure, Edward." Katrina walked next to me silently, but her mind was anything but quiet. "_It's only understandable; after the rush of the hunt, the warmth of the blood, to see someone you admire taking down prey. Oh, it makes me long for a vampire again, not just a human._" Kate glanced at me out of the corner of her eyesand suddenly a vision of myself as a newborn, hunting, played through Katrina's mind.

The vision seemed nearly incongruous with the conversation at hand. Unless…

Katrina smiled and her eyes sparkled. "You're a very good hunter, Edward." Kate went to wrap her arm around my shoulders, but I took a step backwards. Katrina giggled. "Sorry, Edward. Listen; don't tell Tanya I said anything, okay? She'd be upset with me."

"Why?"

Katrina just shook her head and smiled, valiantly guarding her thoughts. "Oh, Edward. You're such a man."

*****

**TPOV**

After the group hunting party, it was determined that both Rosalie and Emmett would definitely require additional clothing, for the sake of the rest of the family. To my sisters' immense disappointment, I instructed my clan to remain with the Cullens while I accompanied Rosalie to Anchorage. I was curious about the newest female member of the Cullen clan. While Carlisle hadn't come out and said it, I had my suspicions about why he chose the girl. I wanted to find out more about Edward's intended.

Rosalie and I regarded each other silently, smiling whenever we caught one another in the act. The girl was a stunning beauty. She had golden hair that hung in heavy ringlets down her back, large amber eyes, full red lips, a peaches and cream complexion showing through under her chalky vampire pallor, and her figure… Even donned in the boxy dress that I'd quickly pieced together for her, she looked like she was made to have her picture pinned up in some poor human boy's bedroom or locker.

I knew she was considering me as well. I turned my head towards the mountains, like I was taking in the scenery, and let her have a good long look. I knew my own beauty was nothing to sneeze at. I was a good two inches taller than she was, my hair was fuller, and my eyes were tapered at the corners in a way men liked to call "exotic." And while I may not have been as well endowed, I had long limbs and a slender waist. Rosalie could look all she wanted. I swayed my hips a bit to enhance the picture for her, before turning my head to catch her in the act.

"Oh!" she jumped.

"Do you prefer Rosalie or Rose?"

"Only Emmett calls me Rose." With mention of the newborn's name, her eyes lit, and her face turned soft.

"Young love. So sweet." I tried to make my voice sound genuine. I nearly succeeded. Rosalie eyed me warily.

"Things didn't work between you and Edward, then?" I asked, pretending I knew what I was talking about.

Rosalie's eyes widened before she broke into a smile. "Edward? Uck! Please!"

"Never?"

"Never, what?" Rosalie asked, smirking, playing innocent. "Listen, Tanya, Edward is like an annoying little brother to me. He couldn't stand me from the moment he saw me. So, you've got nothing to worry about as far as I'm concerned."

"_I_ have nothing to worry about?"

Rosalie raised her eyebrows, and I calmly met her gaze. "Do you mean you and Edward never…?" she asked.

"Never, what?" Two could play innocent.

Rosalie laughed. Perhaps I liked the girl a bit after all. "Then who? Kate? I don't think he'd go for Irina."

I tried to remain stoic while she mentally paired Edward off with my sisters, but I'm afraid I may have flinched. "We've known Edward since he was Emmett's age. Our family does not have that type of relationship with the boy."

"Hey, I've been with Emmett since he was just turned. It could have worked for one of you."

"My dear, you may have been drawn to your man, and him to you, but it was chance that had you mated so soon. You have a long road ahead of you with that one."

"I don't think so. You don't know him. He's so sweet and funny and so… big and…" Rosalie looked away, suddenly embarrassed.

"Go ahead, girl, you can say it. I'm hardly Esme."

"Big and… sexy," Rosalie whispered, before erupting into giggles.

I rolled my eyes. The Cullens were so risqué, I thought, sarcastically. "No matter how sexy the man might be, he's too new. He'll have you running around after him as he falls prey to the whims of his mind and his nose. He doesn't appear to have half the restraint you Cullens are famous for, and I'm afraid he may likewise use _you_ as his whims dictate."

Rosalie sighed in resignation. What I said was true. But she had a dreamy look in her eyes, nonetheless. "He can use me whenever he'd like, Tanya. I'll use him right back."

Now that was more like it. "The rest of the family won't know what to do with you two, you know."

"But I know they wanted me to be happy. Even Edward."

I smiled as I remembered how the hulking man tumbled through the front door with Rosalie. Carlisle and Edward hadn't even been able to look at them. What would they put up with for Rosalie's happiness? Only time would tell.

Shopping with Rosalie was entertaining. She looked beautiful in everything she tried on, and she knew it. I peppered our interaction with compliments and she glowed and seemed to grow taller as the day went on. I knew from the look on her face that she wondered with each garment we purchased whether Emmett would approve.

"He won't care, dear. It's plain to see that he only cares what you look like unclothed." The girl smiled a self-satisfied smile and looked away. I knew she'd blush if she could.

After we managed to build Rosalie a suitable wardrobe, we walked quickly back towards home, turning heads all the while. Rosalie basked in the attention even as she quickened her pace to return to her mate. But suddenly, without warning, Rosalie darted across the street at a pace that turned heads for a different reason entirely. I reached out and grabbed her arm, pulling her to a stop. "Rosalie, humans don't move that fast. You should know better by now."

But Rosalie's eyes weren't focused on me at all, and I turned to see what had caught her attention. There in the window of a tailor's shop, was a mannequin wearing a custom wedding gown.

"Rosalie?"

"Mine was more beautiful than that," she murmured, her hands pressed to the glass.

"_Yours_?"

"I was going to be married once."

I was aghast. "You didn't wed because of Carlisle? Because of what he did?"

"No," was all she said, as she concentrated on the gown, a new hint of sadness in her lovely amber eyes. If she didn't want to talk about it, I wouldn't force her. But there was no reason to grow despondent over a mediocre wedding gown.

"I could do better," I surmised, looking over the beadwork and the stitching on the lace.

Rosalie sighed. "I always wanted to get married."

I scowled. Marriage was a silly human institution, as far as I was concerned. A gray shadow of the emotions that a vampire could feel, and the permanence we found in our mates. But the girl was entranced, her eyes were no longer focused on the dress, but gazed into the back of the small shop, as if searching for more wedding regalia. "I tell you Rosalie, that dress would do nothing for you. I think you'd benefit from a gown that hugged at the hips, and then fanned out. It would appropriately show off your figure. And the sleeves should be shear lace."

Rose spun around to face me, a proud smile on her sad face. "That sounds lovely. You're right, something like that would suite me perfectly."

I raised my eyebrows. "Perhaps one day, you and Emmett?"

Rose's face was suddenly exultant. "Do you think he'd ask?"

"No," I admitted. As far as I could tell, the man was more likely to chase after a jackrabbit than contemplate the human institution of marriage at this point in his existence. Rosalie's eyes went dull and she turned to gaze at the gown again. "Perhaps he'll think of it in a year or two," I offered by way of comfort. Rosalie gazed at the cheap dress wistfully.

And that's when the idea hit. There was a way to assure that all of the female Cullens were off limits to any exceedingly moral vampire. Just to be certain. Just to be safe. One who strove to emulate Christian ideals could never make advances on a _married_ woman.

"That doesn't mean that you couldn't ask him, dear. He's your mate. He'd give you anything you wanted." Who knew? Perhaps Emmett would be able to stand still for the ceremony. Maybe he wouldn't drain the minister dry.

*****

**EPOV**

Tanya and Rosalie had only been gone for three and a half hours, and already it was becoming impossible to keep Emmett indoors. Without her presence, he was more restless, more rambunctious and harder to keep tame. I saw Esme eyeing the glass wall again, and knew we couldn't stay inside much longer.

"Do you think we can let him leave with only seven of us to keep watch?" Eleazar asked Carlisle and I.

"Perhaps if we had something engaging for him to focus his attention on," Carlisle offered.

"Like a pack of wolves?" I suggested wryly.

"I think it might be safer if we kept blood out of the equation altogether," Eleazar replied, missing my attempt at sarcasm.

"I know," Carmen chimed in, walking in out direction. "What about football? He's very physical, so I imagine he would enjoy the game. And it's been years since we've played football with the Cullens."

I took one look at Emmett, his shoulders easily twice my own width, his biceps tearing through the flannel of his shirt as he flexed his muscles. Football with that vampire would be a humiliating experience. Yet we had to do something. The man was pacing, sniffing at the air, trying to catch an interesting scent on the breeze that blew through the broken front door.

Suddenly I remembered one of the random items that Tanya had transferred to my new room. I couldn't tackle the newborn, but as long as human blood wasn't involved, I could certainly outrun him.

"I think there might be fewer injuries, Carmen, if we tried a game of baseball instead. What do you say?"

"You're one to talk, Edward. When you were new you beat us all senseless playing football," Eleazar chuckled.

"You didn't have to agree to play."

"We were humoring you!" Carmen added, playfully punching my arm.

"Would you humor me again, Carmen?"

"Maybe Edward's right. I don't think I want to be caught underneath him," Eleazar said, as he watched Emmett pick up the divan in one hand, for no apparent reason.

"I wouldn't mind," Irina joked, eyeing Emmett.

"And then you'd have to worry about Rosalie," I reminded her. I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of Rosalie's wrath where Emmett was concerned.

"Yes, when Edward was a newborn we didn't have to worry about jealous mates." Katrina coughed, which was odd. Vampires don't cough. "Perhaps baseball would be preferable," Carmen surmised.

"Hey, Emmett. You up for a game of baseball?" Eleazar called.

Emmett dropped what he was doing, literally. The divan crashed to the floor, it's legs crumbling beneath it. "Hell yeah!"

*****

We strategized that we could keep a tighter rein on Emmett if we always kept him with the team that was at bat. He was thrilled to hit each ball Eleazar pitched at him, and laughed out loud as it shot thousands of feet through the air, quickly disappearing from view. But I quickly realized that I was made for this game. I sailed over the ground, catching each and every ball that Emmett hit, either throwing him out, or running him down with the ball. His eyes would flash in anger each time I got him out, but if I could say nothing else for him, he was a good-natured newborn. He'd impatiently await his next turn at bat, smiling mischievously, looking to finally best me.

Emmett was waiting like this, while Carmen was at bat, when the situation quickly went downhill.

Irina was deep in left field. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her raise her face to the cold winter wind. She quickly spun around to face the rest of us. "Huma--"

But Emmett was already off in the direction of the scent. It was distant but unmistakable, mouthwatering, and coming in our direction. Humans. Esme and Carlisle were right on Emmett's heels, desperate not to allow another human kill in Tanya's absence. She would be livid and there's no telling what she would do. Perhaps she'd ask us to leave the region.

Esme dove and grabbed hold of Emmett's ankle, holding on for dear life as he continued to run for the trees. Carlisle grabbed Esme, and their combined weight slowed Emmett enough to allow the rest of us to catch up. In seconds, Emmett was on the bottom of a six-vampire pile-up, Carlisle and Esme off to the side, still clutching his ankles.

The scent of human came dangerously near. There were three, and there was no telling what they were doing so far from civilization in the winter. Venom pooled in my own mouth and my throat burned. Emmett thrashed and growled beneath us. His hands clawed the ground, looking for purchase, and his teeth snapped, leaving more than one of us with a scar that we'd wear forever.

Footsteps came closer. The humans must have been within one hundred yards. Emmett tore at my ankle with his teeth and I kicked him in the face. He reared and bucked and came close to throwing us all off his back.

"Carlisle, you and Esme need to get those humans out of here," Eleazar ordered.

"We have to scare humans again?" Esme nearly whined, letting go of Emmett's ankle.

"_Again_?" Katrina asked.

With Emmett's newly freed leg, he kicked, striking Carmen in the back. Eleazar pushed Emmett's face into the snow. "Get the humans out of here now, before he injures my mate and I do something I'll regret," Eleazar growled.

Carlisle and Esme ran off in the direction of the humans, and I strained my ears to hear how they handled the situation. But they were too far for their voices to carry, and the human scent gradually faded, along with the smell of my parents.

"How long do we stay here?" Irina asked.

"I think we should stay until the humans have had time to get far enough away, or until Carlisle and Esme tell us it's safe," I offered.

Katrina groaned. "Well, I hope it doesn't take too long. I'm taking Tanya out tonight. I'm happy she went to Anchorage today, but she needs to get out of the house more often. My human has a friend that could use… a date. And Tanya hasn't been with a man in nearly four years. She could use it; she's getting so snippy. Too up tight."

Katrina's eyes caught mine. "No offense, Edward."

"None taken, I don't think."

"His friend would suite Tanya. He thinks of himself as so large and strong and hard. Tanya will put him in his place. He won't know what hit him, so to speak."

"Kate…" I tried to interrupt.

"It's always the big guys that fall the hardest, you know. The ones that think we'll just melt before their muscle. Throw a guy like that into a bed, tear off his clothes and suddenly he's a puddle of liquid at your feet."

"Kate!" But Katrina was on a roll.

"Like the last man Tanya was with. The biggest human you'd ever seen. Real rough around the edges. Almost like the opposite of you, Edward. He came back to town night after night after he was with Tanya, looking for her, asking everyone he saw, embarrassing himself shamelessly. I wish I could have seen his face while Tanya…"

"KATE!" I finally managed to get her attention.

"What, Edward?"

"I don't want to hear this."

"I do." With his face pressed against the snow, Emmett's voice was muffled.

"Ha! I'm sure you would, newborn," Irina joked, poking Emmett's side. "Looking for pointers to use with your new mate?"

"I don't need pointers, just ask Edward. He's probably heard it all."

Four heads twisted and struggled to look in my direction. I didn't dignify Emmett's statement with a response.

I heard Emmett chuckle. "Hey big brother, did I make you all uncomfortable? More uncomfortable than being on the bottom of a pile of vampires? I really hope not. Wasn't my aim at all, Edward."

He could say what he wanted to goad me, but he wasn't going anywhere. "If you're trying to get yourself out of this, little brother, you're certainly going about it the wrong way. How badly would you like to get back to Rosalie? Continue chiding me in this manner and there might be cause to keep you here another day or two."

My response was met by impatient groans from the other vampires in the pile, and Emmett began struggling anew. I could tell by the sudden, frantic tenor of his thoughts that with the mention of her name, he'd become suddenly desperate to see his mate. I grinned, content that I'd won that round.

We all fell silent, waiting for word that the coast was clear. But the thoughts of my cousins floated through the air around me.

"_Two males in one clan. Carlisle is a brave man."_

"_I'd love to see these two fight it out. In a year or two perhaps, when Edward has a fighting chance."_

"_Too bad he's with Rosalie. The kid's funny. Makes me want a vampire all over again."_

The last thought was Katrina's and I worked to pull my body a bit further from hers, all the while chaffing at Carmen's idea that it might take two years before I could wrestle Emmett to the ground. I was almost embarrassed y my own instinct to take Emmett down as soon as we let him up, just to show the others what I was capable of.

I was lost in thoughts of different ways that I might dominate Emmett when the cloying smell of violets and roses drifted to us from the direction of the house.

"Rosalie!" Emmett's struggle underneath us became desperate.

"Do we let him go?" Carmen asked.

"Damn it, let me go!" Emmett bellowed, struggling beneath us. In the process, Emmett struck Katrina's shoulder with his fist. She kicked him in the side with a grunt.

"It's not polite to hit women, newborn," she hissed.

"Let me go to my girl! I won't look for the humans. Come on! I haven't been away from Rose for this long, ever."

"You promise to go straight for Rosalie?" Eleazar asked.

"Whatever, just let me up!"

"I want your word, Emmett," Eleazar pressed the newborn.

"You have my word, Eleazar. Now let me up!"

"Edward, follow him."

I sighed and rolled my eyes, but knew that it was wise. "Fine."

"On the count of three, then," Eleazar instructed. "One, two, three…"

We each simultaneously jumped from the heap, and Emmett sprang to his feet, heading straight for home and Rosalie's scent. I was quickly on his heels, and Eleazar was close behind.

*****

"Emmett!" Rosalie called, running into her mate's outstretched arms.

"Rose. Hell, I thought you'd never get back, baby!" Emmett pulled Rosalie's body firmly against him, his hands straying enough that I felt the need to look away.

"Emmett, wait, please," Rosalie asked. I heard her struggle, and in Emmett's mind I saw her extricating herself from his arms.

"No, no waiting," Emmett said in a low rumble, holding her tightly, kissing her ear. "You just got back. I need you now."

"Emmett!" Rosalie hollered, pushing his hands away. Eleazar and I growled in Emmett's direction.

"Hands off the girl, Emmett," Eleazar threatened. I took a cautious step in their direction. I wouldn't win, but I would fight him if I had to.

Suddenly Emmett's eyes flashed with awareness. He dropped Rosalie and took a bewildered step backwards. "What, sweetheart?"

"Emmett, do you love me?" Rosalie asked, hands on her hips.

"What? Is this a joke?" Emmet looked to Eleazar and I for support. Coming from Rosalie, I doubted it was a joke, but I certainly couldn't help him. I shrugged my shoulders in response.

"I'm dead serious, Emmett."

I heard Emmett attempt to concentrate on Rosalie's speech, instead of the flock of geese that flew overhead. "Of course, Rose, baby. Haven't I said it?"

"Not outright," she huffed.

"Hell, Rose." Emmett closed the gap between himself and Rosalie, gazing into her eyes. "It's because you and I both know it. I love you."

"Then ask me to marry you."

"To _what_?" Emmett chuckled.

"I know you heard me, Emmett McCarty."

"You want to get _married_?"

"And I want you to ask me properly," Rosalie demanded.

Emmett turned back to Eleazar and I. It was Eleazar's turn to shrug his shoulders. "Well, then, uh, you're sure? Marriage?" Emmett almost laughed. Rosalie looked at him severely.

Emmett took a deep breath and I listened to him try to focus his thoughts. It was like trying to piece together shattered glass. "Well, sweetheart, if it's what you want."

Emmett lowered himself to one knee and stared up at Rosalie, grinning. "Rosalie Hale, would you do me the honor of being my wife?"

"Oh, Emmett! Yes!" she squealed.

Emmett's laugh boomed and echoed through the mountains, and the ground beneath our feet shook with its reverberations. He stood to his feet and pulled Rosalie into his arms. "Now that that's done, it's my turn to get what I want."

* * *

**A/N: Thanks to my readers for waiting patiently for an update while I dealt with some real life issues this past week. I'm a bit out of practice as a result, so be gentle with your reviews! Thank you all for reading and commenting. You make it all worthwhile. xxx, m**


	20. The First of Many

Weddings were relatively rare occurrences in the vampire world. Rosalie and Emmett's would be the second one I'd attended in my eighteen years since I was changed.

Carlisle and Esme's wedding had been a quiet affair at the local city hall. The significance and holiness with which they regarded the quick ceremony made an indelible impression on my young mind. Until that day, I thought I'd understood everything about Carlisle, but something changed in the man after he married Esme. There was a subtle shift in the way he saw himself in the world, as if he looked at it through a new lens, one that always took Esme into account. And that lens made everything brighter and more hopeful, and brought him closer to his god.

Carlisle and Esme were both excited yet somber on their wedding day. Well, Esme was as somber as a newborn could ever be, I suppose. She was quite young, and her thoughts flitted between her overwhelming love for Carlisle and her desire to take down all of the humans in the room. But Esme knew what she wanted, and saw marriage as something necessary and important, something she desired with all of her heart. So she stood quiet and still, and managed to smile and to say, "I do."

Carlisle had contemplated marrying Esme from the moment he found her in the hospital morgue, but he would scarcely admit it to himself, let alone to me. He focused instead on doctorly concerns about how well Esme was tolerating her transformation, and civic-minded concerns about how we would protect the neighboring humans from Esme when she awoke.

But in the dark hours of night, when he sat by her side holding her hand, his thoughts strayed in a way they never had in the two years I'd been with him. His daydreams floated up to me as I sat reading in my room: the two of them smiling hand in hand, lying next to one another and speaking in whispers, travelling, reading to one another; sharing a life.

I know these feelings would have remained buried, fleeting things if it wasn't for the way Esme looked at Carlisle upon reawakening. Like all newborns, she was confused and overwhelmed and ready to fight everyone in the room when she woke from her transformation. But when Esme's eyes met Carlisle's, all of that dissolved like grains of salt in the sea.

"Doctor Cullen."

Carlisle trembled. "Esme Platt."

"What… who… you?"

And in a tender and low voice, Carlisle explained everything to Esme once more. She slowly walked toward him, and held out her hand. I watched Carlisle shake as he took her small hand in his, and I listened to Carlisle's thoughts change from words to images, (actually to one image: Esme), as they stared into one another's eyes. All the while, Carlisle recited the story of our existence from memory, a low rhythmic lullaby, keeping Esme calm.

"You?" she smiled, her bright red eyes flickering as if they were on fire, and Carlisle's heart took flight. He'd asked me to stay to help him with the newborn, but I knew I wasn't needed, and slipped out of the room.

I'd be hard pressed to find a time over the next few weeks where Carlisle wasn't holding Esme's hand. Even as he worried about propriety, he couldn't bring himself to let her go. He battled within himself about which was more reprehensible: regarding her the way he did without proposing marriage, or proposing marriage when she could scarcely string two sentences together or sit in one spot for more than thirty seconds. In the end, Esme made the decision for him.

One day as we'd made our way through the sparse trees that lined Lake Ontario, Esme surprised Carlisle and I. She'd just drank from her third deer. Carlisle had taken another one down for her while she was feeding, and presented it to her as she raised her head from the doe's throat. Her eyes lit with gratitude and she ran at Carlisle, flinging her arms around his neck and knocking him to the ground in the process.

"I love you, Carlisle Cullen," she murmured in his ear. And with her small body pressed on top of his, Carlisle knew he couldn't wait any longer. Three weeks after Esme was changed, they were engaged.

Afterwards, Carlisle was overly gentle and cautious, filled with subtle guilt that he'd married Esme before she had completely mastered her ability to focus her thoughts or her actions. So, they settled into their marriage in a careful manner, Carlisle ever mindful that he not take advantage of his wife. It wasn't until our trip to Denali when things began changing between the two. I'd felt something different building between them, and I saw flashes from Esme's newborn mind that she wasn't able to control. I let them know that I wanted to go off and hunt on my own, and we set up a place and time to meet further on the road toward Denali.

When we met again, everything had changed between them and nothing had at all. It was something that was impossible to explain to one as uninitiated as I. The only somewhat tangible proof I had of the difference was the way they could communicate sometimes after that; without words, without thoughts, just through one another's eyes. For someone like me who could read minds, this was disarming and captivating all at once. It was only afterwards that I learned the name for the phenomenon. They were mated, or bound, changed forever together, permanently.

*****

Rosalie and Emmett were something entirely different. It almost hurt my brain when I tried to classify the two separate relationships under the same heading of marriage. While the fact that Rosalie and Emmett cared about one another and desired one another was always on display for whomever happened to be near, their attitude about matrimony was shockingly different from my parents'.

Rosalie was focused on the wedding as if it were an event where she might be universally admired, and my cousins seemed to wholeheartedly support her vision. For Tanya's family, the event was as novel as seeing the Alaska sun on the winter solstice. In over one thousand years on this earth, none of them had ever been wed. Eleazar and Carmen were mated, but were never formally married in the institutional sense of the word. And as far as I knew, Tanya, Irina and Katrina were constitutionally disinclined to monogamy, let alone marriage.

So, this unique experience was something everyone could focus their attention on, and that is exactly how Rosalie wanted it. Finally, her vanity had a legitimate outlet, and she spent every moment that she wasn't attached to Emmett contemplating an elaborate event resplendent with tropical flowers and the release of white doves.

And then there was Emmett. While I had my suspicions about Rosalie's motivations to wed, I wasn't sure that Emmett wanted to marry Rosalie at all. He would laugh dismissively whenever the subject was raised in his presence, and he couldn't be bothered to care about any of the details that Rosalie spent long hours worrying over.

But this wedding hinged on Emmett more than anyone else. His commitment was necessary before we could even dream of finding a minister to perform the ceremony. Carlisle and I were finally able to speak with him about the matter two weeks after Rosalie coerced him into a marriage proposal. That morning, Katrina and Tanya managed to pry Rosalie from Emmett's arms with the prospect of a trip to Anchorage to begin the wedding preparations. Emmett would only let her go after they told him that the rest of the family would take him to the shore on a trek for polar bear, a delicacy I knew Emmett dreamed of sampling.

Emmett was crestfallen when he walked into the sitting room only to find Carlisle and I. He knew we would never let him hunt with only two accompanying vampires.

"What gives?" he asked. "No hunt?"

"Not yet, Emmett. The others will be by later. But first I thought we should talk." Carlisle patted a seat besides him.

Emmett sighed and threw himself into the chair, snapping three of the legs in two in the process. I couldn't help snickering. "Whoa, uh, sorry."

"_Edward, this is not the time for making fun_," Carlisle thought, peering at me reproachfully. I worked to make my facial features appear serious, concerned.

Carlisle turned back to Emmett. "You'll get the hang of it, my boy. Eventually."

Emmett's mind had turned back to thoughts of bears, though, wondering if cold water fish would change the texture of a polar bear's blood as compared with a brown bear or grizzly. He nodded absently at Carlisle. This would be a difficult discussion.

"So, my boy, about you and Rosalie…"

Emmett looked suddenly nervous. His mind ranged through a long series of improper and rather public displays of affection between himself and his mate. I turned away with disgust, trying to block it out.

"Uh, yeah. Umm, sorry?" Emmett stammered.

"I'm referring your engagement," Carlisle clarified with haste.

Emmett laughed, his face awash with happy relief. "Right… the wedding," he chuckled.

"Emmett, this is serious business."

"It is?" Emmett looked startled. All of my suspicions were confirmed with those two words. Obviously, he thought this wedding was some kind of joke.

"Marriage requires a minister," Carlisle explained.

"Well, yeah."

"Ministers are human, Emmett." Understanding and burning desire simultaneously consumed the large man, and his mind quickly played through a number of scenarios that ended with his mouth at a minister's neck. To his credit, he struggled to contain his thoughts, possibly the first time I'd ever seen him try to reign himself in.

"Without your cooperation the wedding cannot take place."

Emmett cursed under his breath. "Well then, I don't think I can do it. I mean, I'd love you to bring me a human, but he sure as hell wouldn't last long. Not long enough for me to say 'I do.'"

"I suspected as much, son. There are many reasons to wait before you and Rosalie are wed. First of all, it's impossible to bring a human out to our home in the wintertime; the route to the house is impassable for them this time of the year. It would also be prudent to wait until your eyes change color. There's no need to alarm the man. Waiting until the snow begins to thaw in late spring will allow us time to practice on your restraint."

Emmett looked thoughtful, and I listened to Carlisle's words replaying themselves in Emmett's mind. "For my eyes to change, I'd have to give up human blood."

"You have to give up human blood in order to live with us, Emmett."

"Right."

"I thought I'd made that clear."

"I know. But, Carlisle, it tastes perfect. When I smell a human my body just takes over. I want it more than I want anything else. Except maybe Rosalie. And polar bear. When are we going hunting again?"

Carlisle sighed and tried to bring the conversation back on topic. "If you want Rosalie and the comfort of this family, you cannot feed from humans. It's a decision we have each come to for different reasons. You have nine vampires to question on the matter, if you care to. I'm sure each of us would be happy to council you on their decision to abstain, if you asked.

"And I recommend daily practice. You and myself, along with various family members should practice getting closer to humans, until you are able to stand next to one at an altar."

Carlisle made the mistake of stringing six sentences together. Emmett was lost in consideration of an eagle that was circling in the distance.

"Easily, Emmett," I answered his unspoken question.

"I knew it!" he grinned.

Carlisle gave me a questioning look. "He was wondering if he could take on a bevy of eagles."

I watched Carlisle try to suppress a scowl, mollified that Emmett could even evoke annoyance in one as calm and compassionate as Carlisle. "Emmett, you have much to consider. If you have no compunction to avoid feeding from humans you will have to leave, and I believe Rosalie will be extremely disappointed."

"_Edward, perhaps you could take over for me here. I need some air. I'll be outside, in case he makes a break for it_."

Carlisle quickly strode out of the room, shaking his head. "_I'm trying to explain the value of human life, and he thinks about eagles…_"

Carlisle's quick exit seemed to have more of an impact on Emmett than his words had. "She _really_ wants to get married," Emmett practically whined.

"She does," I agreed.

"And I have to _stand_ next to a human to do it!"

"And speak with him," I added.

"Incredible," Emmett muttered to himself. I couldn't help chuckling.

"And you're here to tell me why drinking human blood is wrong. How I can stop. Cause you did it, so you know. Am I right?"

Emmett managed to stun me into momentary silence. I was shocked by his insight. "It's murder. You know, 'Thou shalt not kill,'" I began.

"But the way I understand things, Edward, heaven's out of the question for me at this point."

I'd had much more of an argument in mind, but Emmett's easy acceptance of his damnation had taken me by surprise. It was a concept I'd struggled with for eighteen years. To hear it laid on the line like that, so matter-of-factly, took away some of the sting, somehow. "Yes, that's my understanding," I agreed.

"Well, then, what's the point?"

"The point is that you should respect the lives of others, and you should respect yourself."

"But where's the fun in that? And why should I keep myself from drinking humans if I ain't going to heaven?"

"It's not about being rewarded, Emmett. It's something bigger than that."

"It sure is. But we were cut out of the running. Why the hell should we keep doing what God asks?"

"For yourself. For those whose lives you would otherwise steal."

"Well if it's not me killing them, it's going to be something else down the line. Humans don't live forever."

"Perhaps this life isn't for you, then."

"But Rosalie, that girl's for me, and she wants to live like this. God, she's like no one I've ever been with. It's like she shines, and I don't mean the way her skin sparkles, like she just glows from inside. And when we're together --"

"You can stop there, Emmett. I know enough about when you two are together. Much more than I'd like to."

Emmett's thoughts grew dark and I edged away from him. "Jealous?" he rumbled.

"Ha! Disgusted is more like it."

"So, you and her never…" Emmett let his voice trail off, but he let his body do the talking for him.

"Hardly," I answered, pressing my eyelids together to block out the image.

"She turned you down, then?"

"The feeling was mutual, Emmett."

"Huh. Really?" "_I don't believe that for a minute_," he thought to himself.

I made sure to look Emmett square in the eye, my own eyes unblinking for emphasis. "You can believe it. Rosalie is like a sister to me." I held his stare and didn't back down. Emmett was the first to look away.

"Well, I'm glad, then. Didn't want to have to kick your ass."

I chuckled. "And why would you want to _try_ to do that?"

"For gettin' with my girl."

"But you're speaking of a time when you didn't even know Rosalie existed."

"She was always my girl," Emmett stated sternly.

"So, then you're serious about marrying her?" I asked. I couldn't figure him out.

"Guess so," Emmett grinned. "_Seriously considering how a minister might taste, anyway,_" he added silently.

"For a man engaged to my sister, you're taking this very lightly. This isn't a game. Rosalie cares for you."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm just looking out for her. She's been hurt before."

Emmett's eyes flared redder, his mouth twisted in a grimace, his hands balled into fists, and I was quickly on my feet and out of his arms' reach. I watched as the newborn tried to regain his composure.

"You just don't get it, do you?" he fumed.

"Get what? That marrying my sister is some kind of joke to you?"

"I've seen people get married, Edward. Had a few buddies when I was human that knocked their girls up and married 'em. I'm pretty sure my mom and pop got married 'cause their parents told 'em to. What Rose and I got is so much bigger than any of that. I knew from the moment I laid eyes on her that she was all I'd ever need, that she was part of me that I never knew I was missing.

"I will _never_ let that girl go. I'll do whatever I can to keep her with me forever. If she wants to get married, well hell, I'll get married. But marriage doesn't mean a thing to me. It's got nothing on my Rose.

"It's sweet you're looking out for her, Edward. But from here on in, you don't have to. That's my job now."

So in the end, Emmett agreed to Carlisle's plan. I don't think he had any personal misgivings about feeding from humans. But his desire to make Rosalie happy, combined with his desire to let everyone else know how seriously he took their relationship, was motivation enough. We set out with Carmen, Eleazar and Irina later that day, in search of polar bear and the faint scent of humans.

*****

**TPOV**

The prospect of a wedding for Emmett and Rosalie threw my sisters into a giddy frenzy they often reserved for their pursuit of men. I sat back and observed, content to busy myself with the manufacture of the girl's wedding dress. It was something that I could allow myself to be consumed by without unnecessary reflection on the Cullens' love lives, or more accurately, the one Cullen left without one.

The family fairly drilled the newborn, in an attempt to reign in his thirst by late spring. Rosalie had agreed to marry on the summer solstice. The date had been suggested by one of my sisters, although the ancient implications of that day were lost on the young woman. She was simply happy that it fell on a Saturday, so it was done.

Rosalie and I developed something of a friendship. I was relieved to finally relate to at least one of the Cullens with regard to the opposite sex. Her uninhibited love for her man was refreshing. And I had the feeling that I was the first person she'd been able to talk to openly about matters of the bedroom. So, she would often stop by to admire my progress on her gown and to chat. It was an amusing way to pass the time.

"I dare say there's no undue anticipation for the wedding night," I quipped one afternoon as Rosalie watched me embroider small crystals around the neckline of her gown.

Rosalie tried to suppress a grin. "Actually, I'm looking forward to that night a lot."

"Please, we've each taken turns supervising Emmett. Every night is a wedding night for you, as well as each day, more than not."

"Tanya!" Rosalie scolded, playfully swatting at my hand. I gave her a look that warned that further slaps, playful or not, would not be welcomed.

"I see no reason to beat about the bush, Rosalie."

"Yes, you're right. But I can't wait to see what its like to be married to Emmett, to someone I actually love. Once, a long time ago, I thought that I felt this way for a man --"

"E --"

"What?" she asked, looking at me curiously. I'd caught myself just before I'd given anything away.

"Nothing," I said, suddenly extremely intent on the detailing in front of me.

"But I didn't actually love him, or really want him, even," she continued. "Emmett, though, Emmett is the opposite of Royce. He's strong and physical and speaks his mind. I know his heart, because he wears it on his sleeve."

My body relaxed. She wasn't speaking of Edward. "And Emmett loves you as well," I added, trying to contain my jealousy. I was happy for the girl. In my estimation, her relationship with the boy was a healthy one. That is, if they could navigate his newborn tendencies.

"He does," Rosalie murmured, nearly melting before my eyes. She turned to me, still smiling. "And what about you, Tanya? We never talk about you."

"What about me?"

"About men. Love?"

"What have you heard?" I challenged.

"Nothing, actually," she admitted. Of course, the Cullens were so decent and circumspect. They wouldn't have mentioned anything. When Edward was young, he'd only found out about us only through the thoughts of others.

I put down my sewing and wondered how much to tell the girl. Technically, I still enjoyed the company of humans. I quickly decided that I wouldn't tell more than that. "My sisters and I prefer humans."

"Human men?" Rosalie asked, wide-eyed.

"Yes," I said, nodding for emphasis.

"And you…?"

"Yes," I agreed, guessing her question.

"But, I mean, you actually…?" Rosalie, sure that she must have misunderstood me, couldn't quite bring herself to finish the question.

"I take them to bed, much like you do with Emmett. Would you like a picture, Rosalie?"

I watched emotions quickly play across Rosalie's pretty face: annoyance at my outburst, curiosity, and then something akin to conspiratorial self-assurance.

"There was a human boy in Tennessee, before I met Emmett," she admitted, looking to me for support. "His name was Wayne, and I liked him a little. We almost kissed once. Edward was aghast, though. He was completely against it from the start. It was one of our biggest arguments."

With mention of Edward, my lungs ceased their regular movement. I studied the beadwork at my fingertips. "Was he jealous?" I asked in what I hoped was a very offhanded manner.

"Of course not," Rosalie laughed. " He was concerned for the human, I think. I supposed I was using Wayne to make myself feel normal. And then Wayne scraped his arm one afternoon. I came so close to ending that boy's life."

"But you restrained yourself?" I asked in disbelief.

"Barely. But I must have looked like I was insane, or like a monster. I couldn't handle what he must have thought of me, so I ran away."

"Remarkable. You're like --"

"Carlisle?" Rosalie asked, a self-satisfied smile on her face. It wasn't quite the comparison I was about to make, but I let her go with it just the same. "Just about. I've never tasted human blood. If only I hadn't murdered my-ex-fiancé and his friends, I think I might be just as good as Carlisle is."

"Murder?" No one mentioned murder when they spoke about the girl.

"I'd rather not talk about it."

"Another time, perhaps?"

"Maybe, we have forever, right?"

"We do." Silence fell between us as we each considered what we'd learned about the other. Murder, a human boyfriend, and she'd never tasted human blood. She was more complex than I'd given her credit for. I'd assumed Rosalie was as shallow as the puddle outside my front doorstep.

Rosalie broke the silence first, of course. After living for centuries, I'd learned to sit with my thoughts. "But human men, Tanya? And Edward doesn't give you all a hard time?"

"We've had our disagreements over the years, I suppose. First he would object to my morality, then the human's. And I don't think he understands the attraction at all."

"It hardly seems any of his business. That was my point when we argued over Wayne."

"It's easy to think you know everything when you merely observe."

"And that's all he does, isn't it? He just sits back and watches and judges."

Her words of reproach for Edward stung as much as if they were directed at me. Possibly more so. "What you have to understand about Edward is the time he spent abroad changed him. Now it's as if he's frightened to act. He's afraid of himself, I think. He's changed since I saw him last."

"You're too nice, Tanya. He can be a giant pain in the ass!"

I laughed out loud at that. Edward certainly could be trying, and I loved him for it.

My thoughts shocked my body into stillness and I frantically worked to quiet my mind. I scarcely used the term 'love' to describe my feelings for Edward, even to myself. Especially now that he was in Denali. I hoped he hadn't been close enough to hear.

"Is there a special human?" Rosalie asked. She noticed I was uncomfortable and tried to change the subject. I smiled at her, grateful to focus on humans. So inconsequential.

"I don't believe there can be something such as a special human. They are delicate things that pass so easily from this world. We may have been human, but would a butterfly have a relationship with a caterpillar? Hardly. Humans and vampires are separate creatures, unsuited for one another."

"Hmpf," Rosalie replied, crossing her arms over her chest.

"What?"

"What about Emmett, or Esme?"

"Don't misunderstand me, Rosalie. To see potential in a human, something that you love so much that you would like to see turned vampire: that I understand. But to perpetually play with a human, that is self-indulgent and selfish, if you ask me. The human will only get hurt; the relationship can go nowhere. That isn't true love."

"True love. It sounds so silly. Like a fairy tale."

"For vampires, fairy tales happen all the time. When you are mated, you love perfectly and eternally. I believe it takes a vampire to master the human ideal of love."

"You sound like you know so much about love, Tanya. But where's your fairy tale?"

I couldn't find the heart to answer, to make something up. Instead, I looked out the window at the gray winter horizon, allowing the barren beauty of the Arctic to seep under my skin. The snow glittered in the dim light, and the white sky joined the white terrain at the thin blue line of the horizon where I could almost make out our family returning with Emmett from their latest human acclimation drill.

"Tanya? I'm sorry. Did something happen to him? Was he killed, somehow?"

I could just make out Edward's dark silhouette glittering against the snowy background. "He didn't return my feelings."

"Oh. I'm sorry. That's horrible."

"No, it would be horrible if he didn't exist. As long as he is on this earth…"

"Maybe there's a chance?" Rosalie finished the sentiment for me.

"A girl can dream. But, enough about me. Let's try this gown on and get you married."

*****

It was a particularly sunny day in early June when Carlisle met me on the back patio. I was late bringing out the roses his year, and hoped I hadn't deprived them of the full benefit of spring cooped up in the hothouse. Without a word of greeting, Carlisle went to work and lent a hand toting the large pots outside. We worked for several minutes and I allowed the man his silence. In this existence there was always time for speech. There was no need to talk before one was ready. When all the pots had been removed from the greenhouse, though, there was nothing left to distract us from one another.

"Thank you," I smiled, sitting on the flat stone that ringed the patio.

Carlisle nodded and took a seat two yards away.

"Nine days now. The flowers should be arriving in port today. And the birds are on the road to the house as we speak. Can you imagine? Doves? We're lucky if the boy doesn't sneak away and eat them in the night."

A look of dread settled on Carlisle's face and he quickly turned away from me.

"I wasn't serious, Carlisle. Maybe when he was first turned, but no vampire would seriously consider drinking from a dove."

"I don't know if the boy is ready, Tanya," Carlisle stated. His words came clear and easy, but I knew he was disappointed in himself because he couldn't look me in the eye.

"He must be. The wedding is in nine days."

"We lost another human, just a week ago."

"What? No one said anything!"

"Emmett asked us not to. He was ashamed."

"As well he should have been. And I should have been told! We live here, Carlisle. My clan lives here."

"I'm sorry. It was on the other side of the mountains, though. It can hardly be traced back to you."

Carlisle and I settled once again into silence, but this time the air was charged. He was still too lenient with the boy, agreeing to his request, keeping a human kill from me. "Then you simply have to redouble your efforts, Carlisle. It's regrettable what happened to the human. But to sacrifice one human now in exchange for many over the man's existence seems reasonable."

"I came to ask if you would speak to Rosalie about postponing the wedding. You two have become remarkably close since we've been in Denali. She trusts you and confides in you. It would be better coming from your mouth."

After all the work that my family put into this wedding, after I had set a deadline, I would not take it all back. "It would break her heart. Her mind is set on this. She has been dreaming of a wedding since before she was turned. You know this. The man owes this to his mate. You and he can make this happen."

"You were the one that originally chastised me for being reckless. Now Rosalie's whims take precedence over the life of a human minister?"

"I am surprised to hear you, of all vampires, refer to matrimony as a whim."

"And I am surprised that you honor the institution at all."

"I don't have to honor something in order to suggest it."

"Suggest it? _You_ suggested this wedding take place?"

"I merely pointed out to Rosalie that if she asked Emmett for a wedding, he would acquiesce. _I_ wasn't the one that had them mated when he was hardly a day old."

"You put this idea into her head? We have been pushing the boy, working with him day and night, attempting to preemptively save a human life. _You_ did this?"

"I don't know why you are upset. The entire family has been pushing the boy to tolerate humans. This wedding gave the boy a reason to work as hard as he has. This was all accomplished quite rapidly as a result of this wedding. I believe you should be thanking me."

"If anything happens to this human, Tanya, I will lay the blame with you. Unfortunately, that's not how the Volturi would see it. With this wedding idea, you've endangered Emmett and myself. You've put my family in harm's way."

"As you did mine when you brought the boy to the home I've kept for hundreds of years, Carlisle. I was happy to shelter Edward and Esme. But in bringing the new one here, you endangered us all."

"Then you should have sent us away."

"I considered it."

"And why didn't you, then?" Carlisle's eyes flickered, lit with understanding, daring me to speak.

"Our two covens are the only ones on this earth that honor human life and live off the blood of animals. I couldn't let you go in the state your family was in. It would have taken only months for the Volturi to track you and your wild newborn down."

"But then you do _this_, Tanya? It makes no sense." I had no answer. It didn't make any sense, unless I admitted that I kept them here to be with Edward, and I married Rosalie off to make sure there was nothing between her and her brother. There was no way I would do that.

Carlisle took a full two minutes to compose himself before speaking. "I am sincerely grateful for the friendship and aid you have offered my family over the years, Tanya. The alliance between our two families is not something I take lightly. We need one another; you know that, as well as I do. But, in order for our families to remain on good terms, I believe we all need some time apart.

"I'll continue to work with Emmett. But on the day of the wedding, I expect you and your family to guard the life of the human that will be in our midst, since the wedding was your suggestion in the first place. Afterwards, my family will move on. We'll be our own best council. Perhaps we'll make a place for ourselves as you have here, find a home of our own."

"You don't have to leave. I never asked for that."

"You were right, Tanya. I have a large clan to manage now. I don't need your help. I'm perfectly fit to do it on my own."

*****

Word of our disagreement filtered down through the two families. Katrina and Eleazar each attempted to speak with me on the matter, but I gave them a look that let them know I was in no mood to talk about my feelings. Instead, my family talked the situation over in hushed tones that abruptly turned to silence whenever I entered the room.

After two days of walking on eggshells in my own home, I decided to put an end to the matter. As much as I hated to admit it, Carlisle was right. I owed him an apology. But when I repeatedly phoned their house, there was no answer on the other line. Could he have canceled the wedding and taken his family away already? What about Edward? Would he leave without saying goodbye? Without further thought, I ran out of the house in the direction of the Cullen residence.

One of the great tricks of the Arctic was to tempt humans to name a season spring. It may have been early June, but nature saw fit to bless the earth with one last storm. I silently cursed having brought my roses out from the greenhouse as I dashed into the blowing snow and ice. The wind whipped around my slender frame, my dress billowed in the blustery wind and my wet hair wrapped itself around my head. With my senses of sight and smell rendered useless in the squall, I relied on my sense of direction to get me to the Cullens'.

Blinded as I was by the storm, I almost didn't see the two nearly naked figures wound around one another in the bushes until I was nearly on top of them. It was Rosalie and Emmett. I suppose the storm had given them the rare opportunity for privacy. I wondered if Emmett had mastered his restraint enough that the two were allowed out of the home on their own.

I certainly didn't want to disturb them, and I quickly moved to change my course to the house. But I stopped short when something caught my attention. One word, actually…

"But, Edward --"

"Edward loves you, Rosalie."

I clamped my hand over my mouth to stifle my gasp of surprise.

"He won't play the wedding march. He's doing it out of spite."

"No, he really cares about you. I didn't tell you. I was distracted about polar bear that day." Emmett laughed a little and Rosalie sighed in response. "He spoke to me, to make sure I had nothing but good intentions."

"He did? I could kill him!"

Emmett chuckled again. "I'd miss him if you did."

"You would? I didn't think you liked him. You're always competing with one another."

"No. Edward's okay. Who else would I wrestle with? It's not like I could beat up on Carlisle or Esme."

"I'd let you wrestle me," Rosalie growled playfully.

"I already do," Emmett rumbled. I heard Rosalie shriek, and I moved on.

Edward wouldn't play piano at the wedding. He_ loved_ Rosalie. My feet brought me through the Cullen's front door and down the southern wing of the house before my mind had the chance to catch up to my body. Indeed, my mind seemed frozen. Edward _loved_ Rosalie. Emmett knew it.

I threw open the door to Edward's room.

"Why aren't you playing piano for the wedding, Edward?"

"Because of my unrequited love for Rosalie."

I stopped in my tracks, my breath caught in my throat. Edward's laughter rang out through the air around me. He looked up from the book he was reading, a wide grin on his face.

"There isn't enough drama in my family, Tanya? You have to go looking for more?"

"But you won't play the piano."

"I told you, Tanya. I don't play anymore. That has nothing to do with my sister."

"But the wedding. Who will play the processional?"

"We're each and every one vampires. Any one among you should be capable of learning the piece in time."

"It wouldn't be the same."

"What is this wedding to you? When did you suddenly become an advocate for wedded bliss?"

"I thought you knew me better, Edward. I was happy for Carlisle from the moment I heard he'd wed. Have I ever given you another impression? Why shouldn't I feel the same for Rosalie?"

I felt suddenly off-balance and sat myself down. I'd come to apologize to Carlisle, but had been thrown by the idea that Edward harbored feelings for the girl, and now we were speaking of something else entirely. I worked to control my emotions, something that was so vital whenever I spoke to Edward. I felt his eyes on me and took three deep breaths before looking up at him. His eyes were full of contrition, and again I was taken by surprise.

"You're right," Edward conceded. "I'm sorry. You've been nothing but a friend to Rosalie. Perhaps it's my own guilt because I don't feel the same about this wedding as I did for Carlisle and Esme's."

I sighed. That was easy enough to explain. "Carlisle is the head of this family, Edward. Of course you don't feel the same. Emmett is a newborn, but he's taken the one single female in your clan. It's natural that you would feel a loss. Even if you don't love her, like that."

Edward looked as if I'd just fed him human food. "That's not it," he choked. But I didn't believe it. I'd been alive long enough to know a male vampire's nature.

"I understood Carlisle and Esme. Their wedding was small and intimate and held more meaning for both of them than I could fathom. I was honored to be there with them, to see that. And one day, perhaps, if I weren't such an unfeeling monster, that is what I would want. But this wedding mocks that ideal. Rosalie is in it for the spectacle, and Emmett couldn't care one way or the other. Rosalie wants me to play piano because I play the best. But either way, they're still outside rolling around in the snow as we speak."

Edward stopped and laughed a little. "Murmuring about my undying love for Rosalie. Tipping off the neighbors."

"She's finally happy, Edward."

"I know. And I'm happy for her. But her actions make it hard for me to show it."

"Perhaps you two _are_ more like siblings than anything else."

Edward looked exasperated. "_Perhaps_? What else did you overhear? Or will I have to beat it out of Emmett?"

"I won't say. Just so I can watch you two go at it."

Edward stood to his feet and walked to the window, putting more space between the two of us.

"I haven't seen you for a few days. I've come to make peace with Carlisle."

"He's in Anchorage with Esme. They have business to square away there."

"Has he said anything to you?"

"Only that we're leaving."

"And you didn't come to see me after you heard?"

"Tanya, he's my father, the leader of my coven. I can't sneak off to see you when you two have an altercation. I owe the man my existence. How would you feel if Katrina had snuck over to see Carlisle when she heard?"

I knew exactly what I'd say to Katrina if she tried a stunt like that. "You're right," I admitted.

"Will you stay until he returns?"

"Why?"

"To dry off and take shelter from the storm, of course."

"Like Rosalie and Emmett did?"

"Tanya," Edward warned

"Sorry."

"Tudnánk gyakorlatban nyelven mint a régi szép idők."

"But you already know Magyar."

"De nem tudok beszélni Finn."

"No, neither do I."

"They say the two languages share the same root. Perhaps Finnish would come easily to us."

"Everything comes easily to you, Edward."

"Everything in books, perhaps."

"And on a music sheet."

"I suppose. But with life, with death, with love… I'm at a loss."

"You're not the only vampire I know that could say that. When you reach one thousand, if those words still hold true, come back to me and I'll commiserate."

"It's a deal," he said, a sad smile on his face.

"And perhaps if you're still unmated at one thousand, maybe you would settle for me?"

"Don't sell yourself short, Tanya. I would hardly be settling. I would only be giving in."

My mind was so carefully contained in that moment that I felt I deserved an award for self-control. "If we are both unchanged in another thousand years, I imagine there will be many obstacles to surmount."

"With your overly, err… loving nature, and my complete lack of desire. Thank goodness we have a thousand years to prepare for the inevitable disappointment we would surely face."

"Yes. Certain disaster."

"But, until then, we have our studies. Finnish?"

"Finnish."

*****

**EPOV**

I attempted to give Carlisle and Tanya their privacy after my parents returned home from Anchorage. But with Rosalie and Emmett rolling around like tumbleweeds in the front yard, I felt confined to the house. I kept to my quarters to allow them the pretense of intimacy.

For some reason, Tanya's mood had turned generous and humble since she'd first arrived at the house. She apologized to Carlisle for meddling in his family's affairs and offered her family's services to protect the minister at the wedding. Carlisle, ever the diplomat, admitted that they'd gotten Emmett under control quicker than he imagined possible given the wedding deadline, and that it may not have been such a bad idea after all.

"But you're still leaving."

"The day after the wedding, yes."

"This wilderness is big enough for our two families. We've enjoyed your company."

"I appreciate your words, Tanya. But I feel in my bones that it's time to move on. I plan to take us down the coast. There are several parcels of land for sale throughout coastal British Columbia, Washington and Oregon. With the frequent cloud cover, the environment could be ideal for something of a permanent settlement."

"Close enough that we might visit."

"Tanya, the alliance is important to me and to my family. Right now I think we need some space. To keep it healthy."

"I understand. Find your space in the world, Carlisle. We have all the time in the world to visit."

"Thank you, Tanya."

"You have a lovely family, Carlisle. I'll miss them."

And in their minds, I watched as they hugged one another closely, the way friends that have known each other for many hundreds of years might.

*****

The morning of the wedding dawned bright. Crystal blue cloudless skies offset the glistening pale green grass, and the coal black snowcapped mountains in the distance. Patches of snow dotted the landscape, the only reminder of the late spring gale that blew through less than a week ago.

Carlisle and Eleazar left well before dawn to fetch the minister. Katrina had asked me to move my piano out to the sitting room for the ceremony. I was polishing it when I heard a chorus of women's voices from the direction of Rosalie and Emmett's quarters.

Emmett stumbled into the common space, grinning. "Irina's upset that Rose and I were together last night."

"She's the last one that should have a say in the matter," I replied.

"I heard that, Edward! You better hope I'm not around before your wedding night!"

I chose to ignore her. I was certain that if I ever married, I wouldn't act like Emmett before my wedding night.

"So me and the best man, huh?" Emmett asked. "What should we do for the next eight hours?" Emmett had asked me to stand up for him only a week ago. Honestly, there weren't that many men to go around. With Carlisle walking Rosalie down the aisle, I was sure I was designated best man by default.

"Is there anything left to do?" I asked. But the answer was all around me. White satin chairs were arranged in a small semi-circle around an altar that had been erected against the back windows. Bouquets of pink and white roses spilled out of their vases, and a white satin runner ran from Rose and Emmett's wing leading to the altar. I could hear frantic cooing and the frenzied flapping of wings from a cage that housed two-dozen doves near the front door. I wondered whether the terrified birds would make it to the wedding without their hearts beating out of their small chests.

Emmett regarded the scene in front of his eyes. "_Oh shit_," he muttered. I spun around to face him. Aside of the occasional 'damn' and 'hell', Emmett hardly used strong language. "_Shit_," he silently repeated to himself. His face was blank and his eyes were wide with shock.

"_I'm getting married. Like, really married_," he thought as his eyes fixed on mine.

"It's been all Rosalie has spoken about for the past six months, Emmett," I reminded him.

"But still," he whispered.

"I thought you said marriage meant nothing compared with --"

"Shit," he repeated under his breath.

"Do you want to talk?" I asked. Emmett motioned towards his wing of the house and fervently shook his head. Esme and Rosalie were giggling over something, and Tanya was speaking with authority about something called a French twist.

Emmett paced the floor.

I looked around at all of the decorations. The cavernous house had never felt more like a cage. "Let's get out of here," I suggested.

"What?"

"I know what would make you feel better."

"But… who else is there to go?"

"No one. Just you and I. Can you handle it, Emmett?"

"I'll do anything to get out of here. Sure. Let's go."

Without another word Emmett and I raced through the front door, vaulted over the cage of doves, leapt over the stone wall surrounding the house and dashed into the trees. Emmett ran as hard as he could, but I was faster and sped past him, darting through the giant evergreens. But Emmett jumped and caught my ankle, taking me down, dragging my body across the damp pine needles littering the forest floor, and using me as a launching pad to spring ahead.

That's when the frosty morning wind hit me in the face, bringing the scent of a large herd of caribou. A growl erupted from Emmett's chest and he was off kicking up dirt in my face. With a roar of my own, I jumped from the ground and dashed in the direction of the scent. I caught up with Emmett, leapt through the air and tackled him to the ground. We tumbled down a steep incline, breaking through boulders and knocking down a succession of ancient cedars.

I disentangled myself from Emmett's limbs and flew upwards, taking to the trees, leaping from branch to branch as Emmett cursed and jumped below me. He tried launching himself upwards, but simply knocked the tree to the ground in the process. I took advantage of Emmett's distraction and sprang from the topmost branch, landing fifty feet ahead of him and racing in the direction of the herd. The herbivores didn't hear me coming until it was too late.

I scanned the herd for the largest animal and spotted a regal stag with antlers that easily spanned six feet across. I had his neck broken in my hands in seconds. I made quick work with three other animals before the rest of the herd could scatter, and before Emmett arrived. He ran into the clearing seconds too late. The herd was already running off into the foothills and four caribou lay dead at my feet.

"Damn it," Emmett cursed under his breath.

"I didn't get you a wedding gift. I hope this makes up for it. Enjoy."

Emmett spent half a second looking dazed and amazed before he was at the throat of the large male, tearing at the flesh with his finger tips as he sucked greedily from the large mammal's jugular, his eyes rolled back into his head. He tossed the animal to the ground and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, glancing back and forth between the other caribou and me.

"Quickly, Emmett, before the blood goes cold," I chided.

He made quick work of the remaining animals and came to sit beside me, grinning. "Thanks."

"It's the least I could do after showing you up like that."

Emmett growled and went to push me, but I saw it coming in his mind and dodged out of the way just in time. He caught himself before he fell to the ground. "You know, it's not fair that you do that."

"Maybe I'm just too fast for you."

"Like hell," Emmett grinned.

"So, uh, Emmett, do you want to talk? I certainly have no experience with women or marriage. But, uh… I don't know." I suddenly realized that I was hopelessly ignorant. I couldn't imagine that I had any advice to give to the man.

Emmett didn't speak out loud, but his mental voice was unleashed with my offer.

"_I don't know how to be married. I'm barely twenty. I'm no husband. I can't take care of Rosalie. I didn't think about any of this. She likes nice things. Dresses, houses. I don't have anything. Less than when I was human. Then I had a job, sometimes. What the hell am I doing? All I thought about was blood, and Rose. I never thought about any of this. God! I wish my pop was here. He'd tell me what to do. He'd tell Rose to run the other way, and he'd be right."_

"Rosalie wouldn't go anywhere, though. She'd scare your human father away before she let him deter her from marrying you."

"She's stubborn," Emmett agreed.

"Definitely… But Emmett, you don't need anything. Carlisle will take care of you both."

"That's not what a husband does, Edward."

"You seem to instinctually know what a husband does, Emmett."

"That's not what I mean," Emmett growled, but he grinned just the same.

I was touched by Emmett's concern, and staggered by his ability to focus and sit still. He'd come a long way in the past six months. "I'll help."

"What?"

"I'll help you figure it out. Finance isn't as hard as you might think, when you have the time to apply yourself."

"I don't know. I never had much when I was human, and now I don't have anything."

"Well, you have a wedding in a couple hours. That's a start."

"What do you mean?"

"There will be gifts. And we'll work from there. Rosalie won't have to worry, ever." I knew Rosalie hadn't even considered Emmett having support her financially. But at that moment, that wasn't what Emmett needed to hear.

I watched Emmett's posture relax and listened to his mind quiet. "Wow. Thanks."

"That's it, then? Besides that, you're ready to get married?"

Emmett smiled in my direction. "I'm trying really hard not to think about how excited I am for everything else. For you."

I couldn't help grinning. "Thanks."

*****

**TPOV**

My sisters, Esme and I swarmed around Rosalie, each of us more excited than the next. Rosalie was the embodiment of each of our personal brides, and we each saw ourselves in her bright amber eyes and irrepressible smile. Rosalie beamed under the warm glow of our attention, and she sat prettily as we each opined about her make-up and how she should wear her hair.

In the end it hardly mattered, because the girl was truly beauty incarnate. It would take considerable work to make her look ordinary, so there was very little for us all to do. Finally, Esme and I carefully helped Rosalie into her gown. The cream-colored silk showed off her flawless white skin and hugged her frame in all the right places. The neckline was modest, in line with the fashion of the day, but the gown's silhouette favored her long lines and curves. As I'd promised, the sleeves were antique lace, and a long train swirled and tumbled behind her as she walked. And as a finishing touch, small crystal and pearl roses were embroidered along the neckline and at the hem of the gown.

Rosalie gave me a warm hug. "Thank you, Tanya. It's perfect."

"You look beautiful, Rosalie," Esme whispered to the girl as they stared at her reflection in the mirror.

"I know," Rosalie smiled back. "Thanks."

"I've waited years to see you this happy."

A short laugh escaped from Rosalie's lips. "I know."

We heard the steps in the hall well before the knock at the door.

I looked toward Rosalie and she nodded. "Come in, Carlisle," I called.

"Rosalie, it's time. Are you ready?" he asked.

Rosalie nodded her head, silent, smiling, and Carlisle held his arm out to her.

"Well, sisters, we should take our seats, then. Otherwise there won't be much of an audience. But as we bustled out of the room I couldn't help but overhear Rosalie whispering to Carlisle.

"I wouldn't have this chance without you, Carlisle. Thank you. For my life, and for Emmett's."

"It's the very least I could do, Rosalie."

"And the most, all at once," she added.

For all of the contention surrounding Rosalie and Emmett's wedding, it was a very small affair. Irina and I took our seats next to Esme. Eleazar and Carmen were already seated, whispering to one another. I cleared my throat and four sets of eyes snapped to attention, focused intently on the one human in the room. A portly man dressed all in black stood on the altar, drenched in sweat. The poor human's heart was beating a mile a minute as he tried to inconspicuously inch toward the far wall. As if that might save him.

I glanced over at the groom and noticed that Emmett was likely more nervous than the minister. Of course, Emmett had a much better idea than the human did of the threat he posed. But a vampire's nerves show differently than a human's. Emmett stood stone still, frozen in place, quite handsome in a dark suit and tie. Edward was at his side, with a tight grip on the man's elbow, looking effortlessly suave as always. He whispered something in Emmett's ear and I watched Emmett very purposefully blink and shift on his feet. The minister didn't appear to be fooled, though. I hoped he wouldn't lose his nerve and leave before the ceremony.

Katrina was perched on the bench at the piano. Much as Edward had suggested, a few hours was all it took for her to master Wagner's march. With a nervous nod from the minister, Katrina launched into the triumphant melody, and all eyes swung in the direction of Carlisle and Rosalie's footsteps.

Instead of watching Rosalie, though, I kept my eyes on the groom, in an effort to honor my promise to Carlisle to keep the minister safe. I watched the look in the newborn's eyes as he gazed at his bride. His irises were more burnt orange than amber, and there was a movement there as he gazed at Rosalie, something slow and fluid like molten lava. He bit his lip and flexed his fingers, and I watched Edward tighten his grip on the boy's elbow as Emmett strained to rush toward his bride.

When I turned to look at Rosalie, she was staring into Emmett's eyes with a proud smile on her face. "You did it," she mouthed. I knew that she was referring to the fact that he was standing at the human's side. We all knew what a strain it was for Emmett, and that was proof enough of his love and dedication for us. We didn't need to hear any vows. But that is what we were gathered for, after all.

Carlisle gently kissed Rosalie on the cheek, before placing her hand into Emmett's and patting the boy's back. He looked between Edward, Emmett and Rosalie, and I knew he was proud of his growing family, of those he considered his children. He had brought four fine vampires into the world. Despite all of my criticism, they were a fine clan, and I believed they were well suited to go far in the world.

I watched in astonishment as Emmett focused all of his attention on Rosalie, drinking her in, clasping her hand in his. He barely noticed when the minister began to speak, and only nodded absently when he noticed Rosalie doing the same. So Emmett was taken by complete surprise when the minister addressed him by name, and everyone gathered around him waited for an answer.

"Emmett," Rosalie whispered, and Emmett's smile was contagious. I watched the faces of everyone in attendance light up too.

"I do," Emmett answered. A look of relief washed over the minister's face and his eyes darted to the door. I tried not to chuckle. I knew he was thinking that he was that much closer to getting out of here.

The minister's voice cracked as he asked, "Do you Rosalie Lillian Hale, take Emmett Ames McCarty, to be your lawfully wedded husband, to love and cherish, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, and forsaking all others, keeping yourself only unto him, for so long as you both shall live?"

"I do," Rosalie breathed. I watched as Emmett clutched Rosalie's hands in his and pulled her closer. The minister jumped backwards, out of the way, bumping into one of the enormous flower arrangements, scattering roses on the floor.

His words were rough and hasty as he declared, "By the power vested in me by God and the state of Alaska, I now pronounce you man and wife. Emmett, _now_ you may kiss the bride."

Our little gathering erupted in a chorus of cheers as Emmett pulled Rosalie against him, and held her face in his hands before carefully and gently kissing her. The minister sighed and looked around for Carlisle, whom I suppose was the least threatening of all of us. Katrina scurried to the front door, and through the glass wall that served as a backdrop, twenty-four doves flapped frantically for the hills, squawking and crying in terror. The minister jumped and shrieked and I couldn't help but giggle.

"You did it," I heard Rosalie murmur again to her husband. I watched Emmett look quickly back and forth between his wife and the human, smiling with pride. He'd stood at the altar without murdering the man.

"I'd do anything for you," he whispered, smiling. And we all knew it was true. Emmett kissed her again, and the kiss grew in intensity until there was no longer space for murmured words in their passionate embrace. The minister's eyes went wide, and Carlisle appeared at his side to usher the man outside to a waiting vehicle. The rest of the family quickly followed their lead when we realized that the usual first wedding kiss was progressing quite rapidly to the wedding night, all before our unwilling eyes.

* * *

**A/N: What happens when I get buried in five feet of snow? Answer number one: Wish for an Emmett of my own. There would be nothing to distract him from me, right? Answer number two: Write a fluffy wedding filled chapter to help keep me warm **

**Thanks for all of your reviews, and for reading through this uber-long chapter. Please let me know if you like it. Just click that little green button! xxx, m**


	21. Moving On

**A/N: Thanks so much to all of The Newborn readers out there for hanging in there and waiting for me to finish The Necklace before continuing this story. It had to be done for my sanity, my sleep, my family and my job. Now that The Necklace is complete, you can expect more regular updates. Thanks for all the messages and inquiries in the meantime. It kept me on track and it helped to know you missed this little story. M**

* * *

**TPOV**

We had planned something of a reception for Rosalie and Emmett: music and dancing, a bouquet and a garter to throw. Unfortunately, the newlyweds apparently had other, more spontaneous plans, and the reception had been hastily scrapped in an effort to give them some privacy. Esme and Edward returned to my clan's house after the ceremony, and Carlisle and Eleazar joined us there after safely returning the minister to Anchorage.

"They've been all over that house," I heard Katrina giggling to Irina as they sat on the piano bench in the library, Katrina picking out the notes of a piece she had begun learning after Wagner's march. She didn't have the same ear for music that Edward had, but I could already tell that we would have to endure countless hours of Katrina's playing in the near future. She could hardly keep her hands away from the keys. "I dare say that house is more _theirs_ than anyone else's. Did you hear what Carlisle found them doing in the study!" she continued, as her fingers inexpertly plunked out the melody.

"Yes, it's sad to see the house go to waste," Irina replied. "It's too big to be so empty again, so soon."

My sisters looked conspiratorially between Carlisle and I. I couldn't but help agree, but Carlisle pretended like he hadn't heard a thing. Which was ridiculous. The man was a vampire. He could easily hear the ticking of the clock in the back bedroom, and we all knew it.

I was about to interrupt Edward and Esme's conversation when the two began a battle about some piece of Great Lakes trivia. They both left for Edward's old room, where he still had an atlas that would settle the score between them. With Carmen and Eleazar cuddled on the loveseat, amorously spurred on by the wedding, Carlisle and I were left awkwardly eyeing one another. We may have settled our argument, but the circumspection with which we regarded each other was unchanged.

Carlisle turned toward the windows, and he was instantly bathed in the orange glow of the enormous summer sun as it skirted the nightless sky. I made the first move and closed the space between us.

"You'll be travelling in reverse this time, Carlisle." The first time he'd found us, he'd made his way up the Pacific coast to Alaska. We'd each heard rumors of one another's existence, and Carlisle had come to see if they'd been true.

"I fell in love with the northwestern coast of North America the last time I passed through, but I was searching for something very specific." His eyes twinkled as they flickered in my direction. "So I didn't linger as long as I would have liked."

"And I'm eternally grateful that you made that journey, Carlisle. I only wish that in addition to my clan, you'd also found a home."

"Tanya, this is _your_ home. Edward and I, perhaps even after Esme… we could have assimilated, somewhat. But you know that there can't be two leaders this close to one another."

And I did know that. I would always assume that I was in charge of any vampire in the area. Carlisle was seven hundred years younger than I, give or take half a century. It went against my nature to consider him the head of his own coven while he was here. He was so young in comparison to me, and in my estimation, he'd already made so many mistakes. I could show him how to deal with Rosalie and Emmett. He was too agreeable, too giving and pliant. It would never do.

"You know I'm right, Tanya. I can see it on your face even as we speak, as plain as the sunshine on the solstice," he said, nodding toward the sun.

"I see your point, Carlisle. But, we'll all miss you. It's good to have new blood, so to speak."

"Yes. Delicious," he added, smiling at the double entendre.

"Please, let's remain in better contact, though. I don't want to find out about your next addition when your family comes limping through the wilderness, begging for help."

"You can be assured that we will stay in contact, and that we will not return begging for help. I'll never do that again."

"Never is a long time, Carlisle. I'd watch my words if I were you."

Carlisle smiled, but made it a point not to retract his vow.

"Are you certain about the coast, though? Last time, it seemed as though the journey had you out of sorts."

"Yes… I don't know if I could explain it, even now. A simple geographic location has never so enchanted and so repelled me, all at the same time. At first, I thought… I don't know… it seemed similar to something I'd encountered in Europe. But, I was wrong; this was different. I couldn't even say how, really. I was quite possibly fooling myself."

"A vampire, spooked by shadows?"

"I'm sure it was nothing. As I mentioned, I was so drawn to the location… perhaps something within me was simply warning me not to become attached to the place. Because really, how often could I visit? Every hundred years?"

I seized the opportunity. "I don't like the sound of it. Perhaps --"

Carlisle smiled at me knowingly. "We're not staying, Tanya."

"That's not what I meant to say, at all!"

*****

**EPOV**

I admit that I avoided Tanya that last night at her house. I didn't have to hear her thoughts to know that she wanted me to stay behind. Of course, I know that it wasn't_ all_ about me. She enjoyed Rosalie's company as well. The two had become close friends in the time we'd been in Denali. And Irina and Katrina always seemed to like having a newborn around. I'd catch them gazing at Emmett whenever they found a spare moment without Rosalie nearby.

But the tension between Carlisle and Tanya was palpable, and our clans couldn't afford a rift. We counted on one another's support for our existence. I knew that Carlisle and Tanya needed time apart to sort through their differences. In the meantime, though, both had looked to me for support in the matter. Carlisle was my maker, my father, in so many ways. I could never side against him. Yet, I felt guilty taking his side. In my relatively short existence, I'd turned my back on Tanya so many times. I felt that now I was doing it all over again, and then leaving on top of it all.

I thought that by speaking openly and plainly with her regarding my feelings, that we'd clear the air. I didn't know if she'd have me in her life without the potential for a physical relationship, but she had welcomed me back as a friend, gladly.

Yet, things managed to become convoluted once again, despite our conversation. Ever since Tanya had dashed into my room a week ago, worried that I was in love with Rosalie, I'd had a hard time sitting in the same room as her. I enjoyed her shrewd wit, her taste in literature and music. She was so strong and wise, and she had accumulated such a wealth of knowledge after a millennium on the earth. She listened to all of my worries with an open heart and an open mind. I never had to be 'good' for her, like I felt I must be with my parents. I valued our friendship. Yet, with her, everything seemed to come back to sex.

I shouldn't have expected any less from a succubus. But it didn't make the situation easier.

So, the night of the un-reception, I strung out a playful argument with Esme about the size of Lake Michigan versus Lake Superior. I gave Katrina tips about how best to use the piano pedals, I listened to Eleazar's thoughts on the superiority of new double-paned windows, and I obliged Irina and agreed to an awkward waltz.

Tanya eyed me balefully, her mind flitting from thought to thought, yet never settling on thoughts of me. I knew she was doing it purposefully, trying to keep me from knowing her true mind. It was painful. When the waltz was over, I chose to watch the sun rise on a bench by the front door instead of confronting her.

Tanya had other ideas. I heard her thoughts before I heard her footsteps.

"_Please, stay."_ She was suddenly seated next to me on the bench.

"He's my father, Tanya."

"And you're a grown man. You could choose to stay." She shifted, and the bench creaked and knocked against the wall of the house. "For all of us," she added quickly.

"But they're my family. I belong with them."

"With Rosalie, even?"

"You're not still under the impression that I have feelings for Rosalie? She's mated, married."

I saw Tanya trying to suppress a small smile out of the corner of my eye. "No, I know you, Edward. I wouldn't think that."

"If you know me, you know I won't ever leave Carlisle. I owe him…"

"One day, for the right woman, perhaps…"

"You, Carlisle, Esme, Katrina, Irina, Emmett… _everyone_ thinks about finding a women for me; everyone except _me_."

"We only want to see you happy."

"And I'm closer to that than I've been since… since before --"

"All the more reason that you should stay. You're almost happy here."

"I appreciate the offer."

"But the answer is still no?"

"I'm afraid so."

"And I don't suppose I'll hear from you until the next time your family is in Denali?"

"Tanya, you've been such an amazing friend in so many ways, but I feel as if I've done nothing but hurt you. Perhaps I'm no good for you. Not the friend you deserve."

Quite suddenly the ease of the conversation changed. Tanya stopped gazing at the sunrise and spun around, grabbing my chin so that I'd be forced to look her in the eye. The air between us practically crackled with tension.

"Our friendship is one of the most precious things I can claim as my own in this life, Edward. Without you…" Tanya's words trailed off, but her mind spun in a maelstrom of disjointed thoughts, pictures, and ideas…

_Louis Armstrong, Bessie Smith, Jelly Roll Morton, The Hudson River, The New York Metropolitan Museum, football, baseball, existentialism, The Great Gatsby, e.e. cummings, Stravinsky.._.

Tanya grabbed my hand. "You've brought life to my existence, turned the world to color from shades of gray. Without you, I wouldn't have had the drive to seek any of those things out. Don't _ever_ underestimate yourself, and what you've given me."

Tanya's eyes were wide and clear, and I knew she was speaking from her heart. I hadn't a clue what to say in return. I heard our clans making their way to the front door, saying goodbye, making promises to visit and keep in touch. "It seems it's time for us to go," I replied, lamely, inadequately.

Tanya threw her arms around me, pulling me into a tight hug that forced all of the air out of my lungs. "At least say you'll write."

"I'll write."

"I…I…--" she stammered. But it was as if there was a wall up in her mind, and she couldn't think or speak past it.

"There they are!" Katrina giggled as I heard the front door open. I hastily disentangled myself from Tanya's embrace, which had suddenly begun to feel like more than a hug. We both stood to our feet. Six vampires were crowded around the front entrance, each looking more uncomfortable than the next.

I scowled and stepped away from Tanya. Why did everything come back to sex? There was nothing between us. We were friends. We'd been friends for nearly twenty years, and nothing more.

Katrina lunged forward and gave me a quick hug. "You're so sweet, Edward. Your family is so lucky to have you." "_Please stay," _she added silently._ "It would make… _all_ of us so happy!_"

Irina bounded over and threw her arms around the both of us, trapping me in the women's embrace. "_Don't do anything I wouldn't do, Edward_," she silently joked. Outwardly she just giggled. We both knew how unlikely that was.

"Ahem," Tanya cleared her throat and her sisters immediately released me.

I walked over to Carmen and Eleazar and noticed Eleazar tighten his hold on his mate. "Thank you both, again. If it weren't for the two of you, I don't know when I would have returned."

Carmen placed her hand over mine. "You belong with your family, Edward. It would only have been a matter of time. Anyone can see the bond you all share. Even with the newlings, Rosalie and Emmett."

"Thank you, just the same. To give up a year for me…"

"I would do it again," Eleazar interrupted, giving me a quick one-armed hug. "It seems like now, finally, everything is set right."

"Edward, we've telephoned Rosalie and Emmett to let them know we're on our way. We shouldn't wait too long or I'm afraid they might get… distracted, _again_. We might lose our window of opportunity to leave," Carlisle said with an uncomfortable chuckle.

So, with quick hugs and wishes for a safe trip, Carlisle, Esme and I left the Denali clan, headed southward where we'd meet Rosalie and Emmett before continuing on our journey. I had the strange sensation that Eleazar was right; we were _finally _headed in the right direction.

*****

**TPOV**

The next evening, I sat in the study; leafing through the atlas that Edward had left there the night before. His deft hands and long fingers had held these pages so gingerly. The contrast between his gentle touch and the confident, primal power I'd seen the night we hunted together still haunted me… and I felt desire inevitably making its way through my body languidly, settling deep within my core.

But, the sound of my sisters readying themselves in their quarters shook me from my sensual reverie. Carmen and Eleazar had already taken off for a hunt. But I would have to wait another hour until Irina and Katrina finally left for the evening. Then I would truly be alone, and I'd bask in the delicious after-effects of Edward's glow, in the warmth that lingers in the evening, even after the sun has set.

Ironically, only now that he was gone, could I luxuriate in his presence, letting its effects wash over me fully, truly, without hesitation. It stung, of course. His brief attendance tore at the scar tissue that had formed to hold the pieces of my heart together over the ten years of his absence. But I preferred this prickling and edgy feeling to the numbness that I'd settled into while he was gone. I would hold onto this burn as if it were a life raft. It allowed me a glimmer of what I longed for, instead of the dullness of a never-ending dark night.

Eventually, my sisters danced down the stairs, and to my great displeasure, I heard them coming straight for the study, instead of proceeding to the front door.

"Tanya!" Katrina sang out. She _would _be quite happy; she was going to meet her new man. I'd heard he was a large lumberjack, and Katrina enjoyed large men. Over the last months I'd caught her gazing at newborn Emmett whenever Rosalie's eyes were elsewhere. It happened perhaps four times in seven months.

"Yes?"

"Irina and I were talking…" Katrina paused and shared a sly smile with her sister.

"I don't have all night for this, Katrina. Out with it."

"Don't you, Tanya? Don't you have all night?" Irina asked.

"I have reading that I've been putting off."

"Geography?" Irina asked, glancing at the book in my hands. I quickly placed the atlas on the coffee table at my knees. "I don't think the continents would mind if you took a night off."

Katrina rushed to my side and perched on the loveseat next to me, resting her hand gently on my thigh. I raised my eyebrow at her, and she removed her hand.

"Tanya… Edward is gone. Come out with us. Put him behind you and enjoy your life. It's been so long… _too_ long. You were the one that showed _us_ how this was done. You are a vampire; your nature cannot change. Don't let one sexless vampire get in the way of living your life!"

"And what if he showed interest in you, Katrina?" I asked my sister. "What if _you_ had a chance with Edward?"

"Well, I'd give it a try. Who wouldn't? But do you really entertain the thought that you have…?" I shot her an icy glare, and the rest of that sentence lodged itself in her throat.

"_And perhaps if you're still unmated at one thousand, maybe you would settle for me?"_

"_Don't sell yourself short, Tanya. I would hardly be settling. I would only be giving in."_

The memory of his words made my heart flutter, even though they were uttered in jest, and dispassionately at that. I noticed my sisters staring at me intently, and worked to hide ridiculous excitement from my face. (I _could_ live another thousand years.)

Irina took a step closer. "Come with us, Tanya. Don't sulk. It's unbecoming,"

My head snapped up in her direction, my anger flaring immediately, intensely. "Who do you think you are, speaking to me in that manner?"

"Well, someone has to. We _all _think it, yet we all tiptoe around the house so we don't upset you. Now he's gone. Please, Tanya, show us that you are the head of this family."

I stood to my feet and walked silently to the door of the study, resigned. I held myself erect, my hand leaning on the doorframe, my eyes on the floor.

"Give me five minutes, sisters."

*****

Cheechako Tavern, downtown Anchorage. So, Katrina's man was a newcomer. I'd taught her well. If she'd chosen aptly, the man would be a closet romantic, courting both Alaska and Katrina for a season, and then he would write heartfelt, idyllic prose about the experience in his journal, never to return again.

Katrina's excitement was palpable as the doorman opened the heavy wooden door. He shrunk backwards, repelled by our alien nature, yet he couldn't take his eyes off of us. We were too beautiful. Our presence clearly disarmed him, so we grinned and giggled and looked at the floor playfully, putting the man at ease with the guise that he had the upper hand.

"Ladies," he intoned, his voice only cracking slightly. Our girlish gambit worked nearly every time. _Human_ men were so easy… Not like -- No, I wouldn't even _think_ of _his_ name this evening.

Edward.

Sigh.

I looked over the young doorman from head to toe and he shivered in his worn, brown shoes. He would never do. I would likely break him in two.

Katrina clutched my arm, and pulled me over the threshold, her other arm linked through Irina's. I was immediately assaulted with a heady mixture of cigarette and cigar smoke, strong liquor and human sweat. Katrina was practically quivering with excitement, and it was hard to keep from smiling back at her. The wonder of taking a human male had never lost its first blush for her, no matter that she could never actually blush herself. In her eyes, humans were like soft sunshine: warm and elusive, something to bask in. I wondered, in passing, when that had become a trait unique to Katrina.

"Let's find Len, first?" she asked, bouncing on her heels.

"Yes, let's. I'd like to meet this young man that has been monopolizing your evenings… To see if I approve."

"Oh, Tanya, stop it! Loosen up! There's no need to act like an uptight schoolmarm, judging to see whether I've done well on an assignment. Let's just have fun tonight. It can be like old times."

…Like old times when we would sweep into a town, and draw all the men into our thrall, ply them with liquor, and later, materialize before them while they were in a drunken haze. When the three of us worked together, men would whisper the next day about their inappropriate dreams, and the possibility of tainted spirits, and word would spread that, perhaps, all of the wicked faerie tales were true.

To the best of my knowledge, they were.

But time had changed things for the three of us. The passage of the centuries had left human males more jaded and less likely to believe in something besides the hard monotony of work and the meager joy that family and friendship could bring. Even the idea of god was greeted with growing skepticism. And while I'd never cared to believe that any man could wield power over me, whether invisible and divine, or made of flesh and divinely muscular, it was still alarming to see the human populace relinquish the one belief that anchored them in the world. For their lives were fleeting: like fireflies, they burned brightly for such a short time. They needed anchors; but now their anchors were facts and science and hard data. Even the roughest among them would seek the counsel of a chemist before consulting with their own sixth sense.

This all made our way of life more difficult. If we weren't drunken visions, or magic, or faerie tales, than we had to be real. The Volturi did not like humans left with the impression that we had corporeal bodies with very real, very thirsty, needs. So, we had to find the right man, and we had to pay attention, and we had to go about our business very discretely, in just the right fashion. And only then could the succubi make an appearance again in the twentieth century.

"Tanya?"

"Oh. Yes?"

"Do you see anyone you fancy?" Katrina's eyes danced, openly pleased that I was out on the town with them.

I glanced around the overly crowded room, and the humans looked anywhere but at me. I don't shrink from their lascivious eyes like a human woman might, and this was unsettling to most males. I wouldn't give the time of day to a human that couldn't meet my strident gaze. I did not want my man to stare at his feet the entire time we were together. The men I usually sought were brave, even in their mortal fragility, and large, and outgoing, and… willing.

"No, not quite."

"What about that one?" Kate asked, pointing to a broad shouldered man in work clothing, who was knocking back a malt liquor beverage. He smirked in my direction and raised his eyebrows suggestively. Yes, after hundreds of years Katrina would be on to my 'type'. But tonight, this man meant less than nothing to me. I loathed him.

"No." My voice was clipped, and Katrina jumped, smarting at the force of my terse reply.

"Perhaps we thought wrong, Katrina," Irina said, as if I weren't standing next to them. "Perhaps she has changed, for good this time."

"Would you like me to send you home, Irina?" I challenged.

Irina stood her ground and eyed me coolly, yet kept her mouth closed.

"Let's find your man, Katrina. We'll go from there."

*****

Len was tall and dark with large hands and sparkling green eyes that followed Katrina like a lovesick puppy dog. His heart raced at nearly one hundred beats per minute in her proximity. He was flushed and sweaty, and I immediately approved. But as I overheard Katrina inquire about dates for her sisters, my mood turned sour. I did not need her charity!

I stalked away wordlessly, and the humans immediately parted on either side of me, like I was Moses and they were the Red Sea. I traveled to the rear of the establishment where the gambling took place. The males there coughed and stirred nervously in their seats as they snuck furtive glances in my direction. I was the only woman in this part of the building, yet no one hazarded to approach me and escort me out. I would have liked to see them try!

I took a deep breath, savoring the heady scent of fear that illegal operations can lend to a place. That was all it took for my mind to speed back in time to the nineteen twenties, to the jazz clubs I frequented in New York, with Edward. It was such an exciting time. The humans seemed so carefree back then, caught up in the rush of easy money and illegal liquor. I was there for years, thousands of humans streamed by nightly, and I barely took ten to bed. What a waste.

But a small voice inside my head whispered that I didn't care. That my heart was his, even then. That I'd give him more than my heart, if only he would let me.

Those seditious thoughts were dangerous, though, and they snapped me out of my reverie. If I pushed, Edward might leave forever, shattering both our covens' alliance and my heart with my carelessness.

Of course, the Cullens were gone, many miles away. And even though I wasn't in the comfort of my own home, retracing the patterns Edward's fingertips had made on the cover of an atlas, imagining that path traced on my own flesh, I could let my mind go. _Finally!_ This new freedom left me feeling dizzy, and I leaned on the door jamb and studiously considered Edward's hands. I'd held them, touched them, bare skin to bare skin. They were smooth and warm, a study in contrasts. He could softly caress piano keys, and tear a wolf limb from limb. And I felt his strong arms around me all over again, as he'd embrace me in a friendly hug. His muscles felt so long, lean and strong underneath his clothing. Not like some of the overgrown oafs here tonight. And his eyes were such deep bespeckelled amber, ringed with sunny golden light. They glittered, always giving away his heart.

I was once again startled from my thoughts as a human male brushed past me. He walked by with nary a glance in my direction, his indifference immediately piquing my interest. His arms were crossed carefully in front of him, as he watched the other patrons. His hazel eyes flickered over everyone, knowingly. I could immediately tell that he was charged with rooting out cheaters, card counters and the like. He must have been quick-witted and intelligent, and strong enough to attend to a brawl. His dark blonde hair needed cutting and hung over his forehead in a messy wave, but he dressed well, in a slim-fitting suit that accentuated his long and lean physique. He gazed at me impartially, satisfied that I had neither cards nor chips in my hands, and his eyes moved on. I knew immediately that he was the one. I would take him. Apparently, he was my_ new_ type.

A challenge.

*****

A challenge… I rolled my eyes as I easily talked the fellow into his sixth shot of whiskey. Sadly, all it took was some batting of my eyelashes, suggestive posturing, and a hand placed strategically over his chest whilst my thigh accidentally rubbed his. Throw in the promise of free liquor, and I'd defeated myself at my own game. I didn't bother with the charade of leaving and then re-appearing at his bedside. The man was quite drunk and would need me to hold him, if he were to make his way home at all. I'd try to remember in the future that a slim build often meant a lower tolerance for alcohol. Next time. _Right._

His one-room apartment was well furnished, compared to some of the other rustic hovels I'd seen in the wilds of Alaska. He owned books, there were rich carpets on his floors, and his four-poster bed was large and outfitted with soft, clean sheets. There was a stand-up piano pushed against a wall.

His boozy breath sought my lips as soon as we were through the door. Untempted, I pushed him away and he tumbled backwards onto his bed, his hands clutching at me in an attempt to pull me down on top of him. If he had his drunken wish, though, he'd be dead, crushed beneath me. I collapsed on the mattress at his side instead, and gazed steadily down at the man as his blood-shot and unfocused eyes raked over my body.

"So beautiful, baby… who are you?"

I smirked. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

"Damn right, I would. Now get over here, sweetheart. Yer wearin' entirely too much clothes," he slurred.

His hot and sweaty hand touched mine, and I involuntarily recoiled.

"I don't burn," he mumbled, angling to touch me again. He might as well have burned me, for all the desire I had to feel his naked skin against mine.

"Un uh," I muttered, standing to my feet and looming over him. He scurried backwards on the bed, towards the headboard.

"Undress," I commanded, coldly.

He waited a beat too long, his heart visibly hammering in his chest, the smell of liquor coming through his pores. And quicker than he could track, I braced myself over him, my mouth at his ear. "Undress," I hissed, low and lethal sounding.

For a moment, his heart stopped.

But then slowly, as if thawing, his hands began to stumble awkwardly with the buttons of his shirt, as his heart shuddered back to life. "Quickly," I growled, suddenly standing at the foot of the bed again.

Once more I'd moved too fast for him, and he eyed me sickly, first going pale white, then gray-green. His chest heaved; he threw himself sideways, and spewed vomit on his pretty Asian carpet.

And, shockingly, my own lifeless stomach lurched, disgusted. I was disgusted with the human, and with myself. This was supposed to be fun. This should have been amusing. But his sickeningly sweet warmth and his wan smile, instead, chilled me to the core.

And within the space of time it took the nauseated man to blink his eyes, I was out the window, disappearing into the dark night.

*****

**EPOV**

There was no reason to rush as we skirted the Pacific coast, traversing glaciers, leaping over fjords, swimming out to explore the thousands of islands that dotted the shoreline. Wildlife was overabundant, as all manner of animals made their way to the water's edge to feed. We were sated, and quite content. Rosalie was happier than I'd ever seen her, as a human or a vampire. And Emmett was one big playful smile, completely smitten with his bride, and thoroughly enjoying all of the new sights and tastes of coastal Alaska. This state of affairs left Carlisle and Esme beaming. It was as if, quite suddenly, things had fallen into their rightful place.

We still had to take caution with Emmett near humans. And, of course, there were many more human outposts along the shore than there had been inland. But just the knowledge that he _could_ abstain when pushed left Emmett full of pride, and he took pains to be on his best behavior for his new wife. I couldn't help overhearing thoughts about a certain arrangement that they'd made with regard to the length of time Emmett was able to steer clear of human food. It was tempting enough that it was nearly all Emmett thought about. I'll leave it at that.

Carlisle picked up the pace considerably as we passed from the frozen tundra into a warmer climate. His heart swelled with a deep love for the misty green and gray trappings of the temperate rainforest. The fir trees stood tall, in dense, impossibly large forests. The air grew warmer and wetter, and the sky seemed much closer to the earth, low and stormy and silver-gray. The ground was soft underfoot, cushioned with pine needles over moss, and springy ferns whispered at our ankles.

Here, we were able to travel both night and day, even among the humans, as the low hanging clouds masked the sparkling appearance of our skin. I could feel Rosalie's relief more than anyone else's, as she finally strolled down the sidewalk holding her husband's hand, admired by men and women alike. She'd been waiting years for the opportunity, and had never really thought the day would come.

But Carlisle hurried us ever southward, pulled by something he couldn't name: a feeling he'd never been able to completely shake. We'd stopped to examine land for sale in Juneau, and then near Margaret Bay and Squamish in British Columbia. But I felt Carlisle's urgent need to move on, and we all knew that his meeting with the realtors was only a formality. We hadn't found what he was looking for yet.

So, we didn't stop moving for months. We continued to travel south through Blaine, Bellingham, Anacortes, Mount Vernon, Everett, Seattle.

_Seattle…_ The city clung to the slopes of the Cascadian foothills until it slipped right into Elliot Bay, a small stretch of water that separated mainland from the Olympic Peninsula and the snowcapped Olympic Mountains. The bay snaked past Bainbridge and Whidbey Islands to the strait, and then to the northern Pacific.

Positioned as it was, Seattle had grown to be a massive port city… A place of departure for men journeying to the peninsula to cut trees, to Alaska in search of gold or salmon, or just to leave: to take a running leap from the corner of the continental U.S.

The country was still held in the grips of the Great Depression, but there was more cosmopolitan flare in this lonely outpost of civilization than any of us had seen since Rochester. More sophistication than Emmett had _ever_ seen, I imagined. There were museums and music halls, and all manner of both small boutiques and large department stores where Rosalie and Esme might update their wardrobes. Yet, despite its cosmopolitan trappings, and the capitalist zeal that sent men packing for distant shores, Seattle was a hotbed of socialist and communist ideas and organizing. After such a long time in the wilderness, all that the city had to offer easily swept four out of the five of us off of our feet. Carlisle was impatient to keep moving, but Esme persuaded him to let us linger in the city, at least for a day.

We rented a large suite at the Mayflower Hotel as home base. Rosalie was immediately tugging Esme out the door, aiming for the high-end boutiques on 2nd Avenue.

"Rosie, baby, don't leave. What'll I do without you?" Emmett asked, wrapping his arm around Rosalie's waist, trapping her against him. "And, did you see the size of our bed?" he added under his breath, no matter that we could all easily hear him.

"Just look forward to what we'll do when I get back," she cooed. And her mind conjured up several different pieces of lingerie she hoped to bring back from her shopping trip. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder, you know."

"Impossible, Rosie," Emmett growled, his mind likewise wandering through a wide range of possibilities for after Rosalie returned.

"Excuse me," I snarled, pushing past them, hoping to find a local newspaper in the lobby.

"_You could try not to listen, you know_," Emmett silently called out as I waited for the elevator.

Did he have any idea what he was asking? All I did in this life was to try not to listen.

*****

Emmett met me in the lobby, his eyes wide as he surveyed the granite floors, the marble countertops with gold inlay, the large bouquets of fresh flowers on every surface.

"Carlisle's goin' to the library to do some research on the coast. So I guess it's just you and me. A whole day for just us guys." He threw himself into the chair across from me, and it only creaked slightly. He was getting better at this.

"Well, I was hoping to peruse the Frye Collection. The northwest artists are making great strides. And I was just checking the paper to see who would be playing at The Paramount and the Blue Moon. It's been many years since I've heard either live jazz or a symphony."

Emmett's mouth hung open, gaping at me. "You've got to be joking."

"What do you mean?"

"A day with no women, and without, uh, our father around I guess, and you want to look at pictures and catch some old-fashioned music?"

"Excuse me, Emmett, don't let me rain on your parade. I believe the brothels are on Bowery."

Emmett was in front of me in a nanosecond, pulling me to my feet, his peppery breath wafting over my face. "Don't you ever say anything like that to me again, you little…"

I stood to my full height. Emmett may have been infinitely broader, but he was only a couple inches taller than I. If he wanted to manhandle me like that, I was up for the fight. He immediately caught the meaning behind my stance and couldn't help but grin. "Seriously. Not funny, Edward. Never. I'm a married man."

I relaxed a bit and smiled back at him, pleased to hear that I'd assumed wrong.

"Alright then, Emmett, what _manly_ pursuits would you prefer to engage in?"

And then Emmett looked truly perplexed. I listened as he thought through all the things he'd done with his male friends in the past. None of it fit with the situation he found himself in: a mated vampire on the streets of downtown Seattle. "Damn city… I can't think of a thing. Couldn't we just leave… go hunting? Throw around a ball around somewhere?"

"It's only one day, Emmett. We've been traipsing around in the woods forever. Isn't there anything civilized you'd like to try?"

Emmett sat back down and began leafing through the paper in frustration, searching for something that might hold his attention. He left me nothing but the business section. And that's when it dawned on me.

"I did say I'd help you find a way to financially support Rosalie. We're in a large city. Why don't we find you a broker and put your wedding money to work?"

"Hey, sweet. And then in a month or so, maybe Rose and I could buy a house of our own, like the one Carlisle built in Alaska. She loves that place."

"A month?" I laughed. But I admit that the possibility of Emmett and Rosalie purchasing a house of their own was attractive. I wouldn't feel the need to take to the hills each night.

"Two months, then?"

"Emmett… we're in the throes of an economic depression. We'll get you invested primarily in precious metals and futures, with some strategic long-terms gambles, but without the ability to see the future, it'll take many years to accumulate that much wealth."

"Years," he scowled.

"You _could _purchase a smaller home. Or perhaps you could simply just begin by buying Rosalie a dress, or some flowers. Emmett, you have eternity. There's no hurry to build a mansion."

"I wanted to take care of her _now_."

"It will have to wait. There's no legal way you could make that kind of return any sooner given the macroeconomic…" But my voice trailed off. Emmett's mind was racing, his demeanor had transformed from frustration to elation in the space of a few seconds.

"No," I answered his unspoken request. "Absolutely not."

"But it was _your_ idea!"

"It certainly was _not _my idea, Emmett."

"You said there was no_ legal_ way to make that kind of money quick. You can read minds; we can both count… really fast. We couldn't lose."

"Emmett, we just arrived in town. We don't even know where to find a gambling parlor."

"Yet you knew where to find the brothels?'

"Because I can…"

"_Exactly_."

"Emmett, I won't. It's cheating; we'd be lying and stealing. _And_ it's illegal."

"Damn, Edward, you're such an uptight hypocrite!"

"What?"

"Is Edward Cullen your given name? How old does your birth certificate say you are? Does it list your actual date of birth? Or maybe I should be more specific. Maybe one of your birth certificates has all the real information. How many do you have, Edward?"

"That's necessary in order to integrate ourselves with humanity."

"And after you were turned… the paperwork that you and Carlisle must have filled out to you to get your 'inheritance'? Necessary for _survival_?"

"That was different," I muttered, distracting myself with the humans walking past the front window. Carlisle had managed to obtain a piece of my humanity to take with me through eternity. He wasn't stealing money from strangers. Not exactly. There was a difference.

"_There's no difference_!" his voice thundered in my mind, and I startled in my seat. It was almost as if Emmett was directly contradicting my thoughts. "I have a wife and no money to support her. And it would be _fun_. We won't tell anyone, okay? Come on… It's not like we're going to kill anyone."

I jumped to my feet and held Emmett up by his collar.

"Man, lay off! It's a figure of speech. I didn't mean anything by it."

I let go of Emmett's shirt, but continued to stand nose to nose with him. "It was just this kind of thing that got me into trouble in the first place," I hissed under my breath. "Gambling --"

"What? _Gambling_ made you kill people?"

I rolled my eyes. "No. I wasn't gambling."

"Edward, you're kidding yourself. No matter what you did back then, it was something inside you that made you try out a human diet. Maybe it happened quicker, whatever you were doing. But, living this way, eating animals, is _hard_. Really, _really_ hard. If it weren't for Rosalie there wouldn't be a chance in hell that I'd live off bears and deer." He spat the word 'deer'. Emmett reviled herbivores more than any of us, and would almost prefer abstaining and going hungry, than drinking even one.

"You make a good point. Very recently, it was difficult for you to stand next to just _one_ human. A man of god, at that. Could you even manage being with many humans, having them brush up against you in a small, poorly ventilated space?"

"For Rosalie… to make money for her, I think so. And besides, we have this deal where…"

"I know enough about your arrangement, thank you very much." All the more reason to get them that house.

"See, Edward, you need to loosen up. Come on. It'll be fun. We won't kill them, but we'll come out ahead in a different way. Show we're on top of the pecking order anyway."

"By stealing their money?"

"It's not like they're saints. They're gambling too. _Please?_ I'll drive you crazy in a museum. I promise, I'll embarrass the hell out of you. And a symphony? I won't be able to sit still for a symphony. And even _I _know that you shouldn't chance leaving me alone."

I looked Emmett over. He was wearing a plaid flannel shirt with snap closures and a pair of sturdy canvas trousers and work boots. "First things first, Emmett. Those clothes will never do."

Emmett's grin took up his entire face. "That's more like it!"

*****

It would have been preferable to have our suits custom made, but there wasn't time. We hurried downtown to Frederick and Nelson's and employed a personal shopper to help us pull what we could from the racks. And with a little extra incentive, the on site tailor was able to tuck and hem in double time so that the garments were finished while we waited.

Styles had changed since my time in New York. Suddenly, it seemed, all well dressed men wanted to emulate either Carey Grant or gangsters like Bugsy Siegal, perhaps a bit of both. I felt conspicuous sporting a jacket with wide cut shoulders and slim cut waist and hips, and a pair of baggy trousers. But Emmett was a sight. His shoulders were naturally as broad as a barn door, and the sleek lines of his suit turned his physique from impressive to superhuman. Our shopper didn't disappoint, and found stylish silk ties and handkerchiefs, new wingtips, and fedoras to top it all off. On a whim, I ordered another custom suit for each of us, cut to our measurements, to be ready the following day. Emmett raised his eyebrow at me and I watched our shopper swoon in a silent response.

"A man needs more than one suit, Emmett."

"Not this man," Emmett mumbled, looking himself over in the full-length mirror of the tailor's shop, turning stiffly and carefully. A clutch of saleswomen were attempting to discretely peek at him through the doorway. "I feel like I could tear through it at any moment, just flexing my arms," he sighed.

We both heard the chorus of titters at his statement.

"You have admirers," I chuckled.

"Huh. Oh… wow." I believe Emmett might have blushed if he could.

"The garments are made for a human, not a vampire. You have to learn to move carefully, staying within the material," I said in a voice too low for the humans to hear. One of the salesgirls actually leaned in so far, in an attempt to hear our conversation, that she lost her balance and fell onto the floor.

Emmett looked uncertainly at the human sprawled out across the threshold, weighing his desire to eat her with his impulse to help her to her feet.

"I think that's our cue to leave," I suggested.

*****

All too soon we were standing in a damp alley that smelled of rotting fish and stale cigar smoke. In the time it took to collect the wedding money and wander the streets in search of thoughts that would lead us here, Emmett had explained the rules of blackjack and Texas hold'em. I'd never played before. Emmett was incredulous.

"How many seventeen-year-olds do you know that play poker?"

"Like every single one," he replied. "Anyway, you've been seventeen for almost twenty years."

"I don't gamble."

"Yet," he snickered.

I knocked on the squarish metal door and waited. Emmett paced behind me, nervously shooting glances over his shoulder. As if anyone could actually sneak up on us.

The grating over the eyehole slid open, and the man behind the door asked a question in Mandarin, or perhaps Cantonese. With all the languages I'd studied over the years, I'd never covered any of the Chinese dialects. Luckily, though, I didn't need to understand the doorman. I'd already heard what I needed to say for us to gain access.

"Wah Mee sent me."

There was a suspicious pause, followed by a brief argument behind the door. The same question was posed again.

"Wah Mee sent me," I repeated.

Emmett sighed behind me, pacing back and forth. "Should we leave?"

"This was your idea, Emmett," I hissed.

The door swung open and a cloud of smoke billowed into the ally, along with the strains of poorly played jazz piano. A small Asian man in a sleek red suit stepped forward, eyeing Emmett and I critically. A cigarette dangled precariously from his lips.

"Where are you from?" he asked, somehow keeping the cigarette in place without using his hands.

"We just came down from Alaska," I replied coolly.

He looked us over again, from the tips of our well-made hats to our shiny new wingtips. Dressed as we were, there was no doubt in his mind about what we brought back with us from Alaska. He wasn't thinking salmon. A broad, gold-toothed smile took over his face.

"Ah, yes, Wah Mee. Right, right. Good man, Wah Mee. Please, please, come in." He extended his arm in welcome, and nonchalantly patted us both down as we entered. "My name is Tseng Geming. You can call me Doug."

But as soon as Emmett and I crossed the threshold, I knew we'd made a mistake. There were no windows, and there were men everywhere, crowded around tables, milling in clusters, sweating, stinking, their blood pounding out an intricate rhythm that sent venom gushing into my mouth. I glanced nervously at Emmett.

He stood still as stone, his hands clenched, his eyes unblinking. I took him by the elbow, and tried to turn him back towards the door.

"This was a mistake. Let's go," I whispered under my breath.

"I can do this, Edward. I can." "_I have to, for Rose."_

"You don't have to do anything Emmett. _I _can hardly tolerate the stench."

Emmett blinked and shifted his weight on his feet in an attempt to look more human. Then, steeling himself, he hazarded a breath. But as soon as the scent of the humans hit the back of his throat, his eyes flared with desire and he was, once again, immobile.

"Come on big guy. It was worth a shot. Maybe another time." I took Emmett by his shoulders and managed to swivel him around so we were facing the door. It appeared to be the only way in or out.

"Gentlemen, gentlemen, you're not leaving, are you? You just arrived. I'm sure we have something here for everyone," the little man in red offered, stepping across our path.

"Blackjack?" Emmett asked, wiping away venom with the back of his hand.

"Of course. Many tables… come," Tseng Geming offered.

"_Just listen to my thoughts, Edward. You'll know if I'm having trouble_."

"You're already having trouble, Emmett," I hissed back at him. But even as I objected, we were moving deeper into the parlor, following Tseng Geming, or Doug. It was a no-frills operation. The walls were whitewashed and somewhat dirty, there was an old red carpet underfoot, the tables and chairs were well worn, and the humans were all focused on their games. The one piece of finery in the large room was a sleek black baby grand that was pushed up in a corner, and was being played so poorly, that if I were human, I might have cried.

"_You'll know if I'm having _more_ trouble, then, if you're gonna be so goddamned precise_."

"Emmett," I growled. "I'm not sure about this."

"Here, gentlemen. Open seats." Four men were hunched over the table; either discretely tapping the felt or giving a small wave that meant they were standing. Not a one hazarded a glance in our direction.

"Drinks?" Doug asked.

"No, uh," Emmett looked askance, suddenly, even more unsure of himself. "I, uh, don't --"

"St. Raphael on ice perhaps?" I interrupted Emmett's stuttering, and he stared at me with wide, disbelieving eyes. "Not to drink," I whispered too quick and low for Doug to hear. "For show."

"Of course, and for your --"

"He's my brother."

"Yes, yes." "_I don't see the resemblance at all_." "What would your brother like to drink?"

"Uh, whiskey?" Emmett replied like he was asking a question.

"Will Schenley do?"

"Yes?" Emmett asked again. I kicked him under the table.

"Very good. Enjoy yourselves, sirs." Doug bowed a little before leaving us to the game.

*****

The rules of blackjack, as Emmett explained them, were simple. Counting cards was also quite easy, for a vampire, at least. It required complete focus, and a quick mind. No trouble there. Unfortunately, counting cards didn't guarantee a win, it only increased your odds at beating the dealer. Our plan was to throw enough money around on the blackjack table for me to get invited to play poker. There, my special abilities would almost ensure easy money. No amount of bluffing could wipe the visions of the players' hands from their minds.

I sat back and watched Emmett play a round to ease my way into the game. By chance alone, Emmett won the first round. He smiled his boyish smile, his amber eyes sparkled and he clenched his fist and hissed, "Yes!" I couldn't help but smile along with him. Emmett moved on to another round, increasing his bet with the increasing card count. I was literally on the edge of my seat, waiting to see which card the dealer turned over. This time I was the one to jump with excitement when Emmett beat the dealer again.

But we'd planned that I would be the one to place the larger bets, and to have the best luck. I needed to be the one at the poker table later, not Emmett. So, as the count continued to go up, I placed three hundred dollars worth of chips in my circle. The man next to me whistled, and I grinned nervously, my foot tapping impatiently against the leg of the stool.

The heady feeling that took over me when I won the round was exhilarating. That turn, Emmett intentionally lost. No one seemed to suspect a thing. _This might just work_, I thought to myself.

An hour later our table was the center of attention. Our tablemates would slap each other whenever I'd win another round, wisely choosing not to actually touch Emmett or I. I was ahead by several thousand dollars, and Emmett was down by four hundred. The small potted plant next to Emmett was swimming in imported whiskey, and my St. Raphael always found it's way into the glasses of the men on either side of me, until they were both struggling to sit upright. I watched Doug at the other end of the room speaking to two other men in shiny suits, gesturing towards Emmett and I. But with their thoughts in Mandarin (or Cantonese), I was at something of a loss.

Emmett and I were both immediately on guard as Doug crossed the room, coming straight for us. Despite the smooth smile on his face; I saw a glimmer of suspicion in his eyes. "Quite lucky today, sir," he observed as he came to stand at my side.

"I only wish some of it rubbed off on my brother."

"Yes, that is too bad for… I'm sorry, what was his name again?"

"Ames, Ames McCarty." We'd decided to use our middle names.

"I don't believe I know your first name either, Mr. McCarty," he said to me.

Emmett guffawed across the table, and I shot him a quick warning glare. He immediately went back to being a disconsolate loser.

"Anthony," I answered.

"Is there anything I can get for you, Mr. Anthony McCarty? Anything besides a winning hand for your brother?"

"Actually, blackjack's really my brother's game." The little man raised an eyebrow and we both shared a hearty laugh. "Perhaps not this afternoon, though." Doug laughed harder, slapping his thigh, his eyes scrunched tight in exaggerated amusement. I heard a low rumble in Emmett's chest. He wasn't enjoying being the designated loser.

"I wouldn't mind throwing my winnings into a game of Texas Hold'em," I suggested.

Doug raised an eyebrow again. I wasn't surprised. The words 'Texas Hold'em' felt strange coming out of my mouth, and didn't sound natural at all.

"I've never played before," I added as an afterthought. "But I'd like to try." The honesty of the statement lent a ring of truth to my request.

Armed with that information, Doug's eyes glittered and he jumped to his feet. "Let me see what I can do, Mr. McCarty. We aim to please, here at Wah Mee's." He chuckled at his rhyme and stood on tiptoe to slap me on the shoulder, then tried to surreptitiously shake off the resulting sting when he thought I wasn't looking.

In no time at all the little man found me a seat at a high stakes table in a private room. And as I settled into my seat and read the minds of the men assembled around me, something became abundantly clear. As much as I abhorred gambling and cheating, I was made for this game. I knew every hand, and I had the straightest poker face of them all. Bluffing wasn't an issue because I simply kept my face blank. I let my mind drift to Emmett out in the other room, while I easily took hand after hand, purposefully losing every so often to throw people off our game.

And as I sat at that table with those humans, with nothing to do but study their minds, I began to consider them differently than I had before. They weren't food, they weren't something to resist, they weren't something that needed rescuing, and they didn't easily fit under the labels of good or bad, black or white.

Their minds roamed almost haphazardly, so easily distracted; with ideas like larks - beautiful but fleeting. And they worked to mask this, but never could; they were so easy to read. From whether they were holding a royal flush to whether they were about to lose their home, their feelings showed through their eyes like the glow from a lighthouse on a moonless night. They all housed such big hopes in such delicate packages. And for a moment, I caught a glimmer of what Carlisle saw in humans, what he valued, what could be gained from contact with them. A fleeting glance at what real life looked like, in all of its fragile and unlikely grace.

I could have sat at that table for days studying the minds of those around me. But humans need sleep. After tentative handshakes and a few cautious slaps on the back, I made my way into the main room to join Emmett.

"How much?" he asked, under his breath.

"How much did you lose?" I snickered. I couldn't hide my smile. I was quite proud of my game.

"Save it, Edward. I was _supposed_ to lose. It was the plan."

"Doesn't mean I can't enjoy beating you, just the same. Come on, let's get out of here."

"This isn't funny Edward. It's my future with Rose we're talking here." I rolled my eyes. I don't think Emmett understood the extent of Carlisle's wealth. There was no reason, besides Emmett's pride, to worry about quickly amassing a fortune. He was being needlessly dramatic. I shook my head in exasperation.

"Twenty thousand," I answered under my breath.

"Hot damn!" Emmett hollered, slapping me on the back, and nearly sending me flying into the wall. "Nice work, _brother_… Anthony McCarty," he chuckled. "Wonder if ma knows about you."

"Mr. McCarty!"

Emmett and I both spun around to see Tseng Geming bustling through the crowd with a female in tow.

The woman was tall and slender with fine features. Her strawberry blonde locks were held carefully in place, sculpted against her scalp. Her bright blue eyes glittered and she eyed me in a manner that was meant to convey shyness, but the set of her jaw and the pout on her lips gave her away. There was an air of confidence about her, even in the presence of so many men. Her blue silk gown rustled as she took long strides in my direction. Her shiny red lips puckered in an uneven smile as she held out her hand for me to shake. I noticed her well-manicured nails, her deep, even breaths, and the irregular beating of her heart - the only thing that gave away her fear.

Even so, she looked at me hopefully, taking another bold step in my direction. I watched the blood quiver in the deep blue veins of her long, thin neck.

"Mr. McCarty." The female smiled her dishonestly shy smile.

"I thought, perhaps, after such a long game, you might like the chance to unwind, Mr. McCarty," Doug offered matter-of-factly.

I balked, completely at a loss for how to turn them both down without offending. I turned to Emmett who shrugged his shoulders. "_Why not?"_ he thought. I scowled in response.

"I'm sorry, Doug, but we really must be going. We were just on our way to cash out."

But Doug was desperate to keep us there in order that we might loose some more of our money. "We could find someone for your brother, Mr. McCarty, if that's the problem."

"I'm a happily married man, Mr. Tseng," Emmett boomed, suddenly even more buoyant as he considered Rosalie's reaction to finding out that they were twenty thousand dollars richer.

"There must be some way for me to reward such luck, Mr. McCarty. What would you say if I offered you a spot on a cruise? The ship leaves tomorrow evening from pier twenty-three. We'll tour the Bay, refreshments are provided, and there will be card tables on the lower deck. Ames could bring his wife. Perhaps she's the good luck charm he needs."

Emmett's eyes glittered. "Yeah, I think that might work. I'm in! What about you, E--, uh, Tony?"

"I don't know if that's such a good idea, _Amie_."

"_Edward_!" Emmett silently roared. "_We could make forty thousand in two days!"_

I glared back at him. I had no intention of a repeat performance.

"Please, gentlemen, this doesn't need to be decided on the spot. Consult your schedules, your wife. I would be honored to have you there. Give them my name at the dock. Pier twenty-three. Black tie. I hope to see you both. Say good evening to Mr. McCarty, Lorraine."

"Good night, Mr. McCarty," Lorraine cooed and batted her false eyelashes, before turning on her heels and sashaying away.

Emmett whistled under his breath. "Was it because she was human?"

Did he really know me that poorly? "Human or vampire, that had nothing to do with it, Emmett."

"Well, then was it because she kind of looked like Tanya?"

I hadn't noticed.

* * *

**A/N: So, Edward and Tanya both spend some time hanging out in gambling halls, yet both having very different experiences... What do you think? P.S. They're so close to the peninsula, I can taste it. Next chapter: Ephraim Black. xxx, M**


	22. Leader of the Pack

"Hoquiam?" I uttered with disgust.

"What-quiam?" Emmett asked.

"Hoquiam, Emmett. It's a logging town on the peninsula," Carlisle explained.

I sat impatiently on the divan in our suite and ran my hands through my hair. The family was gathered together, listening to Carlisle's plans. "Hoquiam," I muttered again. I wished I could pull some hair out. I thought it might relieve my displeasure.

"You've never been there, Edward," Carlisle reminded me.

"What's in Hoquiam?" Emmett asked.

"Trees," I answered, growing more and more dejected. Esme squeezed my hand and silently begged me to listen with an open mind. Rosalie shifted where she sat, her thoughts nearly as despondent as my own.

"The Depression's ruined the logging industry," Carlisle continued. "The humans there need assistance, and they've been mobilizing to help themselves. It's the kind of community I would like to be a part of."

It appeared that Carlisle planned to take us on a tour of the most remote and downtrodden places in America. Hoquiam sounded much like Cumberland, but with taller trees and an ocean in place of a river.

"Couldn't we stay here, Carlisle?" Rosalie piped up. "I'm sure there are plenty of people that need you in Seattle. And they _are_ helping themselves here, if that's your criteria. Just today someone passed me a flyer for an IWW rally, to protect workers' rights, or something." Then she turned to Emmett and spoke under her breath. "It was such a silly gesture on the human's part. Look at me. Can you imagine _me_, a _socialist_?" Rosalie asked with a derisive snort.

Emmett just raised his eyebrows, uncertain how to respond. I discretely shook my head in the negative to help him along. "No way, Rosie baby. Not you, ever. Not a socialist," he replied to her under his breath, while silently thanking me for the help.

I smiled, both at Emmett's smooth reply, and also encouraged by my sister's request. Perhaps our next move wasn't a done deal. If Rosalie wanted to stay in Seattle, I was certain Emmett would agree by default. "Rosalie has a point, Carlisle. Why not Seattle?" I asked. "There are schools, hospitals, lots of clouds, and there are forests surrounding the city, so there'd be plenty to eat."

Carlisle was visibly unhappy about the changing course of the conversation. He hadn't been propositioning us about whether we might like to go to Hoquiam; he had been _informing_ us about where we were headed. "_We can't stay in the city. I still haven't found it,"_ he thought to himself. However, Carlisle still hadn't figured out what 'it' was. In my estimation, 'it' seemed a poor reason to continue on, when at least three of us wanted to stay.

"I second Rosalie's vote," I added, although I know Carlisle had not planned any such vote on the matter. "I'd much prefer Seattle to Hoquiam. I'd enroll in classes at the University. Their music program is extraordinary." I had no intention of taking music classes and playing the piano again. I wasn't being completely honest, but I felt I'd do what I had to, in order to stay.

Rosalie nodding approvingly in my direction.

"We're having so much fun, Carlisle," Rosalie continued. "Edward, Emmett and I even have plans for this evening. We have tickets for a cruise on the bay. It's black tie! We've never had the chance to do anything like this before. Maybe we could just give Seattle a chance."

My eyes went wide and I turned and looked squarely at my sister. I certainly hadn't agreed to the cruise. "_What?_" she silently asked me. "_I'm doing what I have to so we can stay. I don't believe you'll be enrolling in music classes either."_

Esme looked between her children and her mate. "Do you three really have plans together?"

Rosalie nodded, smiling. "Uh huh. A cruise on the bay! We'll all get dressed up, and there's going to be a band, I think, and dancing. I haven't been dancing since, well, since before…" Rosalie let her voice trail off and her eyes drifted back to Carlisle. She was putting on quite the show.

"We just want to have some fun, Esme," she added, casting her eyes to the floor. I wished _I_ could speak directly to _her_ mind. She may have been vampire, but she was no actress, and she was coming dangerously close to going too far.

"You're going too, Edward?" my mother asked.

I shrugged my shoulders and forced myself to grin in response. I had a bad feeling about the cruise, but I was repulsed by the idea of spending more time in the woods.

"And Emmett, do you think you're ready for something like that?" Esme asked.

"I was out in the city all yesterday with Edward and I did pretty good. I need to get a handle on my thirst. Rose is uh… a good motivator," he replied, grinning at his wife.

Esme laughed out loud about that. She and Carlisle had, after all, shared a suite with the newlyweds the night before. I was extremely glad I'd spent most of the evening at the Blue Moon, and then traversing Jackson, where many of the blues bars were located.

"Seattle Emmett?" Carlisle asked. I knew it was inconceivable that Emmett would choose city life on his own, but he wasn't on his own. Rosalie grabbed his hand, and pressed it to her chest. It was an underhanded move, and I had to wrench my mind from the man's thoughts, lest I get too detailed a view of my sister's anatomy.

"I'm with Rose," he answered. Carlisle shot him a questioning glance, knowing that Emmett detested the city. "I could make more money here," he shrugged.

If we stayed, I'd have to speak with Emmett. I didn't think professional card counter was an appropriate profession, but I was pleased that he'd thrown his weight behind Rosalie. Perhaps we'd stay in Seattle. It was a beautiful city, with rolling hills and pretty craftsman houses that I knew Esme would love.

"What do you say, Carlisle?" I asked.

I saw that Carlisle wanted to give in. I listened to him silently weigh the pleasure he'd find in his children's happiness with his need to continue on his confounding quest. Something in his subconscious still tugged at him, drawing him to the coast. He also considered Tanya's admonishments. She'd told him in no uncertain terms that he was too lenient as the leader of a large coven.

"Perhaps we shouldn't decide anything right now," Esme suggested. "We could wait it out here in the city while you consider the options, Carlisle. We could treat the next few days as a trial run, perhaps."

Carlisle looked between our three sets of eager eyes, and Esme looked at the ground and clutched his hand, supporting his decision, regardless of the outcome. He sighed, defeated. "Fine. Hoquiam can wait. I'll watch and see how well you all adjust, especially Emmett. My decision is not final, by any means. We'll play it by ear. But Edward and Rosalie, I expect you to watch Emmett closely, since this is something you both obviously want more than anyone else."

I let out a sigh of relief and Rosalie jumped up and threw her arms around Carlisle. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" The she turned back to her mate. "Let's go decide what I'll wear this evening." Emmett didn't need anymore prompting with his mind still focused on Rosalie's chest.

Esme looked relieved as well, now that her family was united in a decision. "Carlisle, are we still going?" Esme asked. "I wanted to be there by dusk."

Carlisle and Esme had been so focused on our family's travel plans that they hadn't been thinking about their more immediate future. All at once I saw crystal blue waters surrounded by a dense pine forest, where deer had come to drink for the evening.

"We're going for… dinner in the mountains," Esme said smiling, wrapping her arm around her husband.

A glimmer of a smile played on Carlisle's lips as he momentarily shared his wife's vision. But then his thoughts came back to his children. "_Edward, be careful tonight. No matter what Rosalie has promised the boy, there will be many humans in a confined space. Please, I'm placing my trust in you_."

I felt the longing in his thoughts: he hungered for those moments alone with his mate, in a place awash in beauty and filled with passion for the one who fulfilled him. It was something he rarely allowed: he was always so responsible, so self-sacrificing, he always put himself second…and Esme had been suffering for it. Guilt flamed up in me. But I reminded myself that I had no intention of actually going on the cruise, so I assured Carlisle that all would be safe with some ease. I'd just have to wait for my parents to leave before I had it out with my siblings.

* * *

"Have you two lost your minds? We're not going on that cruise!" I'd practically knocked down their bedroom door as soon as my parents were out of earshot.

"Come on, Edward, it will be fun!" Rosalie whined, not bothering to extricate herself from Emmett's embrace. I saw many changes of dresses lying discarded…and some shredded…all around their room. She'd been trying on outfits, and Emmett had sampled them…some literally.

"For who exactly, Rosalie? We'll have to watch your mate like a hawk. And they'll all be watching us after my performance last night."

"Hey, wait a minute," Emmett cut in, placing Rosalie on the bed and jumping to his feet. "I did just fine last night. And I may not be able to read _your_ mind,_ Anthony_, but I'm pretty sure you enjoyed yourself, too."

I shrugged aside the truth of his words. "Emmett, we're trying to convince our parents to let us stay in this city. If we stay, we can't continue to cheat these men out of their money. They're human, not stupid." I threw a towel in his direction, hoping he'd use it to cover himself. Thank goodness Rosalie was already changed and fully clothed.

"There are other halls, there's Tacoma and Olympia right down south."

I rolled my eyes in frustration. Apparently my burgeoning outlaw of a brother had it all planned. "Gambling isn't a reason to stay in town."

"It's not _your_ reason to stay, Edward. I can have my own reasons." I watched Rosalie pulling Emmett's new tuxedo out of the closet as if there were no question about whether or not we were going.

"You know that if I mention this to Carlisle, he'll have us all packing."

"So, go ahead and say something then. I'm sure you'll_ love_ Hoquiam," she challenged.

I paused. Rosalie was right. I certainly didn't want to give Carlisle reason for us to move on. "If we stay, there'll have to be ground rules. Getting involved in organized crime is not the best way to remain inconspicuous. We're going to invest those winnings, _legally_ invest them."

"Like launder them?" Emmett grinned, pulling on his tuxedo pants. Thank god.

Rosalie stepped between the two of us. I noticed that she'd settled on a floor length, sparkly black gown. It was loose-fitting and gathered at her hips, but somehow it only enhanced her figure. "Please come with us tonight, Edward?" She batted her eyelashes for all she was worth.

"Have you heard anything I just said?" Of course, I knew she'd heard me; she was a vampire. She'd had no choice.

"_I'd let you off the hook, but I don't know if I could restrain Emmett on my own, if it came to that."_

"All the more reason _we _shouldn't go," I replied sternly. "It's a bad idea, Rosalie."

"But it's black tie! Edward, I haven't done anything like this since before Carlisle found me. _Please_? Emmett said he was so good last night. Wasn't he?"

I tried to stay steadfast. "If Emmett kills someone, they'll never let us stay in Seattle."

I wanted to say no. I knew I should say no. Clearly, unequivocally, no. I should have admitted to what Emmett and Rosalie were planning from the beginning. But, honestly, I _had_ had fun the night before. I _wanted_ to sit in a smoky room and read the minds of the humans around me. I didn't have to win as much as I had last time. Emmett had resisted the humans almost effortlessly, and if Rosalie wanted to have some fun, well, what was the harm?

My mind began enumerating what exactly the harm was, but I quickly switched off that line of thinking and turned back to Emmett and Rosalie.

"You've decided to come!" Rosalie cried, jumping up and down, before throwing her arms around me. "I wouldn't have gone without you! Thanks."

"I haven't said anything yet," I protested weakly.

"You don't have to, Edward. I don't know how you cheated everyone last night. You've got the worst poker face I've ever seen," she laughed.

"Fine. We'll go. But after this, we're seriously curbing your gambling habit, Emmett." And mentally, I vowed to curb my own gambling habit as well.

* * *

The Kalakala was something of a legend in its own time. The ship was built as a passenger ferry, but I'm sure such a passenger ferry had never before taken to the water. Its sweeping silver lines and ornate windows gave the ship an ultra modern, art deco flavor. Inside, the floors and moldings were high-polished cherry wood, local artists had painted murals on the walls, crystal chandeliers hung from the ceilings, and the chairs were upholstered in red velvet. By day, the Kalakala was the star of the Black Ball ferry line, and by night she was rented out to the highest bidder for cruises. The ship came with its own swing band: The Flying Bird Orchestra, the members of which were decked out in tuxedos and captain's hats as they entertained the boarding crowd.

And what a crowd it was. Shining cars were dropping off a small throng of men in dark tuxes and women in fine silks, furs, with glittering jewels and pearls. I felt appropriately awkward walking instead of being driven, and the humans turned to look at us askance as we clomped down the steep hill towards the pier. But once they looked, they couldn't look away.

Rosalie descended from the top of the hill like the golden sun had come to set on the pier instead of over the horizon. The human women were immediately beset with jealous thoughts and all manner of insecurity. Heretofore confident and self-assured men stumbled over their own feet as she walked by. Heads turned, and the human males reared like spooked horses, while they mentally placed her on a pedestal, one that often included a bed. I'd always known Rosalie was attractive in a cerebral sort of way, but now that she was mated, she glowed, she was more confident, and dare I say it, more happy. Especially in the face of such overwhelming admiration.

Emmett clutched Rosalie to his side and leveled threatening glares at any man that would hazard a glance in his mate's direction. A low rumble built in his chest, and I was immediately at his side, trying to imitate the steadying grip Carlisle would use on my shoulder whenever he'd try to hold me in check. Emmett swallowed and strained against my grip.

"This was a mistake," I hissed in my brother's ear. "Let's just turn around and go back to the suite where you can calm down."

"No, Edward!" Rosalie broke in. "We just got here. I haven't even danced yet."

"Emmett, be honest with yourself. You won't be able to handle this and you know it," I hissed warningly.

"Emmett," Rosalie pleaded.

"Way to be encouraging, Edward. You said the same thing last night. I can do this." He managed to wiggle out of my grasp, and took Rosalie by the arm and walked aboard the ship. I hastened to follow after them.

A waiter came by and offered us each flutes of champagne. "They're half full," Rosalie observed.

"You'll understand when she's on the bay," the waiter explained. "Not the smoothest of rides."

"Rosalie, put that down," I hissed, watching her hand stroke the stem of the crystal flute. "We're leaving."

Tseng Geming, or Doug, chose that moment to find the three of us. He'd actually been impatiently waiting, hoping to see us. He knew how much money we had to lose. "The brothers McCarty! You decided to come!" Doug's eyes twinkled as he eagerly shook our hands before sidling over to Rosalie. His head was about level with her chest, and he let his eyes linger there for a moment too long before craning his neck to smile up at her face. "You must be Mr. McCarty's wife."

"_Happily married, indeed_," Doug thought to himself.

"Lillian McCarty," Rosalie smiled demurely, holding out her gloved hand. Doug beamed, kissing her knuckles, and I heard the rumble in Emmett's chest again. However, the ship's engines were also roaring to life, and they masked the sound of Emmett's predatory growl from Doug's ears. Emmett pulled his wife slightly behind him and took a step in Doug's direction. To the little man's credit, or stupidity, he held his ground and smiled brightly into Emmett's face. I alone knew that he was suddenly afraid for his life.

"You are a very lucky man, in all except blackjack," he laughed nervously. "After your losses, Mr. McCarty, I'm surprised your wife allowed you back out." Emmett's upper lip was curling in a very non-human way.

"Don't be sore, Mr. McCarty. With a good luck charm as stunning as your Lillian, you are almost guaranteed to have better luck tonight." Doug's eyes raked over Rosalie, from her black satin pumps to the feather pinned in her hair. "And tonight you have the stars, and the city skyline, and a band, private rooms off the lower deck… Enjoy yourselves, McCarty's, I'm so happy you came." Doug began to edge away from the three of us, looking around for backup in case it became necessary. But before he could disappear into the crowd, he turned back to me. "And Anthony, you have a reserved seat below deck." And then he was gone, melting into the shadows.

"What a creep," Emmett hissed. "I could --"

Rosalie slapped Emmett lightly in the back of the head. "Don't even say it, Emmett. We all know what you could do. Please, just let it go."

The boat was slowly pulling away from the dock, and like it or not, unless we were willing to swim, our decision had been made. The Flying Bird Orchestra launched into Goodman's Lady Be Good, and Rosalie grabbed Emmett's hand. "Oh, Emmett, this is perfect," she cooed. "Kiss me?"

Emmett didn't disappoint, eager to possess her any way he could in front of all the other human males aboard. I gave them some space, making my way to the railing. Salty seawater sprayed up at me as the ship made its way out of port and the sparkling skyline began to recede behind us. I could just make out the black outline of Mount Rainier against the starry midnight blue sky.

"You could have said something!" Rosalie's voice carried through the crowd, like the tinkling of wind chimes amidst the bellows of beasts. I tuned back in to the couple's thoughts, reminding myself that I was here to monitor them. Emmett couldn't dance, and he'd neglected to tell Rosalie that pertinent fact. I decided to remind him that he was vampire and that all it would take was two minutes on the dance floor before he'd master the basics, when Rosalie came to me instead.

"Dance with me, Edward? Please?"

I looked to Emmett, and he shrugged his shoulders. "It would take a minute to teach him."

"He should have said something back at the hotel," she muttered dryly.

"But, won't he mind?"

"You're my brother! But if you won't, I'm sure I could get one of these humans to help."

I bit my lip, searching for reasons to refuse. "You should really dance with your mate."

"Please, Edward? Just a dance." She fluttered her eyelashes again, and it had no effect on me…at least not in the way she'd have liked. I felt nothing but pity and concern…I'd truly become her brother.

I glanced at Emmett again. He nodded, actually looking relieved, and turned his back on us to watch the panoramic scenery. The slow swinging sounds of Slow Boat to China wafted through the salty night air, and lights strung over our heads twinkled to life. Rosalie looked at me beseechingly, and grabbed my hand to pull me out onto the floor. I watched men with their cigars making their way below deck where the gambling was taking place.

"One dance, Rose. I can do one dance."

Both of us startled a little. I'd never called Rosalie 'Rose' before, but after hearing it so often on Emmett's lips, in his thoughts, it came out of my mouth naturally. "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't --"

"It's okay, Edward. My human family called me Rose. And you're my family now. So, I don't mind." I held Rosalie's hand in mine, and she placed my other hand on her waist, and we began to sway slowly, albeit awkwardly to the music.

"Will _he_?" I asked, nodding towards Emmett's silhouette. His black shadow against the glittering night sky looked as imposing as ever.

Rosalie gazed at Emmett and I felt a shudder go through her frame. "There are other names he calls me, besides Rose," she replied under her breath.

There certainly were.

Rose and I settled into a more comfortable silence. The well-dressed humans twirled around us, and I realized that what felt awkward, was actually infinitely smoother than the humans managed. This made me smile despite myself, and I relaxed into the rhythm of the song, letting its swinging meter flow through my body. My mind strayed to the clubs I'd attended with Tanya a decade ago. The way we stood out amongst the humans, admired and desired. Of course, I never danced with Tanya. But Rose was my sister, a married woman. This was different, comforting almost. Rose and I spun, slipping through the crowd with ease, and the humans bumped into one another to make room for us. I glanced at my sister and she was beaming.

"You're happy." It wasn't a question. It was an observation.

Rosalie nodded, almost shyly. Well, as shy as Rosalie could get, I suppose. "Very," she agreed.

I nodded my head in Emmett's direction again.

"I think I'll always be happy now, Edward. Always."

And I was happy for my sister, and I spun her and dipped her unexpectedly. She didn't miss a beat. "I wasn't sure…" I continued when she was upright, "when you brought him to us. After you and I and what we'd been through. But now… now, it all seems like…" But, try as I might, I couldn't bring myself to say it was worth the man's eternal life in heaven, although I wanted to believe that. Rosalie smiled, nonetheless, seeming to understand.

"Thank you, Edward. That means a lot. What's he thinking, now? How's he doing?"

I paused for a moment, sampling his mental wares. "He's doing remarkably well with his hunger, because he's here for you. You should tell him he doesn't need to support you financially. I understand the impulse, but it's ridiculous."

Rosalie giggled and shrugged. "But it's something he wants. Why not?"

"Gambling, Rosalie?"

She frowned prettily. "Well, yeah, the gambling's bad. I'll bring it up after tonight. Okay?"

"I'd stick close to his side for the rest of the evening," I added.

Rosalie grinned at me and looked away, and I understood that she might have blushed were she human. "Well, I intended to do that, but why the suggestion?"

"He's not doing as well with his jealousy as we'd all like." Now that Emmett wasn't gazing at the water, he was glaring at the human men that were gaping at Rosalie as she danced by.

Rosalie smiled and her teeth glittered in the starlight. "Really?" She looked generally pleased that Emmett was jealous, no matter that he was in danger of strangling the odd human. Rosalie studied my face, and I'm sure my disapproval was showing. "He's not jealous of you and me, certainly?" she asked, moving a step away from me.

"Just a bit," I admitted. "It's directed more at every other human male on board. You haven't gone unnoticed this evening, sister. Emmett is not taking it well."

Rosalie smiled again, and buried her face in the crook of my shoulder. From her thoughts I knew she was equal parts embarrassed and proud. It wasn't that the dress she was wearing was particularly revealing. The floor length gown was loose fitting, and gathered at her hips, not even accentuating her hourglass frame. But it would be difficult to hide Rosalie's curves in anything, something the human males on board were all too aware of.

"I'll listen for him, Rose," I said, trying out her nickname again. "But stay by his side. If anything goes wrong tonight, I don't imagine we'll be in town for long."

"I've got it under control, Edward. We have an… arrangement."

"I know enough about the arrangement," I growled. At least Rosalie had the decency to appear abashed, keeping her face hidden. But Emmett had caught sight of us, and was misinterpreting Rosalie's embarrassment for… cuddling. I stepped away from my sister, but Emmett was making his way over to us with inhuman speed.

"What the hell?" he growled.

"Emmett," Rosalie stepped into her mate's path.

"This is about Edward, Rosalie."

"Emmett, there was nothing going on with my _brother_. Please! Get a hold of yourself."

"But you guys were dancing. And then, it wasn't just dancing."

"Emmett, you're being ridiculous. And you realize that by walking over here as fast as you did, you've made a spectacle of yourself. As if the sight of us weren't enough of a distraction. I have half a mind to beg out of the poker game to monitor you both."

But even as I uttered those words, I watched more gentlemen making their way to the stairs to join the game. I _wanted_ to listen to their minds again. To watch the machinations of their brains as their conscious thoughts spun for hours on end. I wanted to pick up where I left off last time, watching the glowing light of their thoughts break through the tiny cracks in their carefully maintained façade.

I looked back at Emmett and Rosalie. My brother was rolling his eyes at me as he held Rosalie possessively. "_I've got this, Edward. Sorry about the thing with Rose just now. You'll understand when you find someone_." Rosalie was scowling in my direction, clearly unpleased at the prospect of having a chaperone for the evening.

"Last call, Mr. McCarty. Will you be joining us?" Doug managed to half-bounce, half-swagger over to us, looking remarkably self-assured as he did so. He slid his arm around my waist and grinned at me, only flinching slightly at as the feel of my cold, hard body became evident. "_What is this boy made of?"_

He wouldn't believe me if I told him.

"I'll stay if you don't think you can handle this on your own," I said to Rosalie. Doug followed my eyes and smiled suggestively at my sister. I suppressed the urge to pick him off the ground by his collar and toss him overboard. I didn't think it would go over well.

"We'll be fine, Edward. Won't we, Emmett?" Emmett pushed Rosalie behind himself and took a threatening step in Doug's direction.

"Please, Emmett. Take me down to the blackjack tables… you'll let me be your good luck charm?"

Three humans in dark suits quickly walked over to the four of us. Two stood behind Doug, and one placed himself between Emmett and the little man. "Everything alright here, boss?"

"Everything is perfect, Stan. I was just admiring the view. Nothing wrong with that, is there, Mr. McCarty?" Doug asked Emmett. Rosalie's hands were wound around Emmett's waist, and I saw the strain it was taking to actually hold him back.

"_Just get that guy out of here and I can do this, Edward_," Rosalie thought. "_I'll find a quiet corner. We'll be fine. Please. We're here for the money. Please, go play_." Then Rosalie whispered something in Emmett's ear in a voice so low and quick that I couldn't hear over the din of the crowd and the band. I watched the tension slowly leaving my brother's body.

"Would you show me to my table, Tseng Geming?" I asked, physically dragging Doug away from Emmett and Rosalie. The three men rearranged themselves around me in a way that was supposed to appear threatening, but the way their knees were shaking gave them away.

"Of course, Anthony. Of course. Right this way."

* * *

After Doug had escorted me to the poker table and introduced the other men, I'd pulled him into a seat, using more force than a human might.

"Let my brother cool off," I whispered by way of an explanation.

"She's something," Doug grinned by way of a response. His mind was not nearly as circumspect, and I had to shut out the images it clearly formed.

"She's my sister… in-law."

"She should be in movies." More indecent pictures.

"And you should spend some time below deck," I replied.

It didn't take long to get swept up into the poker game. Well, not the game, exactly. I played with a small part of my brain, almost like an afterthought. Poker was nearly as easy as breathing, strategically losing small amounts here and there, feigning uncertainty when I placed a large bet. Another small part of my brain listened keeping an eye on Doug. And I pushed Rosalie and Emmett out of my thoughts completely when Rosalie found that aforementioned dark spot where they could be alone.

No, my real pleasure lay in listening in on the thoughts of the humans seated around me. I marveled at the way that, instead of thinking many thoughts simultaneously, their minds would weave in an unwieldy pattern, moving inexplicably from one idea to the next, and somehow circling back to the original thought in the end. They seemed as surprised as I was that they completed that circuit. How they could one go about life like that and make it from point A to point B, I wasn't sure. However, a whole species seemed to do just that each day. Incredible.

There was one man across the table from me that I found particularly interesting. He looked about ten years older than my human age. The most remarkable thing about him was that his losing streak defied probability. I focused in on his mind in an effort to discern his tactic, and to figure out how he'd gone so far from any form of strategy. The answer was simple… it was impossible for him to keep his mind on the game. Instead, no matter the hand, the bet, the deal, the man's focus bounced back to thoughts of a girl.

I understood this… to a point. I'd been around mated vampires nearly my entire immortal life. Once mated, it was almost as if a vampire couldn't think of anything else besides his other half. But this man's thoughts were different. They were indecisive and insecure. He hardly knew what the girl thought of him. In fact, it seemed like he hardly knew her at all. He wondered what she thought, he studied her every movement, often repeatedly, to figure out what it meant for him. He decided that he couldn't live without her, and then he decided that he would never speak with her again, all within the span of a minute.

In his thoughts, he watched her walk down a hallway in an office building. He saw her boarding a bus. Her hand grazed his when she handed him a cup of coffee; it was soft and damp and he wondered if that meant she was perspiring because he was near. He couldn't hold onto the thoughts for long, though. They blinked on and off in his mind like fireflies on a summer evening. He replayed the thoughts at random, in mind-numbing detail. Yet he came to no conclusions.

When vampires met their mates, as far as I'd seen, there was no skepticism. Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie and Emmett all knew without a shadow of a doubt that they were meant for each other. Their thoughts always took the other partner into consideration. But their thoughts weren't full of uncertainty, like the human across the table from me.

I knew this was evidence of the frailty of human love, something Tanya had spoken about often. According to her, humans loved with a frantic fragility. Their love was pretty to watch from a distance she said, but all too soon it popped like a soap bubble, lost forever. Yet, even though this man's thoughts were insecure and scattered, there was a beauty to them, like a mosaic, the broken pieces fitting together to create something wonderful in the end. If nothing else, the poor man's love was formidable enough to shatter the laws of probability and make it inevitable that he would lose everything this evening. That was something a vampire would never do.

I was so wrapped up in the man's thought patterns, and the very large pile of chips accumulating in front of me, that it took me a split second too long to hear Rosalie and Emmett's thoughts. I was immediately on me feet, futilely searching the crowd. I'd let Doug out of my sight. I raced towards the stairs as fast as my legs could carry me, but I knew it wouldn't be fast enough.

Apparently, Doug had made another, very blatant, pass at Rosalie. After that, there was nothing Rosalie could have done. Emmett's jealousy, combined with his hunger had quickly ended things for the smooth Asian in the shiny suit.

I easily found Rosalie, Emmett… and Doug, limp and lifeless, in a dark corner close to the engine room. The wooden floorboards were sticky with the man's blood. Rosalie was seething, angry with Emmett both for the loss of the human's life, and because her evening had been ruined. And Emmett was beside himself with guilt, _and_ simultaneously humming with satisfaction.

Rosalie spun around when she heard me approaching. "And where the hell were you?" she demanded.

"I came as soon as I heard --"

"Then you're losing your touch. You should have been here seconds ago."

I couldn't argue. I'd been so focused on the hapless human's love story that I'd lost all sense of what I should have been doing. That in and of itself was such a human thing to do that I was completely disarmed. I'd picked the worst possible moment to act human and get distracted. But I was not about to let on to Rosalie that I was at fault. "I didn't do this, Rosalie. Look to your husband when you're placing the blame."

"Oh, you better believe he's going to get his. What do you have to say for yourself, Emmett McCarty?" she demanded.

"But Rose, his hands were all over you… the way he looked at you. And you heard what he said! What was I supposed to do?"

"You weren't supposed to eat him!" Her voice was becoming dangerously loud.

I put my hand on her shoulder to try to calm her down, but she just shook me off. "None of that matters right now," I said, in a voice I hoped was simultaneously soothing and commanding. "His men are already looking for him. We need to get rid of him, and we need to get out of here."

"What?" Emmett asked, incredulous.

"You're covered in his blood. Don't you think it will arouse suspicion?"

"I hadn't thought --"

"No, you most obviously hadn't been thinking." Neither had I. I didn't mention that.

"But it's hours before we're back at the pier," Rosalie puzzled.

"My god, Rosalie, we can't just unload him at the pier! We're all going overboard. _Now_." I left no room for argument. We weighted Doug's body using an actual anchor, and then the three of us slipped over the side of the boat, praying that the darkness would be enough to keep us hidden from the humans' sight.

* * *

We surprised our parents, who'd thought they had the suite to themselves for the evening, when we showed up early, wet and bedraggled, Emmett reeking of human blood. To say that Carlisle was exasperated by our actions was a gross understatement.

"You said it was a cruise around the bay. A black tie event. How exactly did you fail to mention that it was hosted by members of an underground gambling ring? And then, to top it off, you murder one of the leaders of the syndicate?"

Carlisle stalked off, but left palpable anger in his wake. He didn't yell, he didn't strike anything, but his displeasure was etched in every smooth line of his face, and it showed in every carefully controlled step he took toward the room he'd been sharing with Esme.

"We're leaving immediately," he muttered, his voice barely a whisper, but laced with more menace than a tirade would have been able to convey. "If you three plan on coming with Esme and I, we'll be checking out within the next five minutes. I expect you dry, clean, and blood-free in the lobby. I'm going to Hoquiam. Your reckless and childish antics have held me up long enough."

We didn't argue. Killing an organized crime boss was inexcusable, to say the least.

While I quickly cleaned myself up and packed, I listened to Carlisle silently curse his judgment, doubt his leadership abilities, and consider whether or not Tanya had been right. Tanya told him he needed to be stricter with his family, that taking charge of a large group of vampires required severe regulation and obedience. This idea chafed at Carlisle's theory that trust and compassion would lead the way towards peaceful and harmonious co-existence. Tonight, anyway, it hadn't worked.

Esme simply shook her head, and couldn't look any of us in the eye. Knowing I'd disappointed her was devastating. I'd worked for years, trying to keep my word to Esme, trying to make things right after I'd hurt her so much by leaving. This had been a monumental lapse in judgment on my part, and a human's life had been lost. Emmett was beside himself with shame, Rosalie was angry with herself because she'd misjudged Emmett, but I was the most contrite of the group. I'd known firsthand the unbearable guilt that descended with the loss of a human life. I'd let foolish desires outweigh my caution. I had forever to find my way back to a city. Now it would take at least a generation before I could return to Seattle.

We packed quickly. We didn't have many belongings with us, and we were forced to leave behind much of what we'd purchased. This was no time to think of storage or shipping. And to make matters worse, I obviously hadn't the chance to cash out after I'd left the table. Not only did I forfeit my winnings, but I also lost all the money I'd put into the game in the first place. Rosalie and Emmett were left only slightly better off than when we'd arrived in Seattle.

As a result, we were all in a sour mood as we set off towards the peninsula and the tiny logging town of Hoquiam.

* * *

The morning dawned dark and gray. Seattle was overcast, but on the peninsula the sky seemed to have a weight all its own. All of the greens and browns and yellows seemed richer in this part of the world, in equal and opposite proportion to the dullness of the steely gray sky above, as if nature was trying valiantly to bring color to the senses.

The forests we passed through were different from the ones we'd traversed as we made our way south from Alaska. Whereas the Alaskan coastline had been breathtakingly dramatic, the Washington peninsula seemed somewhat dark and inaccessible. Its beauty emerged from the gloaming, revealing itself piece by piece, never giving anything completely away. You had to search for the striking landscapes; the snowcapped mountains, the turquoise blue waters, and the fields of delicate wildflowers all kept to themselves, asking for effort before you were allowed a viewing. The coast was littered with enormous boulders, some large enough to support their own forests, which rose from the sea like warning sentinels for those that might consider breaching the shore.

Hoquiam was a small town overflowing with unemployed loggers. With housing in short supply, we all piled into one room at a dingy hotel. For all intents and purposes, Emmett, Rosalie and I were grounded, forced to stay behind while Esme and Carlisle went out in search of housing and employment. We watched the gray clouds and the drizzle from the one window of the hotel room, while Carlisle secured an unpaid position at the small clinic in town. I spent spare hours in our floor's common water closet in order to give Emmett and Rosalie time to themselves. We didn't know we'd been enrolled to start high school in the fall until Esme and Carlisle returned to the hotel room one afternoon. They came home another day and let us know they'd purchased a parcel of land just outside of town where they intended to build a house from the ground up. And when we hunted, we were expected to follow Carlisle wherever he led us, keeping close enough so that he could keep track of our scent.

It didn't help matters that the humans had been forced into the woods in large numbers to hunt for game in order to keep food on the table. This pushed us deeper into the forest where we wouldn't have to compete for sustenance, and where Carlisle felt more willing to let Emmett roam. He led us northward, deep into the mountainous rain forest, where no matter the cloud cover, it was always night underneath the thick canopy of the trees. The evergreens towered hundreds of feet in the air, the bases of their trunks as wide as houses, moss hanging from branches in great yellow-green clumps. "Old Man's Beard," Carlisle commented, pointed at the thick tendrils glistening with moisture. "Its Latin name is Usnea, it can be used as an antiseptic."

"Thuja, Arbor vitae, the tree of life," Carlisle continued, rubbing his palm over the twining trunk of a large fir tree. "It's anti-fungal. And this bush down here is Berberis aquifolium, or Oregon grape. Its roots contain the yellow pigment berberis, an anti-bacterial agent. This area is a treasure trove of natural medication," he commented, spinning in a small circle, taking it all in.

"How do you know this?" Rosalie asked.

"I came through before, over one hundred years ago. But I wasn't looking for medicine that time. I was looking for the Denali clan."

But there was something else Carlisle wasn't saying out loud. He wasn't looking for medicine now, either. He didn't know what he was searching for, but he _was_ searching. He was plagued with a constant desire to be out in the wilderness. He thought of the woods while he was in the clinic, he thought of the 'hunt' while he was watching our new house being built. His mind would return back again and again, almost of its own accord: wondering which path to take, planning deeper and deeper forays into the rainforest, staring at the shadows.

"What is it, Carlisle? What's driving you?" I asked one day, as Emmett, Rosalie and Esme tackled a small herd of whitetail.

"A feeling, nothing more. A sense deep within myself that I need something out there. Esme doesn't feel it. It's perhaps the first time we haven't shared an understanding. She's quite possibly repulsed by the whole venture."

"I believe we're all enchanted and repelled in equal measure."

"I can understand that," he admitted. "There is something out here that isn't quite right."

After we'd scoured the inland mountains, Carlisle took us up the coast, over beaches covered with weathered driftwood and multi-colored stones, until we were soaked with the rainwater from above and the sea spray at our feet. Then he'd aim us for the cliffs, driving us upward from the shore, until we stood on the edge of the country, looking out over the endless gray Pacific, and then back at the dark forest behind us, its secrets carefully contained.

We knew there were humans in the forest; natives had lived on this land forever. We avoided their settlements, Carlisle unwilling to bring Emmett close to humans while we were hunting. Yet one day as we were climbing up from the beach, our paths nearly crossed.

At first we were all overcome by their scent, which smelled anything but human. It was closer to the musky odor of dog, but it was laced with something revolting, something that drove me to a place I hadn't been in years. Venom poured into my mouth, and I crouched low to the ground, scouting the area, waiting to pounce. To pounce, and then to kill. To _kill._

_Emmett_.

Each member of my family thought along the same lines simultaneously. We pounced on my brother, each of us attempting to hold him back. Emmett snarled and snapped uncontrollably, his thoughts rushing through his mind in furious waves, pushing his body to kill, to destroy.

The humans paused, almost as if they could detect us, although I knew that wasn't physically possible. They were still over a mile off. But I listened to their minds waiting, watching the woods for signs of hwohs wayth, or cold ones, as a few thought in English. We all held our breath, except for Emmett who was still scrambling on the damp forest floor. And then, as I began to detect faint predatory thoughts coming from Carlisle and Rosalie, I wondered for the first time if these were, in fact, actual humans. They were like nothing I'd ever encountered before. Yet, if they weren't human, I didn't know what they could possibly be.

I listened closely to their thoughts, searching for some clue as to what was happening, what could tear at the veneer of civility we'd worked to cloak ourselves in. Their distant presence managed to pull at the monster within us all. And then, quite suddenly, they left, heading away from us, back towards the shore.

Carlisle was watching me. "_This is it, isn't it?" _he asked silently, his excitement eclipsing his inexplicable desire to sink his teeth into whatever was out there.

"You would know better than I would. You're the one searching," I answered, a drop of venom escaping from the corner of my mouth.

"Let me up," Emmett managed. "What the hell were they?" he asked, as we all stood to our feet, disentangling ourselves from one another.

"What did you hear?" Carlisle asked me.

"They are searching too, for hwohs wayth, which I think translates to cold ones. And their chief is ill. They have him sequestered from the rest of their village. They believe it has something to do with a legend. And I heard names… the chief is called Ephraim Black."

"He's ill?"

"He has a fever, and is possibly delirious."

"_Perhaps I'm meant to help him?"_ Carlisle thought to himself.

Carlisle saw fate and meaning where I saw coincidence and logic. "I can't say if you're meant to do anything. But I've known you long enough to know that if there's a sick human about, you'll do what you can to help."

Carlisle grinned, but his smile didn't meet his eyes. "Would you accompany me, Edward? Perhaps it's unethical to try to read a potential patient's mind, but I'd like all the help I could get. I feel I'm getting closer, but at the same time, I'm more lost than ever."

"Carlisle, let's go," Esme coaxed her husband. "I don't like this at all. I know they're only human, but it feels like we're in danger. We should leave this place."

* * *

After some research, we decided that the humans we'd encountered were from the Quileute Tribe that inhabited a tiny tract of land along the north central coast of the peninsula. The heart of the tribe lay within a one-mile radius in a tiny town called La Push.

Carlisle and I made our way up the coast the following day. True to every other trek we'd taken into this part of the peninsula, I felt equal parts repelled and attracted to the landscape the closer we came to the tribal lands. These feelings were only magnified in Carlisle, and it left him completely out of sorts. I couldn't say that he thirsted for the humans we were coming toward, but the pull that he felt was unlike anything he'd experienced before, and as a result, he was suspicious of his own intentions.

"You are beyond reproach, Carlisle," I assured my father. He startled a bit, as if he'd forgotten that I could hear his thoughts.

"It feels wrong to come here on a medical mission, when my intentions are unclear."

"Do you want to help the man?"

"If I can."

"Then go easy on yourself, father." I used the familial term to help ease his mind. He smiled at me gratefully, but I knew from his thoughts that he wasn't convinced. His own need for answers was marring his altruistic intentions for quite possibly the first time in his existence.

Carlisle was about to say something aloud about his qualms, when he was interrupted by the scent of oncoming humans. And they weren't just any humans. It was the uniquely maddening scent of the Quileutes. We were about a quarter mile out from the tribal land, as far as I could tell, and the men were coming straight for us, as if they could sense us. This was a feat that should have been impossible unless they had superhuman capabilities.

"This isn't right, Carlisle."

"Nothing feels right here, son. But there's nowhere else I'd rather be."

The closer the humans came, the more my primal instincts came to the fore. I tried to suppress the rumble in my chest, but venom was pouring into my mouth like it hadn't in nearly a decade. My body was electrified and my subconscious desperately wanted me to attack whoever was coming in our direction. I saw visions of my mouth sinking into russet-colored skin, and I shivered with pleasure. Carlisle grasped my elbow securely in his hand. After so many years, the gesture was so reassuring that I don't believe he'd physically have to hold me back. His touch conveyed trust, and represented the supportive love he gave unconditionally. It was all I needed to keep me in line.

Carlisle and I both waited impatiently for the humans to find us. To their credit it took no time at all. In less than five minutes they broke through the tree line about fifty yards from us.

The ten natives that assembled themselves before us were enormous. I'd seen many indigenous people over the years, and I'd observed that they were average to small–sized humans. But these men were giants, on par with Emmett, some quite possibly larger. Their straight black hair hung past their shoulders, and most held rifles aimed in our direction. All but one scowled across the clearing at us. Instead, the one boy focused on Carlisle with some interest, trying to recall something about the significance of golden eyes. He had warm eyes himself, I noticed, and he was more curious than angry.

"You're not welcome here," one of the largest shouted.

"I've come because I heard that your chief was ill," Carlisle replied in a calm and clear voice. "I'm a physician and I thought I could help. My name is Carlisle Cullen, and this is my son, Edward."

With mention that the chief was ill, the men became noticeably riled. I heard through their thoughts that they'd been keeping this fact a secret from most of the tribe. The chief was hidden away with tribal elders deep in the woods. And, inexplicably, they blamed Carlisle and I for all of it.

"Help? You and your son are our problem, not the solution."

And on some unseen cue, the men cocked their rifles. Of course, their bullets couldn't hurt us, so we weren't frightened by the display. But if we were human, like we were pretending to be, we should have been. Strangely enough, though, the men also seemed to understand that the rifles wouldn't wound us.

Suddenly, the expression on the curious boy's face changed and I gasped. He knew about Carlisle. In fact, they all did. I listened to the quick rendition of the legend that he'd just remembered. The boy bounded over to the large man that had spoken to us. He whispered in the man's ear in a voice that should have been too low for Carlisle and I to hear.

"Could he be the one they speak of? Look. Look at his eyes." But the larger man only shook the boy off, the same way a human might shake off an annoying puppy dog.

"Please. I mean no harm," Carlisle tried again. "I am only here to help, if I can."

"If you do not leave, we'll shoot." The large man was attempting to sound menacing, but any vampire could have heard the edge of fear in his voice, and could have smelled the anxiety on his skin, no matter that his scent was marred.

"We'll go now," Carlisle assured the assembled pack. "But tell your chief that I came. Let him know I would like to see him. To help him. I'm in these woods often with my family. It would be nice to know our neighbors, if nothing else."

"Know the neighbors," the large man laughed. "Oh, you will _know_ the neighbors if your _family,_ as you call them, decides to stay in the area. When the chief has changed, he will hunt you down one by one and kill you for sure."

"Changed?"

"You don't know us, then. Do you?" the large man asked, feeling inexplicably bolder. "We know you, cold ones. We will not let you come and pick us off in the night. All of us are ready to die to defend our families. And Chief Black will be back soon enough to finish the job once and for all."

My eyes went wide with the thoughts that I heard coming from the men. "They know," I muttered.

Even from fifty yards, the man had heard. "We do," he snarled.

"We would never harm your families. Trust me. Let me meet your chief. We'll talk. He doesn't need to hunt us, as you say. Tell him to meet us here. We'll come every day to this spot. We'll make this right."

* * *

The family meeting that evening was contentious, to say the least. Esme and Rosalie were of the opinion that we should leave immediately. Esme was afraid for her family, and Rosalie loathed the idea that anyone might suspect she was a vampire. Also, she knew her husband well. With news that the tribe had threatened to hunt us down, Emmett was primed for battle.

"Just let them try. I'll tear them limb from limb," he growled. In his mind, he also sampled their blood. He caught me watching him, though, and shrugged his shoulders in my direction. "Come on, if they were trying to kill me I'd be well within my rights!"

But Carlisle would not budge. He was determined to meet the chief, and he was not about to let this conversation turn into another unintended vote. If the Quileutes knew what we were, he felt it was his duty to smooth over the situation, and he decided there was no better way than to help the chief.

I surprised myself by siding with Carlisle. I wanted to know more about the strange stinking humans with their legend about my father. And there was something about the manner in which that young boy had studied Carlisle. I wanted to know him better. And I wanted to meet the chief, the man that had spawned such loyalty.

Esme, of course, knew with one look at Carlisle that we weren't going anywhere. "We'll stay," she acquiesced. "But when you go back to that spot tomorrow, you won't go back alone. We'll go as a family. I know they're only humans, but we're a family and we'll face this threat together. Tomorrow they will meet us all."

Esme looked at each of us one by one, silently daring anyone to contradict her. When she felt the matter was settled, she slowly stood to her feet and very purposefully walked out the door with plans to go check on the progress of the new house. There weren't many options for making a dramatic exit in our cramped hotel room. Carlisle hastily followed Esme, leaving Rosalie, Emmett and I alone again.

"This is nuts!" Rosalie exclaimed. "What is it about those stinking humans?"

"I don't know," I admitted honestly. But whether or not I knew why, I was beginning to feel the same draw as Carlisle. I can't say that I was pleased.

* * *

The following day, the entire family returned to the clearing. Emmett paced eagerly back and forth like a caged lion, and I eyed Rosalie and Carlisle, silently imploring them to help me with my brother if the humans came back. Each of us was poised, waiting expectantly. And then, finally, we heard whispers in the shadows and the sound of human footsteps padding lightly on pine needles. The four of us immediately restrained Emmett, who glowered off into the darkness of the trees. But they never came, their scent disappearing as though it had all been a dream.

The next day Esme agreed that Carlisle and I could return alone, seeing the wisdom in leaving Emmett behind. Once again, the humans came close, but faded back into the forest instead of confronting us. On our return, we found a broken bed, a shattered lamp, and a splintered door in our hotel room.

"I left to check on the house, and this is what I returned to," Esme fumed. "Is it too much to ask you to act responsibly while we're gone?" she asked Rosalie and Emmett, who looked appropriately abashed, staring at the floor. "You're going to pay for this damage personally," she seethed, once again marching out of the door of the tiny room.

Carlisle and I were both discouraged when we returned to the clearing for the fourth day in a row. Esme was frustrated and angry, and it seemed Emmett couldn't be trusted with anything, even a hotel room. Furthermore, it didn't seem likely that the men of the tribe would return, let alone their ailing chief.

"Perhaps I was wrong," Carlisle confessed, as we settled on the ground to wait it out. "Maybe I'm here for another purpose."

"Maybe you're just here," I offered. "Maybe there is no purpose."

"Do you truly believe that, after seeing how this family has come together over the years?"

I wasn't sure how to reply. Certainly, I'd witnessed moments of magic, but right now our family was at odds with one another. It didn't seem like this was divinely destined. Quite the opposite, it felt like we were forcing the situation because of Carlisle's will.

And before I could answer, the maddening scent of the Quileutes blew towards us on the wind. But this time, it was much stronger. We couldn't hear them yet, and they weren't even close enough for me to listen to their thoughts. But one thing was certain; the scent was coming steadily closer.

"_This is it_," Carlisle thought as he scrambled to his feet.

I quickly counted eleven heartbeats coming in our direction. "There is one more," I whispered.

Carlisle nodded and worked to straighten his clothing and smooth back his hair.

"And the new one stinks," I added with a nervous chuckle.

"Sshh," Carlisle hushed.

We both stood completely still as the natives approached. It took immense effort not to charge into the underbrush and meet them with bared teeth; such was the effect of their smell on my senses.

And finally, after some of the longest five minutes of my existence, the natives walked into the clearing. The small boyish one smiled across the clearing at us. "He decided to come," he stated out loud in a cheery voice.

The others weren't as pleased to be back. They mumbled words under their breath and in their minds in a language that I wasn't familiar with. But their intent was clear. They were about as happy as Esme was about this meeting.

"Carlisle Cullen," the largest man addressed my father, disgust evident in every syllable he uttered. "I present to you our chief, Ephraim Black."

The men stepped aside, and Chief Black emerged from the shadows. He was easily seven feet tall, and as broad as Emmett, his gleaming black hair, unlike the others, was shorn close to his head. As he walked forward, the air around him quaked. It appeared that it required as much effort for him not to attack us, as was required for us to stay rooted in our spot. That made no sense. If he was human and he knew we were vampires, then he should also know there was no way he could kill us.

"Uh Yah so Chuh." His voice was a deep baritone that reverberated in his chest.

One thing was certain. He didn't seem ill.

Chief Black smiled, and I listened to his thoughts as he assessed our appearance, and oddly, as he studied our scent. His dark eyes flickered over ours, and he pursed his lips, uncertain of what he'd found near his home.

"You were right, Thomas Clearwater. Their eyes are wrong."

Chief Black took another step in our direction, and I instinctively took a step between Carlisle and the man in an attempt to shield the leader of my clan. I rumble built deep in my chest. I watched with suspicion, as the lines of the man's body seemed to momentarily blur. The men behind him shifted uneasily, but they weren't frightened like they'd been the last time we met. Instead, they were hoping for a fight.

"Before I kill you, I'm curious. Please tell me why your eyes are wrong. Is it true that you have been here before?"

* * *

**A/N: Just a few notes... The Kalakala was a very real and very fancy ferry that eventually ended up as a fish processor run aground in Seattle. Today, there's a group of people trying to resurrect it to its former glory. I was so glad to get to write about it!**

**I did my best with Quileute language... I only found phonetic spelling online. Sorry for any potential mispellings to all the Quileutes out there!**

**Thanks to Jess A Brown and Lindz! You ladies rock! And thanks to everyone who reads and reviews... without you I wouldn't pick up my computer each night to write! xxx, M**


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